I hate
Being alone
With my thoughts
Monday, 31 January 2022
Monday, 24 January 2022
New Ad
So I watched the ad for Dior Homme sport and i might, just might be a little less acerbic towards Robert Pattinson now.
Saturday, 15 January 2022
Noodles
All those talks of noodles yesterday have me making some Thai inspired noodles that I use some tom yum soup base as flavouring agent because why not?!! 
Thursday, 13 January 2022
Wednesday, 12 January 2022
Arghhh
Morning and don't even get me started!
I am going to complain to the management about this lady with two terriers who absolutely doesn't clean up after her dogs and her dogs poop in the narrow pathway leading up to the houses.
I stepped on it and didn't realise until I almost reached my threshold.
I ran to the backyard and washed off my shoe and it wasn't an easy task cuz of the thousand grooves that everything lodged itself into and i scraped and scrubbed with the litter cleaning brush and now I have a very wet shoe drying itself in the sun.
All these activities before the clock even hit 7!!
I am angry!
That woman has had it.
I am going to complain to the management about this lady with two terriers who absolutely doesn't clean up after her dogs and her dogs poop in the narrow pathway leading up to the houses.
I stepped on it and didn't realise until I almost reached my threshold.
I ran to the backyard and washed off my shoe and it wasn't an easy task cuz of the thousand grooves that everything lodged itself into and i scraped and scrubbed with the litter cleaning brush and now I have a very wet shoe drying itself in the sun.
All these activities before the clock even hit 7!!
I am angry!
That woman has had it.
Tuesday, 11 January 2022
Dichotomy
Icy winds and sunny morning.
Such contradictions.
I feel sunlight bathing me, I feel my blood thawing and then there's lashings of blustery ice that slaps my face. Utterly confusing me.
Should I I thaw or should I freeze?
It's all happening in the same frame.
Such contradictions.
I feel sunlight bathing me, I feel my blood thawing and then there's lashings of blustery ice that slaps my face. Utterly confusing me.
Should I I thaw or should I freeze?
It's all happening in the same frame.
Saturday, 8 January 2022
In the red
Some stir fried beef to top my leftover pasta with. 
It's that kinda day .
I have plenty leftovers
Happenings
Morning and my house is only six breathing life forms now.
This morning people left for back home with no clarity on whether returning is a possibility.
I have since started trying to figure out a way for my cats either travel or rehome.
I have about 3 months to get everything in order which is 'if' I have to return on my own.
Right then.
The housekeeper is down with an eye infection and I cleaned up the whole house which is always so therapeutic for me.
In a couple days I will get back to my usual workout schedule as well.
I want to stay positive, feel not so totally skeptical and look forward to dealing best with whatever comes my way.
Another cup of tea then and let's see what's next!
This morning people left for back home with no clarity on whether returning is a possibility.
I have since started trying to figure out a way for my cats either travel or rehome.
I have about 3 months to get everything in order which is 'if' I have to return on my own.
Right then.
The housekeeper is down with an eye infection and I cleaned up the whole house which is always so therapeutic for me.
In a couple days I will get back to my usual workout schedule as well.
I want to stay positive, feel not so totally skeptical and look forward to dealing best with whatever comes my way.
Another cup of tea then and let's see what's next!
Thursday, 6 January 2022
Hunger pangs
Today I am hungry and so I shall eat a big vat of veggies with some tuna and rice because I just gotta. 
Wednesday, 5 January 2022
Deep breaths
I've to almost force myself to eat the last couple days because the first thing that happens to me during stressful times is loss of appetite and I don't much care at that moment but I feel it when a cavity inside me makes itself known through a sudden shot of hunger pang which I then forget because I remember how depressed I am.
At times like these I realise what a skeptical I can be because of my tendency to think of every possible scenario and trying to figure out a solution to it, and all my scenarios are pessimistic.
My brother told me to be positive and to think only in the direction of how I'm gonna ace this situation but in the words of Logan, you gotta be realistic.
What ain't realistic however is my sacrificing of all meals at the altar of stress and dilemma.
I am looking at the mess we are in from many angles and each time I get stuck at my cats.
What am I going to do if I can't bring them back?
Seeing how the flights are so few and all have animal restrictions I cannot figure out an answer to this problem .
I'm hoping that in the next few months perhaps situation will better, but that's just being naive, but then again optimism doesn't always hurt.
I cannot believe that we are in second year of this shit, with vaccines running in our veins fucking our system and yet nothing is resolved still.
I cannot also believe that our countries have the worst air bubbles.
I am so upset I could almost cry which I have repeatedly over the last couple days because fuck this.
At times like these I realise what a skeptical I can be because of my tendency to think of every possible scenario and trying to figure out a solution to it, and all my scenarios are pessimistic.
My brother told me to be positive and to think only in the direction of how I'm gonna ace this situation but in the words of Logan, you gotta be realistic.
