more brutal is violence
when devoid of a soundtrack
like muted dreams
that are soundless
yet more agonizing
in their silence
Monday, 31 October 2016
Things that go ugh at night
Is silence more silent during winters?
Why do I feel like eating a cake right now?
Ugh, the daily drill of waking, cooking, packing starting tomorrow. Winters and waking early don't mix well.
Looking out of my window and seeing how passionately the tree branches dance to the compassionless wind makes me shiver. Leaves jumping in a discordant pattern casting odd shadows in a faded light to complete the eerie facade.
The tree is so close to my window, that if it were to assume a life of its own, it'd easily push its branches through the glass pane, snaking its curling wood to upturn my bed and grab me by my ankle and pull me out. What then? Would it swallow me?
I'm beginning to scare myself.
I shouldn't worry. A tree is bound to be vegetarian.
In this dark room, I see a tiny red light a few paces front of me from a television that's never turned on. (I wonder if it's married ;( )
Pink duvets looks like a fluffy sarcophagus that each have a head protruding out. Oddly humped with voluminous velutinous creases.
Which reminds me I should probably put some new covers or maybe just wait a couple weeks when it'll be time to pull out thicker duvets.
Ah, useless musings that come with night.
Why do I feel like eating a cake right now?
Ugh, the daily drill of waking, cooking, packing starting tomorrow. Winters and waking early don't mix well.
Looking out of my window and seeing how passionately the tree branches dance to the compassionless wind makes me shiver. Leaves jumping in a discordant pattern casting odd shadows in a faded light to complete the eerie facade.
The tree is so close to my window, that if it were to assume a life of its own, it'd easily push its branches through the glass pane, snaking its curling wood to upturn my bed and grab me by my ankle and pull me out. What then? Would it swallow me?
I'm beginning to scare myself.
I shouldn't worry. A tree is bound to be vegetarian.
In this dark room, I see a tiny red light a few paces front of me from a television that's never turned on. (I wonder if it's married ;( )
Pink duvets looks like a fluffy sarcophagus that each have a head protruding out. Oddly humped with voluminous velutinous creases.
Which reminds me I should probably put some new covers or maybe just wait a couple weeks when it'll be time to pull out thicker duvets.
Ah, useless musings that come with night.
and...there's stuff
Say one thing about tea, say that I love it.
Of course certain guidelines and specifications are required which is why my tea is only made by me.
Having said that I'm currently having a wonderfully aromatic tea concoction called peach mango. It's red tea with a strain of black infused with dried fruits and it's heavenly to say the least.
Yes mon ami, I'm back from a teeny jaunt to the outside world. Some work done, some still pending and now I'm wondering if I should idle away my time by idling or do some serious work viz writing.
It's much past 3 pm and soon I'll be hovering in the kitchen.
I think I'll do a bit of computer wreckage that is to say catch up on a couple series.
Another season of mushishi that I've downloaded.
Writing a novel in one month is serious dedication.. and if you can pull it off then what can I say save shower with all the love at my disposal and more.
I can't for the life of me finish it, not until I set myself up some serious deadlines. But I'm no writer and these pressures don't apply to me.
But dear oh dear would I love to read the brain churns that drip off in the writing.
I think I'm going to a spot of writing..I did mention how it'll be Monday that I do it, and Monday it is. Perhaps I mightn't be able to finish it, but I can complete the rest tomorrow. The important thing is to get writing.
Of course certain guidelines and specifications are required which is why my tea is only made by me.
Having said that I'm currently having a wonderfully aromatic tea concoction called peach mango. It's red tea with a strain of black infused with dried fruits and it's heavenly to say the least.
Yes mon ami, I'm back from a teeny jaunt to the outside world. Some work done, some still pending and now I'm wondering if I should idle away my time by idling or do some serious work viz writing.
It's much past 3 pm and soon I'll be hovering in the kitchen.
I think I'll do a bit of computer wreckage that is to say catch up on a couple series.
Another season of mushishi that I've downloaded.
Writing a novel in one month is serious dedication.. and if you can pull it off then what can I say save shower with all the love at my disposal and more.
I can't for the life of me finish it, not until I set myself up some serious deadlines. But I'm no writer and these pressures don't apply to me.
But dear oh dear would I love to read the brain churns that drip off in the writing.
I think I'm going to a spot of writing..I did mention how it'll be Monday that I do it, and Monday it is. Perhaps I mightn't be able to finish it, but I can complete the rest tomorrow. The important thing is to get writing.
Et random
It's not pirate metal but once I was so taken in by a band called 'korpiklani' . I think it was a folk metal band. Don't even know if it lives anymore. But it was fun while I loved it.
Ah, something to cook for blog. What should I make? Perhaps some bread.
What on earth is up with desi comedy shows? They're a bane to intelligence, and so not funny. In fact they're so bloody cringeworthy. I go inside a shell to soothe my wincing nerves and cower in fear that I don't ever have to subject my eyes to a shitfest so epic in proportions that my brains want to commit harakiri inside my skull and slowly putrefy to ensure a septic death.
The cat ran off rather unceremoniously and now I shall go on a mini quest to find the feline. I need some lovin' and the need to knead something soft and furry in my arms is strong today.
Ah, something to cook for blog. What should I make? Perhaps some bread.
What on earth is up with desi comedy shows? They're a bane to intelligence, and so not funny. In fact they're so bloody cringeworthy. I go inside a shell to soothe my wincing nerves and cower in fear that I don't ever have to subject my eyes to a shitfest so epic in proportions that my brains want to commit harakiri inside my skull and slowly putrefy to ensure a septic death.
The cat ran off rather unceremoniously and now I shall go on a mini quest to find the feline. I need some lovin' and the need to knead something soft and furry in my arms is strong today.
Noneday ugh
Oh ah, Monday morning. Yet again. Was it just a couple days back when I wrote here about another Monday?
it rained all night and still drizzles with a restrained intensity.
the birds are having a gala what with the mad chirping that sounds a bit like screaming whispers, but it helps that a couple of those birds are mynah's. So a lot of coooing ruckus that does not fail to immensely please.
I woke up late. Really late. My night was plagued by such odd dreams that were neither pleasant nor helpful in keeping me asleep. They were the kind of dreams that woke me up every hour or so, and each time I'd sleep after that odd cubist dream I'd find myself plunged in yet another chaos field.
There were walls and walls and badly drawn paintings and everything in those dreams needled me in a way that woke me up, made me toss and turn the whole night through.
I think this is a seasonal thing with me. I was sleeping oh so fitfully just a few night back and suddenly a succession of nights that leaves me aching and tired and listless in its wake. This will continue on for a few more days maybe a couple weeks before settling.
Whenever there's a sudden seasonal shift my body takes time to acclimatize to its surroundings. Even when I feel very sleepy, I find it difficult to fall asleep and napping is not a part of my constitution. I envy people who nap or those who can take power naps. I just can't do it.
Today today today.. what about today.
Might have to venture out for a wee bit, very wee so to say.
I don't know why but it's precisely in weather like this that I feel like going for long strolls. It's windy and cold, and your feet tend to get numb and the rain makes it all the less pleasurable but somehow I like the slight facial numbness and cold nose that this seasonal breeze brings with it.
Soon it will get so cold with snow everywhere that mindless venturing out would be a thing of
imagination, but an aimless stroll feels just like the thing to do right now.
If it doesn't rains I'll go for a run. I've kinda tired myself with 40 minute home cardio workouts. So here's wishing it doesn't rain.
it rained all night and still drizzles with a restrained intensity.
the birds are having a gala what with the mad chirping that sounds a bit like screaming whispers, but it helps that a couple of those birds are mynah's. So a lot of coooing ruckus that does not fail to immensely please.
I woke up late. Really late. My night was plagued by such odd dreams that were neither pleasant nor helpful in keeping me asleep. They were the kind of dreams that woke me up every hour or so, and each time I'd sleep after that odd cubist dream I'd find myself plunged in yet another chaos field.
There were walls and walls and badly drawn paintings and everything in those dreams needled me in a way that woke me up, made me toss and turn the whole night through.
I think this is a seasonal thing with me. I was sleeping oh so fitfully just a few night back and suddenly a succession of nights that leaves me aching and tired and listless in its wake. This will continue on for a few more days maybe a couple weeks before settling.
Whenever there's a sudden seasonal shift my body takes time to acclimatize to its surroundings. Even when I feel very sleepy, I find it difficult to fall asleep and napping is not a part of my constitution. I envy people who nap or those who can take power naps. I just can't do it.
Today today today.. what about today.
Might have to venture out for a wee bit, very wee so to say.
I don't know why but it's precisely in weather like this that I feel like going for long strolls. It's windy and cold, and your feet tend to get numb and the rain makes it all the less pleasurable but somehow I like the slight facial numbness and cold nose that this seasonal breeze brings with it.
Soon it will get so cold with snow everywhere that mindless venturing out would be a thing of
imagination, but an aimless stroll feels just like the thing to do right now.
If it doesn't rains I'll go for a run. I've kinda tired myself with 40 minute home cardio workouts. So here's wishing it doesn't rain.
Sunday, 30 October 2016
Nighty night
I lose myself to night
This festival of light is a bit like shadows tonight
not dark, for where would shadows be otherwise?
I hang in grey areas today
like unlit lamps swaying in wind
yearning to be ignited
in febrile anticipation
holding out their wick
and burning both ends
This festival of light is a bit like shadows tonight
not dark, for where would shadows be otherwise?
I hang in grey areas today
like unlit lamps swaying in wind
yearning to be ignited
in febrile anticipation
holding out their wick
and burning both ends
Crackpots
Now I'm tempted to buy a Rubic cube.
Nazi green must definitely be a color, something to go with Lenin red I suppose.
Ah crackers.
Did you know they were first invented in China and that too in Hunan where I previously lived.
Bursting crackers in Shanghai needs a permit but in my previous town where I lived they were burst with the intensity of exploding suns and as common as .. well the most common thing you can think of.
They were burst when there were weddings, deaths , births, shop openings, festivals. Literally everything that expected joy or sadness. I remember shutting my windows because the crackers were not only deadening with the sounds of a thousand wailing souls but also erupted in such vicious emissions of dynamite infused smoke that it made me sick.
I'd once remarked that you could get away with at least a dozen murders and no one would hear the victims scream and got nothing but nods in agreement.
I mean people had to pause conversations during dinner parties because the sound was loud and went in for minutes at end.
Some for as much as 6-7 minutes.
Thankfully that madness doesn't live here.
Dogs are frightfully scared of that noise.
Nazi green must definitely be a color, something to go with Lenin red I suppose.
Ah crackers.
Did you know they were first invented in China and that too in Hunan where I previously lived.
Bursting crackers in Shanghai needs a permit but in my previous town where I lived they were burst with the intensity of exploding suns and as common as .. well the most common thing you can think of.
They were burst when there were weddings, deaths , births, shop openings, festivals. Literally everything that expected joy or sadness. I remember shutting my windows because the crackers were not only deadening with the sounds of a thousand wailing souls but also erupted in such vicious emissions of dynamite infused smoke that it made me sick.
I'd once remarked that you could get away with at least a dozen murders and no one would hear the victims scream and got nothing but nods in agreement.
I mean people had to pause conversations during dinner parties because the sound was loud and went in for minutes at end.
Some for as much as 6-7 minutes.
Thankfully that madness doesn't live here.
Dogs are frightfully scared of that noise.
T'day.
Currently haunting the house. Feeling so fucking alone.
Ah well I've lit enough tea lights to illuminate the house in a warm glow and now perusing pictures that family has put up on whatsapp.
