In a tizzy of smouldering words, I watch my breath wheeze out embers..on a smoky evening my darling, when veins somersault into a reverse osmosis of transferring memories from nerves to my ever smitten cells; emanating from every pore wisps of steaming recollections, tracing on forgotten skin a trail of scorched delicious burns where fingers played, touched and brushed.
Under a nighttime sun in honeyed glow of secret gaze, where fantasies silently graze..in wait for the fool to be full, lighting up each night, our shared loon, winking in a whisper pausing for a lull, voicelessly speaking..soon..pretty soon says the moon.
Wednesday, 31 May 2017
Tuesday, 30 May 2017
And phew!!!
You know what's worse than hiking 10 Km's up a mountain on a trail mostly listed as difficult, strewn with uneven rocks and boulders and then climbing that entire distance back down or rather going back..wait what was it that I was saying?
Right what's worse than the above mentioned?
Finding that most restaurants are shutting shop by the time you're done dusting and taking a shower.
I mean come on. Climbing upslope is freaking painful. And imagine doing that for around 10 km's.
Even climbing a few hundred stairs can be a burden and now you've gotta climb an uneven terrain that's got a trail alright, but it's mostly made of rocks and boulders and lava stones and a few man made wooden stairs here and there, but apart from that it's pretty much a hiking trail.
So you want to prove your fitness level to yourself and click pictures of a freaking giganormous crater that is quite an overwhelming view from the top, and so you set about with your hiking gear, hydrated and ready to take on a mountain, and to make matters worse, give yourself a deadline to climb that distance, which is not a walk mind you, but a steep fucking climb.
Oh and the mountain top has to be evacuated by 2:30pm because anytime later than that and you'd get so late to reach the bottom of the mountain that it'd get dark and going down a terrain which is littered with streams, brooks, uneven surface and wild animals will be thusly impossible.
So up you climb, starting at around 10:00 am because you were too drunk last night and couldn't wake up earlier..also gorged on gorgeous Korean food of assorted exotics for breakfast and thus began the said trudge a lot later than one should, and well, told yourself about how you can do it, only to realize halfway that you gotta speed up or you'd never make it to the mountain.
So up you go, or rather I went, with a lightening speed fueled by hours of cardio and controlled breathing only to reach the mountain top around 2:15 which means a good 4 hours were spent climbing a freaking slope, which was mostly made up of rocks and stones and uneven ridges and cliffs and thank god for hiking boots which have taken such a beating that I might want to buy a couple new ones along with a new set of lungs.
Phew, 15 minutes of picture taking, smiling, all the while my legs and thighs cursed me freely and then another hike back down.
Going down, I confess, as easy as it looks is often times harder than climbing up, especially on a freaking terrain that is nothing but rocks, and whaddya know as I climbed down with a smug satisfaction leaving 'people' behind I realized with a start that indeed I have left someone behind and thus waited only to see that someone is in a bad way.
So what do you do? Well, I borrowed all the weights that were on those shoulders because that was indeed heavy and cuz I'm really nice (apparently) what with water and food which was absolutely essential for there was no nourishment or water on the trails to preserve the cleanliness.
Right, so weighed with two sets of baggages I commenced climbing down and made it in record time too, may I add.
Though breaks taken were a lot more because, well, other didn't share my upbeat enthusiasm to get the hell out of those mountains and thus walked slowly, also knees had taken such a beating that, well, it had turned into a painful situation, even so the entire fruitless trek took about 8 hours, start to finish.
20 kms in 8 hours on a mountain isn't all that bad and though I've seen worse there's no shame in admitting that my lower body has launched a crusade of sorts against my entire being.
The only walk I could bear for a while was a gracious limp and as I soothed my legs asking them to obey me one last time once I'd given them warm comforts of a hot shower and small rest, I knew my calves were ready to lock on me, but somehow I was able to whisper warm terms of cooling balms and calming stretches and they went silent for a while..except I realized that this entire procedure of cleansing and resting had taken longer than expected and most restaurants began shutting shops. Gasp!
Well, I did manage to eat someplace, only it was a typically Korean nighttime haunt, with a guitarist and a dozen tables in the open and lots of drinks, a small kitchen catering to everything, self service and finger food.
Well, finger food it is then!
Right what's worse than the above mentioned?
Finding that most restaurants are shutting shop by the time you're done dusting and taking a shower.
I mean come on. Climbing upslope is freaking painful. And imagine doing that for around 10 km's.
Even climbing a few hundred stairs can be a burden and now you've gotta climb an uneven terrain that's got a trail alright, but it's mostly made of rocks and boulders and lava stones and a few man made wooden stairs here and there, but apart from that it's pretty much a hiking trail.
So you want to prove your fitness level to yourself and click pictures of a freaking giganormous crater that is quite an overwhelming view from the top, and so you set about with your hiking gear, hydrated and ready to take on a mountain, and to make matters worse, give yourself a deadline to climb that distance, which is not a walk mind you, but a steep fucking climb.
Oh and the mountain top has to be evacuated by 2:30pm because anytime later than that and you'd get so late to reach the bottom of the mountain that it'd get dark and going down a terrain which is littered with streams, brooks, uneven surface and wild animals will be thusly impossible.
So up you climb, starting at around 10:00 am because you were too drunk last night and couldn't wake up earlier..also gorged on gorgeous Korean food of assorted exotics for breakfast and thus began the said trudge a lot later than one should, and well, told yourself about how you can do it, only to realize halfway that you gotta speed up or you'd never make it to the mountain.
