This is in case the date that a woman turns out to be is a piece of shit.
Sunday, 28 February 2021
A few updates
Today has been the kind of Sunday that involved activities that were both necessary and could have been avoided to another day.
The kinds you know is what I'm talking about.
I now sit in the lounge.
Contemplating a dressing for a salad that I want to eat tonight, thinking of thawing a beef steak for my lunch tomorrow and wondering what workouts I should do tomorrow, also why the fuck is it a Monday already?
It's been raining and I've been annoyed because it's all so wet and my cats are not having any of the caloric deficit.
Everything is driving me up the wall.
The kinds you know is what I'm talking about.
I now sit in the lounge.
Contemplating a dressing for a salad that I want to eat tonight, thinking of thawing a beef steak for my lunch tomorrow and wondering what workouts I should do tomorrow, also why the fuck is it a Monday already?
It's been raining and I've been annoyed because it's all so wet and my cats are not having any of the caloric deficit.
Everything is driving me up the wall.
Saturday, 27 February 2021
Night love
Nighttime and all that is wrong
somehow feels right
Under this white light
I ache for your warm breath
your wet kisses
Your soft bites
somehow feels right
Under this white light
I ache for your warm breath
your wet kisses
Your soft bites
Friday, 26 February 2021
Here and there
I had a small glass of tea just now and it was so superbly delicious, gingery and spicy with black pepper that my heart physically hurts.
Tonight, moi kitchen shall remain closed because I'm going out to dinner and so I've eaten a small portion of food (which I'd cooked for the recipe book) just now, so that I don't eat too much of the restaurant food.
I know, I know it sounds ridiculous, but my lord this is just a way to ward off the useless munching moments that happen in restaurants by way of ordering too many appetisers out of built up hunger, and then a main meal and then dessert, and in my opinion it tends to stuff me to the point I don't like.
I'd rather just feel happily full and so I've eaten a bit because I don't want to waste my appetite ordering too many entrees or indulging in different types of appetisers.
One salad, one main meal and maybe a small coffee at the end of it is enough for me, or if I'm feeling too jaunty then maybe a digestif, but that's about it.
Desserts tend to have some milk or cream element and so that's another thing easily avoidable .
Right now I'm scrubbing my kitchen sink after which I shall mop the balcony which is wet and a bit muddy from the soil that has run out of my potted plants and understandably so, but I don't like it and so a bit of cleaning is in order.
Tonight, moi kitchen shall remain closed because I'm going out to dinner and so I've eaten a small portion of food (which I'd cooked for the recipe book) just now, so that I don't eat too much of the restaurant food.
I know, I know it sounds ridiculous, but my lord this is just a way to ward off the useless munching moments that happen in restaurants by way of ordering too many appetisers out of built up hunger, and then a main meal and then dessert, and in my opinion it tends to stuff me to the point I don't like.
I'd rather just feel happily full and so I've eaten a bit because I don't want to waste my appetite ordering too many entrees or indulging in different types of appetisers.
One salad, one main meal and maybe a small coffee at the end of it is enough for me, or if I'm feeling too jaunty then maybe a digestif, but that's about it.
Desserts tend to have some milk or cream element and so that's another thing easily avoidable .
Right now I'm scrubbing my kitchen sink after which I shall mop the balcony which is wet and a bit muddy from the soil that has run out of my potted plants and understandably so, but I don't like it and so a bit of cleaning is in order.
catatonic
Feeling fairly accomplished, not least because I powered through and clicked pics despite the rains smattering my plating, which I had to keep moving throughout the episode to avoid any more drama than what my life already has.
The cats are driving me crazy today and all because I have put them in a calorie deficit and it's not like I'm starving them, it's just that I'm giving them more normal proportions of food, and this had let to quite the mutiny, what with various tactics involving loving purrs and rubbing against my legs to yowling, wailing, angry meowing and consistent terrorizing of my person by sitting on my table, on my laptop and not letting me work.
Every cat has assumed a role.
While one is being super loving and trying to plead to the more caring side of me by bumping her head against my elbow, almost trying to butter me, the other has taken to silently staring at me and I can't tell you how discomforting it is.
I'm tempted to turn my head around every few minutes just to check whether the feline stare still holds good and the bastard hasn't budged. It's most eerie I tell you.
The third cat has taken to sitting on my table and won't let me type and the fourth cat has taken to meowing in an odd algorithm. First, he meows quietly, then slowly increases the tempo and finally, when I glare at him he pipes down, waiting for me to look away after which he immediately starts where he left off.
Most disagreeable this situation.
But you know what? Is shan't relent.
Interesting finds
Lunch is something of an epiphany. 
I'd added leftover tuna to a medley of chopped vegetables and bound it with chickpea flour and I have here Uber delicious fish cakes that I eat on a piece of bread.
This is definitely going to become a part of my repertoire and going in my book and blog.
Ho hum.
I have prepped a recipe for the book today and it's raining to the point of lashing into the balcony.
What's a girl to do?
I'm gonna wait until such time as there is lesser rains and better weather.
I mean come on!!
I'm only a few more recipes away from completion and this can't be happening.
By few I mean about a dozen recipes but that's not bad when you think about how many I've already gone through.
Right then!!
Another cup of tea and then workout and then life.
You must be wondering how and why am I so late in everything today?
Usually by this time I've already started my workout.
Last night I was up till around 3 in the AM because of an asshole cat who kept running out into the rains and wanted to come back in after getting drenched and he kept up this cycle for a very long time.