It's not the love of festival that makes me feel lonely now that I'm not back home; I've not celebrated Diwali with my family for over 6 years, since I'm always expected to spend this time with my in laws, but I was kinda hoping that this time It could be different and I'd get to spend it with my parents if I were back home.
Of course that's not happening and I've to content myself with pictures alone.
I wouldn't have minded were I cozily snug in my house as long as it wasn't being so damn singularly solitary.
Well, work demands things and weekends are usually overlooked.
So here we are, staring at whimsical tea lights that are strangely redolent of lavender and staring into a bright screen
I too hate those cookie cutter Diwali greetings, what's more people put in a google image and simply mass mail or whatsapp that.
Larger part of my morning was sent replying to such mails and greetings and having snoozy tete-a-tete with some so called dearer acquaintances.. and of course family which wasn't snoozy.
Actually I started missing this whole affair when my dad told me that they've bought flowers by the kilo and some more vagrant members of the family were busy stringing them together to make an array of garlands.
I just felt like I'd really want to spend this day with my parents and my brother, sitting in cool-warm sunshine, the dog prancing about, my brother stretched out in the garden, preferably with a cup of tea while preparing for nighttime shenanigans.
Ah well, wishes wishes.
What good has ever come of that.
So I treated myself to a big dinner and perhaps later I could tea.
Maybe I'll go look for the cat.
Happy Diwali my darling.
Ah well I've lit enough tea lights to illuminate the house in a warm glow and now perusing pictures that family has put up on whatsapp.
It's not the love of festival that makes me feel lonely now that I'm not back home; I've not celebrated Diwali with my family for over 6 years, since I'm always expected to spend this time with my in laws, but I was kinda hoping that this time It could be different and I'd get to spend it with my parents if I were back home.
Of course that's not happening and I've to content myself with pictures alone.
I wouldn't have minded were I cozily snug in my house as long as it wasn't being so damn singularly solitary.
Well, work demands things and weekends are usually overlooked.
So here we are, staring at whimsical tea lights that are strangely redolent of lavender and staring into a bright screen
I too hate those cookie cutter Diwali greetings, what's more people put in a google image and simply mass mail or whatsapp that.
Larger part of my morning was sent replying to such mails and greetings and having snoozy tete-a-tete with some so called dearer acquaintances.. and of course family which wasn't snoozy.
Actually I started missing this whole affair when my dad told me that they've bought flowers by the kilo and some more vagrant members of the family were busy stringing them together to make an array of garlands.
I just felt like I'd really want to spend this day with my parents and my brother, sitting in cool-warm sunshine, the dog prancing about, my brother stretched out in the garden, preferably with a cup of tea while preparing for nighttime shenanigans.
Ah well, wishes wishes.
What good has ever come of that.
So I treated myself to a big dinner and perhaps later I could tea.
Maybe I'll go look for the cat.
Happy Diwali my darling.
Saturday, 29 October 2016
Hot bread
home made buttery pao for made from scratch bhaji
Hollow
Friday, 28 October 2016
And here we go
Well whaddya know. I did venture out and it wasn't as bad.
Didn't buy anything save veggies and walked a long languorous pace staring at things.
It's was dark even though it was only late afternoon and wet. Yes, not to forget wet.
And COLD
I did contemplate parking myself at a coffee shop and drinking some, but what am I if not resentful of cliches.
I did pick a small slice of walnut cake from a cookie shop and I'll eat it for breakfast tomorrow.
Apps, sigh. I have no love for them. The only app I used ever so avidly after twitter was blogger and now not even that.
I can't get over the tailored idiot boxed fittings of an app. For someone who lives and thrives on the internet I'm totally an app Neanderthal. Perhaps I'm missing the whole point of apps, or maybe I'm just not attuned to understanding it.
Somehow we've made internet into a constricted space that solely exists for social media.. a bit like laying importance on a book for only carrying alphabets.
Dinner contemplations now. Sigh..an app for that perhaps? One that's tell me what I could should cook every meal. Undoubted such apps exist by the hundreds.
So yeah, what's for dinner.
Didn't buy anything save veggies and walked a long languorous pace staring at things.
It's was dark even though it was only late afternoon and wet. Yes, not to forget wet.
And COLD
I did contemplate parking myself at a coffee shop and drinking some, but what am I if not resentful of cliches.
I did pick a small slice of walnut cake from a cookie shop and I'll eat it for breakfast tomorrow.
Apps, sigh. I have no love for them. The only app I used ever so avidly after twitter was blogger and now not even that.
I can't get over the tailored idiot boxed fittings of an app. For someone who lives and thrives on the internet I'm totally an app Neanderthal. Perhaps I'm missing the whole point of apps, or maybe I'm just not attuned to understanding it.
Somehow we've made internet into a constricted space that solely exists for social media.. a bit like laying importance on a book for only carrying alphabets.
Dinner contemplations now. Sigh..an app for that perhaps? One that's tell me what I could should cook every meal. Undoubted such apps exist by the hundreds.
So yeah, what's for dinner.
blame the rains for everything
I'd been contemplating a bit of solo venturing out today. It'll have to wait though. It's raining, a rather sort of ferocious minuscule drops that don't wet the skin as much as sting.
Also taking out garbage for a quick second made me realize that I'll have to get a thicker jacket out now.
And think of it really, why should I even step out? There's a cozy cocoon of warm insides of my house. Why would I trade that for a bit of light shopping that can be put off until tomorrow.
It's not even light shopping as much as it is aimlessly ogling at exotic bottles in specialty stores and arbitrarily picking them up.
I was in the mood to buy some nice cheese too.
Now all that shall wait while I nurse a hot cup of cocoa and read a book.
Writing, today?Hmm..
for all the thoughts on getting on with my writing I don't seem to be doing anything about it today.
Need an earlier start. I will. Monday.
Somehow if I start with a story I've gotta finish. If I leave it halfway through to pick up on it the next day, I lose the train of thoughts, and it shouldn't be that way.
I know, I've to change it.
I will. Monday :)
procrastination is not my master, but i don't mind slaving for it a bit.
Also taking out garbage for a quick second made me realize that I'll have to get a thicker jacket out now.
And think of it really, why should I even step out? There's a cozy cocoon of warm insides of my house. Why would I trade that for a bit of light shopping that can be put off until tomorrow.
It's not even light shopping as much as it is aimlessly ogling at exotic bottles in specialty stores and arbitrarily picking them up.
I was in the mood to buy some nice cheese too.
Now all that shall wait while I nurse a hot cup of cocoa and read a book.
Writing, today?Hmm..
for all the thoughts on getting on with my writing I don't seem to be doing anything about it today.
Need an earlier start. I will. Monday.
Somehow if I start with a story I've gotta finish. If I leave it halfway through to pick up on it the next day, I lose the train of thoughts, and it shouldn't be that way.
I know, I've to change it.
I will. Monday :)
procrastination is not my master, but i don't mind slaving for it a bit.
clean up jazz
Talk about waking up to melodious diapason. ( check next to that box)
Ah, sigh. oh sigh.
The temperature has started to drop faster than my morals, and I take offense. As if.
So brrr today and all I have to do is hit play to warm up like a tropical heat wave.
mmm .
In a joyless life we must prepare ourselves to absorb whatever little joy life throws at us, and I take immense pleasure in clean ups. Diwali is right around the corner, and I took this opportunity to give my house its weekly ablution, which involves a cleaning so thorough its surface shines like an explosion in a crystal factory.
Cleaned the windows. the door knobs, doors, sinks, floors, kitchen chimney, bathrooms, mirrors, shoe racks and every imaginable nook and cranny.. none of which has ever been left unexplored.
Even cleaned the house slippers which warmly tumble in the drier.
It feels so fun to walk on the floor wearing a pair of socks. You glide like an olympic figure skating medalist.
The usual problem of course plagues me, what with the over worked washing machine throwing up heaps and bundles of clean clothing, there is an unscalable mountain of laundry that need to be folded and ironed and stacked in cupboards.
These are little bobs of slight irritations that come with the territory.
I now go to hunt for the darling cat, who shall entertain me with his indifferent licking of his nether regions while I go about with folding.
But I'm here still.. talking, telling.. all that's new with me and all that's old.
Morning munch
My lioness share of Friday brunch
Yes more potatoes, but what's wrong with a bit of spud on spud action? A girl needs her carbs, and no bread, so that's a plus. Also the eggs are whites only.
To top it off an oxidant rich shake of goji berries and blueberries and bananas
Yes more potatoes, but what's wrong with a bit of spud on spud action? A girl needs her carbs, and no bread, so that's a plus. Also the eggs are whites only.
To top it off an oxidant rich shake of goji berries and blueberries and bananas
what??
What the hell?
Why did my last post not have all the text that I'd written below the picture?
It's showing so in my sent items mail, and the entire text exists there, but it's not there in the blog.
This is the second time I've noticed this problem.
Whatever text I write below the picture is ominously deleted.
Is there any way of getting around on this?
Is this some silly bug or what is it? I didn't think such dilemmas existed in the digital realm.
How fucking human.
Now what?
Why did my last post not have all the text that I'd written below the picture?
It's showing so in my sent items mail, and the entire text exists there, but it's not there in the blog.
This is the second time I've noticed this problem.
Whatever text I write below the picture is ominously deleted.
Is there any way of getting around on this?
Is this some silly bug or what is it? I didn't think such dilemmas existed in the digital realm.
How fucking human.
Now what?
Stale
The air is dead and deader is the room. a happy dread? No troubles that loom.
the mocking stillness, the jagged silence and inviting night..setting the stage for a game perhaps. A show of sorts, of lull and easy humdrum.
Carnival of banality, circus of spiritless blank. choke full of stodgy performances.
Dress code: colorless unspectacular
In ennui dullness surround sound. Technicolor cheerless wearily tinted with apathetic unconcern.
An evergreen hit, now running for a few decades. 24 shows each day. Each show runtime 1 hour only.
Yawning is most welcome, and snoozing encouraged.
Don't miss it for your life folks.
Persuade it with a melancholic languor and easily learn to stay disenchanted.
Peruse joylessness at leisure. You have all the time in your life.
Have fun, or even better don't bother with having any. Envisioning monotonous grey scales and dropping the grey from the scales to enjoy the colours.
Live life, live it to the full in static numb.
the mocking stillness, the jagged silence and inviting night..setting the stage for a game perhaps. A show of sorts, of lull and easy humdrum.
Carnival of banality, circus of spiritless blank. choke full of stodgy performances.
Dress code: colorless unspectacular
In ennui dullness surround sound. Technicolor cheerless wearily tinted with apathetic unconcern.
An evergreen hit, now running for a few decades. 24 shows each day. Each show runtime 1 hour only.
Yawning is most welcome, and snoozing encouraged.
Don't miss it for your life folks.
Persuade it with a melancholic languor and easily learn to stay disenchanted.
Peruse joylessness at leisure. You have all the time in your life.
Have fun, or even better don't bother with having any. Envisioning monotonous grey scales and dropping the grey from the scales to enjoy the colours.
Live life, live it to the full in static numb.
Thursday, 27 October 2016
Dindin
Solitary dinner
on potatoes and sweet things
What's with the poetry in sweet potatoes? like solidified honey which retains its creaminess.
I love them baked, baked to a crisp with burnt edges with nothing save the tiniest sprinkling of salt and a drop of oil. Potato sans fards..sigh.
I just had half a cup of tea. It's the weather doing this to me. I've quaffed almost four glasses of different liquids throughout the day. Most of them slightly sweetened.
This is not good.
Tea, hot chocolate, coffee, tea.. why?
Where's my goddamn oolong?
Right, I had the option but favoured a regular ginger tea over it.
Sigh, from tomorrow then. Exercise more restraint.
