Today happened blue skies

Guess who went out to the other side of the river today?
It was me of course, who else? And let me just say that I felt a bit like a snooker ball going from point to another to get some work done that ultimately didn't materialise because I have pretty awful luck. Seriously my luck sucks! But at least I got a good picture out of it all.

Dream dude

Oh, did I tell you about my dreams?

You sent me photos of your entire family!
What on earth?
And your photos as a toddler complete with few minute recordings of your childhood where you played, laughed and hopped with your mom who was dressed in 70's hippy clothes and you had long hair as a child of three with a face that was almost the same except a bit juvenile and without the beard and grey hair.
It was so bizarre that I woke up with a start, sweating and scared and wondering at what I'd seen and what my mind insisted I should see in full Eastman colour with Dolby surround.
What the actual fuck!

On running and workouts

Who me?
Standing in a pool of sweat because I ran a full forty minutes today and by the gods it still is just as boring as I'd last left it but in the spirit of trying new things or doing things on Sunday mornings that doesn't just involve me I relent and as a result repent because running is not my jam, but maybe once or twice in a week is fine.
Slowly I pick up the pieces of my workout regime because it was mostly twisted, broken and incomplete the last two months wherein I worked out as and when I got the time and never fully in that strict discipline that I followed.
It's begun with light impact Pilates a few days ago and slowly in another week or so I'll progress to HIIT and strength training but until that happens low impact workouts are where they're at and maybe a bit of running every now and then.

Weather blues

A gorgeous morning this to wonder if it's still midnight because overcast skies, dreary weather and no sunshine.

Lined up

Pizzaz

I mean it is Friday innit?
So much for avoiding gluten

Gah

This day is going fine, it's alright but for the fact that I can't seem to get vpn working on my laptop and am reduced to typing on my phone the whole damn time like a Neanderthal.
This is barbaric.
Also, my house smells like shrimp barbecue and I'm expecting company for tea in some time.

Meal love

I know It kind of looks like what on earth but this is a vegetables and shrimp salad combined with a mustard and yogurt dressing which turned out to be delicious even though I was somewhat unsure of the whole flavours but my oh my.

Morning to you

Early morning purification that involves opening all the windows to let out all the spent residual energies from the day gone by and sonorous Yaman raag by Ustad Vilayat Khan to chase the deadened decibels and chatters that lay still in cracks quick to melt and disintegrate into the new day.

Today looks to be a good day what with sunlight seeping slowly inside, fresh spring breeze manoeuvring moods into steady uplifting stance and the prospects of doing something interesting every passing day even if entwined in the jaded lethargy of everyday humdrum.
One has to let a bit of optimism seep into their daily mug of cynical tea and what am I if not utterly confused about it all, yet here I am, talking about positivity.

Awake asleep

Nighttime and I smell sleep
burning ink
in fluid black clouds
dispersed in aura of tonight
endearing in its whispers
calling out a name
one that sounds like mine
should I pay no heed
and wander on stumbling

Lunch

Noodles in question.

Outside

Doodle

Who me?
Sitting at a nearby noodle shop wondering why the entire menu has changed and trying to figure out the noodles I'd like to eat.
There's something called beef tablet pasta in soup which is an obvious English translation of whatever they're trying to mean, so obviously I have to order the exact same because why not?

Feels

Listening to Olivia Newton- John's 'how insensitive' and suddenly I'm transported to a bruncheon.
The icy weather, overcast skies, dark yet still illuminated indoors and coffee makes me feel weird feelings.

Eats it

Today began with gluten and I would say it makes me feel guilty but it was a choice I made seeing how the large bread I baked yesterday stared at me in the face, urging to be eaten with a slab of butter, I couldn't decline the offer, could I?
Also on the agenda today is a delicious bowl of noodle soup because it's a craving I woke up with and one shouldn't not listen to their intrinsic needs especially when it's been on their minds all night.

Today needs me be outside, should I care that it's raining?

Thud goes the ceiling

This was an empty building
I thought and loved
until someone came to live next door
and then another under
and now someone above
whose footsteps echo
on wooden floor
and I wonder
what they're doing
up so late at night

Silver arson

It would be fun
to burn
in cold fires
of sweet nights
that set us apart
from living light
because we are
worlds afar
and yet so tight

Stargaze

Nighttime and the bed is vast
Colossal in its cosmic emptiness
bodies lay light years apart
huddled in self-sufficient black holes

Hahaha

Why is this so funny!