So up you go, or rather I went, with a lightening speed fueled by hours of cardio and controlled breathing only to reach the mountain top around 2:15 which means a good 4 hours were spent climbing a freaking slope, which was mostly made up of rocks and stones and uneven ridges and cliffs and thank god for hiking boots which have taken such a beating that I might want to buy a couple new ones along with a new set of lungs.
Phew, 15 minutes of picture taking, smiling, all the while my legs and thighs cursed me freely and then another hike back down.
Going down, I confess, as easy as it looks is often times harder than climbing up, especially on a freaking terrain that is nothing but rocks, and whaddya know as I climbed down with a smug satisfaction leaving 'people' behind I realized with a start that indeed I have left someone behind and thus waited only to see that someone is in a bad way.
So what do you do? Well, I borrowed all the weights that were on those shoulders because that was indeed heavy and cuz I'm really nice (apparently) what with water and food which was absolutely essential for there was no nourishment or water on the trails to preserve the cleanliness.
Right, so weighed with two sets of baggages I commenced climbing down and made it in record time too, may I add.
Though breaks taken were a lot more because, well, other didn't share my upbeat enthusiasm to get the hell out of those mountains and thus walked slowly, also knees had taken such a beating that, well, it had turned into a painful situation, even so the entire fruitless trek took about 8 hours, start to finish.
20 kms in 8 hours on a mountain isn't all that bad and though I've seen worse there's no shame in admitting that my lower body has launched a crusade of sorts against my entire being.
The only walk I could bear for a while was a gracious limp and as I soothed my legs asking them to obey me one last time once I'd given them warm comforts of a hot shower and small rest, I knew my calves were ready to lock on me, but somehow I was able to whisper warm terms of cooling balms and calming stretches and they went silent for a while..except I realized that this entire procedure of cleansing and resting had taken longer than expected and most restaurants began shutting shops. Gasp!
Well, I did manage to eat someplace, only it was a typically Korean nighttime haunt, with a guitarist and a dozen tables in the open and lots of drinks, a small kitchen catering to everything, self service and finger food.
Well, finger food it is then!
Paradise
Where skies are blue and seas bluer.
Jeju in South Korea is a wonderland
Till now dead sirens
Aren't vacations supposed to be all about relaxing, rejuvenating?
Apparently mine isn't.
Climbing mountains, hiking, trekking and coming back into the room stumbling with aching legs and sore feet.
Nights are about getting drunk on Soju and stumbling back again, finding space under covers and sleeping like a log, only to wake up next morning in a regimented fashion, opening maps, ticking places and leaving for the day, checking evening locations, waterfalls and what not.
I've not even seen the city till now, though there isn't much to it, but man oh man is this place beautiful.
I'll be putting in some pictures soon, just as soon as I have enough time to sit in a place and attach pics..even though this city has free wifi almost every place you go, but then again, one has to sit in a location.
I'm less of a tourist here and more of a traveler.
Nothing's gonna stop me from doing a bit of shopping today, nothing.
Apparently mine isn't.
Climbing mountains, hiking, trekking and coming back into the room stumbling with aching legs and sore feet.
Nights are about getting drunk on Soju and stumbling back again, finding space under covers and sleeping like a log, only to wake up next morning in a regimented fashion, opening maps, ticking places and leaving for the day, checking evening locations, waterfalls and what not.
I've not even seen the city till now, though there isn't much to it, but man oh man is this place beautiful.
I'll be putting in some pictures soon, just as soon as I have enough time to sit in a place and attach pics..even though this city has free wifi almost every place you go, but then again, one has to sit in a location.
I'm less of a tourist here and more of a traveler.
Nothing's gonna stop me from doing a bit of shopping today, nothing.
Saturday, 27 May 2017
Looking dead
Am I tired? Yes, I sure look tired.
Doesn't help that Koreans make something devilishly delicious allied 'soju'.
Tonight I shall be drunk while stumbling into my bed.
Oui.
Doesn't help that Koreans make something devilishly delicious allied 'soju'.
Tonight I shall be drunk while stumbling into my bed.
Oui.
Yammers
Definitely insects/larvae of some kind boiled to a deathly stew.
These will forever haunt me.
Friday, 26 May 2017
Done with
So I just saw the trailer for 'Thor Ragnarok' and either I've grown up or this franchise is getting sillier by the day.
Jeff Goldblum with a blue goatee, Loki with a pair of gay horns and Maleficent as its villainess and Hulk Spartacus is dueling Thor in an amphitheater.
The cosplay circus is back in town people.
They've really let their imaginations run wild with a never before seen, unheard and rare idea of gladiatorial godly wars. Gasps. Somebody pass me my breath.
Thor, I'm never gonna watch your any movie. Same for you Avengers,Justice league, Spider-Man.
Bye bye all.
Jeff Goldblum with a blue goatee, Loki with a pair of gay horns and Maleficent as its villainess and Hulk Spartacus is dueling Thor in an amphitheater.
The cosplay circus is back in town people.
They've really let their imaginations run wild with a never before seen, unheard and rare idea of gladiatorial godly wars. Gasps. Somebody pass me my breath.
Thor, I'm never gonna watch your any movie. Same for you Avengers,Justice league, Spider-Man.
Bye bye all.
Deadhouse Gates
A compendium of emotional thesaurus was 'Deadhouse gates'.
If roller coasters could be published, they'd be this book. To say that it was fun, intelligent, invigorating would almost be as real and peripheral as saying water is tasteless.