I love them baked, baked to a crisp with burnt edges with nothing save the tiniest sprinkling of salt and a drop of oil. Potato sans fards..sigh.
I just had half a cup of tea. It's the weather doing this to me. I've quaffed almost four glasses of different liquids throughout the day. Most of them slightly sweetened.
This is not good.
Tea, hot chocolate, coffee, tea.. why?
Where's my goddamn oolong?
Right, I had the option but favoured a regular ginger tea over it.
Sigh, from tomorrow then. Exercise more restraint.
flit
I'm in the process of hugging my speakers, and perhaps make sweet sweet love to them..
they've been rather helpful in streaming beautifully measured notes of rasping melody, which if I were to explain sounds like brass dew drops nestling softly on velvety ferrous. A robust coo, a potent whisper, the tiniest intake of audible breath nonchalantly virile. sigh..deepest sigh
Oh dear, I'm so greedy.
--
I've been saving watching black mirror 3 for days when I'm absolutely low on tv series and there's nothing out there to watch.. a bit like safe deposit in a bank.
Finished watching 'forbrydelsen II' and now there's the third part that I have, which also I have kind of deposited in tv series savings account.. for days when you're at your wits end feeling useless.
--
Anime flowers.. :).. perhaps. They're cherry blossoms, or a bit like cherry blossoms. I wasn't thinking how they'd up looking the way they did. Subconscious is such a mirror, or is it a window?
--
What am I doing this November..hmm.. what am I doing? nothing special I guess. Not going out anywhere, there are no travel plans laid out. I hope to do a lot more writing. 'Hope' being the keyword. A bit like what Samuel Johnson said about second marriages 'the triumph of hope over experience', and that's exactly what I'm aiming for.
The hope bit, not the second marriage part.(I hope ;))
--
There's more..so much more.. and soon.
they've been rather helpful in streaming beautifully measured notes of rasping melody, which if I were to explain sounds like brass dew drops nestling softly on velvety ferrous. A robust coo, a potent whisper, the tiniest intake of audible breath nonchalantly virile. sigh..deepest sigh
Oh dear, I'm so greedy.
--
I've been saving watching black mirror 3 for days when I'm absolutely low on tv series and there's nothing out there to watch.. a bit like safe deposit in a bank.
Finished watching 'forbrydelsen II' and now there's the third part that I have, which also I have kind of deposited in tv series savings account.. for days when you're at your wits end feeling useless.
--
Anime flowers.. :).. perhaps. They're cherry blossoms, or a bit like cherry blossoms. I wasn't thinking how they'd up looking the way they did. Subconscious is such a mirror, or is it a window?
--
What am I doing this November..hmm.. what am I doing? nothing special I guess. Not going out anywhere, there are no travel plans laid out. I hope to do a lot more writing. 'Hope' being the keyword. A bit like what Samuel Johnson said about second marriages 'the triumph of hope over experience', and that's exactly what I'm aiming for.
The hope bit, not the second marriage part.(I hope ;))
--
There's more..so much more.. and soon.
Thurshate
The bane of weekend that is Thursday.
Where have I been? chained to the stove. Really. Cooking since morning. Breakfast, lunch and then packed dinner. And now, phew.
the agenda for today is that there is none.
Apart from work that's always a side spectacle there's isn't any majority of fantastical events taking place today.
So what does I do? perhaps read and finish 'snow'. if i can today.
Story writing, now that's something I've not been able to do in a long while, and it bothers me that I can't keep up the commitment.
It shouldn't be that way, should it?And I shouldn't come with lame excuses for doing so either.
There shouldn't be a month long gap between story writing. Not more than two weeks I say.
remind me if and when I don't put up a story regularly. Scold me if necessary. Can't keep lagging behind on things.
You know how you can scrunch up long sheets of aluminum foil into a small ball..I feel the same about my day sometimes. It starts long and within moments its beginning to end. How do I do it? keep a sane kindly facade in a day that's resolved to be inimical.
There it is again..excuses.hah.
Where have I been? chained to the stove. Really. Cooking since morning. Breakfast, lunch and then packed dinner. And now, phew.
the agenda for today is that there is none.
Apart from work that's always a side spectacle there's isn't any majority of fantastical events taking place today.
So what does I do? perhaps read and finish 'snow'. if i can today.
Story writing, now that's something I've not been able to do in a long while, and it bothers me that I can't keep up the commitment.
It shouldn't be that way, should it?And I shouldn't come with lame excuses for doing so either.
There shouldn't be a month long gap between story writing. Not more than two weeks I say.
remind me if and when I don't put up a story regularly. Scold me if necessary. Can't keep lagging behind on things.
You know how you can scrunch up long sheets of aluminum foil into a small ball..I feel the same about my day sometimes. It starts long and within moments its beginning to end. How do I do it? keep a sane kindly facade in a day that's resolved to be inimical.
There it is again..excuses.hah.
Night and other aches
Midnight and here I sit listening to the rains which on two separate occasions gave me the illusion that I've left a tap running.
Scarcely an eventful day, but perhaps I should count my blessings for the paucity of events. Never a satisfied customer eh?
I watched some, I wrote some, I read a lot, and still am.
I've had a bit of apple hoping for better dreams tonight, at least a bit lucid even if nightmares, though chances are I might black out. Odd blackout sleep also results from eating apples or drinking apple juice at night. Seriously, I speak from many a apple eaten dream hoping but blacked out instead experiences.
Why the irresistible midnight munchies I wonder. Could have something to do with the fact that I ate dinner at six and now it's been six hours since I ate something. Barring an apple which doesn't count though.
I kinda feel like applying face to a slab of hot bread thick with butter and maybe some cheese I wouldn't mind.
Mmm, a buttery morsel of steaming just out of the oven bun, that I then proceed to slather and slap and spank with a perverse layer of good salted butter.
No no stop it. Let's digress. Get back to the book, or even better sleep.
Ugh sleep.
Such slovenly way to idle time..sleeping. But such wonderful wonder it is to sleep. To get out of the bed in the mornings is to seek hell and deliberately enter it.
I forgot to mention about this dream. The same feeling, hearing a jingle of bells, something slithering on my bed, I could feel the pressure and willing myself awake from sleep. Trying to pry my eyes open, such painful deeds to wake up to nothing. Just a dream playing tricks, forcing you to wake up. This has happened one too many times, and I need to delve deeper into this matter seriously.
But honestly, ugh sleep right now.
Good night my darling
Scarcely an eventful day, but perhaps I should count my blessings for the paucity of events. Never a satisfied customer eh?
I watched some, I wrote some, I read a lot, and still am.
I've had a bit of apple hoping for better dreams tonight, at least a bit lucid even if nightmares, though chances are I might black out. Odd blackout sleep also results from eating apples or drinking apple juice at night. Seriously, I speak from many a apple eaten dream hoping but blacked out instead experiences.
Why the irresistible midnight munchies I wonder. Could have something to do with the fact that I ate dinner at six and now it's been six hours since I ate something. Barring an apple which doesn't count though.
I kinda feel like applying face to a slab of hot bread thick with butter and maybe some cheese I wouldn't mind.
Mmm, a buttery morsel of steaming just out of the oven bun, that I then proceed to slather and slap and spank with a perverse layer of good salted butter.
No no stop it. Let's digress. Get back to the book, or even better sleep.
Ugh sleep.
Such slovenly way to idle time..sleeping. But such wonderful wonder it is to sleep. To get out of the bed in the mornings is to seek hell and deliberately enter it.
I forgot to mention about this dream. The same feeling, hearing a jingle of bells, something slithering on my bed, I could feel the pressure and willing myself awake from sleep. Trying to pry my eyes open, such painful deeds to wake up to nothing. Just a dream playing tricks, forcing you to wake up. This has happened one too many times, and I need to delve deeper into this matter seriously.
But honestly, ugh sleep right now.
Good night my darling
Wednesday, 26 October 2016
butterfly hisses
In the procrastination temple of frivolous loafing, I am but an acolyte.
How absolutely wonderful does it feel shilly-shallying? I mean, gather a hundred fun things of zero consequence and potter about wth them saving the real issues you NEED to deal with for nevertime.
Ugh real world is more mundane than useless mundane. I don't want to be a part of it.
I'd just rather watch the rains, pretending I'm not alone. (I always pretend I'm not alone) is that creepy? I hope it is :)
A cupful of fresh espresso pour over and I wonder what could be so wrong in adding a spoonful of condensed milk?
I should've made tea, but I've reserved tea as a novelty..hah I laugh at my jokes. Yes, so tea is a sacred entity..oh dear here I go again. I keep it for mornings only, because the pleasure a good cup of tea gives me is immense and sacramental. I've no wish to squander it away, lest it become common and unprofound, much like barmy time I spend procrastinating.
Speaking of precious, you know what's precious? my heart, because it's a private estate or consecrated grounds for a hallowed dwelling only.
(I'm getting sappy. I blame this espresso. sappy frappe. mocha mush. soppy latte. hearts a gogo)
Morning..sigh..hearts
Rains again..
And an accompanying chill.
Winters are creeping closer by the day and soon you'll have me cribbing here all about winters.
Ah, what I wouldn't do to hear a honeyed murmur uttering a little verse, coppery blaze of silent voice voicing a faint curse.. of soothing inflections that sound like the soft crunch of snow on a cold day.
The faintest mutter seeping through skin and housing in my veins: its diabolical ability to ensnare me in a demonic rapture of love and obsession, maniac devotion. How is this possible?
Days like these you let a void follow you to stare into the face. I want to reach out and touch its soft center for I know it's a system of sonorous strings, and each taut thread of sharp wire might cut me in pieces but I know it'll sing.
Darling won't you tell me some nice things?
I miss some nights, I miss those days
no matter how small or filled with few hours, when my fingers could do the talking and watch little words flash across the screen. When thoughts were flung into a to and fro chain of virtual tube. It happened in different time zones yet but at the same time. I knew.
Now it's flinging words alright rather graffitiing a blank wall. A visit followed by another, sometimes at parallel times, while standing on opposite ends of the same wall.
Conversations in digital blanks left decorated on a sacred wall. It's a shrine to me. A monastery most revered, one that I visit more oft than I'd like to confess. In truth I let my eyes live there, to catch any slightest movement, for I shan't miss not a singular comma or exclamations Typos are miniature gods of mischief. A wall, my wall, our wall of shame and sanctity. Of desecration and deliberation.
Did I tell you.. of course I did.. but you do know.. don't you.
And an accompanying chill.
Winters are creeping closer by the day and soon you'll have me cribbing here all about winters.
Ah, what I wouldn't do to hear a honeyed murmur uttering a little verse, coppery blaze of silent voice voicing a faint curse.. of soothing inflections that sound like the soft crunch of snow on a cold day.
The faintest mutter seeping through skin and housing in my veins: its diabolical ability to ensnare me in a demonic rapture of love and obsession, maniac devotion. How is this possible?
Days like these you let a void follow you to stare into the face. I want to reach out and touch its soft center for I know it's a system of sonorous strings, and each taut thread of sharp wire might cut me in pieces but I know it'll sing.
Darling won't you tell me some nice things?
I miss some nights, I miss those days
no matter how small or filled with few hours, when my fingers could do the talking and watch little words flash across the screen. When thoughts were flung into a to and fro chain of virtual tube. It happened in different time zones yet but at the same time. I knew.
Now it's flinging words alright rather graffitiing a blank wall. A visit followed by another, sometimes at parallel times, while standing on opposite ends of the same wall.
Conversations in digital blanks left decorated on a sacred wall. It's a shrine to me. A monastery most revered, one that I visit more oft than I'd like to confess. In truth I let my eyes live there, to catch any slightest movement, for I shan't miss not a singular comma or exclamations Typos are miniature gods of mischief. A wall, my wall, our wall of shame and sanctity. Of desecration and deliberation.