Outside, inside, outside, inside.
Exhausted as I was yesterday this played a havoc with my head and heart and I was on the verge of wishing to decapitate the feline, but of course I could never do that.
It was just a thought which passed over my head like a dark cloud because I was angry, sleepy and fatigued.
Of course I slept in till quite late and feel much better, but that's the gist of it.
What's a girl to do?
I'm gonna wait until such time as there is lesser rains and better weather.
I mean come on!!
I'm only a few more recipes away from completion and this can't be happening.
By few I mean about a dozen recipes but that's not bad when you think about how many I've already gone through.
Right then!!
Another cup of tea and then workout and then life.
You must be wondering how and why am I so late in everything today?
Usually by this time I've already started my workout.
Last night I was up till around 3 in the AM because of an asshole cat who kept running out into the rains and wanted to come back in after getting drenched and he kept up this cycle for a very long time.
Outside, inside, outside, inside.
Exhausted as I was yesterday this played a havoc with my head and heart and I was on the verge of wishing to decapitate the feline, but of course I could never do that.
It was just a thought which passed over my head like a dark cloud because I was angry, sleepy and fatigued.
Of course I slept in till quite late and feel much better, but that's the gist of it.
Mission adventure
I had to break into a Museum with my sidekick and find the torch that when lit upon a particular scroll would give up the secrets of the ancient Chinese as stolen by Marco Polo!
My sidekick was dangling a batch that said 'Polizei' and he showed it at every entrance and we let in through every gate. Sliding into the high security museum like a hot knife through butter.
Once inside I didn't even have to ask for the torch in particular because the person in charge of the relics mistook me for someone else who was supposed to be present at that moment for the retrieval of the said torch and he gave it to me, no questions asked, excepting making me sign some document.
I signed it with a flourish and ran out with my sidekick.
The only problem being that the real person who I was mistaken for showed up just seconds after and the security of the museum had been alerted.
Of course we were caught but I hid the torch inside a broken wall with a hole in it and nothing was found on our person.
At this moment I was chewing some gum which expanded in my mouth to the point that it filled my mouth completely and I had to wake up.
My sidekick was dangling a batch that said 'Polizei' and he showed it at every entrance and we let in through every gate. Sliding into the high security museum like a hot knife through butter.
Once inside I didn't even have to ask for the torch in particular because the person in charge of the relics mistook me for someone else who was supposed to be present at that moment for the retrieval of the said torch and he gave it to me, no questions asked, excepting making me sign some document.
I signed it with a flourish and ran out with my sidekick.
The only problem being that the real person who I was mistaken for showed up just seconds after and the security of the museum had been alerted.
Of course we were caught but I hid the torch inside a broken wall with a hole in it and nothing was found on our person.
At this moment I was chewing some gum which expanded in my mouth to the point that it filled my mouth completely and I had to wake up.
Thursday, 25 February 2021
In memory of today
One moment I was rhapsodic almost in my post Pilates pain, a long workout which made me burn and shake and the next moment I was trying to scramble through the day, trying to grab on to each minute that happened to whoosh past me.
What happened that I got so busy that I barely ate lunch and then I was on the phone, firefighting and then to the vet and then cooking dinner and then yawning on the couch, because I am bone tired .
I mean literally my bones ache, I think they're making a noise from being used mercilessly.
A quick look at my watch tell me I've walked over 10 kms and I didn't even realise .
I am fucking exhausted .
What the hell.
The good news is that I've already packed lunch for tomorrow and I think I'll sleep longer.
The bad news is that my heel doesn't look like it's getting better as fast as I'd like and I have to tread with caution; having said that tomorrow I am doing a cardio kickboxing workout which won't include much lunging or squats.
I will have to report on that tomorrow.
My eyes are fatigued and so is my brain, my wrist dor some reason, my neck hurts, my body demands rest and that is what I shall give it then.
What happened that I got so busy that I barely ate lunch and then I was on the phone, firefighting and then to the vet and then cooking dinner and then yawning on the couch, because I am bone tired .
I mean literally my bones ache, I think they're making a noise from being used mercilessly.
A quick look at my watch tell me I've walked over 10 kms and I didn't even realise .
I am fucking exhausted .
What the hell.
The good news is that I've already packed lunch for tomorrow and I think I'll sleep longer.
The bad news is that my heel doesn't look like it's getting better as fast as I'd like and I have to tread with caution; having said that tomorrow I am doing a cardio kickboxing workout which won't include much lunging or squats.
I will have to report on that tomorrow.
My eyes are fatigued and so is my brain, my wrist dor some reason, my neck hurts, my body demands rest and that is what I shall give it then.
/:)
Why do I get the feeling that one of my friend rather be friends with 'people' instead of me seeing how she always tells me to bring people when we go out on weekends.
This time I've said No! Cuz he's boring and it's a ladies night out and let's see what she's to say about it now.
This time I've said No! Cuz he's boring and it's a ladies night out and let's see what she's to say about it now.
Thursday today
The weather is doing that thing it says on the box of rainy days.
Not absolutely despicable since the cold has ebbed and it's windy, the kind of windy that has a sexy twang to it, more than the annoyance part. The kind of windy that makes one want to bake bread at home and drink tea and indulge in comfort eating without the hazards of biting cold chomping away the tip of your nose despite the fact you're indoors and packed tight in warm clothing.