What ain't realistic however is my sacrificing of all meals at the altar of stress and dilemma.
I am looking at the mess we are in from many angles and each time I get stuck at my cats.
What am I going to do if I can't bring them back?
Seeing how the flights are so few and all have animal restrictions I cannot figure out an answer to this problem .
I'm hoping that in the next few months perhaps situation will better, but that's just being naive, but then again optimism doesn't always hurt.
I cannot believe that we are in second year of this shit, with vaccines running in our veins fucking our system and yet nothing is resolved still.
I cannot also believe that our countries have the worst air bubbles.
I am so upset I could almost cry which I have repeatedly over the last couple days because fuck this.
Tuesday, 4 January 2022
Updates
Stress and I ate less than 500 calories today. Food just wouldn't get in me.
I'm about to turn in for the night because last night I slept not a wink and now my body is so exhausted that I can barely string two sentences.
The entire night I spent tossing and stressing and worrying.
There ain't a single flight that is allowing animals to travel currently.
Moreover the number of flights that are going to delhi from this belt are so roundabout that it's ridiculous and there are maybe only 2 options.
Each flight is from Middle East.
That is apparently our stupid flight bubble.
No flights from Asian countries! No sir.
All through Doha!
This makes no sense.
Let's see how this pans out.
From what I understand people will travel first while I stay back with babies and make other arrangements for later travel because sooner or later we will be leaving this country because of how the geopolitical issues have made travels that were once extremely easy, just a 6 hour flight to having not a single flight.
We can't stick around for another emergency which will soon happen because the condition is quite serious. The pandemic situation is not ceasing anytime soon and I think after a short visit back people will return and then we will go back forever.
Ugh! I don't know.
My in laws need a lot of support and I want us to be there for them.
People want to be with his family during and after these times because of how the condition is progressing and his parents will need him to be close to them, or at the very least able to come when need be, which once we were able to but not anymore.
I will update more on this.
I'm about to turn in for the night because last night I slept not a wink and now my body is so exhausted that I can barely string two sentences.
The entire night I spent tossing and stressing and worrying.
There ain't a single flight that is allowing animals to travel currently.
Moreover the number of flights that are going to delhi from this belt are so roundabout that it's ridiculous and there are maybe only 2 options.
Each flight is from Middle East.
That is apparently our stupid flight bubble.
No flights from Asian countries! No sir.
All through Doha!
This makes no sense.
Let's see how this pans out.
From what I understand people will travel first while I stay back with babies and make other arrangements for later travel because sooner or later we will be leaving this country because of how the geopolitical issues have made travels that were once extremely easy, just a 6 hour flight to having not a single flight.
We can't stick around for another emergency which will soon happen because the condition is quite serious. The pandemic situation is not ceasing anytime soon and I think after a short visit back people will return and then we will go back forever.
Ugh! I don't know.
My in laws need a lot of support and I want us to be there for them.
People want to be with his family during and after these times because of how the condition is progressing and his parents will need him to be close to them, or at the very least able to come when need be, which once we were able to but not anymore.
I will update more on this.
Uproot
I've never felt this helpless before.
Suddenly this pandemic is the biggest obstruction in my life. If only it was like before. To travel to and fro was that easy but it's not and right now I'm in a fix. A situation where leaving China almost immediately is the only option.
There can be no other way.
Because once you leave then coming back is a near impossibility and seeing how the FIL is, people want to spend time with him.
His situation is not so good.
Suddenly this pandemic is the biggest obstruction in my life. If only it was like before. To travel to and fro was that easy but it's not and right now I'm in a fix. A situation where leaving China almost immediately is the only option.
There can be no other way.
Because once you leave then coming back is a near impossibility and seeing how the FIL is, people want to spend time with him.
His situation is not so good.
Monday, 3 January 2022
This day
Tomorrow my ex neighbour is visiting.
Also today received news that my FIL has some issues and might need surgery.
They're saying it's the formation of a tumour which is very recent and currently not that big a problem but it's best done removed and you can imagine how that news has thrown this entire house in a turmoil.
At a time like this when traveling seems impossible people want to return.
I don't know how to figure or factor this .
Trying to find a way to visit and then being able to return feels such an impossibility at this moment of time.
Things have escalated so quickly.
From one moment when we were sitting and watching a movie to the next when flights and travel plans and embassy bulletin boards are being checked.
I am mentally exhausted just living.
Also today received news that my FIL has some issues and might need surgery.
They're saying it's the formation of a tumour which is very recent and currently not that big a problem but it's best done removed and you can imagine how that news has thrown this entire house in a turmoil.
At a time like this when traveling seems impossible people want to return.
I don't know how to figure or factor this .
Trying to find a way to visit and then being able to return feels such an impossibility at this moment of time.