Did I tell you.. of course I did.. but you do know.. don't you.
Tuesday, 25 October 2016
Morning reportage
Why do I feel so hungry ten minutes after waking up?
I'm like a ravenous beast eating everything in its wake.
Right, so up early, breakfast and lunch fix and with a shocking jolt realization that this house is out of bananas.
We can't have that. No sir.
So out at 7:00 looking for a fruit shop, which was open not exactly close to my house.. but dude bananas.
So 12 of the yellowest loveliest looking lithe plantains later I find myself staring into a Dumpling shop, where the dumplings were being prepared like gyoza. Which is to say steamed while being shallow fried.
Six of those later, I'm contemplating if I should have another wink o sleep and wake up with the sun, or should I let this world be.
I decide on the former. A light wink wrapped in sheets it is.
Breakfasted I sleep sound. At least for the next 45 minutes.
The cat has followed me home and burrows himself under a bed as I write this.
Good morning until I wake up again my darling.
I'm like a ravenous beast eating everything in its wake.
Right, so up early, breakfast and lunch fix and with a shocking jolt realization that this house is out of bananas.
We can't have that. No sir.
So out at 7:00 looking for a fruit shop, which was open not exactly close to my house.. but dude bananas.
So 12 of the yellowest loveliest looking lithe plantains later I find myself staring into a Dumpling shop, where the dumplings were being prepared like gyoza. Which is to say steamed while being shallow fried.
Six of those later, I'm contemplating if I should have another wink o sleep and wake up with the sun, or should I let this world be.
I decide on the former. A light wink wrapped in sheets it is.
Breakfasted I sleep sound. At least for the next 45 minutes.
The cat has followed me home and burrows himself under a bed as I write this.
Good morning until I wake up again my darling.
Monday, 24 October 2016
I can docent
Past.. sometimes I think of becoming a docent. You know one of those people dressed in black suites, sitting idly on chairs, you suddenly find under a pillar or sitting in a corner in art galleries and museums.
I look at them and sigh, wondering how lovely it must be just sitting and being.. sometimes giving information on paintings or sculptures , sometimes showing the way or directing you when you're lost by pointing on your half torn overused map.
Its so peaceful being them, at least in that frame. I don't mind being in one of those frames sometimes.
Do you sometimes hate your present frame? I do. Ugh.
I don't want to go on this road again.
So yeah, docents..just a thought..among a billion others
I look at them and sigh, wondering how lovely it must be just sitting and being.. sometimes giving information on paintings or sculptures , sometimes showing the way or directing you when you're lost by pointing on your half torn overused map.
Its so peaceful being them, at least in that frame. I don't mind being in one of those frames sometimes.
Do you sometimes hate your present frame? I do. Ugh.
I don't want to go on this road again.
So yeah, docents..just a thought..among a billion others
Magic shows
Magic shows.. my ultimate favourite thing in the world.
I could watch it forever, mouth gaping open, squealing like a little girl, jumping excitedly and whooping like a maniac.
Magic shows are exactly what they are.. magic.
I could watch it forever, mouth gaping open, squealing like a little girl, jumping excitedly and whooping like a maniac.
Magic shows are exactly what they are.. magic.
Dream deplaned
Dreams silly dreams.
Dressed to the nines in complete bridal wear and my teeth were breaking away, painfully ever so. I'm talking to people and I can feel my tooth shaking at it's foundations and slowly leaving my gums.
Horrifying. Wretched. I woke up ever so shaken, and felt my canine that was in fact brutally hurting and trembling. I put a finger on it to realize that it was actually shaking. Oh god! I screamed, I must have for that when I actually woke up.
I inceptioned myself in dreams.
How horrible these dreams of breaking teeth. Gah.
Then one dream where I was alone opposed by a whole lot of people, where I wrenched my frustration out by wringing children's necks and splattering old people heads against the wall.
I actually killed an elderly couple by bashing their heads against each other, and strangled a little girl of five. Wtf?? I had this dream, this very morning and woke up shocked at myself and wondering how did this dream even begin in the first place. I must have been under some pressure to do something so abominable.
This dream occurred during my second sleep installment, you know the one where I sleep after having woken up early to fix breakfast and pack lunch and peering out into the still dingy morning wonder is it's a good idea to be awake so early when I can be up with sunshine by my side. Yeah, so that short one hour sleep, that I believe richly invigorates me also burdens me with a mess of broken dreams mostly unpleasant.not an every day occurrence, but when it happens it's a real mess.
Say one thing about me, say I have shitty dreams.
Dressed to the nines in complete bridal wear and my teeth were breaking away, painfully ever so. I'm talking to people and I can feel my tooth shaking at it's foundations and slowly leaving my gums.
Horrifying. Wretched. I woke up ever so shaken, and felt my canine that was in fact brutally hurting and trembling. I put a finger on it to realize that it was actually shaking. Oh god! I screamed, I must have for that when I actually woke up.
I inceptioned myself in dreams.
How horrible these dreams of breaking teeth. Gah.
Then one dream where I was alone opposed by a whole lot of people, where I wrenched my frustration out by wringing children's necks and splattering old people heads against the wall.
I actually killed an elderly couple by bashing their heads against each other, and strangled a little girl of five. Wtf?? I had this dream, this very morning and woke up shocked at myself and wondering how did this dream even begin in the first place. I must have been under some pressure to do something so abominable.
This dream occurred during my second sleep installment, you know the one where I sleep after having woken up early to fix breakfast and pack lunch and peering out into the still dingy morning wonder is it's a good idea to be awake so early when I can be up with sunshine by my side. Yeah, so that short one hour sleep, that I believe richly invigorates me also burdens me with a mess of broken dreams mostly unpleasant.not an every day occurrence, but when it happens it's a real mess.
Say one thing about me, say I have shitty dreams.
Morning, mehning
Ah, good morning.
This is what weekend leaves in its wake. A Monday!
The day gone by wasn't a wonderful piece of yahoo, and there is nothing but venom to report. Ugh, when two people are left to their own devices with slow sinking realizations setting in with each day that neither of you are particularly fond of each other, spiteful spoutings are bound to happen. Usually when someone is trying to eat breakfast, I guess it's fun to ashen food in someone else's mouth. I would know considering how often I've been chomping on ashes and swallowing burns.
Ah, beautiful life coloured a gorgeous brackish grey with renewed promises of setting a different hued gloom every second day.
silence that I sometimes hate is often a lovely thing to embrace.
We tread ever so slowly, like there's glass strewn all over the floor. One wrong move and you'd be in danger of hurting yourself with a quick gash that'll turn into septic the more you try to alleviate your seething wound.
The trick is to let the laceration open itself wide. Do not try to dulcify its enraged flow of toxins or else it'll only get worse. Slowly but surely the flow recedes to a trickle and that's when you can limp slowly out of the scene of carnage and swaddle your hurts with glowing ambers of resentment and sew them with unforgiveness.. though none of it helps a lot, it does make your heart feel a little better.
This is what weekend leaves in its wake. A Monday!
The day gone by wasn't a wonderful piece of yahoo, and there is nothing but venom to report. Ugh, when two people are left to their own devices with slow sinking realizations setting in with each day that neither of you are particularly fond of each other, spiteful spoutings are bound to happen. Usually when someone is trying to eat breakfast, I guess it's fun to ashen food in someone else's mouth. I would know considering how often I've been chomping on ashes and swallowing burns.
Ah, beautiful life coloured a gorgeous brackish grey with renewed promises of setting a different hued gloom every second day.
silence that I sometimes hate is often a lovely thing to embrace.
We tread ever so slowly, like there's glass strewn all over the floor. One wrong move and you'd be in danger of hurting yourself with a quick gash that'll turn into septic the more you try to alleviate your seething wound.
The trick is to let the laceration open itself wide. Do not try to dulcify its enraged flow of toxins or else it'll only get worse. Slowly but surely the flow recedes to a trickle and that's when you can limp slowly out of the scene of carnage and swaddle your hurts with glowing ambers of resentment and sew them with unforgiveness.. though none of it helps a lot, it does make your heart feel a little better.
Saturday, 22 October 2016
So this..
No one understood why I began jumping with glee, excitedly rubbing my hands at the prospect of watching Vegeta and Goku on big screen.
I have watched all Dragonball Z episodes. All. Yessir. All of them. Ok, you can put me down now.
Tea and stuff
Barely the time to sleep and yet here I am sleepy.
Rains have taken a ghastly turn and resolved to stop a few moment post apocalypse. To think I was out and about, unsuitably dressed for this weather. It really is raining mad, and I wonder if I'm going to be stuck with staying in the house tomorrow. ( it's just that I don't like cooking food on weekends)
Just an hour back I so wanted to tea and then I started binge watching 'crises in six scenes' and now it's too late for drinking tea.
It's a good series this. Very woody Allen, if you're into his sort of comedy.
I am perhaps into Allen comedy. Not that I go out of my way to watch his movies, but if it's ever on tv, I don't change channels, cuz it's probably better than most stuff that's on tv that moment. Didn't hurt that it was only six episodes long and each episode was no more than 23 minutes long.
So yeah, I forgot about tea and now I'm feeling bad cuz it's too late to drink tea.
Rains have taken a ghastly turn and resolved to stop a few moment post apocalypse. To think I was out and about, unsuitably dressed for this weather. It really is raining mad, and I wonder if I'm going to be stuck with staying in the house tomorrow. ( it's just that I don't like cooking food on weekends)
Just an hour back I so wanted to tea and then I started binge watching 'crises in six scenes' and now it's too late for drinking tea.
It's a good series this. Very woody Allen, if you're into his sort of comedy.
I am perhaps into Allen comedy. Not that I go out of my way to watch his movies, but if it's ever on tv, I don't change channels, cuz it's probably better than most stuff that's on tv that moment. Didn't hurt that it was only six episodes long and each episode was no more than 23 minutes long.
So yeah, I forgot about tea and now I'm feeling bad cuz it's too late to drink tea.
.. because
You are..
tucked safe in the quietest recesses of my marrow
silently imbued in the nethermost pits of my happiest cells
ardently inoculated in the chitinous networking of my nervous system that refuses to let go of your slightest memory.
You are.. after all all mine
Sent from my iPhone
tucked safe in the quietest recesses of my marrow
silently imbued in the nethermost pits of my happiest cells
ardently inoculated in the chitinous networking of my nervous system that refuses to let go of your slightest memory.
You are.. after all all mine
Sent from my iPhone
Rain rain are you here to stay?
Ceaseless rains Day 4.
A typhoon is expected in Hong Kong and these rains are its preliminary ripples. It's not unusual for incessant dewy rains in China, not unusual at all winters have their fare share of rains. Just another weather jape to make the cool colder.
All thats outside is somber grey and vivid green. The birds are hidden out of sight and the cat strolled in wet, padding on my immaculate wooden floors with its wet paws, leaving behind a trail of treasure hunt markings, and disappeared under the bed where he now rests.
Something so pleasurable and relaxing about watching rains in pleasant weather. Their soft booted thud on earth surface that makes those merry pitter-patter sounds, of course that's relative. Rains have the power to depress you further if you happen to be nursing a broken heart or in throes of sad yearnings.
The flora looks clean, the air feels cleaner and the doleful gloominess it brings about makes you want to read a never ending book by the subdued light that permeates through your window.
It makes me yearn for tea and snacky food.. perhaps a nice bit of sandwich or some unidentified fried objects. Hah.. or banana chips. Yes.
A typhoon is expected in Hong Kong and these rains are its preliminary ripples. It's not unusual for incessant dewy rains in China, not unusual at all winters have their fare share of rains. Just another weather jape to make the cool colder.
