Friday, 30 April 2021
Mood drags
It's the same sort of stress that had befallen me sometime during this same timeline last year.
The reasons are also the same.
I feel crushed by a heavy feeling knowing how many loved ones, people I know, have known since I was a wee baby are fighting to stay alive.
I dread any message or phone call at this time. Times like these affect my hunger and I shun food because of how sick I feel for myriad reasons, stress being one of them.
I'm worried for everyone.
Can I just not think about it and make it go away?
News is the last thing I tune into and yet there is so much happening that news inadvertently reaches me and sinks my heart lower than where it already is.
I feel sad, angry, upset and helpless.
Since then
I'm in the yuck zone and feeling all of it.
Argh!
Came back home to a bunch of hungry cats. Hope is still sort of weird but not awfully so. She has since wolfed down her food and looked at me for more.
Things seem alright for now.
I'm still monitoring her behaviour and if there's any physical manifestation of sickness.
Doesn't appear so but I need to err on the side of caution.
Could be the weather for sure but even so.
Not foie gras
Unagi
Cat conundrums and Friday hell
My friend told me the weather tends to affect a cats mood because she seems to be pretty normal health wise. Just her usual chirpiness is replaced by a more apathetic demeanour.
I don't know. She's eating well, pooping well, running around downstairs as I watched her scamper about when I went to dispose off the garbage but her usual mood that had her jumping about the house and licking my hands and face has disappeared.
Did she just suddenly grow up or maybe there is really a weather related change?
I don't know. I'm glad that she's physically fine or at least appears to be so.
I'm going to monitor her some more for a few days before deciding if she needs a visit to the vet, because what am I gonna tell the vet? Help, my cat won't lick my face as she usually did.
Ugh.
Anyway. Today!
Friday.
A big mug of tea.
The lunch at a friends restaurant where we are eating eel and then home.
I don't think I'll bake pizza today.
Just not in the mood to eat pizza.
Let's see.
Thursday, 29 April 2021
After this day
It grows warmer
and maybe I won't need this thick cover
But sometimes it gets cold and so I wait
To dream a better day
Friday tomorrow
Let's see
I don’t know
I don't know if she's unwell or just moody.
She doesn't look sick as such as she does depressed or just bored.
She isn't as enthusiastically playing with her favourite toys either and this has kept me distracted all day today .
I don't know, it's worrying me to see her so unusually quiet and distant when she was the life of the house, scurrying hither and tither.
My heart isn't in doing anything. I've tried everything but she just walks off and finds some solitude and sits alone and has been doing that all day today.
I hope she's fine.
If this continues I am taking her to the vet this weekend.
anger rising
I am
now then
thursday sense
Thursdays are not goof clicking pics because the housekeeper is home and it's too much of a hassle to flit about the house arranging for the shoot, walking up and down the corridors and bumping into her because we're both in a hurry.
Not least the sounds of vacuum and its endless whirring play havoc with my zen, add to that the footprints made on a wet floor with continuous moving.
So now I'm waiting for her to leave. After that, we begin.
Yes, today will get stretched out and turn into something of a parody but this is how we do.
Right then. Some coffee, a bit of this and that and we busy ourselves.
Updates
I need to get back on track. It's been about 5 days and I find myself missing workouts for no reason. Vaccine was one thing but it's been long enough for me to resume my usual activities especially when I've not felt any side effects.
Moreover the watch keeps chiding me. Telling me often how my rings aren't closing these days.
Patience I say but not to myself because I find feeling angry with me for such behaviour.
It's going to be Labour day holidays starting this weekend to Thursday and I don't want to fall into a rut but then again I have a feeling that I'm going to be under the yucks soon and that's another reason why my stretch of no workouts days will get compounded and stretched.
Anyway, today is a glorious sunny day and I want to make the most of it.
Recipes here we come.
Wednesday, 28 April 2021
Oh ah
Right then.
Uhh
It ended at the part where kelsier and gang discover the dead bodies of a crew and that's it. It ended.
What?!! Come on.
Now I gotta look for it all over again.
As if it wasn't already such a trouble finding it.
Argh!!
Monday, 26 April 2021
Not feeling it
Today is a designated 'foreigner vaccination day' and I'll tell you one thing darling I am kinda hating this.
contradict love satay
The weather is determined to be gorgeously pleasant and my windows welcome this agreeable change by staying wide open to let in all the green warmth laden air. the trees are back to being their shiny verdant selves, flourishing like the bloom of puberty with nary a mustard or brown colour to their foliage. Lush and leafy they sway to the incoming summer breeze and though my hands and feet are a bit cold the house isn't nearly as chilly.