The kind of sexy windy that makes the idea of stepping out despite the cold a thing of joy. The overcast sullen weather adding to the moment where entering an overpriced coffee shop for the usual doesn't feel like a bad idea, nor does entering a mall just to look about at lights or stroll around aisles of products feel as exhausting in supermarkets.
There's a bit of sweet glee to the whole weather which though absolutely not picnic worthy has an element of jauntiness.
Instead of staying huddled indoors one wouldn't mind getting spruced up to go out and about, nor feel bogged down by the idea of dedicating themselves full throttle into their house to do things they normally wouldn't bother with.
Yes it's cold, but not single digits cold right now. Perhaps it might get so later in the day and I might feel otherwise, but for now I feel a tea is in order.
Not absolutely despicable since the cold has ebbed and it's windy, the kind of windy that has a sexy twang to it, more than the annoyance part. The kind of windy that makes one want to bake bread at home and drink tea and indulge in comfort eating without the hazards of biting cold chomping away the tip of your nose despite the fact you're indoors and packed tight in warm clothing.
The kind of sexy windy that makes the idea of stepping out despite the cold a thing of joy. The overcast sullen weather adding to the moment where entering an overpriced coffee shop for the usual doesn't feel like a bad idea, nor does entering a mall just to look about at lights or stroll around aisles of products feel as exhausting in supermarkets.
There's a bit of sweet glee to the whole weather which though absolutely not picnic worthy has an element of jauntiness.
Instead of staying huddled indoors one wouldn't mind getting spruced up to go out and about, nor feel bogged down by the idea of dedicating themselves full throttle into their house to do things they normally wouldn't bother with.
Yes it's cold, but not single digits cold right now. Perhaps it might get so later in the day and I might feel otherwise, but for now I feel a tea is in order.
Wednesday, 24 February 2021
And so today
Today was a workout day.
No cardio, but lots and lots of upper body strength, the same exercise decided for Monday but got shifted to Wednesday.
It was a torture and in between I did get small bits of cardio by doing lots of jumping jacks (3 minutes non stop) and high knees until failure, but that's about it.
Still not doing anything that can potentially aggravate my knee and heel.
In fact today I did almost all my workouts on the softer, thicker mat as opposed to my usual one because every time I put any amount of weight on my heels I could feel the sensation and almost a pang, like someone was trying to jab my heel with a thumb.
It was a scorcher of a workout If I may say so myself.
Progressive overloads with each set while I reduced the reps and increased the weights.
My arms were shaking by the end of it.
It was quite good.
—
182 bpm?!! Whoah! How does it feel to have your heart go so crazy?
Yum
Lunch is my weight in vegetables with eggs and salmon with a slice of bread. 
The salad is dressed in a delicious yogurt sauce, a recipe which I've grown to tweak and love.
There's so much more leafage than shown in the picture which I think I'll have at night as a side with dinner.
This is so filling, so voluminous and low in calories.
Also there's a pear and orange smoothie to go with.
Yawn baby
That remnants of sleep are still sticking around the ends of my eye lashes tell me I shouldn't have woken up early to get on with life as it is.
The persisting scrapes of slumber have housed themselves upon my eyes and are trying to force them shut, and here I am trying to type while fantasising about my bed that I have already made and I do not wish to disrupt its calm.
In hindsight I curse my zeal with which I flung the duvet covers and stepped out into the cold cold world, leaving behind an ardent blaze of toasty covers, gaping wide open, leaking my body heat into the world.
It's strange how the first half hour is spent in a constant state of flux. The 'who am I, where am I, what am I' is strong with me each morning and I shuffle about the house like an automaton who's been fed with a series of data and algorithms with which to function.
I see nothing, I care about no one and I understand absolutely zilch.
The entire process is mechanical and I'll tell you one thing darling, my batteries didn't get charged up completely last night.
Gods I feel sleepy.
The persisting scrapes of slumber have housed themselves upon my eyes and are trying to force them shut, and here I am trying to type while fantasising about my bed that I have already made and I do not wish to disrupt its calm.
In hindsight I curse my zeal with which I flung the duvet covers and stepped out into the cold cold world, leaving behind an ardent blaze of toasty covers, gaping wide open, leaking my body heat into the world.
It's strange how the first half hour is spent in a constant state of flux. The 'who am I, where am I, what am I' is strong with me each morning and I shuffle about the house like an automaton who's been fed with a series of data and algorithms with which to function.
I see nothing, I care about no one and I understand absolutely zilch.
The entire process is mechanical and I'll tell you one thing darling, my batteries didn't get charged up completely last night.
Gods I feel sleepy.
Prey
Today I shall try be in charge of my day
To take it by the reins and move it as I please
No longer will I be a mere puppet
In the hands of destiny and life
Today I wish to rule
This Wednesday shall be mine
To take it by the reins and move it as I please
No longer will I be a mere puppet
In the hands of destiny and life
Today I wish to rule
This Wednesday shall be mine
Tuesday, 23 February 2021
Hmm
I found it in the through a vpn server via Japan.
It's strange that not each vpn that connects from Japan has it. This is some strange vpn politics.
Now the only problem is that the subtitles are in Japanese.
breathe in and out
Why does this always happen?
Tell me if this hasn't happened to you.
But here are the premises.
You've called in a technician to repair something, like a television or an air conditioner or a drier, as was in my case..A heavy-duty machine that has been erratic in its working or in some cases completely haywire and the tech person comes in, flicks on the switch and the machine purrs like a newborn baby like nothing ever happened to it like you've been dreaming the horrifying squeaky noises it makes when it's switched on.