All thats outside is somber grey and vivid green. The birds are hidden out of sight and the cat strolled in wet, padding on my immaculate wooden floors with its wet paws, leaving behind a trail of treasure hunt markings, and disappeared under the bed where he now rests.
Something so pleasurable and relaxing about watching rains in pleasant weather. Their soft booted thud on earth surface that makes those merry pitter-patter sounds, of course that's relative. Rains have the power to depress you further if you happen to be nursing a broken heart or in throes of sad yearnings.
The flora looks clean, the air feels cleaner and the doleful gloominess it brings about makes you want to read a never ending book by the subdued light that permeates through your window.
It makes me yearn for tea and snacky food.. perhaps a nice bit of sandwich or some unidentified fried objects. Hah.. or banana chips. Yes.
Friday, 21 October 2016
reads
I was first introduced to Orhan Pamuk via "museum of innocence', a book I'd picked up innocently enough about 5 years ago. It looked fat and promising and once I began reading it, I realized it was deeply engaging in a rather enlightening way.
Enlightenment not in the form of some ground breaking philosophical movement, but as a window into another culture; more like a cultural cross section of another country, where you're not only provided a birds eye view but also thrust deep into its underlying politico socio economic imagery which runs as a background to a story that's taking place on center stage.
It's a lot about how lives are intertwined and sometimes mired and affected both discordantly and positively.
The canvas is small but the story keeps changing colours; running,merging, intersecting with many a rationalities and values. A stream of parallel attitudes, theories, paradox and reasonings working alongside that one story which doesn't promise to entertain, but rather deconstructs without baring any conclusions.
The nuances are subtle and prose utterly gorgeous. He works beautifully with contradictions and its rather easy to be engulfed in his story telling.
I'd followed up on some more of his works with 'the silent house' and 'my name is red' and picked up 'snow' while I was visiting home. It was sitting pretty on my dads bookshelf and I had to borrow it.
Is it depressing? well, it's not the kind of work of fiction that depresses you or exhilarates you. It doesn't have the kind of entertainment value that fantasy books have.. this is a different sort of read. You read it from a literature point of view and every time you surface up to breathe, you know you've etched out a few more indents added new surfaces to understanding
t'day g'day
Today got an early start.. well too early because there were things that had to be done. Important things, and I have only just got free, and now finally at my desk. There's work that needs doing, drawings need completion and audiobooks that have to be heard.
A big weight has rolled off my chest. Weight the size of a planet proportioned boulder, invisible to the naked eye but one that weighed me down deep into days of depression. It lurked like tumor at the back of my head, eating at my thoughts, infecting my sub conscious. No matter what I did, it stayed with me. It lives no more, and ah, am I thankful for that.
So what did I do to celebrate? nothing yet, but I am contemplating some tea on toast action.
A big weight has rolled off my chest. Weight the size of a planet proportioned boulder, invisible to the naked eye but one that weighed me down deep into days of depression. It lurked like tumor at the back of my head, eating at my thoughts, infecting my sub conscious. No matter what I did, it stayed with me. It lives no more, and ah, am I thankful for that.
So what did I do to celebrate? nothing yet, but I am contemplating some tea on toast action.
Thursday, 20 October 2016
Reads
When I blog via e mail and want to put an image at the end, it still shows up at the top. What's up with that?
On food and fitness
I'm happy to report that I've lost all the weight I'd gained during my short holiday at home. Losing 3 kgs in a week isn't a feat because most of that was just bloat I think. Something that happens in short intervals of time when you indulge too freely with the sugars and irregular meals or as in my case all day meals.
Once you get back on track with life. Regulate your eating habits and go easy on the sugar you end up losing that so called weight you'd so quickly gained.
Add to that brisk exercising, and exorcising fattening food.
Honestly I gave up on carbs altogether to lose that weight. It had got me a bit worried and depressed and I so wanted my weighing machine to get back to the old number of 56kgs that I didn't mind starving some.
Of course I didn't starve, filling voids with fruits and often nuts. But man oh man I didn't go near any breads and starches.
Now that I'm back to being the usual, I'll go back to my regular eating habits that include breads, roti/rice as well.
It sounds a bit mad, yes, and it is, but anything to make yourself feel good.. and feeling fat doesn't ever feel good to me, and I guess it's a shortcoming on my part. Minor weight gain shouldn't be a problem. It's jut body after all, and these things happen. One can't stop living for the fear of fat, and to be honest it's not the kind of fat that's even noticeable, and yet it does make me anxious.
I'd been sick for almost a year, and a residual part of that illness still remains, perhaps it'll never leave me, but it was during that time I realized how much my body can take and how best I can nourish it.
I'd lost almost 15kgs during a span of three months. I'd shed most of my body fat, and was unable to eat anything for days.
Would you believe I ate nothing more than a Couple boiled potatoes and bananas in a week. Imagine living on two bananas a day, yet none of that adversely affected my hemoglobin, blood pressure or liver.
I realized that having eaten usually healthy throughout my life, prior to falling sick cushioned my fall during illness. It kept me going and never betrayed me once. I was never fatigued nor weak.
Once I started recuperating, and the recuperation was mighty slow, it made me realize that it really did matter what I put into my body.
I've never been a manic about healthy eating but erred on the side of being careful. Nor have I been crazy about staying thin, but I know that there's a certain line of weight gain which you sometimes cross and coming back to an earlier weight isn't all that easy.. which is why it bothered me when I gained the extra poundage. Because it's easy to go beyond that, but extremely difficult to fall back.
I still have sick days, when my old illness rears its ugly head that is mostly decapitated but still it has the power to subdue my good spirits.
I follow a mantra of 'two steps ahead and one step back' in terms of indulging and eating things that affect my system.
Caffeine, alcohol, oily food and concentrated sugars do not sit well with me anymore. That doesn't mean I don't drink coffee or tea or eat fries or desserts. It just means I've regulated these foods a lot more than usual.
If I drink coffee too regularly or indulge too often in fried food I know I will end up falling sick, so I have not more than 2-3 cups of coffee in a Week, and because I need a cup of tea every morning I make sure I've eaten something before that.
Eating a banana first thing in the morning ( that is moments after brushing teeth) helps you absorb you food through the day much better. In fact there's an overall feeling of general wellness that permeates through your day. I've been practicing this for a year now, and it has greatly helped me.
I've also realized that going for long stretches of time without food is the worst torture you could put your body through. The acid in the intestines can erode its mucosal lining and that can make you very sick.
A quick solution to that I've realized is keeping nuts handy. I like to eat a lot of pistachios and walnuts in between meals or when I feel hungry.
Sometimes out of sheer laziness you let yourself stay hungry because you're in no mood to cook, and that's a good time to snack on bananas and munch carrots.
This does sound like a lot of self righteous drivel and for the most part it might be, but this isn't a rant on healthy eating or loving your body.
It's what I've experienced after falling sick and learning how my body reacts and gets affected by food. Food is an integral part of our life, and I have an unnaturally mad love for it. It isn't just fuel and sustenance for me, it's a way to living, celebrating and enjoying life.
It's only a question of food loving you back.
I'm not a great believer of body being a temple and other similar jargon.
It's your body, and you know how best it responds to different kinds of food. One should eat what they like, at the same time being aware of what they're putting in and how best it can help you nourish yourself.
Late night tittles
The chill outside is only slightly warmer than my heart tonight.
It rains..
And I'm left wondering if I should try to sleep or make out patterns that light has drawn in my room?
I can see a faint dog, that could also be a broken piece of cloud slowly merging into a triangular shadow.
Midnight matinee on my walls. The hero is amiss however.. I've only to shut my eyes to be rescued by him.. to be saved from sleeping from sleeplessness. Starring in my irises, an image that's a kaleidoscope of fantasies. I pick and choose, and let myself be loved.
Tonight, like all nights I'm yours.
It rains..
And I'm left wondering if I should try to sleep or make out patterns that light has drawn in my room?
I can see a faint dog, that could also be a broken piece of cloud slowly merging into a triangular shadow.
Midnight matinee on my walls. The hero is amiss however.. I've only to shut my eyes to be rescued by him.. to be saved from sleeping from sleeplessness. Starring in my irises, an image that's a kaleidoscope of fantasies. I pick and choose, and let myself be loved.
Tonight, like all nights I'm yours.
Wednesday, 19 October 2016
nick not nyx
Nighttime and the room is littered with my breath
inconsequential day that stands in still water like a dark smudge of ink, slowly blossoming into a bulge of spreading stain. smirking briefly at its feint immortality; gradually transforming into a distorted ribbon of wispy ashen threads that languorously fade in the incurious transparency of water.
Bit by bit dark fibrils reduced to a musty strand, suspended not long enough to have its existence retained by indifferent water before coalescing to become one with it.
Its proud cimmerian stance dispassionately dissolved into watery nonchalance; much like any day– that starts with promises of being new, and slowly melts into nothing as night nears.
Days like these and nights that follow, abundant though shallow come with a relief of mundane apathy. To love them is a choice, but living them is mandatory.
inconsequential day that stands in still water like a dark smudge of ink, slowly blossoming into a bulge of spreading stain. smirking briefly at its feint immortality; gradually transforming into a distorted ribbon of wispy ashen threads that languorously fade in the incurious transparency of water.
Bit by bit dark fibrils reduced to a musty strand, suspended not long enough to have its existence retained by indifferent water before coalescing to become one with it.
Its proud cimmerian stance dispassionately dissolved into watery nonchalance; much like any day– that starts with promises of being new, and slowly melts into nothing as night nears.
Days like these and nights that follow, abundant though shallow come with a relief of mundane apathy. To love them is a choice, but living them is mandatory.
More on drawing
Gonna do a couple pen drawings and DOODLES after this watercolor mania.
I love drawing with pens and that's probably my forte. My pen drawings are kinda better than my watercolor ones, I think. And I wish to improve this thought, just that pens give me better control and love me back, whereas watercolors are neutral towards my devotion.
I know exactly how pens work, but watercolors are a constant revelation, they are a mystery and each time I end up learning something new even though I've been fiddling with them since forever. They constantly amaze me, excite me, dig into hidden parts of my mind and annoy me. Sometimes they don't behave very well nor listen to me. They challenge and irritate, and when you get it right the results can bring tears to your eyes.
Pens on the other hand do not behave mysteriously at all. They are predictable, they follow rules and easily bend to your will.
There's clarity to them, they do not add depth of their own until you make them.
So, a lot more pen drawings and doodles..yes!
Doodles have a way of relaxing and detoxing your mind. They can be aggravating, yes. And they do not take kindly to being left half done to be continued some other day. You don't realize how much thought you've had to gather to put into a doodle, and the problem is they're extremely addictive.
I end up sitting drawing, detailing and scratching microscopic lines in doodles for hours without knowing. It's a strain on my neck, and I hate that it's one of the reasons I can't sit and draw for long stretches of time.
With other drawings I know, I can make the basic image and fill in details the next day but with a free form doodle there are no compulsions. You sit and start drawing doing whatever it is that you want to do to it.
Now I feel like drawing again. Hah!
I love drawing with pens and that's probably my forte. My pen drawings are kinda better than my watercolor ones, I think. And I wish to improve this thought, just that pens give me better control and love me back, whereas watercolors are neutral towards my devotion.
I know exactly how pens work, but watercolors are a constant revelation, they are a mystery and each time I end up learning something new even though I've been fiddling with them since forever. They constantly amaze me, excite me, dig into hidden parts of my mind and annoy me. Sometimes they don't behave very well nor listen to me. They challenge and irritate, and when you get it right the results can bring tears to your eyes.