I love this weather of transition when the warmth isn't too warm and the cool isn't biting. It won't last long, no more than a month if that and I intend to drink it in.
Today has been fruitful despite my morning reservations. Despite my glum mood regarding the final vaccination shot I feel revived because I have finished today's work and the weather has improved, rather mellowed my mood.
Had it been any other day I'd have found myself at the flower market shopping for plants and flowers.
Ho-hum. Another hour and I leave for the hospital which thankfully is hiking distance from my house but I shan't walk till there I will bicycle and feel today laughing in my face while soothing my nerves.
Meh
The weather is deliciously sunny with hints of overcast moments and my mood is dark.
The bedroom is still unkempt, unmade, curtains drawn and at least two cats are asleep on the bed.
I won't workout today and there's no need to prepare lunch because there are leftovers from yesterday evening.
There are no photographs that will get clicked today and I will only work on some recipes that need typed out and they will sit and wait to be sent to my graphic designer who is currently sick with covid.
Things are not looking up and I'm angry.
Sunday, 25 April 2021
Anime deets
so one moment I was feeling angry at this world and another moment I'm absolutely invested in an anime that ticks for me all the markers of an astounding anime.
This one called 'B the beginning' which looks like it's police, crime, detective drama but is in fact weirder as most anime's are with mystery of a completely different sort and we are talking supernatural, unnatural, angels? Aliens? What the fuck? Delicious!
I intend to binge it and report more.
Leftovers
Lunch love
Saturday, 24 April 2021
Saucy stuff
Miso adventure
Lunch that was
Friday, 23 April 2021
In the long memory of Today
Morning happened quickly.
Wake up.
Fix breakfast pack lunch
Finish chores
Workout (yoga)
Lunch
Exit house for the planned supermarket jaunt
Come back home and that's when it all started going crazy.
So I reached home later than expected because traffic jam.
Once home it was something of an unwinding of everything.
The moment I entered the house all the cats were assembled in a semi circle, waiting for me to come in so they could ambush me with their relentless underhanded stares because they were hungry and their lunch was more of a late breakfast.
I didn't even change clothes and I began fixing their food, then cleaned their water bowls. After which all the groceries I'd bought had to be arranged, meats had to be portioned and frozen, ditto for fish.
After that a quick dough making was required because tonight was pizza and after that (mind you I'd still not changed out of my outside clothes) all the flowers I'd bought needed to be arranged in vases and that was another Herculean task because the damn flowers had far too many leaves all over and first those were plucked out after which the arrangement happened and the mess it left behind of a thousand leaves and stems which was made into another mess because the cats found it fun to kick them around;my house was a green carpet of rich foliage and utterly indescribably chaotic.
I then commenced with program cleaning and broomed everything, and then the usual evening essential oils and incense and candles rituals happened after which finally I changed into my lounging clothes (phew) and then, finally, I locked eyes with the mug of coffee I'd bought from the supermarket coffee shop.
To reheat it and add sugar to it was for me the work of moments and with a gigantic exhale I sat on the couch, put on some music, caught up with the tube and gave myself sometime before once again plunging into the deadly details of domesticity.
I am what someone might call frazzled from today's work and as I sit in bed, trying to read the last few chapters of 'the fires of vengeance' I wonder and recall how fun this night last year was.
RIP
Thursday, 22 April 2021
My table
New things
Wednesday, 21 April 2021
kitchen havoc
That my entire house smells like a soup kitchen catering to steamed poultry would be a statement most accurate because I made chicken stock and cooked almost a kilo of chicken, both for my recipes and my cats and my house isn't the most welcoming of places right now, especially if a vegetarian walked in.
I have now lit scented candles and sprayed sandalwood linen refreshers and opened all the windows. here's hoping I rid my house of the cooked chicken smell.
Fruits of shopping
Also Wednesday
Phew!
Days are getting hectic and there's not even a lockdown here. Thank God's for that though cuz I can't take anymore quarantines.
Oh yum
Morning rituals
Tuesday, 20 April 2021
Night soon
Darling darling
Tender bliss
when I'd have you on one end
while the world shot up in flames
Yeasted hearts
Online moments
I ended up buying two different types of cat foods, a high gluten unbleached flour, speciality Nori sheets, fennel bulbs for salads, Japanese rice and a strange type of South African leafy green that is all the rage these days in health food restaurants but I never see them being sold by vendors on the usual .
So yes, maybe I did go a bit overboard but this is a rarity, in that I only ever buy cat foods and some type of flour online. Not ever anything unnecessary..yet here we are.