Deadhouse Gates was a dynamo, constantly charging itself into gears of fantastical lengths and zooming inside of a reader's system combining pangs of anxiety, laughter, confusion, confoundment, marvel, fear, revulsion, hatred, love. It was shocking, sad with the ability to make you want to break a pane of glass with your head or weep your eyes out to the point of dehydration.
Imagine cramming a galaxy of characters, stories, relations, connections into a coherent thought and putting it out into words and paragraphs so spellbindingly delicious that to miss out on them would be almost criminal. A surge of crack or should I say 'durhang' like ability seeping out of this book that numbs a reader to all happenings in the real world, for the world of Deadhouse Gates and its characters feels so wonderful that you'd almost wish you were on board, applauding your favourite characters to ascension.
The description of events that would be impossible to put in meaningful words let alone interesting ones were so arresting, all consuming that it was flabbergasting.
So on point and riveting were all the battle scenes, the description of military tactics, aches of sorcery and contused pangs of losses that you'd be tearing your hair out in anticipation or yelling out words of encouragement to characters of such remarkable bravery that'd leave you humbled and cowering with disgust at your own self.
Deadhouse Gates is easily one of the best books out there and so complete is it in itself that you can forgive yourself for not reading anything ever.
Thursday, 25 May 2017
Coffee cisses 💋
There is light, there is caffeine and there are words aplenty that I need to let myself immerse in.
Find them coursing through my head, lighting aglow every grey cell they touch.
Do you know..of course you do.
Hearts and hearts
Dream dodge
Odd dreams that almost verged on the gross. What ran as a documentary in my head is now a series of cuts and flashes much like a horror trailer where all jump scares have been stuffed into a one minute reel, splicing and cutting back into screams, loud music, heavy breathing and distant memories.
My gums were trying to jump out of my mouth and I kept trying to stuff them in. There was no blood but I don't know..it was a bit trying.
I was being held by someone I hated and kept tying to keep his hands off but he wouldn't let go, touching and holding me at every opportunity in the close confines of a car which was running on rough terrain in a jungle.
Ah, I'd rather get chased by snore demons than get harassed in my dreams.
Glad was I to wake up, and find myself free of any unheeded hands on my person, my gums intact and my cat snoring near my feet.
Mundane comforts that turn into incidental moments of pleasure when your life begins breaking apart..even if it's in dreams.
My gums were trying to jump out of my mouth and I kept trying to stuff them in. There was no blood but I don't know..it was a bit trying.
I was being held by someone I hated and kept tying to keep his hands off but he wouldn't let go, touching and holding me at every opportunity in the close confines of a car which was running on rough terrain in a jungle.
Ah, I'd rather get chased by snore demons than get harassed in my dreams.
Glad was I to wake up, and find myself free of any unheeded hands on my person, my gums intact and my cat snoring near my feet.
Mundane comforts that turn into incidental moments of pleasure when your life begins breaking apart..even if it's in dreams.
Wednesday, 24 May 2017
Some bits
Pirates of the Caribbean is a movie I'm seriously looking forward to watching for no other reason than that I've watched all those movies in a hall, and I'm not missing that streak, and of course I really like that series.
Also, I finally watched 'Arrival' and it's easily the best alien movie out there. (Except Independence day- the old one). But honestly, it's a movie worth its fucking salt. Kickass!!
Also, I finally watched 'Arrival' and it's easily the best alien movie out there. (Except Independence day- the old one). But honestly, it's a movie worth its fucking salt. Kickass!!
oh wow!
A little stroll through Instagram, only to realize it has turned into snapchat. I mean for a moment I thought I'm sitting inside of snapchat with people putting in their little stories..not just, there's also going to be face fillers soon if they aren't here already.
I saw it in an insta ad in instagram.
Wow! imagine putting an ad about yourself inside yourself.
Like my RBC's watching an advert for new and improved RBC's that multiply at a faster rate or something to that effect.
Talk about cloning..it's important for everything to be like everything else now, for uniqueness is out of practice. Be it apps, beards or puffed up lips. You're strange if you're you..get on the bandwagon then, Sit atop a conveyer belt and let it guide you into a simulacrum jungle of mass imprints and reproductions.
Grab the popcorn and watch this world turn into one another, while we stay in stasis..Hurrah!
I saw it in an insta ad in instagram.
Wow! imagine putting an ad about yourself inside yourself.
Like my RBC's watching an advert for new and improved RBC's that multiply at a faster rate or something to that effect.
Talk about cloning..it's important for everything to be like everything else now, for uniqueness is out of practice. Be it apps, beards or puffed up lips. You're strange if you're you..get on the bandwagon then, Sit atop a conveyer belt and let it guide you into a simulacrum jungle of mass imprints and reproductions.
Grab the popcorn and watch this world turn into one another, while we stay in stasis..Hurrah!
Ho hum
Sunflower conspiracy 2
And my fingers are done for a while.
The audiobook still has a couple hours remaining and I'm finishing it off while doing laundry. Such is life..sigh and finally!
Weather
In the darkness of today I look inside myself for a strain of light, and pluck out a shadow, a couple eclipses and a bit of rain.
There there now, this day I know is truly made.
There there now, this day I know is truly made.
Bulletproof
Caffeine purge lives on for another day or so, and as I solemnly sip on an apricot and lemon infusion I cannot help but talk about a coffee I had the other day.
Other day meaning a couple days back. And yes, I wasn't meant to drink it considering I was still on a purge, but since I was a guest I didn't think it'd be polite to refuse something the host well knew I drank, which is to say coffee.