Pens on the other hand do not behave mysteriously at all. They are predictable, they follow rules and easily bend to your will.
There's clarity to them, they do not add depth of their own until you make them.
So, a lot more pen drawings and doodles..yes!
Doodles have a way of relaxing and detoxing your mind. They can be aggravating, yes. And they do not take kindly to being left half done to be continued some other day. You don't realize how much thought you've had to gather to put into a doodle, and the problem is they're extremely addictive.
I end up sitting drawing, detailing and scratching microscopic lines in doodles for hours without knowing. It's a strain on my neck, and I hate that it's one of the reasons I can't sit and draw for long stretches of time.
With other drawings I know, I can make the basic image and fill in details the next day but with a free form doodle there are no compulsions. You sit and start drawing doing whatever it is that you want to do to it.
Now I feel like drawing again. Hah!
dreamstick
I remembered another dream:
There's a particular shade of lipstick I've been looking for, for a good long while.
A dark mauve tint that tends to lean towards purple rather than the usual mauve's available in the market that somehow have a brownish/coral tint to them.
I've searched for that shade all over, in all continents. Seriously! None of the sephora's are carrying it, no high street labels or high end brands have what I'm looking. I feel a bit like Bono, but I'm sure once new line of colours for new seasons are introduced I'll be able to get my hands on it.
But for now, the particular mauve tint that I want isn't available.. and so in my dream, I found that shade while browsing in a mall(?) I don't even remember what it was, but I'd opened my bag and found a small transparent casing that housed that mauve I'd been searching, and so happy was I, that I actually started talking about it to other passing shoppers.
I remembered this dream while arranging my vanity shelf just now.
hah.. i so want that shade.
the last I had got lost, somewhere in the recesses of forgetfulness and busy work schedule. It's been almost 7 years since I lost that shade, and none of the mauve's in the market ever since have come even remotely close. :(
I'm sad now.
There's a particular shade of lipstick I've been looking for, for a good long while.
A dark mauve tint that tends to lean towards purple rather than the usual mauve's available in the market that somehow have a brownish/coral tint to them.
I've searched for that shade all over, in all continents. Seriously! None of the sephora's are carrying it, no high street labels or high end brands have what I'm looking. I feel a bit like Bono, but I'm sure once new line of colours for new seasons are introduced I'll be able to get my hands on it.
But for now, the particular mauve tint that I want isn't available.. and so in my dream, I found that shade while browsing in a mall(?) I don't even remember what it was, but I'd opened my bag and found a small transparent casing that housed that mauve I'd been searching, and so happy was I, that I actually started talking about it to other passing shoppers.
I remembered this dream while arranging my vanity shelf just now.
hah.. i so want that shade.
the last I had got lost, somewhere in the recesses of forgetfulness and busy work schedule. It's been almost 7 years since I lost that shade, and none of the mauve's in the market ever since have come even remotely close. :(
I'm sad now.
Mornings
Dreamt I was in my old school 'Sharada Mandir' in Goa.
I don't know what I was doing there, probably forgot, but I remember thinking I'll click a pic of this place for my blog.
Hah, thoughts of waking life in a dream.
Woke up kinda late, and why not. There's no breakfast to fix and lunches to pack today.
I'll have my breakfast at leisure, and right now I'm drinking hot water.
I love that there are birds chirping in different voices, which only goes on to show that there are a lot more different kinds of birds perched on the tree right outside my balcony. Perhaps I'll check on them and refill their water bowls and give them some food.
I don't want them leaving this tree.. gets really lonely without them.
Also, where on earth is the cat. He's infested with a bug epidemic and I'm avoiding him climbing any beds and he's avoiding entering houses right now.. he's kinda enjoying the jungle life. But now I must find him.. need to cuddle and love something. In fact this feeling where I want to smother someone with affection.
I don't know what I was doing there, probably forgot, but I remember thinking I'll click a pic of this place for my blog.
Hah, thoughts of waking life in a dream.
Woke up kinda late, and why not. There's no breakfast to fix and lunches to pack today.
I'll have my breakfast at leisure, and right now I'm drinking hot water.
I love that there are birds chirping in different voices, which only goes on to show that there are a lot more different kinds of birds perched on the tree right outside my balcony. Perhaps I'll check on them and refill their water bowls and give them some food.
I don't want them leaving this tree.. gets really lonely without them.
Also, where on earth is the cat. He's infested with a bug epidemic and I'm avoiding him climbing any beds and he's avoiding entering houses right now.. he's kinda enjoying the jungle life. But now I must find him.. need to cuddle and love something. In fact this feeling where I want to smother someone with affection.
Tuesday, 18 October 2016
\/\/
I don't know if I'll ever read the Malazan books or ever enjoy reading them as much as I adore reading about them..Haha. Oh hearts.
Flit flit flit
how of hands
How did I end up here?
One moment I was watching ship wrecks and videos on freak ship accidents in oceans and suddenly I find myself here. What on earth?
And now I'm kinda sad to know that this woman has passed away.
There's finesse and a certain well practiced efficient technique to hands that have cooked for so many years. I see this when I watch my mom or mother in law cook food. The way their digits wrap around a knife handle and cut, chop, peel vegetables.. that certain mannerism when they roll dough or flip things on hot pans, or even bung things in steaming hot oil and toss it about with perfected ease.
There's an age hold know-how- an accomplishment to their craft and faultless skills.
Their hands that have memorized a thorough modus operandi of cooking. I love those hands. Hands that feed..
dinner
Dinner for one
a lonely number
an easy sum
1+ 0 = 1
nothing much elaborate
a singular bowl or plate
few dishes as possible to clean
maybe a one pot meal
not an everyday fare
a lazy stare,
at the stove and its done
as quick as that
and special still
not skimping on the flavours
it shouldn't be a drill
a bake perhaps. a stew or soup
how about a fusion? a culinary coup
some proteins. some veggies from fall
there are greens in the fridge
frozen marine life small
perhaps a light grill
and special marinade
anything easily made
but not too frivolous
that I can ladle in a bowl
brisk, simple, delicious, nutritious
challenging dinner goal
that's the thing about being alone
a crown on my head
yet I rule without a throne.
a lonely number
an easy sum
1+ 0 = 1
nothing much elaborate
a singular bowl or plate
few dishes as possible to clean
maybe a one pot meal
not an everyday fare
a lazy stare,
at the stove and its done
as quick as that
and special still
not skimping on the flavours
it shouldn't be a drill
a bake perhaps. a stew or soup
how about a fusion? a culinary coup
some proteins. some veggies from fall
there are greens in the fridge
frozen marine life small
perhaps a light grill
and special marinade
anything easily made
but not too frivolous
that I can ladle in a bowl
brisk, simple, delicious, nutritious
challenging dinner goal
that's the thing about being alone
a crown on my head
yet I rule without a throne.
ad arbitrium
There's a heap of warm clothes fresh out of the drier that I have to fold/iron and stack in the cupboards, and right now that little heap looks like an unscalable K2.
Maybe I'll put it off until the small mound of assorted clothing starts interfering with my breathing.
You know how it is ―you keep noticing something from the corner of your eye, and slowly the little bothersome flicker assumes gargantuan proportions of exasperating frustration and then you wonder why this vexation wasn't dealt with earlier.
Eat into my time it will, whether I do it right now or later.. the point is what is it that I'd like to avoid or ignore?
usually when there's something irking at the back of my head, I like to turn a blind eye to it by plunging head long into chores that aren't all that necessary. Case in point deadlines.
When I know there's a deadline coming straight at me, staring me in the face, slowly coiling about my neck, turning into a noose, I try to ignore the situation and take up something absolutely mundane like preparing lunch or ironing clothes. (it doesn't matter that these deadlines are usually set by me)
Now that I know and can see a heap of clothes ready to be segregated into his and hers and neatly lined or hung into almirah's, I try not to broach the subject and brush it off by writing about it here.
I mean there are two bedsheets that need serious loving and ironing them is a bit much right now.
Here I am-finally getting some 'me' time, sitting at my work desk, after hours of being out and about and generally being busy since morning. Should I forsake this moment of happiness and assume my au pair duties? I'm a not a nay sayer, but to this I say no sir.
Finally a moment of peace and respite and I shall while away my time doing a whole lot of nothing.
{there's the last episode of Forbrydelsen II pending, and I need to make a good cup of coffee before that.}
Heap of clothes can wait. ironing is adjourned for the time being. For the next few hours I'm a slovenly slapdash version of me.
Psst-I know I'll probably start folding and ironing right after I've written this post.. but I'm going to put it off as long as possible. Know that I rebelled
Maybe I'll put it off until the small mound of assorted clothing starts interfering with my breathing.
You know how it is ―you keep noticing something from the corner of your eye, and slowly the little bothersome flicker assumes gargantuan proportions of exasperating frustration and then you wonder why this vexation wasn't dealt with earlier.
Eat into my time it will, whether I do it right now or later.. the point is what is it that I'd like to avoid or ignore?
usually when there's something irking at the back of my head, I like to turn a blind eye to it by plunging head long into chores that aren't all that necessary. Case in point deadlines.
When I know there's a deadline coming straight at me, staring me in the face, slowly coiling about my neck, turning into a noose, I try to ignore the situation and take up something absolutely mundane like preparing lunch or ironing clothes. (it doesn't matter that these deadlines are usually set by me)
Now that I know and can see a heap of clothes ready to be segregated into his and hers and neatly lined or hung into almirah's, I try not to broach the subject and brush it off by writing about it here.
I mean there are two bedsheets that need serious loving and ironing them is a bit much right now.
Here I am-finally getting some 'me' time, sitting at my work desk, after hours of being out and about and generally being busy since morning. Should I forsake this moment of happiness and assume my au pair duties? I'm a not a nay sayer, but to this I say no sir.
Finally a moment of peace and respite and I shall while away my time doing a whole lot of nothing.
{there's the last episode of Forbrydelsen II pending, and I need to make a good cup of coffee before that.}
Heap of clothes can wait. ironing is adjourned for the time being. For the next few hours I'm a slovenly slapdash version of me.
Psst-I know I'll probably start folding and ironing right after I've written this post.. but I'm going to put it off as long as possible. Know that I rebelled
Monday, 17 October 2016
all apologies
In an awkward twist of cosmological events, or mayhaps a droll trick from mocking universe; my frivolously rhymed nitwitted poem on apps overlapped with a celestial string of similar themed colloquy. Curses timeline.
To contuse so called hipster tirade, which in my opinion is nothing less than handsome harangue expressed by the most sagaciously pulchritudinous personality I've ever known and loved, was not my intention.
So called hipster rants are but sermons for believers like me, and nothing, absolutely nothing should persuade to desist your enlightening endeavours.
Je suis désolé
soulless
like cute li'l moles
that're actually blackholes
you download them for lols
lose sight of your goals
life devoid of roles
apps have no souls
you did it for the lulz
it makes you pretty dulls
empties out your skulls
a chicken waiting for a cull
over these thoughts you may now mull
or hang it on a couple poles
apps have no souls
that're actually blackholes
you download them for lols
lose sight of your goals
life devoid of roles
apps have no souls
you did it for the lulz
it makes you pretty dulls
empties out your skulls
a chicken waiting for a cull
over these thoughts you may now mull
or hang it on a couple poles
apps have no souls
hop
My current background music is a constant chirp from a cluster of birds, and this is a novelty in a city or a country where birds were killed by the millions.
A non-stop avian conversation is reassuringly more calming than any man made noises; perhaps a consolation that all is right with the world.. no signs of radiation.
Just a comfort to know that there are other forms of life, living, breathing, existing along with you.. that you're not alone.