:/

My elbow isn't an erogenous zone.
If it were which it isn't I'd have orgasmed a couple dozen times by now.

In and around

Day 3

I've not stepped out of the house for three days now except taking out the trash which barely counts but it's been raining my lord and I'll stick to that excuse except I'm almost out of vegetables and unless I don't go out for a veggie run I'll be eating boiled rice with cheese which in theory sounds alright, but I fear it won't taste of much.

Wet on wet

It's rained ever since I got back and to think I'd almost forgotten about rains that are somewhere between a drizzle and a shower continuing for three days straight.
If it had mistakenly gotten sunny for a short while that silly error by the weather gods was immediately rectified with cold showers that just don't seem to stop.

Yes I can, except that I can’t.

Getting back on track after a two month hiatus sounds exactly how it feels that is to say boring and tedious.
It's a bit like arranging fractals which had begun to disperse in absence and now stay scattered around that need assiduous planning and laborious rearranging.

One doesn't just come back and pick up pieces. Though desirable this instant setup isn't possible because of the myriad dimensions that were left gaping in the aftermath of sudden dematerialisation and it takes a sedulous being to stack back on track all that was left undone and as diligent as I might be my industrious habits leave much to be desired and that is exactly why it's middle of the week and I've not yet managed to efficiently Tetris my life.

Sighs.

Half done

Before anything new I need to finish all that was left unsaid, undone.
Where was I? Lost my train of thought.
Recollect, regain, compose and begin.

Back to basics

How long after did I make and eat something that is veggies and eggs?
Probably a couple months after, seeing how mostly I made frittata back home to feed large crowds and now here it's just me.
Pan fried vegetables with a side of eggs, because it's just that kind of day.

Nights a mess

My nights
are acerbic at best
shells that won't crack
Vexed bits of broken wires
sutured together
forming patchwork patterns
of razor edged mattress
quilted with lacerating
mute conversations
upon which sleep is demanded
dreams desired
nightmares hoped

Whistling zzzz

That time of the night
when I could turn off the light
and call it a day

Gauche presents that I love

Decisions!

I need to take out the trash but I'll have to wear a bra to do that and now I sit and contemplate if it isn't something that can't be done tomorrow.

Crunch munch

There is
A dearth of
snacks in my house,
coffee times
sans cookies
and sometimes
I Think maybe
it would be nice
to have a vice
Of which I've plenty
but not when it comes
to eating something fried
at a time
when there's coffee
or, and tea.

Get up stand up

Among other things that I need is a life because I have binge watched Schitts Creek on Netflix in last 24 hours and it doesn't feel good in a way that good should feel.
What?

Get back on track!
My mantra starting tomorrow when I wake up early and gear up for the day.
Bring everything on track, get on with my daily schedule, work, life and love..except the last mentioned is somewhere out there getting paperwork done.

Did I mention that it's been two days and I haven't stepped out of the house .
Damn!

Did I also mention I've been listening to Miles Davis since morning?
Just one of those days that's all over the place, a day I can't seem to make up my mind about anything.
To think I spent the last couple months being extremely busy, running around, working around the house but did absolutely nothing for myself and now is the time to begin all that was left half done and see it to completion .
I need a deadline.

Back to old tricks

Who me?
Folding a Kilimanjaro of clothes after ironing an ocean of fabric and to think I was thought of as a trophy.
Hah!

Thought bubbles

Who me?
Contemplating stepping into the study room which needs commitment once I'm sat at the chair and maybe today isn't the time for me to be able to validate my existence on that chair that usually has me glued.
It's surprising even to me how much I overthink sometimes.

Late mornings and tea time

I'm not as much jet lagged as plain uninterested in waking up early and it's second day in a row when I let myself out of bed after 9am.
Hah!
This is wonderful and perhaps the last day that I'll indulge myself in this miserable existence of nothing because by the heavens I need to get back into the action of every day and right now, for the past couple days I've been living in slo-mo.
Right.
What's on the agenda?
A small meal and some tea because what am I if not a sucker for chores and now that I've got done with a bit of cleaning and sprucing of the domus I need sustenance and my guilt at being up late and neglecting my home has me procrastinating my favourite morning tea time.
Up and at it I say.