Now the coffee I was offered was something of a fad from a few year back and I had no idea people still drank it.
The coffee in question was 'bulletproof coffee' developed some years ago to keep a person energized without crashing as one is wont to I guess. A phenomenon largely restricted to avid coffee drinkers/addicts and I'm hardy one of those.
Right, so this coffee involves coffee proper brewed in whatever manner one likes and blended with good quality butter and coconut oil. Yes, you heard me right.
It's meant to supply endless amounts of energy to the drinker and that does hold true because I was pretty energetic, so much so that it enabled me to sit long hours scribbling on a drawing.
But coming back to the coffee that looked something of a frappe after getting blended with a goodly amount of butter and coconut oil, and a bit of sugar in mine, for which I'm thankful because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to drink it.
Not that it's bad or disgusting, I mean I didn't think anything else other than that it was definitely an acquired taste, one that's set you back a good 600-700 calories first thing in the morning.
It's okay if you're thinking of running or doing a long bout of HIIT, but in case the drinker leads a life spent much in a reclining position then bulletproof coffee would pretty much prove a bullet for a system if taken long term.
So yeah, bulletproof or not, this ain't the kind of coffee I'll be drinking anytime soon again, not because of any other reason except that I've never much cared for butter or fat in my tea or coffee. I mean I never liked buttermilk tea and I'm a tea lover to the power max, and coconut oil as much as I love it, I wouldn't want to drink it inside of a coffee.
Other day meaning a couple days back. And yes, I wasn't meant to drink it considering I was still on a purge, but since I was a guest I didn't think it'd be polite to refuse something the host well knew I drank, which is to say coffee.
Now the coffee I was offered was something of a fad from a few year back and I had no idea people still drank it.
The coffee in question was 'bulletproof coffee' developed some years ago to keep a person energized without crashing as one is wont to I guess. A phenomenon largely restricted to avid coffee drinkers/addicts and I'm hardy one of those.
Right, so this coffee involves coffee proper brewed in whatever manner one likes and blended with good quality butter and coconut oil. Yes, you heard me right.
It's meant to supply endless amounts of energy to the drinker and that does hold true because I was pretty energetic, so much so that it enabled me to sit long hours scribbling on a drawing.
But coming back to the coffee that looked something of a frappe after getting blended with a goodly amount of butter and coconut oil, and a bit of sugar in mine, for which I'm thankful because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to drink it.
Not that it's bad or disgusting, I mean I didn't think anything else other than that it was definitely an acquired taste, one that's set you back a good 600-700 calories first thing in the morning.
It's okay if you're thinking of running or doing a long bout of HIIT, but in case the drinker leads a life spent much in a reclining position then bulletproof coffee would pretty much prove a bullet for a system if taken long term.
So yeah, bulletproof or not, this ain't the kind of coffee I'll be drinking anytime soon again, not because of any other reason except that I've never much cared for butter or fat in my tea or coffee. I mean I never liked buttermilk tea and I'm a tea lover to the power max, and coconut oil as much as I love it, I wouldn't want to drink it inside of a coffee.
Tuesday, 23 May 2017
Critiques
A: how's your drawing coming along?
B: it's almost done.
A: can I see?
B: ok, here it is.
A: it's fucking creepy
( actual conversation today)
B: it's almost done.
A: can I see?
B: ok, here it is.
A: it's fucking creepy
( actual conversation today)
Ah then
What remains now is minor detailing that which will be done tomorrow.
To say that I'm drained out would be only sweetly putting it.
Also, better picture in better light..tomorrow.
last night
Demons, monsters. Sharp clawed and razor taloned. Needle like fangs jutting from corners of their mouth. Drooling, screaming, howling.
Ear piercing shrieks, some whispering terror in the wind; promising, threatening to hunt me down, flay me alive, tear me piece by piece.
Jaws snapping shut with loud cracks of bone breaking intensity, tongues rolling out of their mouths, smacking lips and teeth in delight.
Running at a speed I knew I'd never escape from. Their breaths hot, stinging my back, singing clothes. Strands of my hair sometimes caught in their outstretched vicious arms that they tore at relentlessly. Feeling the sudden painful snap of my hair tearing away from my scalp bore into me the panic at being caught, fear lending my heart an unbeatable pace that I felt it might jump out of my skin any moment now. My skin, I didn't want these apparitions touching me. Clutching at air, trying to scrape at the empty space in front of me I ran, or were my feet merely kicking at nothing spasmodically?
How many were they? would I chance a peek and look back? I could hear their snarls well enough now, I was within their reach. They were lunging at me, scrabbling to claw me and tear away strips of muscles or maybe carve out my backbone, snapping it out of my back.
Cease running now, there isn't much you can do, I said to myself.
The growls were a steady pace, almost rhythmic. A measure of thunderous music ready to pounce on me anytime now, to begin a slow mutilation while I watched strong jaws stripping away my tendons, rupturing my ligaments..if only I could wake up.
wake up! wake up! you're dreaming. Wake up!
Huh, phew, yes. Awake I was, sweating, my hair snagged in a metallic watch that didn't' belong to me. The howls, the screams, the deafening shrieks..they were still here. Why?
I'm awake now. Go away. They continued, in a rhythmic beat they stayed close to my ears.
Why won't you go. Leave me alone. Leave me, No!!
They won't go, they stayed close to me, but only as noises. It wasn't hurting anymore. They won't harm me.
They're simply snores. emanating from a face I see everyday.
