Shot up

Why do I look so terrible in mirror selfies? 

Jigsaw

Today 

Finished low town. 

The first book is a standalone and that is good because not everything needs to be a trilogy. 

Strangely the book is high fantasy, or rather low fantasy, and I wasn't expecting anything magic..which worked quite well

I thought it might be some sort of detective futuristic plot, but Lo! It was good, easily predictable but nonetheless interesting, well written, tight and a good palette cleanser. 

Also started another book. 

'City of last chances' by Adrian Tchaikovsky and it started off on quite a spectacularly strange note and it made me furrow my eyebrows and smile. 

Other than that 

Watched an episode of an anime called 'tougen aniki' and it was good not bad, but not something new. It had the usual tropes, a not so different storyline and so I abandoned it after the first episode 

Now I'm watching 'Moonrise' another anime and this one is quite good. 

I think I'd like to watch more of it and see if I want to watch the entire series. 

Recorded some garden segments and tomorrow I hope to record a food segment. 

_[]

I am
Angry
Because
Of everything
That's happening
And everyone
Who is
Making it possible
At people
Who partake in religious rituals
At brain dead masses
Who bathe in holy river
At smiling godmen
At worshippers plucking flowers
Loud religious auto tune music
Where are those with road rage
They haven't killed
Any kanwars yet

Some stuff

It's Tuesday
And this is about the time I'd usually set my chair up outside and chill.
Maybe lounge or draw while listening to an audiobook but as I write I find myself sitting in my study room, making points for my next vlog
I have also ingested a weed edible
And I am quite done with today .
Yes, it was a rather long day full of activities .
I might have to do nothing for the next hour or so to feel better.

Who me?

And you? 

Uneventful

Right then
Today I fucked off at 12:00
And came back around 6:30
Muizon- Reims- Muizon
I was decided to go to two different libraries which for some reason were closed today, not just libraries but a lot of stores I was planning on visiting were shut.

I don't know why. Maybe some form of protest
Ah well, so I walked around, had lunch, went to a gorgeous book / stationery store and spent about an hour looking out books and trying to figure if I wanted or even needed anything .

Found some good angles and recorded stuff.

This months and the next are vacation season here in France and just as many tourists were vacationing here a lot of people have left the area and travelled south and there was a sort of silence, a quietness to the city.

The chirp was less, but the tourists were in droves.

I sat in a park for hours.
Had coffee

Looked at the watch and it had been over 5 hours.
Got back home.

And now

I'm out having lunch. 

Doing the usual city rounds as I do with just me as company 

Heart

A school friend sent me a message 

Surprise

I have no words 

I have a view

Sitting on the floor (kinda high)

The truth

The issue with made in Bharat is that every component used in it is made in China and the assembly is done in India which is why it's called made in Bharat.
Make in India is actually a scam. It's all made in China but assembled in India.

And food

Thai style Chicken noodle salad 

Yasss

'Where do you come from'? 

-  'A womb'

Low town 

Thots

I think Modi is a Pakistani agent.

:/

Have to cook a lot everyday
And I thrive on leftovers
No complaints

Sighs

RIP Ozzy 

The Prince of fuckin darkness. 

 

He's a stalwart for all metalheads and he leaves us to go off onto pentagon tinted rainbows in heaven where goth fairies fling bats at him during dinner time 

🤘 

And phew

40 Minutes of cardio later

—:—

As if my mood needed to hit a new low.
Been reading new reports on Gaza refugee camps and bombings in Damascus (Syria) and the brutal decimation of life and the plight of children as little as 2 being left on their own walking, crawling around rubbles and roads and I do not know why I'm a part of this fuckall
Planet ?
Maybe I'd have been happier as a different species.

A rant

I am
So
Unhappy
With
This
Dell machine

That’s it

Ahh

Few things better

Stuff

This is the Indian news that shows up here and it is news after all but strangely it's not so strange for us as it's for the west.

I need this

Who me?
Eating chicken rice
Cuz why not

Already

I mean it's just noon
But to be fair I also worked out

Curtains

Ready to call it a night
And you?

New things

This lighting got replaced while I was away. 

I'm not sure about this. It has a sort of industrial vibe. 

I want to like it but I don't feel assured. 

:/

Who me?
Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today
My body feels like it didn't recover since the sleep last night was terrible, what with temperature dropping and becoming cold and a melange of terrible dreams.
I woke up unwillingly, and now I'm donning my workout wear and do simple workout with yoga stretches.
Also, recording stuff today, I feel so low.