Home sweet home

I almost forgot the nightly marauder that is my cat, sincere as a clock in his pesky scratchings of the bedpost to wake up a poor soul who'd feed him and let him out predictably at 3 in the morning, that time of night when sleep feels just right, but these are not the villainous feline's beliefs and it was my turn this morning when the sudden noise emanating from somewhere above woke me with a start and I was almost about to grab our emergency bag of supplies and clothing stashed under the bed for emergency purposes like tsunami or apocalypse that a furry tail found its way on my face and with both a sigh of relief and groan of despair I remembered that this was/is a frequent nighttime situation.
Almost two months of uninterrupted sleep had spoilt me and this was exactly the jolt my system didn't need.
Trudging, yawning, cursing while being almost disoriented I did the needful except the cat wasn't interested in going out of the house and instead snuggled himself to sleep on my bed while I slept at an odd diagonal angle.
Now it feels like home.

Routines

New rules, old games.
1. Lactic acid
2. Peptide serum
3. retinoid
4. face oil
5. Night mask

Well, obviously

Well of course it's dull, gloomy, overcast, wet, rainy and apocalyptic chic and of course I kinda like it.

I am

Still caged
In thoughts
Quickly turning
Into memories

;

And now the brazen silence, long pause in a day that isn't a comma.

Another one but not quite

My cat has a doppelgänger.

Catty

Can't make out whether he's happy or not but looks like he might crack a frown anytime now.

In this room

Through the whiskey glass I see a coaster with a face,
It's only just afternoon and here we are.

T’day

With morning tea and music
with discussions of what to cook for breakfast
with endless scroll downs to find a good movie to watch this afternoon
with smiles and smirks I Botox the emptiness today.

Yum

Who me?
Binging on love, death & robots on Netflix because anything this vastly sci-fi has my g-spot.

Sentients

Do it

If there is a will there is a way they say and by the heavens you better find a fucking way!

Family time

Tonight I watch pilot episodes of all series till I can barely keep my eyes open.
An episode of each atrocity and perhaps we will hit something fun!!

(?)

Does Captain America watch porn?

Done

Amitabh Bachchan needs to stop acting.

Disappointments

Why do you
Have a brain
for heart?

Personality divine

How can I ever rest in peace if everyone around me isn't worried to death??

Argh

I hate it when
Someone plays patient all the time and expects the entire world to be their nurse.

Valet service

In my concrete feudal mind, dear wife, you are to serve me as I'm the king and not expect anything of me.
I am old and as are you but I'm older and my needs be met because they are only a few, whereas you do almost nothing all day so perhaps you can spend some time in taking care of me..it's a good way to pass time don't you think?
What? Your knees hurt? Huh, well my heart hurts. So there.

So there indeed.

Conversations

अचार ले जाओ

- नहीं, लीक होगा ।

हम टाइट डिब्बे में भर देंगे

- अच्छा, क्या उससे लीक नहीं होगा?

हमें किया मालूम। हम क्या पण्डित जी हैं?

Uh

Today is long
Today is confused
Today is doubtful
Today is in two minds

Mood swings

That time of the night
When I think we should pick up a fight

Hi

Not so mighty but high.

Oh honey

Honey is not the next miracle cure. It isn't. It's good but it isn't that good. It's alright, it's just sugar.

Heal

Who me?
In love with Ayurveda.

Argh

Always! Always guests at soup time.
Like clockwork.
Damn!

Oh my mind

Some flavours, that in my mind are sweet I could never think of making them savoury. For example a rose petal curry.
What an abomination, or sandalwood scented tikka..no! I mean a rose flavoured yoghurt and sandalwood flavoured ice cream would be lovely but otherwise no

Pompous

Matcha is my only friend and saviour because you, my darling are inconsistent.

Dry feet

My kingdom for a pumice.

Big Z

Heavy is thy eyelid
Petals on my face
unfolded too soon

Soons

Time bleeds
Time fleets
Enter here
Exit there

Argh

Death by a thousand cuts is far less painful than watching a televised children's singing competition.