Entering my dream realm, manifesting into vile savage like atrocities.
Oh dear! I'm never sleeping again, not while someone snores.
Ear piercing shrieks, some whispering terror in the wind; promising, threatening to hunt me down, flay me alive, tear me piece by piece.
Jaws snapping shut with loud cracks of bone breaking intensity, tongues rolling out of their mouths, smacking lips and teeth in delight.
Running at a speed I knew I'd never escape from. Their breaths hot, stinging my back, singing clothes. Strands of my hair sometimes caught in their outstretched vicious arms that they tore at relentlessly. Feeling the sudden painful snap of my hair tearing away from my scalp bore into me the panic at being caught, fear lending my heart an unbeatable pace that I felt it might jump out of my skin any moment now. My skin, I didn't want these apparitions touching me. Clutching at air, trying to scrape at the empty space in front of me I ran, or were my feet merely kicking at nothing spasmodically?
How many were they? would I chance a peek and look back? I could hear their snarls well enough now, I was within their reach. They were lunging at me, scrabbling to claw me and tear away strips of muscles or maybe carve out my backbone, snapping it out of my back.
Cease running now, there isn't much you can do, I said to myself.
The growls were a steady pace, almost rhythmic. A measure of thunderous music ready to pounce on me anytime now, to begin a slow mutilation while I watched strong jaws stripping away my tendons, rupturing my ligaments..if only I could wake up.
wake up! wake up! you're dreaming. Wake up!
Huh, phew, yes. Awake I was, sweating, my hair snagged in a metallic watch that didn't' belong to me. The howls, the screams, the deafening shrieks..they were still here. Why?
I'm awake now. Go away. They continued, in a rhythmic beat they stayed close to my ears.
Why won't you go. Leave me alone. Leave me, No!!
They won't go, they stayed close to me, but only as noises. It wasn't hurting anymore. They won't harm me.
They're simply snores. emanating from a face I see everyday.
Entering my dream realm, manifesting into vile savage like atrocities.
Oh dear! I'm never sleeping again, not while someone snores.
Monday, 22 May 2017
Gone
Imagining in imaginations in hopes they'd entwine with those of a soul who seeks to reach mine out. Seeks hopefully.
On choppy waters when ships did sail they lost out on some inlet or island, without walking the plank, never asked for a buoy, just jumped ship and disappeared.
A hurting distress arising not from the sudden dematerialization but from the lack of SOS besmirching the skies.
Seeing the frailties of asthenic imaginations I've resorted to dreams to weave a web of minute tendrils infinite wisps of untethered smoky chimerical traps, traveling through dimensions, like invisible termites of metaphorical yearnings to weaken thought walls and bore atomic holes invisible to the naked mind yet existing with a finality, that'd enable a weave of gauzy web of forgotten remembrances to suffuse souls now lost or fallen through between gaps in time and life.
On choppy waters when ships did sail they lost out on some inlet or island, without walking the plank, never asked for a buoy, just jumped ship and disappeared.
A hurting distress arising not from the sudden dematerialization but from the lack of SOS besmirching the skies.
Seeing the frailties of asthenic imaginations I've resorted to dreams to weave a web of minute tendrils infinite wisps of untethered smoky chimerical traps, traveling through dimensions, like invisible termites of metaphorical yearnings to weaken thought walls and bore atomic holes invisible to the naked mind yet existing with a finality, that'd enable a weave of gauzy web of forgotten remembrances to suffuse souls now lost or fallen through between gaps in time and life.
Sundown
Hopefully I put an end to this tomorrow before starting on other things I my life. There's a whole bunch of madness pending.
X
Decay has yet to set in yet disintegration already feels like it's begun.
Too early in the day, too late to begin with.
In a mire of contradictory nothings there's enough to be said till silence chafes at your tongue and words whimper at apathy of neglection.
In mute eloquence of verbose laconism, visions sought by blindness of faith, doubts held by perceptive eyeless.
A rungless ladder running in parallel wooden lines, lodges in couplets of pliable lies writ in beautiful truths, in ugly guise.
muted bones finished in matt. Glossy skin of peeling rags stitched with watery threads. Liquid strands evaporate into inflexible stones of soft mud.
Elastic bricks of concrete clouds thudding down to airy dewdrops.
Too early in the day, too late to begin with.
In a mire of contradictory nothings there's enough to be said till silence chafes at your tongue and words whimper at apathy of neglection.
In mute eloquence of verbose laconism, visions sought by blindness of faith, doubts held by perceptive eyeless.
A rungless ladder running in parallel wooden lines, lodges in couplets of pliable lies writ in beautiful truths, in ugly guise.
muted bones finished in matt. Glossy skin of peeling rags stitched with watery threads. Liquid strands evaporate into inflexible stones of soft mud.
Elastic bricks of concrete clouds thudding down to airy dewdrops.
Saturday, 20 May 2017
Sharp enough to cut
Case in point a sword made in the famous sword making village of Spain that sits serenely atop a bookshelf. The sword, not the village.
My little group of ruffian renegades of age seven, eight and nine who're in the habit of picking up things about my house and asking me "what's this", picked up the sword.
Of course the sword in question isn't all that genteel and refused to be plucked by little hands of innocent deviance and nothing about it is very sword like, in that its edges are not sharp, but then again not very dull either except its tip which is indeed pointy or rather stabby and stays sheathed in thick leather.
I had to dissuade them from the art piece and they agreed..
Well, no little kid is touching this sword again.