Things have escalated so quickly.
From one moment when we were sitting and watching a movie to the next when flights and travel plans and embassy bulletin boards are being checked.
I am mentally exhausted just living.
In the grips of cycle
Well past 8 and I sit in bed sipping my tea, because surprise surprise it's a holiday today and I have been given tea yet again in bed. Not least because yesterday my ughs got the better of me and I spent my day nursing a migraine which finally got so severe that around 2:30 last night I woke up and swallowed a pill!
It was quite ghastly.
My bed is a small river of different duvets all rumpled into each other and there is no such snug feeling.
A cat is sleeping under one of them and I do not want to finish my tea and get on with daily chores.
What was it last night?
I remember preparing some nachos, downing a glass of sparkling water and repairing to bed at 9 because my entire body demanded relaxation and my head thumped with some vile plans.
I got a headache after almost a month and I didn't like it one bit.
To my tea now and the rest of blahs
It was quite ghastly.
My bed is a small river of different duvets all rumpled into each other and there is no such snug feeling.
A cat is sleeping under one of them and I do not want to finish my tea and get on with daily chores.
What was it last night?
I remember preparing some nachos, downing a glass of sparkling water and repairing to bed at 9 because my entire body demanded relaxation and my head thumped with some vile plans.
I got a headache after almost a month and I didn't like it one bit.
To my tea now and the rest of blahs
Sunday, 2 January 2022
Morning note
I have reached that stage of winter now where I let the tap water run until it's warm enough to touch.
Sunday lights and i have a grocery run to make, but maybe I'll cook up some lunch first.
Barely 10 and I am talking of lunch!
How about another round of tea? Or maybe a spot of coffee before I even contemplate life for now because the house is getting cleaned as I type, I have only to wash my hair and call it a day along with a shower.
Another January and It's so strange that once upon a time as kids the biggest issue with new year would be not getting used to writing the new year as dates on workbooks and often still writing the previous year and changing later.
You know what I'm talking about.
Well, that's one problem I no longer have to think about.
Sunday lights and i have a grocery run to make, but maybe I'll cook up some lunch first.
Barely 10 and I am talking of lunch!
How about another round of tea? Or maybe a spot of coffee before I even contemplate life for now because the house is getting cleaned as I type, I have only to wash my hair and call it a day along with a shower.
Another January and It's so strange that once upon a time as kids the biggest issue with new year would be not getting used to writing the new year as dates on workbooks and often still writing the previous year and changing later.
You know what I'm talking about.
Well, that's one problem I no longer have to think about.
Saturday, 1 January 2022
Bleurgh
Who me?
Sipping some warm water infused with cold pressed ginger and lemon juice with a side of cheesecake because today is my celebration for the new year that is now here and which I don't much care for.
I have cramps and my mood isn't all that.
Sipping some warm water infused with cold pressed ginger and lemon juice with a side of cheesecake because today is my celebration for the new year that is now here and which I don't much care for.
I have cramps and my mood isn't all that.
New year tale
That I started the first day of the year by getting bed tea without as much as even demanding or asking for it goes on to say not much really. I just got lucky.
Still in bed.
The housekeeper will come tomorrow and I am soaking in the winter chill, also first day of the year and I'm down with the ughs!
Starting today I am straying away from chips.
This ain't a resolution but a promise to myself.
I need to get my addiction for chips in control.
Also what happened last night?
After seeing a bit of fireworks outside I went in, finished my dinner and my talk glass of ginger ale because I was so not in the mood for alcohol and it was while reading a true crime story of a killer who fed his victims to his guests at parties I fell asleep, without as much as a singular nightmare, my cats all tucked around me.
There was once a time when even the thought of being home on New Years would have killed me with shame. I'd have tickets to the largest and grandest farmhouse parties and that too in their VIP enclosures and now here we are, shedding away the frivolities of past and reading a book well into midnight.
Well then! What's next.
Finishing tea and brooming the front yard and taking care of my garden which looks a bit sad.
Still in bed.
The housekeeper will come tomorrow and I am soaking in the winter chill, also first day of the year and I'm down with the ughs!
Starting today I am straying away from chips.
This ain't a resolution but a promise to myself.
I need to get my addiction for chips in control.
Also what happened last night?
After seeing a bit of fireworks outside I went in, finished my dinner and my talk glass of ginger ale because I was so not in the mood for alcohol and it was while reading a true crime story of a killer who fed his victims to his guests at parties I fell asleep, without as much as a singular nightmare, my cats all tucked around me.
There was once a time when even the thought of being home on New Years would have killed me with shame. I'd have tickets to the largest and grandest farmhouse parties and that too in their VIP enclosures and now here we are, shedding away the frivolities of past and reading a book well into midnight.
Well then! What's next.
Finishing tea and brooming the front yard and taking care of my garden which looks a bit sad.
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