Gah

Who me?
Pointlessly refreshing.

I hate change

Never have I ever seen anyone shirk so far into a shell at the mere mention of 'change' as the living fossils I currently reside with.
Almost like vampires from sunlight.

Deep sigh

So out of my comfort zone I might as well be on another planet.

Sigh

Who me?
Contemplating coffee and wondering if I'll ever have a half decent coffee here.

Argh

Feeling poorly because I need a mirror to apply my concealer and all I have is a phone camera.

Better

Who me?
Achieving new instant coffee goals by the day.

??

How many kisses would you desire
before we build our lusting pyre
combusting long moans
atop argent wet fires

And yes?

Into a sanctuary
home inside a house
I retreat after chopping
two kilos of pumpkin
Tonight

It's been that day
in a long epilogue
of similar unbelievable days
and now it's ended
Tonight

Silver dim light
pooling in spaces
Echoing lonely faces
wonders and pines
Tonight

:::

Because hate is a word too strong
and love is a word too mild

Starkiss

That time of the night
When all that was wrong
feels just right

—-

Seppuku my soul.

And now

Yikes!!

Incomprehensible as how I manage to get shocked each time that I enter this kitchen because of the mess..oh the mess.

Gimme a place to chop and I'll slaughter the world!

Cook it up

If not lunch then salad or soup or protein shake or dinner or breakfast. I'm on call all day long.
Married to the kitchen
hovering over fire
poised with a knife
readied stance
always a-go-go
gimme the signal

Let’s go!

The insectivore world has set out its booty hunters to make a kill.
There's a reward in my name.
Too bad it'll always remain unclaimed!

I hope.

Wants

I need
a sword
or
a knife even
to chop heads
or slice tomatoes

Sis

Another day another disgusting coffee.
Take me back to my mokapot, to my beans, to my life.

Eyebrow games

But have you ever been told the backstory of a soap serial playing on tv conveyed in a manner which makes you feel that the speaker assumes you know each character?

Happy thoughts

when breathtaking cool darkness tinged with blue cages the insides behind closed doors the only brightness that is needed is a soft warm one to pillow the entire room in a bonhomous glow but instead a white tube glares at me in the face and makes me want to yank out my eyes.

What I see

A woman as devoted to a man so callous.

Love mortared with dependence, affection, morality.

It’s true

Mahabharat is still shorter than my morning shower routine.

:)

Who me?
Realising that jumping jacks is one of my favourite exercises.

Humph

Chores so boring I drink coffee while manning the stove.
Life isn't improving right now.

Sunday!! I wait with breath that is hated.

Breakfast time

That I'm making lunch at breakfast time, barely five minutes after eating breakfast is why I have annoyance issues.
I mean yes it shouldn't be that bothersome and no I should take it with grace which I do with a shallow smile but I can hate about it here, can't I?

Blunted

I want it back
My curiosity
My luminosity
My ferocity

Sads

I haven't eaten flesh in a while nor kissed one.

Thee

That time of night
When this world feels tight
I wriggle out and fall
into your open arms

Creature feature

Now watching Godzilla because Godzilla!

Wasped!

Thud thud!
I hear.
The bricks have fallen.
The jharokha window has freed itself.
Newspaper flies wild in the bathroom, a small swirling tornado, broken pieces of brick upon the floor, my mood astray and the little demon is sitting on the wall, pecking at ants again.

It's an all out war I say!

Allegations

'Don't go upstairs' said a suddenly irked mother in law.
'But why?' Her daughter in law raised an eyebrow, readying her phone to take pictures of the overcast sky from the rooftop.
'Because', spoke the elderly female 'you're carrying a phone and it's raining. It makes you an easy target for lightning strike. You might die' she added and walked away holding the keys to terrace door.

Rain rain

Thunders that turn to rains
clattering on roof
bouncing off wet floor
crackling steam of clouds
threatening with more
charging the air
with dusted gold smells
of ions making love
sepia monotones
bronzing horizon clinging to grey
plangent whips of merciless gods
lashing the skies
scourging heat wiping dust
Washing away
the modern sins
of clumsy industrialisation

Heehaw

Sometimes television plays such horrendous stuff that I fell off my couch laughing.
It was ridiculous and funny and meant to be extremely serious but now I stand laughing at the television and perhaps it looks creepy because I'm rolling with laughter and everyone thinks I'm crazy.