Friday, 19 May 2017
Thoughts
If only I could make sense of half the gibberish I scribbled while drunk out of my wits, drugged out of my mind, I'd probably have the making of a hundred stories.
They seemed like such a good idea inside my head, in that dark little dungeon with colourful images flirting about, talking, whispering, ah their lovely conversations that I typed furiously in my notes, wrote convulsively in my writing pad only to read them as squiggly lines of erratic imagination and loopy alphabets meaning nothing save a bland trip to the shock therapist.
Hmm, perhaps I need to get drunk a little more to make some more sense out of them, and type and post it right there and then.
They seemed like such a good idea inside my head, in that dark little dungeon with colourful images flirting about, talking, whispering, ah their lovely conversations that I typed furiously in my notes, wrote convulsively in my writing pad only to read them as squiggly lines of erratic imagination and loopy alphabets meaning nothing save a bland trip to the shock therapist.
Hmm, perhaps I need to get drunk a little more to make some more sense out of them, and type and post it right there and then.
Emo
The emoji movie.
Why don't you just stick a nail in my arms and crucify me.
Oh wait, that's been done and didn't help any cuz the emoji movie still got fucking made!
What?? I mean what?
There isn't a single movie on punctuations and they're far more used and necessary and form the basis of non idiot alliance..perhaps this is why it never got made.
I hope it flops so bad they've to come up with another name for flop. A movie on bloody emoji's. Gah!
I'm gonna cut off all ties with any kin or friend who watches this abomination.
Why don't you just stick a nail in my arms and crucify me.
Oh wait, that's been done and didn't help any cuz the emoji movie still got fucking made!
What?? I mean what?
There isn't a single movie on punctuations and they're far more used and necessary and form the basis of non idiot alliance..perhaps this is why it never got made.
I hope it flops so bad they've to come up with another name for flop. A movie on bloody emoji's. Gah!
I'm gonna cut off all ties with any kin or friend who watches this abomination.
Stuck
Marilyn Manson's 'killing strangers' is stuck in my head, on my tongue, in my throat and I'm loving it. Why it's come to be I couldn't say, but there it is.
Phew
Sore thumb, aching neck, watery eyes and the drawing isn't anywhere near completion. But it's coming along. There's a lot of detailing, more than that there's a lot of colouring the whites in small patches and one has to be cautious lest the blackening ends up inside a part of drawing that easily blends with the background patches.
I don't know how to explain this, except I numbed myself for almost 6 hours and it feels much better.
To not have anything to think about except concentrate, meditate and focus on the one thing with only an audible sound in the background, that of a soothing voice reading a book; a book which hasn't started making any sense almost 7 hours in.
I will rant about the book later, in another post, if it doesn't still make any sense after 14 hours that is.
Not that it's nonsense. No! It's well written, easy to understand but no idea as to where it's going, with five or thereabouts characters, 3 of which being main and their lives and sea and what not.
More later.
Might have to massage my thumb back to its normal shape, because right now it looks like the pad of the thumb has caved in, also apart from the thumb it's the little finger (at least in my case) that takes a lot of beating while drawing. Something about how I apply pressure on my fingers with varied weight or force depending on how light or dark or thin I want particular shadings.
Right, back to unscrewing my neck..
I don't know how to explain this, except I numbed myself for almost 6 hours and it feels much better.
To not have anything to think about except concentrate, meditate and focus on the one thing with only an audible sound in the background, that of a soothing voice reading a book; a book which hasn't started making any sense almost 7 hours in.
I will rant about the book later, in another post, if it doesn't still make any sense after 14 hours that is.
Not that it's nonsense. No! It's well written, easy to understand but no idea as to where it's going, with five or thereabouts characters, 3 of which being main and their lives and sea and what not.
More later.
Might have to massage my thumb back to its normal shape, because right now it looks like the pad of the thumb has caved in, also apart from the thumb it's the little finger (at least in my case) that takes a lot of beating while drawing. Something about how I apply pressure on my fingers with varied weight or force depending on how light or dark or thin I want particular shadings.
Right, back to unscrewing my neck..
Arghhh!!
Don't take away our grunge people, dear god.
Fuck it all.. I think I'll just work out. Fuck
Music deaths
Chris Cornell has died and I'm sad.
Today shall be a dedicated to audioslave and soundgarden..
He may be dead though, but his songs shall always remain immortal..like a fucking rock!
\m/ :(
Today shall be a dedicated to audioslave and soundgarden..
He may be dead though, but his songs shall always remain immortal..like a fucking rock!
\m/ :(
Thursday, 18 May 2017
Rrrramble amble
Someone was talking to me about the benefits of Vitamin K today and I zoned out, I mean seriously, if I've to bother about every goddamned alphabet with a vitamin prefix I'd have a nervous breakdown.
The only vitamin I really care about apart from A,B,C,D and sometimes E is B12, and yes I do often sometimes take supplements for it, and urge all those on mostly plant based diets to do too, though my diet isn't completely plant based, still, one must take precautions.
What was this post originally about? Yes, today! Today was fairly lacking in emotional drama because I had a decently successful bout of drawing and there are few complains about that.
Also, there is some construction going on not 100mts from my house and seems like a major Govt. project, involving heavy machinery which I hope doesn't do a decepticon anytime soon, cuz I'm fresh out of primes.
So the resulting noise that sounds much like god sized nails digging on asphalt blackboard is but only a major hindrance to sleeping, and though I've shut most windows, it still permeates through the few windows I've left ajar, lest I suffocate in stale air.