It is extremely embarrassing and fate never misses a chance at mocking you.
If this has happened to me once it has happened a dozen times.
Thankfully though, the technician had enough understanding and actually bothered to open up a few screws and check inside, despite the initial misgivings and his looking at me as if I were some high strung foreigner, always complaining etc, he actually found the problem.
I was relieved.
He will be back with the necessary armaments to fix the ribbon that has been damaged.
In layman speak, I believe it's the belt that rotates the drum around which has been damaged and I'm thankful because there's only so much I can do to avert my eyes from the piles of clothes that need washing.
What the what?!
No no no no no!
What? What?
Okay. So it said beastars season 2 new episodes weekly but when I clicked it the thing went blank and now it's showing only the first season.
Then why did it write season 2 underneath?
Am I going crazy?
A quick check told me that it will release after a few months but then how is it that I saw season 2 written under?
Looks like regular programming will have to resume.
Also the technician called and told me he'll come in the afternoon.
So, yay!
What? What?
Okay. So it said beastars season 2 new episodes weekly but when I clicked it the thing went blank and now it's showing only the first season.
Then why did it write season 2 underneath?
Am I going crazy?
A quick check told me that it will release after a few months but then how is it that I saw season 2 written under?
Looks like regular programming will have to resume.
Also the technician called and told me he'll come in the afternoon.
So, yay!
Fur
This world can burn for all I care.
New season of beasters is out and so I needn't say what I shall be up to.
New season of beasters is out and so I needn't say what I shall be up to.
Few deets
Happy to report that my heel is hurting a whole lot lesser today and that I'm going to keep up with the therapeutic exercises and the icing and cold packs for my heel.
Also I sit here in the lounge, reading and waiting for a technician to come and fix the drier because the timings given to me were between 10-12 and what does that even mean?
I should wait for the next couple hours because it always happens that the two minutes I take to go into another room or throw out trash or shower, it's the very window in which someone makes a house call.
So I sit here waiting.
I really need the technician to come by and do his thing because the laundry is piling up and it needs fixing asap.
Also I sit here in the lounge, reading and waiting for a technician to come and fix the drier because the timings given to me were between 10-12 and what does that even mean?
I should wait for the next couple hours because it always happens that the two minutes I take to go into another room or throw out trash or shower, it's the very window in which someone makes a house call.
So I sit here waiting.
I really need the technician to come by and do his thing because the laundry is piling up and it needs fixing asap.
Horizon scales
Morning cures and new bread. 
It's got such a delicious texture and I love how mixing different flours can result in this nutty texture which I oomphed with the addition of a few walnuts.
Buttered with a cup of tea and the world is breathable again.
Hmph
Tuesday!
No wonder.
I woke up feeling sceptical and stressed. Something to do with my inability to sleep much last night.
I mean I think I didn't but maybe I did.
All I know is that this morning I felt almost exhausted and my body aches and I lay in bed sleeping a little longer. I think however, it was my residual dream that actually made me felt that way and not anything physical.
I feel not entirely excited about today.
I mean at this time last year I was in an absolutely different frame of mind. Not just different but in an exhilarated mood, anxious, electrified and extremely happy.
What I wouldn't do to bring it all back.
Maybe a cup of tea will cheer me up.
Also I'd made a bountiful loaf of bread yesterday with walnuts and what not.
I think munching on it will give me some succour.
No wonder.
I woke up feeling sceptical and stressed. Something to do with my inability to sleep much last night.
I mean I think I didn't but maybe I did.
All I know is that this morning I felt almost exhausted and my body aches and I lay in bed sleeping a little longer. I think however, it was my residual dream that actually made me felt that way and not anything physical.
I feel not entirely excited about today.
I mean at this time last year I was in an absolutely different frame of mind. Not just different but in an exhilarated mood, anxious, electrified and extremely happy.
What I wouldn't do to bring it all back.
Maybe a cup of tea will cheer me up.
Also I'd made a bountiful loaf of bread yesterday with walnuts and what not.
I think munching on it will give me some succour.
Monday, 22 February 2021
Sweet eats
And cake! 
I shall post a cross section image soon.
But this here is a rather large cake.
Mostly meant to be given away. Of course I'll keep some and report.
But would you believe it. I made it all in a blender. :)
developments
A little update on how things have fared till now.
I didn't get my workout in. It was an afterthought after having finished my warmup.
I thought why on earth should I not get a couple days off and relax seeing how I have dealt with injuries before and this might not be anything big, I do not wish to aggravate it. Perhaps Wednesday onwards I'll begin my routine.
Also, there's a breakdown of the drier at home and my morning was spent in hysteria. The technician comes in tomorrow at the same time as my workout.
I look at it as some sort of intervention, because even now as I type I can feel the sensation in my left heel. I think I will give it a massage and maybe some icing.
Today, I have decided to launch full throttle into the miseries of domesticity.
First I will make bread dough so as to bake bread at night and also I will bake a large orange cake because 1) I have a surplus of oranges and 2) there are some plates I have which belong to my friend and I wish to give them back, but not without something sweet.
The weather as I type this goes mellower by the word and the birds are having a field day, tittering and probably gossiping about the lazy cats who live in the house right across their nests.
Today I wish to be outside.
In a mood to sit on the balcony with my coffee before getting on with anything.
--
ancillary justice!!
well, well well.
I wait for updates about how much or how little you're enjoying it.
Voila
And finally the finished product.