Hopes!

Today's coffee has been a marked improvement and I say marked because it was indeed better than yesterday's which was a bit better than day before's and hopefully tomorrow will be another micro quantum leap.

Would you believe!?!

The wasp made a come back.

I had only just towelled my hair, dried my limbs and let water trickle from most parts of my freshly showered skin.
Looking for a body lotion I sauntered back into the bathroom, a towel wound around my hair held up in a turban when the buzzing sound I'd moments ago fended off returned.

Seed of satan in his best yellow dress hovered in my line of sight, still some few feet away and the ground beneath my feet melted and solidified and shattered into brittle heartbeats.
But I'd closed the windows and there could be no way for him to return I naively thought before realising and eye rolling the presence of a very old style Jharokha carved on the wall. It's in an intricate design that must have been popular at a certain era before Stone Age perhaps or maybe from even before the dinosaurs roamed because who in their right minds lets a design like that pass?
This large permanently open spaces designed to look like a web of flowers and other motifs gives a free pass to any passing mosquito, bee or critter and today a rather unfriendly wasp availed that opportunity by not only wrecking my peaceful shower time but also returning to haunt me all over again.

I picked up the long handled wiper and got to it.
The wasp as if reading my mind made a beeline for me and locking the door behind was my only course which I did promptly.
I felt for my heart but it sat flopping on the floor and slowly (mark my bravery) twisted the knob to take a sneak peak and I looked inside the bathroom to see the wasp pecking at a trail of ants that quietly went about their job.
The wiper in action all over again and the bastard ran away.
Triumph I squealed and just as I did the wasp came back yet again and this was the absolute limit.

It mocked me!
It challenged me!

Rummaging for bricks and newspapers I returned to end this problem at least temporarily before a more permanent solution could be nailed in and I picked up my lance like wiper and poked at the luciferan little beast until it flew out of the tiny mangai and exited, which is when I slipped into ninja on steroids mode and blocked the jharokha window with newspapers and bricks.
This, I believe should hold for a while..I hope.

Argh

Just fought off a wasp while in the middle of a shower with a long handle wiper.
It was pretty military.

Aerated

There shall be no fresh air ever making its way inside the house.
One of the rules to live by here.
'Close the door!!' I was told this morning.
Or mosquitoes will come in they said and I obliged because who needs fresh air?

Sounds everywhere

Noises I live with
of a mosquito repelling ultrasonic machine
of a fan slicing through air at supersonic speed because it knows not of a setting that perhaps gently caresses the air to form pleasant breeze instead of a cyclone as it does now.
Of a far off ambulance/VIP car/Police siren either of those, trailing in the distance.
Of my heart beat that murmurs slowly

Lies

My ears bleeding
My eyes beseeching
My smile spectacular

Tsk

I understand how it feels to be a woman empathises the man.

);

Who me?
Thinking all sorts of horrible things.
Why?
It's fun and sad

Colours

Do we like how my room is currently red hued because the bright white led light is reflecting my horrible red bed sheet that won't cling to the mattress.

Sip

There's a giant ball of thirst inside of me that doesn't seem to get satiated no matter how much water I drink.
My body is almost 90% water as I speak and perhaps that explains a lot of things.

Checkmate

It isn't just the walls that are paper thin because they most certainly aren't, it's my neighbours who're a bit loud.
I'm inside a house twice over. A house in a house.
Two different worlds within the one.
The worst of both for me however.

Not a p(rose)

The excitement of matcha
The scent of rose
A delicious bastardisation
that could make some cringe
but me? No, me love it.

Tedium

I'd intended to right the wrong of yesterday's sacrilege that I committed under this very roof that of making the most horrendous coffee and today I might have slightly redeemed myself and by slightly I do mean slightly because the coffee in question is only just potable but not terrific, however the ratio of coffee to coconut sugar is better than the tepid dishwater I let my body absorb yesterday.
Working on the most basic, even primitive premises I have started making coffee by simply dissolving the requisite amount with hot water and a bit of sweetener and the results have been horrific. It's not the first time I'm making instant coffee and usually I'd take the effort of measuring every component with a bit of plant milk and jeuje up a still decent hot cuppa but these days I couldn't be bothered.