—
Miss thee

And scene

Yawn and trivials

Who me?
Busy
Making a small transcript for a new vlog
I will start recording tomorrow, however with another person home and tv often on high volume I'll have to operate in the shadows, cuz who am I if definitely not someone asking MIL to turn off tv cuz 'I'm filming'
No sir that won't be me.
I will Record whilst she sleeps etc. However lunchtime might be a bit difficult but we will figure that out.
I will have to make lunches that are easy and don't require too much cooking.
Right then

The new vlog will be called 'one quiet conversation' and the subtitles will be in quotes like a conversation in my head.
I think that should be fun :)

Other than that
People got home
Sisyphus the fuck outta this life

Writes from the bed

Morning and I woke up at to to the sound of 'your tea is ready' while I dreamt about punching someone in the neck with a satisfying crunch.
Really, that was my dream.
I was sitting on the backseat of a car with some other terrified people around me and I started to savagely punch the people on the front seat and broke their necks (?) what kind of awful stuff have I been up to in my subconscious?

I slept for 9 hours.
Which is enough for me to go on the rest of the day without exhaustion. It enables me to not feel sleepy during day, and do physical activities like gardening. Yes gardening is a bit extreme especially when I'm bent over for an hour digging out clumps of soil, something I'm going to do today.
I think I'll plant some more flower seeds for the season and hope they sprout before winters arrive.

Other than that I am going to start my workouts.
I have to and I must.
This was a long break and if I don't get back into the thick of things I'm afraid I'll slip into a vicious cycle of weight gain and depression.
I have gained about 3 kgs, and I need to shed those off.
I will start with Pilates for a week and then get into cardio and strength once I've made friends with some more movements of balls and sockets.

Other than that I can hear the MIL talk to her son from the garden.
I'm always surprised at the amount of opinions and knowledge she imparts over stuff she practically never does or has barely known.

Today is a national holiday here and I am resolved to get nothing in the way of my good mood.
I ensure that by eating a small brownie everyday after lunch ♥️

Whoops

Came across this on Reddit 

Oh the sadness

Engines of war book 3 by RS Ford was out on June 17, and I cannot find its audiobook

Update on latest.
I'm on last 3 hours of the devils and once it's done should I go to skullsworn or low town?
Also I can't find the third book for low town either 😢

As it goes

Garbage TV is on all the time
From Premand to Aaj Tak, everything spewing out of the television is in the garbage spectrum and I sit, in my study, watching Satyajit Ray, flitting between madmen and framing some artwork, interjected by cat stuff and garden things.
This is how I spend my time

next week there will be a change.
I'll start my workouts
Pilates first other things later.

Also shot some sequences for my next Vlog. I'll start rest of the filming soonest

Also the weed brownies I cooked up at home are kickass marvellous.
They're bangers they're steady, they're prolonged.

And now

Who me?

Watching another Satyajit Ray movie 'Nayak' and it's excellent!

The snooze and the rage

Morning and I'm in a foul mood
Could be cuz of the ongoing ugh

Could be cuz I didn't sleep well and kept feeling warm and cold in places

Could be cuz I haven't been able to eat the foods I like. I haven't eaten my delicious salmon etc as I'd have liked and am making do with eggs with salads, which just doesn't do it for me all the time.

Could also be cuz people suggested that perhaps his mother is tired of eating the same type of food everyday (as if she wasn't eating the same whatever all the time back home) and that maybe I should make her a nice brunch.
Well fuck you! I said and that the sort of variety of meals I offer must be quite bothersome to her cuz every day I give her different salads (veg versions of what I eat) and often giver her two small meals before lunch. Usually a sandwich and a small portion of legume salad.
Evenings I make guacamole, or cut up veggies to make a platter of crudités, or a bowl of mixed nuts and dried fruits.
I have never seen my mother eat so much and this lady, complaining chronically of her asthma, blood pressure, arthritis eats a lot. More than my mom that is.
So don't you be telling me that I need to make something different for your mom. If it bothers you so much you start cooking for her from now on.

That shut him up.

Also, starting next week I'm going to start cooking some sort of meat at home.

Sitting outside in the garden is a bother as well cuz she's always on her phone, always on loudspeaker and it ruins my qi.

Deep breaths.

—

In other news.
I finished watching Pather Panchali.
It has left me aching
I cannot describe the absolute cinematic genius of the frames, shots, depths, acting, portrayal of life and I had to pause and cry a lot. A lot. Because it was so beautiful I was overwhelmed, because it was so tragic I was devastated.