Baked vegetables with tuna and buckwheat noodles in a sesame dressing.
It's delicious, it's dense and it's not very high in calories.
This will keep my engines running till it's time for din din.
Smooth
Smoothies that begin life as fruits before getting blended together.
Today we have some pineapples and oranges
Process
It starts with a tray full of vegetables in no oil but with lots of flavour courtesy of peppers and chillies and some Worcestershire sauce.
Once it's baked I plan on mixing in some buckwheat noodles and tuna.
Monday bits and pieces
Delicious warmth as usual that brings to mind the slow approach of summers in the coming months, however this serenity will be torn asunder by cold and rains for the rest of the week, if the weather forecasts are to be believed and it makes me wonder if I don't entirely hate the wet cold and rains after a bout of sun.
The dryness in the weather is palpable as affirmed by my flaking skin which seems to drink up moisturisers by the globs.
Right then, today! Monday!
I am going to steer clear of cardio workouts for a few days because I have injured my heel which in turn is hurting my knee. Yes! Did you know these bitches are related. You hurt your shin/heel and sure as fuck you'll feel it in the upper regions of your knee whenever you squat a lot and the more you squat the worse it gets.
I have made it slightly worse I think.
Anyways.
I think I'll start wearing some shoes when I'm jumping about on the hard floor.
Darling, if you're jumping about barefoot on hard floor then I advice the same.
However I do use a very cushiony mat under my feet but sometimes I don't.
I'm not sure if the injury came to be from there but one can take precautions .
However I love barefoot training and for strength I sure as hell ain't wearing any shoes.
Today it's upper body and a really long routine at that. I plan to torch to punish to feel dead.
And now dor some tea. Albeit a small cup as only appropriate for weekdays but tea solves all problems.
The dryness in the weather is palpable as affirmed by my flaking skin which seems to drink up moisturisers by the globs.
Right then, today! Monday!
I am going to steer clear of cardio workouts for a few days because I have injured my heel which in turn is hurting my knee. Yes! Did you know these bitches are related. You hurt your shin/heel and sure as fuck you'll feel it in the upper regions of your knee whenever you squat a lot and the more you squat the worse it gets.
I have made it slightly worse I think.
Anyways.
I think I'll start wearing some shoes when I'm jumping about on the hard floor.
Darling, if you're jumping about barefoot on hard floor then I advice the same.
However I do use a very cushiony mat under my feet but sometimes I don't.
I'm not sure if the injury came to be from there but one can take precautions .
However I love barefoot training and for strength I sure as hell ain't wearing any shoes.
Today it's upper body and a really long routine at that. I plan to torch to punish to feel dead.
And now dor some tea. Albeit a small cup as only appropriate for weekdays but tea solves all problems.
Sunday, 21 February 2021
Saturday, 20 February 2021
To dates
My body is a study in soreness today.
It was a long taxing workout in which I wanted to burn out as much as possible and I might have done a bit much. Not that I'm complaining.
30 minutes of cardio mostly lower body and 30 minutes of lower body strength which I finished off with Pilates and it was pretty comprehensive in its fatiguing.
That's good .
What's on the agenda today?
Nothing.
It's a Saturday.
I want to unwind, relax and be lazy.
To the couch then.
It was a long taxing workout in which I wanted to burn out as much as possible and I might have done a bit much. Not that I'm complaining.
30 minutes of cardio mostly lower body and 30 minutes of lower body strength which I finished off with Pilates and it was pretty comprehensive in its fatiguing.
That's good .
What's on the agenda today?
Nothing.
It's a Saturday.
I want to unwind, relax and be lazy.
To the couch then.
कुछ माहौल, कुछ आप
सोने से सन से बुनी हुई सुनहरी धूप 
मलमल में लिपटी सर्दी की धूप
ठण्ड के टूटे कतरों में हल्की गर्म लौ
हवा में सरसराती सुलाती हुई धूप
धीमे से जगमगाती, जिसे देख नींद आती
अपने आग़ोश में फुसला कर
मुहब्बत से सहला कर
ऊँघने की सलाह देती नर्म धूप
Lunch kiss
Lunch was one vegetable cheela which was made from leftover batter from the lunch I packed this morning with a coconut and coriander and chutney, as well as a shrimp, mushroom and red pepper omelette with some Parmesan sprinkled on top along with a mug of orange juice (2 oranges) with all the pulp. 
Marriages
My heart let me tell you darling, weighs heavy with all the unfinished orgasms that might have been had I not pretended to enjoy myself.
9°
Say one thing about sunny winters say they're inescapable in their inviting romance of warmth that fill you with such delirious hope that you wish might triumph over experience that winters sunny or not are always cold.
Eyuhh
A gorgeous morning this to wake up early and do all the chores while seemingly forgetting it's the weekend and the outdoors are brimming with sunshine while the regrettable failures of your past keep you nailed indoors in the glooming environs of your personal dungeon.
Fun
Fun
Friday, 19 February 2021
muzak kiss
Maybe it was that time in the quarantine when I was high as a kite, listening to music on a Bluetooth speaker, feeling its every rhythm gnaw through my very soul while I drew, or looked out into the green oblivion while drinking coffee trying to block out the pandemic or maybe it was the sudden surge of electricity that sometimes can shoot through your heels and travel into the chest cavity when suddenly you find yourself resonating with a particular kind of music, that which you know will also be loved by someone who shares some similar tastes for the edge themselves, or it could be both or it could be that this music or maybe this album just denotes that particular time in life when things were a hot mix of fear, anxiety, needs, erogenous sexts, dirty discussions, a fuzzy mix of escalating desires that intersected with an unreasonable love that I find myself revisiting this music/album time and again and each time I gasp, go red and find myself in that space where things were off and yet somehow fun.