It's difficult to not feel lonely especially when you want to be alone. When you're not seeking desolation, but only hoping for a bit of comfortable isolation. When you want to be conveniently withdrawn, but fear being forgotten.
It's fun being a recluse until people stop caring.
There's soft trill and loud warble to remind you of the world outside, that you can be a part of the microcosm anytime you want.
On the other hand however, who wants to be a part of that terrene when your entire megacosm is shrunk to backlit gadgets?
I know someone out there might suggest an app that imitates real chirruping of birds, and an update might even add roosting songs to it.
You've got the whole world in your hand, for reals.
A non-stop avian conversation is reassuringly more calming than any man made noises; perhaps a consolation that all is right with the world.. no signs of radiation.
Just a comfort to know that there are other forms of life, living, breathing, existing along with you.. that you're not alone.
It's difficult to not feel lonely especially when you want to be alone. When you're not seeking desolation, but only hoping for a bit of comfortable isolation. When you want to be conveniently withdrawn, but fear being forgotten.
It's fun being a recluse until people stop caring.
There's soft trill and loud warble to remind you of the world outside, that you can be a part of the microcosm anytime you want.
On the other hand however, who wants to be a part of that terrene when your entire megacosm is shrunk to backlit gadgets?
I know someone out there might suggest an app that imitates real chirruping of birds, and an update might even add roosting songs to it.
You've got the whole world in your hand, for reals.
Sunday, 16 October 2016
Etc
I have on many occasions seen a lot many Chinese folks burn fake currencies as a tribute to their dead, and in fact come across this ritual often living in China.
Joss papers or fake currencies are sold commonly, and what my neighbor was burning isn't it.
I mean paying tribute every two weeks is a bit much, and the papers had a distinct fapiao (invoice) look to them.
Of course I'm not going to ask them directly, but maybe sneak a peak to figure this mystery.
--
Ho hum. Sunday evenings are so meh. It was a bit sunny, but just as I exclaimed excitedly about the weather having a distinct yellow glow, it turned into a mulled terra-cotta and now everything is murky again.
You know that moment when you're dying to wear a really nice dress, but you've nowhere to go, so you make reservations in a fabulous restaurant.. yeah, well, I did that today. And now the thought of getting dressed for dinner doesn't feel as glamorous as it did this morning.
I never thought I'd write this, but I'm so undecided about shoes.. sobs
Joss papers or fake currencies are sold commonly, and what my neighbor was burning isn't it.
I mean paying tribute every two weeks is a bit much, and the papers had a distinct fapiao (invoice) look to them.
Of course I'm not going to ask them directly, but maybe sneak a peak to figure this mystery.
--
Ho hum. Sunday evenings are so meh. It was a bit sunny, but just as I exclaimed excitedly about the weather having a distinct yellow glow, it turned into a mulled terra-cotta and now everything is murky again.
You know that moment when you're dying to wear a really nice dress, but you've nowhere to go, so you make reservations in a fabulous restaurant.. yeah, well, I did that today. And now the thought of getting dressed for dinner doesn't feel as glamorous as it did this morning.
I never thought I'd write this, but I'm so undecided about shoes.. sobs
Ritual roomba
There's something really weird that my neighbors do every couple weeks or so.
They start fire in a big iron bucket and burn papers, receipts, documents— what I can understand from the yellow and pink coloured visage of hardly 25 gsm wafer-thin rags.
It's not the burning of papers that's weird as the whole ritual attributed to it.
Let me begin by saying that they do it right outside the entrance/exit of the building on the road. It doesn't hamper or get in the way, but still..
Alright, the process starts by first sprinkling some odd scented water in a circle. Then the cast iron bucket is stood in the center of the circle or ring and suffused with paper and lighter fluid, and finally a match to seal the deal.
A ferocious tiny yellow fire begins to rage in its armoured confines and then they start sacrificing their unwanted sheets of papers, and keep doing so until they're done.
The whole process doesn't last more than six minutes, and by the end of it the fire begins to die down and sometime later when the world is cool again, they collect the bucket and leave not a trace of any conflagration.
This is where it gets even weirder: the scented water is repeatedly poured on the periphery of the bucket in a circle on the road as the fire rages on. The water is poured out of a Chinese tea kettle; which is a tiny porcelain little thing, and I'm beginning to think if it isn't actually tea.
Right, so the first time I saw this odd little ceremony was when I'd just newly moved in. To say that it was bizarre would be understating it, but I feigned ignorance when I realized that the person in question responsible for the fire looked awkward and embarrassed to see that I'd noticed it.
I'm not the one for making people uncomfortable or embarrassed unless I absolutely love them, so I pretended like it was nothing out of the ordinary and walked on.
But since then I've kept a tab on this, and every time I see wisps of smoke floating up, I know the ceremony is in order.
Stealthier than a shadow, I plant myself near a window, hidden behind a gauze curtain, to watch the oddball act of papyrus burning.
Too many questions.. why don't they use a shredder? Why the scented water or tea? Why burn documents?
Asking them would be too impolite, but man I so want to know.
Perhaps one day I could walk in on this strange act of setting fire and interview them myself or maybe I could just Sherlock it and uncover the mystery for myself.
So wanted to click a photo but it's not clear from here.
They start fire in a big iron bucket and burn papers, receipts, documents— what I can understand from the yellow and pink coloured visage of hardly 25 gsm wafer-thin rags.
It's not the burning of papers that's weird as the whole ritual attributed to it.
Let me begin by saying that they do it right outside the entrance/exit of the building on the road. It doesn't hamper or get in the way, but still..
Alright, the process starts by first sprinkling some odd scented water in a circle. Then the cast iron bucket is stood in the center of the circle or ring and suffused with paper and lighter fluid, and finally a match to seal the deal.
A ferocious tiny yellow fire begins to rage in its armoured confines and then they start sacrificing their unwanted sheets of papers, and keep doing so until they're done.
The whole process doesn't last more than six minutes, and by the end of it the fire begins to die down and sometime later when the world is cool again, they collect the bucket and leave not a trace of any conflagration.
This is where it gets even weirder: the scented water is repeatedly poured on the periphery of the bucket in a circle on the road as the fire rages on. The water is poured out of a Chinese tea kettle; which is a tiny porcelain little thing, and I'm beginning to think if it isn't actually tea.
Right, so the first time I saw this odd little ceremony was when I'd just newly moved in. To say that it was bizarre would be understating it, but I feigned ignorance when I realized that the person in question responsible for the fire looked awkward and embarrassed to see that I'd noticed it.
I'm not the one for making people uncomfortable or embarrassed unless I absolutely love them, so I pretended like it was nothing out of the ordinary and walked on.
But since then I've kept a tab on this, and every time I see wisps of smoke floating up, I know the ceremony is in order.
Stealthier than a shadow, I plant myself near a window, hidden behind a gauze curtain, to watch the oddball act of papyrus burning.
Too many questions.. why don't they use a shredder? Why the scented water or tea? Why burn documents?
Asking them would be too impolite, but man I so want to know.
Perhaps one day I could walk in on this strange act of setting fire and interview them myself or maybe I could just Sherlock it and uncover the mystery for myself.
So wanted to click a photo but it's not clear from here.
Saturday, 15 October 2016
Sludge
The people of this house have started watching a new tv series called sense8, which isn't making any sense at all.
Created by Wachowskies, it has the same elements of weird transcendental synaptic connections that only worked in the Matrix movies.
I'm watching it cuz well, it's all that's being played on tv. Of the thousand television series that could have been picked, sense8 was picked out because.. oh hell who knows?
I wanted to watch Banshee or Dark matter, but NO.
--
Why do I feel like buying a motorcycle?
Am I slowly turning into a dyke? No that's not it.
Who knows what's up? Or rather when will something be up? I go down on my knees.. and pray!
Created by Wachowskies, it has the same elements of weird transcendental synaptic connections that only worked in the Matrix movies.
I'm watching it cuz well, it's all that's being played on tv. Of the thousand television series that could have been picked, sense8 was picked out because.. oh hell who knows?
I wanted to watch Banshee or Dark matter, but NO.
--
Why do I feel like buying a motorcycle?
Am I slowly turning into a dyke? No that's not it.
Who knows what's up? Or rather when will something be up? I go down on my knees.. and pray!
Stiff sat
The kind of chores that I dread. Viz..
- paying a fine for traffic violation. Spending almost 2 hours in some administration building because there were a hundred others..with worse offenses. Phew.
- bank stuff. Eww to Infiniti.
Friday, 14 October 2016
Degenerates!!
I know I shouldn't be doing this, right after cribbing about gaining weight, but hey! I lost 1 kilo.
Also, I don't honk I'll eat a lot.
I ate 3 slices :(
Come forth bulimia!! I beg thee.
No!
Right,
So Bob Dylan has won a Nobel prize, for literature no less, and I feel like flinging a Tagore book at the goddamn Nobel committee.
But isn't it the same committee that gave Obama a Nobel peace prize too? So really is it that odd to expect something as stupid from them?
Nobel is a farce, at least when it comes to peace and now literature. I can't say the same about science and other fields, but yes, literature prize for Dylan? Come on! Yeah he's written some good lyrics (I guess, I'm not one of Dylan fans nor do I bother listening to his songs) but surely they don't warrant a bloody NOBEL.
I mean, I've seen blogs with more philosophical bearing and better poems (ahem!)
Kawabata must be rolling in his grave, and I like Dylan a lot lesser now.
So Bob Dylan has won a Nobel prize, for literature no less, and I feel like flinging a Tagore book at the goddamn Nobel committee.
But isn't it the same committee that gave Obama a Nobel peace prize too? So really is it that odd to expect something as stupid from them?
Nobel is a farce, at least when it comes to peace and now literature. I can't say the same about science and other fields, but yes, literature prize for Dylan? Come on! Yeah he's written some good lyrics (I guess, I'm not one of Dylan fans nor do I bother listening to his songs) but surely they don't warrant a bloody NOBEL.
I mean, I've seen blogs with more philosophical bearing and better poems (ahem!)
Kawabata must be rolling in his grave, and I like Dylan a lot lesser now.
Morning hearts
Early morning and the cat came calling
meowing slow asking for food
cozying up in my bed
licking himself clean
food he ate
and then some milk
now he rests
sleeps on the bed
he might wake up again
to eat some more
The cat rests and I wonder, if this day could get any greyer.
I've not seen skies as blackened and world as dull as I've seen here in China.
Imagine a cold cold day that threatens to rain.
You know the kind of foreboding dark hue the world assumes before it rains.. right, so picture that and throw in another hundred grey shades to colour it apocalyptical and drop the temperature to tundra level cool.
Monochromatic skies that're actually a thin sheet of ashen clouds and an overall granite chill that vastly helps in finishing that dingy look.
Even vibrant leaves look a mottle green and this cement coloured complexion is now here to stay.
Rarely will it waver, except the temperatures will keep dropping and tinge this battleship coloured scenery with whites in a couple months, but the doomsday dye shall remain until the sun decides to show up in spring.
Goodbye vitamin D
#morning #hearts #misses #kisses
meowing slow asking for food
cozying up in my bed
licking himself clean
food he ate
and then some milk
now he rests
sleeps on the bed
he might wake up again
to eat some more
The cat rests and I wonder, if this day could get any greyer.
I've not seen skies as blackened and world as dull as I've seen here in China.
Imagine a cold cold day that threatens to rain.
You know the kind of foreboding dark hue the world assumes before it rains.. right, so picture that and throw in another hundred grey shades to colour it apocalyptical and drop the temperature to tundra level cool.
Monochromatic skies that're actually a thin sheet of ashen clouds and an overall granite chill that vastly helps in finishing that dingy look.
Even vibrant leaves look a mottle green and this cement coloured complexion is now here to stay.