Lunch bae
Wake up. grab a brush and shove it in his eye socket
It wasn't as much as an argument as it was a fight and there was a time in that moment when I felt like slapping people and so I walked out of the room and slept in my study. I wasn't disturbed.
The olive branch extended to me this morning was burnt to cinders and I slept longer.
Of course none of this makes me happy but do I want to do it? Yes! Because I'm angry.
Sometimes I don't care to make things up and be nice and let things be in the past and let's be nicer to each other bullshit.
Anyway so that has been so.
Now for some banana, a cup of tea and maybe a small cookie.
Monday, 19 April 2021
Get up and do it
Lunch bliss
Today Monday
The weather looks to be deliciously sunny and I hope the streak continues.
Today is a busy day in that I have a dinner reservation with a friend at a South American restaurant and my heart is so not in it.
It's apparently a ladies night tonight and she's been urging me to go for a week almost.
Might as well get this done and over with I thought and here we are.
What I don't understand however is why does one have to leave for dinner at 16:30? What kind of dinner are we doing?
Anyways I'm in no mood to argue and I just want this to get over with.
I've some plans for uploading recipes and starting on some new ones in the coming days and I'm giving myself another month to finish everything regarding the cooking so that we can go ahead with other things in life.
Right then.
Some music, some tea, some workouts.
Sunday, 18 April 2021
Argh
My father might have gotten infected with COVID almost 10 days back and perhaps my mother too. Mom didn't have any much symptoms but dad had fever and turns out he's got typhoid which ain't exactly typhoid while the report for corona is pending and the doctor says that the newest corona positive patients test positive for minor typhoid which is actually COVID.
Sounds confusing and it is and I'm upset and angry at my parents, especially my father who exercises his male privilege and didn't get tested or rather refused to get tested when testing were happening in his office precinct. Almost 20 people had come out positive that time and who knows my father would have been one of them but no sir! Being the dinosaur male that he is he didn't care for it and for the last 10 days has been feeling weirdly flu like.
Claps.
Assholes these fathers!
Saved by the day
Saturday, 17 April 2021
Oops
Chip chop
Friday, 16 April 2021
Foods
the audacity of this world
Who me?
Thursday, 15 April 2021
Slick
Some sort of epidermal memory that gets invoked within my system which my brains responds to with goosebumps and urgent need to have your tongue lap my face, trace my body like a map, leaving wet streaks of need all over me.
:;/
Harder please.
I scream
Incidents
I fell face first tangled in my cats who wanted food while I got caught on a back foot and I'll tell you one thing, I'm hurt not a bit!
I mean it was crash boom bang and I'm fine but it could have gone either way.
Phew.
zoom on
Thursday again.
Wednesday, 14 April 2021
Tenet
Darling we have some absolute mismatched views about tenet.
Remember how I bashed the movie and said it was worse than even Wonder Woman which itself was pretty bad.
Haha.
Okay.
Glad you enjoyed it.
:)
Okay then
Best wishes watching it.
Do tell how you like it. :)
Instant kaboom
He wore a suit, had a grey beard and looked like he was about to attend a black tie event after the shooting.
I lay still waiting to get shot as the man pointed his gun at me.
At that moment I couldn't think of anything other than how much it would hurt to get a bullet in my back and how it would eventually kill me.
His gun had gold trimmings near the trigger which matched a fat good ring on his ring finger. I kept trying to steal a glance at the final moments of my life through that mans eyes.
I was wincing, waiting for the bullet to get fired. It was terrorising. Slow torture since I was more afraid of the pain that would cripple my back upon the bullet entering my body. The suspense was mounting and for a fleeting moment I thought to get up and run.
It was a silly thought.
The hulking henchmen would need exert no effort to catch me and anyways I felt like I couldn't get up.
My yellow clothes, billowing and beautiful lay gathered around my person and I waited.
What was taking so long?
I looked back at the man who was about to bring forth my death and saw him loading a new magazine in his gun.
I braced. Took a deep breath and there was a deafening gun shot.
I felt nothing.
No pain in my back.
Maybe because I have no prior experience with getting shot and my dream couldn't conjure that pain and have me flinch as I dreamt.
I opened my eyes.
Had a sip of water and felt my back with a finger before going back to sleep.
Tuesday, 13 April 2021
॥॰
हमने तैरना ही छोड़ दिया
जो ग़लती से तैर भी लिए
तो साँस रोक लेते हैं
++=
Misses
And the heart wants what the heart wants
Which is you
it's always you
phew baby
Such a Tuesday this.













