Meal hearts
Before it goes onto the oven. 
Lunch is a tray bake of sweet potatoes, broccoli and mushrooms with a serving of salmon marinaded in miso dressing.
Favourite stillness
That which keeps me ticking 
Which is all mine
My daily reawakening
to renew, repair and restore
as my gadgets update
so do I.
Rustle up
Say one thing about today, say it doesn't feel like a Friday!
I was awake, wide with open eyes and sleep MIA at a little before 4 in the am, all because a cat decided it needed to be got out, Mr. Gogi, the original prima Donna and the kind of ruckus he generates, which isn't a meow, but rather a sharp clawing to the floor. Repeatedly! One can't help but wake up and usually I'm the chosen sufferer. Light sleeper and all that jazz.
So there I was opening the door and letting him out and once back in the cozy confines of my fresh linen I realised sleep had deserted me.
I kept at it though.
The thought of peeling myself away from my febrile fence in the cold didn't feel as beneficial and so I stayed and sometime later in the early hours of dawn I found sleep..what I also found was an extremely sexy dream which immediately consumed me, which I then started watching with utmost indulgence.
I mean I was sleeping, but the damn dream was like a story. It had so many facets and it carried on seamlessly with no plot holes and Uber sexy sequences that had me sweating in the nether regions.
Of course I had to be awake, of course I was blushing, of course I can't stop thinking about it .
The day goes on.
I got busy with chores and so here we are at 10, and I've not even started with my tea and so I shall go on ahead and begin my day.
More soon.
Hearts a plenty my darling.
I was awake, wide with open eyes and sleep MIA at a little before 4 in the am, all because a cat decided it needed to be got out, Mr. Gogi, the original prima Donna and the kind of ruckus he generates, which isn't a meow, but rather a sharp clawing to the floor. Repeatedly! One can't help but wake up and usually I'm the chosen sufferer. Light sleeper and all that jazz.
So there I was opening the door and letting him out and once back in the cozy confines of my fresh linen I realised sleep had deserted me.
I kept at it though.
The thought of peeling myself away from my febrile fence in the cold didn't feel as beneficial and so I stayed and sometime later in the early hours of dawn I found sleep..what I also found was an extremely sexy dream which immediately consumed me, which I then started watching with utmost indulgence.
I mean I was sleeping, but the damn dream was like a story. It had so many facets and it carried on seamlessly with no plot holes and Uber sexy sequences that had me sweating in the nether regions.
Of course I had to be awake, of course I was blushing, of course I can't stop thinking about it .
The day goes on.
I got busy with chores and so here we are at 10, and I've not even started with my tea and so I shall go on ahead and begin my day.
More soon.
Hearts a plenty my darling.
Thursday, 18 February 2021
Bla bla
Thursday, workday.
It's started again.
The grind, the head on the griddle, the everyday grit. And to top it off Saturday is working too in the country.
Today is a big day, in that as all celebrations go, an Anniversary demands a bit of celebrating no matter how much one tries to steer clear of trying to think of it as that unhappy event in their life, because marriages might be made in heaven but they turn pretty hellish after a while and here we are celebrating our collective failures and downfall as a couple, as species, as society.
Today's celebration, however, unlike like last night's is more personal, more domestic, more turned down with no alcohol, at least I won't be having any.
This one week off on account of the holidays has been the least productive week of this year because of how it was being treated as holidays, which for me it wasn't.
Anyways, what's done is done.
We are back on track. At least hopefully.
Thankfully I didn't go beyond that one drink last night, I couldn't even if I tried because that was plenty to get me buzzed and so today I shall go in ahead and treat it as any regular day, that is until it's time for dinner, because as I mentioned it's celebrations today and the menu was already decided and it needs to be a feast; a feast it will be then because by the heavens I need to eat something good, something cooked by me.
Right then.
Up and ahead!
Some toast, some tea, some upper body strength.
It's started again.
The grind, the head on the griddle, the everyday grit. And to top it off Saturday is working too in the country.
Today is a big day, in that as all celebrations go, an Anniversary demands a bit of celebrating no matter how much one tries to steer clear of trying to think of it as that unhappy event in their life, because marriages might be made in heaven but they turn pretty hellish after a while and here we are celebrating our collective failures and downfall as a couple, as species, as society.
Today's celebration, however, unlike like last night's is more personal, more domestic, more turned down with no alcohol, at least I won't be having any.
This one week off on account of the holidays has been the least productive week of this year because of how it was being treated as holidays, which for me it wasn't.
Anyways, what's done is done.
We are back on track. At least hopefully.
Thankfully I didn't go beyond that one drink last night, I couldn't even if I tried because that was plenty to get me buzzed and so today I shall go in ahead and treat it as any regular day, that is until it's time for dinner, because as I mentioned it's celebrations today and the menu was already decided and it needs to be a feast; a feast it will be then because by the heavens I need to eat something good, something cooked by me.
Right then.
Up and ahead!
Some toast, some tea, some upper body strength.
Wednesday, 17 February 2021
In stages
Who me? 
In the preliminary stages of getting ready for a dinner that marks the 11th year of a mistake.
Fat shows
The 1000lbs sisters is a show that I do not religiously follow but one that I love to get frequent updates on.