Rarely will it waver, except the temperatures will keep dropping and tinge this battleship coloured scenery with whites in a couple months, but the doomsday dye shall remain until the sun decides to show up in spring.
Goodbye vitamin D
#morning #hearts #misses #kisses
Thursday, 13 October 2016
eyegasms
Now watching Forbrydelsen II, aka The Killing II.
I cannot stress enough how eerie gloomy and blue black its vibe is, which adds to the convoluted web of suspense that this series spins.
Slow paced and thrilling, its a whole new flavour of tv series.
Also, recently finished Mushishi Zoku Shou which deserves a whole new galaxy of existence and praises.
more..soon.
I cannot stress enough how eerie gloomy and blue black its vibe is, which adds to the convoluted web of suspense that this series spins.
Slow paced and thrilling, its a whole new flavour of tv series.
Also, recently finished Mushishi Zoku Shou which deserves a whole new galaxy of existence and praises.
more..soon.
Bonjour
Slowly slipping back into an old routine of waking up early to fix breakfast and pack lunch.
A couple sleepy 'have a good day' later nudging back into the still warm blanket, enveloping it around me to form a cozy tepee and a second installment of sleep.. which went a bit awry today!
The second sleep installment forgot to end today. Yessir. I woke up at 10:00am gasp.
My body clock is a bit confused, what with the sudden shift in time zones and drop in temperature.
It's a bracing 15° in the house today, and the blanket latched itself to me with such kind warmth; my limbs that had felt a bit cold earlier were slowly engulfed in cotton fervour and so tenderly was I swaddled in welcoming insulation that time was but a number.
So here I am, up at a time when I'm usually done with my breakfast and making good progress with the day ahead, but not today.
Today is on slo-mo. Pretty much like that drug from dredd.
I'm taking this day easy.
It's the first few days of pleasant cold that'll soon turn into harsh winters and I think I'd like to bask in the luxury of having enough spare time to enjoy these finer details in life.
--
I hate that I can't put labels via e mail. Should start blogging more from my laptop.
A couple sleepy 'have a good day' later nudging back into the still warm blanket, enveloping it around me to form a cozy tepee and a second installment of sleep.. which went a bit awry today!
The second sleep installment forgot to end today. Yessir. I woke up at 10:00am gasp.
My body clock is a bit confused, what with the sudden shift in time zones and drop in temperature.
It's a bracing 15° in the house today, and the blanket latched itself to me with such kind warmth; my limbs that had felt a bit cold earlier were slowly engulfed in cotton fervour and so tenderly was I swaddled in welcoming insulation that time was but a number.
So here I am, up at a time when I'm usually done with my breakfast and making good progress with the day ahead, but not today.
Today is on slo-mo. Pretty much like that drug from dredd.
I'm taking this day easy.
It's the first few days of pleasant cold that'll soon turn into harsh winters and I think I'd like to bask in the luxury of having enough spare time to enjoy these finer details in life.
--
I hate that I can't put labels via e mail. Should start blogging more from my laptop.
Wednesday, 12 October 2016
decisions
Adieu
fizzy drinks
Sweet chocolates
fried thingummies
Immoderate snacking
huge dinners
lazing about
processed foods
Ice lollies
unnecessary carbs
- these are about all the crappy things I could think of that I indulged in a bit too freely when I was back home with folks.
I amazed myself every time I ate. Putting a tapeworm to shame, I tucked in like each meal was my last, and every minute when I wasn't eating I was snacking or drinking something sweet and cold.
By the gods, I ate chocolates at night, sitting in my bed reading a book.. and by night I mean well past midnight. Now these aren't the makings of a healthy diet, and each extra calorie I shoved in reached my thighs.
I could feel the difference, and let it slide. Not anymore though.
Ugh. I regret eating like Obelix. But can I help it? I eat a lot..sigh.
fizzy drinks
Sweet chocolates
fried thingummies
Immoderate snacking
huge dinners
lazing about
processed foods
Ice lollies
unnecessary carbs
- these are about all the crappy things I could think of that I indulged in a bit too freely when I was back home with folks.
I amazed myself every time I ate. Putting a tapeworm to shame, I tucked in like each meal was my last, and every minute when I wasn't eating I was snacking or drinking something sweet and cold.
By the gods, I ate chocolates at night, sitting in my bed reading a book.. and by night I mean well past midnight. Now these aren't the makings of a healthy diet, and each extra calorie I shoved in reached my thighs.
I could feel the difference, and let it slide. Not anymore though.
Ugh. I regret eating like Obelix. But can I help it? I eat a lot..sigh.
Homesick
Back to my house, except it's a lot colder now. Feels emptier this time. Perhaps because right now I have no desire to be a part of this place.
Flick the switch to restart the same routine, and slowly but surely become a part of it.. soon it won't hurt so bad.
For what reason did I keep feeling so awful about leaving? It's never felt this earth shattering heart breaking before. I've left myself behind and come here in body alone.
Cold morning. The kind that urges you to put on something warm while you potter about in the house. My feet feel a bit cold, not enough to don socks though, but still.
I have gained three Kgs in the time that I was home. How does one gain so much weight in a matter of ten days? I know exactly how. Freely imbibing sugary drinks and eating chocolates by the kilo has done this to me. Hardly any work out and eating throughout the day does fattening things to you.
Let's see how quick I can get rid of the poundage. Perhaps I'll update it here.
Staring at unpacked luggage is doing wonders to my depression.
Unpacking, grocery/vegetable shopping, getting on with the day.
I'll leave cleaning for tomorrow.
I so want to go back to my parents' home. Where I'd wake up early and rush downstairs and into the garden to play with the dog.
Tuesday, 11 October 2016
---
Deepest sigh..
:(
Having to kiss the cat goodbye this morning was one of the toughest things to do.
I miss those animals.
I miss everything.
:(
:(
Having to kiss the cat goodbye this morning was one of the toughest things to do.
I miss those animals.
I miss everything.
:(
Monday, 10 October 2016
Here we are
Mirrors might still lie, but shadows don't.
--
Delhi fees like a hellish option after the temperate calm of Bhopal.
I'll miss the birds, the insects and other assorted rodents and amphibians that came to inhabit my parents' garden.
I'll miss the cool winds of sunny afternoons and my sunlit room that assumes a sepia tint after light unabashedly filters through forgiving dull gold coloured curtains.
By this time tomorrow I'll be in another time zone, trying to understand what happened in a whirlwind 10 day jaunt.
I leave behind pieces of me each time I visit, and this time I've nothing but sadness to take back.
Last night here, gotta make good of it.
More..soon
--
Delhi fees like a hellish option after the temperate calm of Bhopal.
I'll miss the birds, the insects and other assorted rodents and amphibians that came to inhabit my parents' garden.
I'll miss the cool winds of sunny afternoons and my sunlit room that assumes a sepia tint after light unabashedly filters through forgiving dull gold coloured curtains.
By this time tomorrow I'll be in another time zone, trying to understand what happened in a whirlwind 10 day jaunt.
I leave behind pieces of me each time I visit, and this time I've nothing but sadness to take back.
Last night here, gotta make good of it.
More..soon
Sunday, 9 October 2016
Herast
A cousin tasted condensed milk for the first time today. He's 23.
What has this world come to?
--
Clearly I'm the brains and you're the beauty, darling.
--
Alien vs predator, because predator!
What has this world come to?
--
Clearly I'm the brains and you're the beauty, darling.
--
Alien vs predator, because predator!
where?
There we go again
on a nomadic campaign
traveling in straight lines
dropping pins
belonging for a quick second
retracing steps
with a poker face
retracting roots for feet
in a limbo
between here and there
on a nomadic campaign
traveling in straight lines
dropping pins
belonging for a quick second
retracing steps
with a poker face
retracting roots for feet
in a limbo
between here and there
Saturday, 8 October 2016
Bzzz
Getting hair conditioner recommendations from a man who has lesser hair than our solar system has suns.
Ah life, what has you come to?
One thing most peculiar and positively hurrah about these surroundings is that there are no pigeons and no crows.
There might be some sort of medieval poeticism about ravens, but I've yet to find it.
Maybe I'm more of a vultures gal.
Vultures bear a foreboding mien and wizened brood. You can't not take them seriously.
Hell yeah for vultures. \m/
Small fat birds, that hop like an aerial bunny and fly like a cocaine shot are such delights.
Smug looking, coal chested and chubby. A few strands of red under their feathers; no bigger than your fist, with a tail twice that, at a 45° angle.
Jumpy little things. I don't know what they are called. Perhaps I'll click a pic.
Ah life, what has you come to?
One thing most peculiar and positively hurrah about these surroundings is that there are no pigeons and no crows.
There might be some sort of medieval poeticism about ravens, but I've yet to find it.
Maybe I'm more of a vultures gal.
Vultures bear a foreboding mien and wizened brood. You can't not take them seriously.
Hell yeah for vultures. \m/
Small fat birds, that hop like an aerial bunny and fly like a cocaine shot are such delights.
Smug looking, coal chested and chubby. A few strands of red under their feathers; no bigger than your fist, with a tail twice that, at a 45° angle.
Jumpy little things. I don't know what they are called. Perhaps I'll click a pic.
Wander
In the nights I wander
on yellowed pages of backlit screen
cuz they adjusted in time,
switching to night mode
the bright white toned down to a comfortable off white
to help me cruise
a virtual vagabond
in the nights I wander
down the stairs
into the hall
groping for a switch
to find a fridge
and a bottle of water
In the nights I wander
with my musings
and made up scenarios
of life like I like it to be
where love is easy and forthcoming
In the nights I wander
in front of a full length mirror
worried, delirious
whether I've gained weight
or lost shape
how's my hair and my face
In the nights I wander
in a series of tosses
and many turns
all over my bed
looking for cool spots
burrowing in pillows
disguised as blankets
on yellowed pages of backlit screen
cuz they adjusted in time,
switching to night mode
the bright white toned down to a comfortable off white
to help me cruise
a virtual vagabond
in the nights I wander
down the stairs
into the hall
groping for a switch
to find a fridge
and a bottle of water
In the nights I wander
with my musings
and made up scenarios
of life like I like it to be
where love is easy and forthcoming
In the nights I wander
in front of a full length mirror
worried, delirious
whether I've gained weight
or lost shape
how's my hair and my face
In the nights I wander
in a series of tosses
and many turns
all over my bed
looking for cool spots
burrowing in pillows
disguised as blankets
Friday, 7 October 2016
Balloon claws
There are so many ads popping up from the bottom of the screen on your tv. They're like a big bottom blot and capable of totally ruining your movie watching experience.
Not only are these ads annoying, but they're also in aesthetically poor taste.
Unsubtle, ugly and uncouth
Badly designed scars of horrible things.
--
Now all ads are suddenly patriotic themed or bearing salutations to soldiers.
--
-hellboy movies are my top favourite to watch any time. After Predator.
Not only are these ads annoying, but they're also in aesthetically poor taste.
Unsubtle, ugly and uncouth
Badly designed scars of horrible things.
--
Now all ads are suddenly patriotic themed or bearing salutations to soldiers.
--
-hellboy movies are my top favourite to watch any time. After Predator.
Bibimbap
Earth orchestra symphony no. 6 (cows crickets and birds)
--
In a hot mug of fresh dark coffee, I did pour in a tablespoon of condensed milk.. so not ashamed. done it once I'll do it again.
--
Ginoromous breakfast and petite dinners.
--
In a hot mug of fresh dark coffee, I did pour in a tablespoon of condensed milk.. so not ashamed. done it once I'll do it again.
--
Ginoromous breakfast and petite dinners.
Thursday, 6 October 2016
Wednesday, 5 October 2016
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