Times like these I wish I were sitting pretty on a high rise, with nothing but concrete around me; not a single tree to touch, not a single bird to perch.
Ah, this too shall pass..a few days and this noise will be completely replaced with cicadas, which I'd take over this rattling sin anytime of my life.
Imagine tossing nails into an iron bucket, now imagine sitting inside that bucket while those nails like shrapnels were tossed on your head. Yeah feels a bit like that.
Also, I've just been informed by my bed timer that I needs sleep in the next five minutes to ensure a goodly 7 hour sleep. So I shall do just that, the ceiling isn't going to stare itself the first couple hours.
G'night. Hearts.
The only vitamin I really care about apart from A,B,C,D and sometimes E is B12, and yes I do often sometimes take supplements for it, and urge all those on mostly plant based diets to do too, though my diet isn't completely plant based, still, one must take precautions.
What was this post originally about? Yes, today! Today was fairly lacking in emotional drama because I had a decently successful bout of drawing and there are few complains about that.
Also, there is some construction going on not 100mts from my house and seems like a major Govt. project, involving heavy machinery which I hope doesn't do a decepticon anytime soon, cuz I'm fresh out of primes.
So the resulting noise that sounds much like god sized nails digging on asphalt blackboard is but only a major hindrance to sleeping, and though I've shut most windows, it still permeates through the few windows I've left ajar, lest I suffocate in stale air.
Times like these I wish I were sitting pretty on a high rise, with nothing but concrete around me; not a single tree to touch, not a single bird to perch.
Ah, this too shall pass..a few days and this noise will be completely replaced with cicadas, which I'd take over this rattling sin anytime of my life.
Imagine tossing nails into an iron bucket, now imagine sitting inside that bucket while those nails like shrapnels were tossed on your head. Yeah feels a bit like that.
Also, I've just been informed by my bed timer that I needs sleep in the next five minutes to ensure a goodly 7 hour sleep. So I shall do just that, the ceiling isn't going to stare itself the first couple hours.
G'night. Hearts.
Nerves
Brains so fried that I just spent five minutes looking for my spectacles that sat serenely as ever on my face.
Needs a break.
Yikes! Dinner.
Needs a break.
Yikes! Dinner.
Satisfaction
drinks
Now's the time for a good cup of coffee or tea, but brave as I am during the caffeine purge, I shall only content myself with a super healthy soy shake with the goodness of bananas, apricots, figs, chia seeds and devil's fart.
sigh
sigh
now some more
So here I am, starting on a redemption drawing, finished with the 5th book of Dresden series and starting on with another audiobook called 'Harbor' by John Ajvide Lindqvist.
I have not the slightest idea about this book, except that this writer also wrote 'let the right one in' and the movie scared the breath out of me, so I guess this one is also horror?
It was thrown up in suggestions by the audiobook download site and I thought, well, why not?
Need a break from Dresden before I go back to it, also, in case of any other fun reccos, please do let me know.
I'm totally open to mad fantasy fiction or anything really.
I have not the slightest idea about this book, except that this writer also wrote 'let the right one in' and the movie scared the breath out of me, so I guess this one is also horror?
It was thrown up in suggestions by the audiobook download site and I thought, well, why not?
Need a break from Dresden before I go back to it, also, in case of any other fun reccos, please do let me know.
I'm totally open to mad fantasy fiction or anything really.
Wednesday, 17 May 2017
---
I just want to go back to basics for a while and only draw on my moleskine. So disheartening this.
It's never happened that a drawing has bothered me so that I've thrown it away mid drawing, and irritating me.
It's never happened that a drawing has bothered me so that I've thrown it away mid drawing, and irritating me.
Seconds
Warm soy milk with a sprinkling of cinnamon is as much a substitute for tea or coffee as committing suicide is for adventure sports.
Bad analogies part deux.
Bad analogies part deux.
I kill
Just drove myself into a meltdown after going back and forth from in between cooking dinner to staring at the half finished drawing and after a bout of self deprecating curses ended up shredding it to a hundred rags.
Can't say I don't feel better.
Have to order some white pigment liners before embarking on another drawing disaster on black sheets.
This idea is my head is shelved for the time being while I pursue a more jaunty mainstream drawing to feel better.
Ugh, I'm seething.
Can't say I don't feel better.
Have to order some white pigment liners before embarking on another drawing disaster on black sheets.
This idea is my head is shelved for the time being while I pursue a more jaunty mainstream drawing to feel better.
Ugh, I'm seething.
Drawing woes
It has been hell, creatively speaking.
There's a reason why people mostly draw galaxies on a black background, because drawing with white on black paper is not easy. Oh it's not easy; more so because I thought that I'd be able to tackle this despite the fact that I don't have any white pigment fine liners, with my fine nib pens in an array of fine points using my excellent white ink.
Wrong!!
You see, those extremely fine dip pens though flawless as they are cannot render the same effect with white on black as they would with black on white.
Since they're fine tipped, the white line fails to deliver the impact one would need, it fails to stand out stark against the black backdrop, which is why one needs to apply a little more pressure, just a tad bit more than normal to have the white of the ink come out a little thicker.
So now we're faced with a new kind of problem.
These pages are made of mostly cotton like fine threads compacted together, and the the fine nib of dip pens which commands a surface area almost rivalling that of a needle tends to thread through the extremely fine fibre like structure of the surface of the page. These fibres which are a hundred times finer than a strand of hair get stuck in the nibs and makes drawing a nightmare, because it clogs the entire pen.