It stars YouTube stars or rather wrecks that are Tammy and Amy, also known as Slaton sisters and they're a quite the disaster. Also, they low-key look like beluga whales.
It stars YouTube stars or rather wrecks that are Tammy and Amy, also known as Slaton sisters and they're a quite the disaster. Also, they low-key look like beluga whales.
Tagging
A name tag for my girl. It mentions her birthday. Her gender and the back has my phone number.
Oh heart
I was awake at four and could find no sleep and as naturally as it is to breathe so is for me to think about you, when I have an idle moment where my sighs will go unheard, my secret smiles will be ignored and my gasps will be shrouded by sleep. My roused moments of extreme wants as a pornographic reel of our licentious moments plays in my head will go unnoticed and is there a better time to reminisce and miss?
A large bed with white sheets in a dim room lit only by a small lamp, in autumnal weather was covered by us. The two of us, in the ultimate stage of undress; wet and eager. Grabbing, grasping, voracious, needy, clutching at every part of each other. Our bodies woven together, like a fuck wreath murmuring needs buried under carnal kisses that traced little maps of red marks left after moments of heated excitement.
It was us, doing all that we must.
Darling I miss you so.
A large bed with white sheets in a dim room lit only by a small lamp, in autumnal weather was covered by us. The two of us, in the ultimate stage of undress; wet and eager. Grabbing, grasping, voracious, needy, clutching at every part of each other. Our bodies woven together, like a fuck wreath murmuring needs buried under carnal kisses that traced little maps of red marks left after moments of heated excitement.
It was us, doing all that we must.
Darling I miss you so.
Tuesday, 16 February 2021
Litte things
This is a canele.
One of my favourite things to eat these days.
Something about the crunchy exterior and it's spongy sort of interior that's feels a bit like a bread like custard. I think it's the good vanilla and rum that these babies reek of which makes me greedy for them.
It's hard to find really good ones but When and if you do it's near impossible to stop eating them.
I've never baked one, not sure I can because they're a bit complicated seeing how you've to paint the mould with beeswax and what not before pouring in the batter for baking .
I do not know the exact intricacies of making this but there's a trick to how the exterior gets so caramelised and crunchy.
Monday, 15 February 2021
Ahem wtf
So I'm watching 'tenet' and I'll tell you one thing, I'm trying really hard to understand what the fuck is going on but shit ain't making sense.
I like the soundtrack though and the sound effects if watched on a good system are definitely impressive.
However the movie is far too self indulgent.
I like the soundtrack though and the sound effects if watched on a good system are definitely impressive.
However the movie is far too self indulgent.
Sweats
And so then I did a killer tabata style workout with dumbbells and hated and loved every moment of it. 
Stuff happening
The trouble with this week long vacation is that since there's no work involved whatsoever it's being treated like such a holiday.
Everyone including the cats stay awake till late at night watching some series or playing red dead redemption and then it's late morning for everyone, after which the chores get delayed or sometimes just never happen and then it's a long day of absolutely whatever and everything goes.
My entire schedule has gone haywire and I have to wake up early, functioning on half sleep to be able to get in with some chores and exercise before people start asking me what's the plan for today.
I hope I can squeeze in my workout today.
Right then.
Now for some tea and a banana.
Everyone including the cats stay awake till late at night watching some series or playing red dead redemption and then it's late morning for everyone, after which the chores get delayed or sometimes just never happen and then it's a long day of absolutely whatever and everything goes.
My entire schedule has gone haywire and I have to wake up early, functioning on half sleep to be able to get in with some chores and exercise before people start asking me what's the plan for today.
I hope I can squeeze in my workout today.
Right then.
Now for some tea and a banana.
Sunday, 14 February 2021
Pretty things
Tell me this isn't the most beautiful vegetable you've seen. 
These are naturally occurring fractals really.
It's a veg called Romanesco and I love it steamed with some kimchi.
And now
Picnics are a total Why For me, but today! 
I had to make this day different than last years or else I'd never let be able to let go of that anxiety which I'd been having ever since I woke up.
In picture is leftover pizza from yesterday, onigiri, walnut pie, edamame, fruits, yogurt dip and shiitake mushroom chips.
There's also a flask of coffee and juice.
Full circle
This day last year I was on my way to the airport to return home and what a ride that was.
It was exactly today, the weather was a replica of today's gloom, muddled skies and weighed down clouds and there was utter silence on the roads, something which has changed this year.
It's been a year.
I remember it clearly.
I remember what I wore, how I felt, how little I'd packed in my suitcase, the paranoia of traveling through a pandemic which laughably was hardly anything I'd faced as opposed to when I returned back here 9 months later.
I didn't know what to expect.
I didn't know how to feel.
I didn't know how to react.
It felt numb and there was a blank space in my head because I couldn't understand nor visualise the road ahead.
The travel had been abrupt, unplanned.
Almost like I'd set sail out on the ocean with a broken compass and a faded map.
It was today.
Happy valentines.
It was exactly today, the weather was a replica of today's gloom, muddled skies and weighed down clouds and there was utter silence on the roads, something which has changed this year.
It's been a year.
I remember it clearly.
I remember what I wore, how I felt, how little I'd packed in my suitcase, the paranoia of traveling through a pandemic which laughably was hardly anything I'd faced as opposed to when I returned back here 9 months later.
I didn't know what to expect.
I didn't know how to feel.
I didn't know how to react.