This morn

Resorting to Pandot Bhimsen Joshi's raag Khayal to get rid of all the bad juju from my house except one large in that stays Ola ted in my garden

Argh

I'm in a pretty shitty mood

The incredibly insubordinate urge to punch her face !
Somebody stop me

Flip over

No AI can match the greatness of creation!

It cannot! It can never ! Art can only be created. Not generated.

Also

Who me?

Watching Pather Panchali by Stayjit Ray because what am I if not trying to revive my grey cells

Developments

So angry to report that my beautiful sunny moments are hijacked by my MIL who apparently has taken to sitting outside in the sun cuz inside is too cold.

I hate that my favourite part of the day which is sunny laid back lounging is clouded by her presence
I can't just be

Ugh

Eh

Aren't older people supposed to eat less?
My MIL eats more than me.
She's always hungry.
And then she complains about blood pressure and diabetes.

:/ \:

I think one of the reasons some males stated was 'why does he wear mehndi' , 'he shakes his neck like an ostrich' 'he looks off' 'so gayyyy'

And every woman I asked about him said 'I could fuck him ' 'I want to do him' 'he's so hot I'd fuck him'

And when I saw him I realised 'dear gods he's bi, both top and bottom' (that is irresistibly sexy in a man ( for some women at least)

Hmmm

Btw I finished Charulata and I have thoughts. Nay essays.
I think I cried
It has elevated my choice in cinema to the extent that I now vow to never watch garbage movies again!

-:-/

Still watching Charulata because each shot needs absorbing.
I simply can't!!

I shall not watch Jurassic whatever and ruin what has already been perfected.

??

Why do all men I meet have a strange aversion towards sitarist Rishabh Sharma?
What is it?? I need to know.
Tell me dear men

I know it

I do not have faith but I do have some beliefs.

I think today, starting this moment I am a Brahmo ! I have embraced this religious movement and that is me.

I think you're it too.

There’s that one moment

Second day of rains and house cleaning.
Second day of watching Satyajit Ray's 'Charulata' .
A movie adapted from Tagore's novella (Nastanir), by a phenomenal director and every frame is a discovery.

It bothers me how beautiful it is. The actors are Bengali and I do not know of them and they are exceptional ! Stupefyingly good. They act with eyes!

The movie is black and white, (it was made in 1964), there is barely any background music, the soundtrack is ASMR and emphasised during some shots like the rustling of fabric against a hand, a murmur of a jingle from opulent earrings, the click of a smoking pipe against teeth.

The frames are not just unbelievable but otherworldly.
There is physical perception of depth in some frames done simply by arranging the actors to sit a certain way.. such depths created from a tech of long time ago.
How?
Only a man of irritatingly perfect artistic ability can create something so hallelujah!
There isn't a single waste shot, not one frivolous expression, not even the most minuscule random angle.
It's so sublime that I feel like crying!
It's all so perfect

Compare this to a movie, nay, a suffering I watched a few days ago with my SIL.
It was on Amazon I think, and it was called 'bade miyan chote miyan' and this was a sort of remake or whatever that should have been flushed down the toilet.
It starred Akshay ghastly and tiger kitten as their leads and every second was an agony.
It made me want to poke my eyes out and stab them
It made me want to stick my eyeballs to my palms.
There was a scene in which they were fighting with guns that had laser beams shooting out of them. Akshay and kitten then threw their guns aside to kick, instead of shoot some enemies and thanks to the shoddiest editing of all times, we can see that the gun props were from a village mela, because the green lasers shooting out of their barrels were literally stuck to them. It was a green plastic stick shooting out of a plastic gun.

My grey cells stay comatose and I have thus summoned the spirits of God level cinema to revive them.

Satyajit Ray I shall binge watch thee. 🙏

I got busy

Here I am

Shopping list

Oh well

Hearts arise

a hundred thousand words and bawdy images stirring tornadoes in night screens evaporated into pixelated whiff of blank telegram screen.
The rendering sigh was redolent of resignation and reality.
I slept on a long flight, woke up with a crick and realised it was that time I'd usually check my phone and smile.
The smiles were held back, the phone was airplane mode, the tea was tepid, the food was an accident in a tin foil and I wished I could tell you all of it in a long message with several spelling errors because that's how happy and excited I always am to talk to you.

Little suns

My marigolds tell me I'll be fine