Rage rage rage

Phrases that I can't abide by

'Welcome to the club' 

Why oh why? Are you so special, birthed from a dying constellation from the heart of an alternate nebula? Some peculiar incident that happened to you that leads you to believe you've the sole proprietorship of an oddity, the arrogance of which makes you say these words when someone else goes through similar happenings. 

..so now you've a bleeding club, and you're the chairperson/ trustee/founding secretary/board of director that you welcome people who merely happen to intersect you through similar incident. Like you're the head of the club, and others are but poor imitation mortals who are now under your wing. 

'Last but not the least'

Ah, drumroll for saying and saving something extraordinarily important for the last. Like, It might be last, but caution, it's so important it should have been first thing first. 

So used to saying this are some people that even if the damned things is as unimportant as a fly's feaces they'd still say it. 

'Calm down/relax/chill'

How about I punch you in the face for being a patronizing jackoff? How can someone else tell you how to feel at a moment, as if their asking you to chill will actually send some sort of enlightenment bolt through you and make you you relax. 

It's infuriating to say the least. 

Here's a thought, if someone's going through an emotional episode let them go about it, restrain them with a hug if need be and that's about it patronizing uncle. 

'You should do this'

Wha?? I should? Really? Cuz you're god almighty pooping bejeweled turds and you've the rights granted by cosmos creator to say what one should and shouldn't do. 

You should read this book, you should listen to this, you should talk to him, you should wear that. 

Well you know what I should do? Give a well deserve thwack on your skull so that it's bent right in the middle and touching your spine, while your brains ooze out of your sphincter. That's what I really should do. 

How about replacing should with 'perhaps you'd like' or 'would you like' or whatever that doesn't come across as you telling someone what they're supposed to do. 

Phew..talk about letting out steam.

More phrase hatred out soon, whenever I hear one that begins to boil my blood to the point it rains red.