Humph

If only I could be as comfortable wearing denims and I am wearing nothing, I'd be so happy.

Mesh

Now swimming
in a sea
of gadgets

Dead skin

My kingdom for a pumice.

In my head

My gripe isn't with the corrupt government or the chauvinists that happily thrive amongst us, no, my complain is with the denizens who peacefully coexist with dust.

Decisions

Who me?
Wondering whether this ceiling fan deserves a personal chapter of hatred in my autobiography.

Aargh

What I need are chill hop vibes
But what I got is
A screwdriver inside of a pencil sharpener

Bla argh

I am not
Comfortable in this bed
Which I have to sit on
nor with the texture of the sheets
which feels slippery on the mattress
It glides and I keep fixing it
tucking it under
but it slides

Night comes in slow

/:

Issues, oh I have issues
Of all kinds
starting from my skin
I've issues of
my mind

Open up

Oh my rage when pistachios have a tight slit.

Glum bum

This house
Is a little child
of boredom
and lethargy
the ghosts
Yawn
and refuse to haunt
looming about
jaded
in no mood to boo
sluggish with disuse
eaten with dust
stinking of dirt
smeared in ashes
sluggish they brood
talk in continuous
whispers

Crossing path

The merest mistake can jumble a life algorithm.
The moment that I meet at this junction is because I chose to meet it here decided by each past decision that altered my path one that I treaded to finally come to this point and even now I walk fashioning a moment that I'll meet several decades after.

See you later horrendous second.

Crappy

Today can go down in my personal history of coffee making as the absolute worst because of the horribly watery concoction I've just brewed which is nothing but a bit of instant coffee and some hot water with a teaspoon of coconut sugar.
What on earth is this mess I ask?
I ask myself because I just made it and I can't seem to be able to sip it.
I wince.
I recoil
I repel

Huh

But my lord all I ask is to unlearn a few mysteries of this life to spike up my curiosity again.

Smile hard

The exact opposite of room with a view that has no furniture except a bed and another bed and one more bed.

That time

My room
This afternoon
Echoes a day
of delicious doom

Surreptitious

Who me?
Tackling with paranoia behind closed where people are busy with their activities while I pace my room room zoned out.

Argh

This fan has only one speed which is planet wrecking tornado.
One breath at a time I say.
One phew after another

??

Why am I watching Archer?

?

Fraudsters but not thieves they say.

Wha?

Who me?
Sitting in a lovely house that could have been something out of a story book had it not been as uncouth and graceless; studded with the ghastliest interiors and most horrendously coloured paint job.
How is lime green colour on the walls upon which are glued variety of gauche decals pleasing to the eyes?
cruise liner sized couch upholstered with golden shimmery fabric that is unkempt, hoarding an array of groceries?
Onyx flooring, thick Victorian curtains sweeping the floors behind which are newspapers piled upon a table as are rumpled bed sheets, chew toys, charging wires and other knick knacks that at an immediate glance are easily understood to belong on the mantelpiece upon which are medicine bottles and more newspapers.

This is not my scene.

Sweat it

Pre gym skincare routine because there aren't enough reasons in this world to hate the vanity industry.

Fun things

Who me?
Just shovelling through my heart, digging at wounds, making them raw.

—/-

That time of night when I'm besieged by horrible thoughts of spouse murder.

Dolby

Television playing someplace, people talking in distance, can't make out which sound is which.

((

Would you judge me were I to tell you that I'm painting my nails while Friends plays on tv?

:;

Some people are dirt and some resplendent sparkles.
It's the truth.

That time

That time when afternoon dwindles
before slaty evenings arrive
the jarring white of the sunlit bright withers
to a mellow sigh like the pleasing hum after a a high pitched howl
today begins to moor on tomorrow's shore

How I like it

My day long
My body dead
My hair fabulous

Snatch

What can I say that I haven't said before
that you're the ultimate drug
your voice is its gateway door.

:”/-

Nighttime and I visit
my favourite place of thoughts
where the sky is pink
the sun is blue
where it's always dawn

t’day