It felt numb and there was a blank space in my head because I couldn't understand nor visualise the road ahead.
The travel had been abrupt, unplanned.
Almost like I'd set sail out on the ocean with a broken compass and a faded map.
It was today.
Happy valentines.
Saturday, 13 February 2021
Whoah!
Today then!
Looks like I might have to miss my workout today.
Ugh!
Not least because there's a dinner party that I'm hosting tonight and I woke up late. Now everything is in a tizzy.
Right!
This is a dinner party that invited itself upon me and it's more like people bringing some of their own dishes and drinks but of course, me, as the hostess with the mostess will be preparing some food, including a cocktail and dessert and I've work cut out for me.
It helps that I did a lot of prep last night but still I've a lot to do right now.
Alright then.
Once everything is cooked and prepped I'll clean up my house one last time before everyone comes over which is at 6:30 and then it's candles, lamps, essential oils.
Right!
Looks like I might have to miss my workout today.
Ugh!
Not least because there's a dinner party that I'm hosting tonight and I woke up late. Now everything is in a tizzy.
Right!
This is a dinner party that invited itself upon me and it's more like people bringing some of their own dishes and drinks but of course, me, as the hostess with the mostess will be preparing some food, including a cocktail and dessert and I've work cut out for me.
It helps that I did a lot of prep last night but still I've a lot to do right now.
Alright then.
Once everything is cooked and prepped I'll clean up my house one last time before everyone comes over which is at 6:30 and then it's candles, lamps, essential oils.
Right!
Friday, 12 February 2021
Oopsie
Oh dear!
This is a fucking mess!
Not least because even if not totally derogatory some of the tweets are actually crass and déclassé. There are better, more intelligent ways of saying such things.
Oh man! This is quite the muck.
This is a fucking mess!
Not least because even if not totally derogatory some of the tweets are actually crass and déclassé. There are better, more intelligent ways of saying such things.
Oh man! This is quite the muck.
Today
Guess who's back on track? 
I mean as back as I can be.
A lot of mobility, balance and cardio today.
Also there's a bit of tan happening
Thursday, 11 February 2021
How they do it
My Taiwanese friend sent me this picture depicting how they're worshipping their ancestors on Chinese New Year. 
I wonder how much of this food we can present to our gods.
There's pig blood cake among other things.
I wonder
It's the Chinese New Year today and can I just say everything feels a bit muted.
The usual incandescent brightness that would blaze through the streets in forms of lamps and led's hanging from trees, paving the sidewalks, stuck around the city like jewels is non existent this year. Even the houses that would stud their windows and entries with ruby coloured illuminations in form of auspicious Chinese hangings are vastly absent.
The compounds have done their bit of fairy lights and what not but that's about it .
The streets, the city, the people, the houses all seem devoid of the usual Chinese New Year exhilaration.
How and why is this so?
Today I will go about the city, despite the rains and cold and see how Chinese New Years is being celebrated.
I mean I went to a supermarket yesterday, my mistake but there was an essential supply I needed and I remembered that it would be a mistake because during the few weeks before this event all markets etc are thronged to the point of claustrophobia by people who're out shopping. (Think diwaliX10) and yet it wasn't as crowded as I'd have expected.
I mean there were people but not in droves.
I'm beginning to wonder. Really wonder.
The usual incandescent brightness that would blaze through the streets in forms of lamps and led's hanging from trees, paving the sidewalks, stuck around the city like jewels is non existent this year. Even the houses that would stud their windows and entries with ruby coloured illuminations in form of auspicious Chinese hangings are vastly absent.
The compounds have done their bit of fairy lights and what not but that's about it .
The streets, the city, the people, the houses all seem devoid of the usual Chinese New Year exhilaration.
How and why is this so?
Today I will go about the city, despite the rains and cold and see how Chinese New Years is being celebrated.
I mean I went to a supermarket yesterday, my mistake but there was an essential supply I needed and I remembered that it would be a mistake because during the few weeks before this event all markets etc are thronged to the point of claustrophobia by people who're out shopping. (Think diwaliX10) and yet it wasn't as crowded as I'd have expected.
I mean there were people but not in droves.
I'm beginning to wonder. Really wonder.
Wednesday, 10 February 2021
::|::
Nighttime and I can do nothing save think of you
I think of your cotton tees
The lightly mauve and the red and green ones
the lighting in your room
Which was white then changed to a warm tone
The transition in your clothing
From warm sweats to night shorts
and sometimes in your denims
But mostly you were naked
Sitting on a chair that once broke
and another you thought might break,
But didn't
I think of all those nights
Over 200 of them when we did nothing
Except love each other repeatedly
Witnessed the floodgates open
when we finally eroded our every guard
and saw us amalgamate
into a wanton mush of mutual depravity
of pleasurable perversions
our congenial kinks
darling,
how I love thee.
I think of your cotton tees
The lightly mauve and the red and green ones
the lighting in your room
Which was white then changed to a warm tone
The transition in your clothing
From warm sweats to night shorts
and sometimes in your denims
But mostly you were naked
Sitting on a chair that once broke
and another you thought might break,
But didn't
I think of all those nights
Over 200 of them when we did nothing
Except love each other repeatedly
Witnessed the floodgates open
when we finally eroded our every guard
and saw us amalgamate
into a wanton mush of mutual depravity
of pleasurable perversions
our congenial kinks
darling,
how I love thee.
For the book
One of the pictures from today. 
This is a turmeric and coconut rice noodles (vegan, gluten free).
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