Now this wouldn't be a problem with fineliners no matter how fine because they are felt tipped.
I spent hours on not more than one square inch space trying to figure a way around, dealing with clogged tips, trying to pour in details carefully and not succeeding as well as I'd hoped.
Add to that the fact that white pigment ink is a little thicker than the black ones, and does not seamlessly drop out as one would expect.
Ah well, let's see how this progresses.
I'm almost tempted to tear this one out and start another with new experiences gained.
Ah! Let's see
There's a reason why people mostly draw galaxies on a black background, because drawing with white on black paper is not easy. Oh it's not easy; more so because I thought that I'd be able to tackle this despite the fact that I don't have any white pigment fine liners, with my fine nib pens in an array of fine points using my excellent white ink.
Wrong!!
You see, those extremely fine dip pens though flawless as they are cannot render the same effect with white on black as they would with black on white.
Since they're fine tipped, the white line fails to deliver the impact one would need, it fails to stand out stark against the black backdrop, which is why one needs to apply a little more pressure, just a tad bit more than normal to have the white of the ink come out a little thicker.
So now we're faced with a new kind of problem.
These pages are made of mostly cotton like fine threads compacted together, and the the fine nib of dip pens which commands a surface area almost rivalling that of a needle tends to thread through the extremely fine fibre like structure of the surface of the page. These fibres which are a hundred times finer than a strand of hair get stuck in the nibs and makes drawing a nightmare, because it clogs the entire pen.
Now this wouldn't be a problem with fineliners no matter how fine because they are felt tipped.
I spent hours on not more than one square inch space trying to figure a way around, dealing with clogged tips, trying to pour in details carefully and not succeeding as well as I'd hoped.
Add to that the fact that white pigment ink is a little thicker than the black ones, and does not seamlessly drop out as one would expect.
Ah well, let's see how this progresses.
I'm almost tempted to tear this one out and start another with new experiences gained.
Ah! Let's see
drawing daze
I could click a picture of the drawing in all its basic glory but who'd understand it? Not because it's avant-garde but because it's done on a black sheet of paper, blacker than night sky, blacker than your heart, my darling, and the faint silver of the pencil graphite is barely visible if not squinted upon while the light shines through opposite direction. Nothing that a camera could capture..so, soon.
beginning with the white rendering, here's hoping and wishing.
beginning with the white rendering, here's hoping and wishing.
Tuesday, 16 May 2017
G'night
Nighttime it is. Godammit again
half a yawn blinking in vain
all aboard the slumber train
steeped with sleep slowing brain
pittered in, in pattering rain
living it up in the slowest lane
tell me again what is it I gain
ritualistic cleaning of dream drain
you aren't mad, and I'm sane
Searching for hopes writ in plain
wipe it good, clean the stain
a li'l adjustment, yer eyes will train
now peer through this window pane
half a yawn blinking in vain
all aboard the slumber train
steeped with sleep slowing brain
pittered in, in pattering rain
living it up in the slowest lane
tell me again what is it I gain
ritualistic cleaning of dream drain
you aren't mad, and I'm sane
Searching for hopes writ in plain
wipe it good, clean the stain
a li'l adjustment, yer eyes will train
now peer through this window pane
Freak on
Does one ask for a spoon and scoop off the goodness that's been stuck to the jar rim, or does one simply pay up and walk out with all the rich bits still intact? That seems like a bit of waste, don't it?
Or it is ok to start licking the sides of jars to finish what in reality is a monstrous heart attack in a mug.
But seriously, this is a question and needs be answered to keep the freak-shake etiquette intact. There must be some decorum to drinking this obscenity.
Also, does one finish off the entire drink and then start munching on the goodies that top these shakes or does one start excavating through the sweet rubble, masticating and slurping, swirling and licking and then once the top is lopped off and safely deposited in digestive repository they dig into drinking? I guess that's really up to a person. Drink eat or eat first and then drink.
This is a mystery most intriguing.
Are there answers?
Hunger tango
I'm hungry!
Well..I can eat a banana, or mangoes, or peaches fresh fruity and fragrant, or a bowl of grapes..or better, I could eat my heart out.
What does one do when these cravings for something salty and crisp take over? A fruit certainly isn't the answer. Maybe a toast smothered in butter and a cup of coffee will do the trick. But wait. This is caffeine purge week and most certainly a buttered toast isn't the healthiest snack one could think of.
Oh dear me, what then?
Pistachios?
Walnuts?
Nut butter spread over a bland crisp rice cake?
Almonds? Surely that would do the trick.
No..something substantial like a slice of pizza.
Cravings, options, healthy reality are three different things that fit in like a venn diagram, you've to forefeet one to have the other two and healthy reality never fits in with cravings no matter what anyone might say.
Ugh, sliced cucumbers with warm water it is then, but then I can always add a cube of some good cheese and who'd know? Right?
Well..I can eat a banana, or mangoes, or peaches fresh fruity and fragrant, or a bowl of grapes..or better, I could eat my heart out.
What does one do when these cravings for something salty and crisp take over? A fruit certainly isn't the answer. Maybe a toast smothered in butter and a cup of coffee will do the trick. But wait. This is caffeine purge week and most certainly a buttered toast isn't the healthiest snack one could think of.
Oh dear me, what then?
Pistachios?
Walnuts?
Nut butter spread over a bland crisp rice cake?
Almonds? Surely that would do the trick.
No..something substantial like a slice of pizza.
Cravings, options, healthy reality are three different things that fit in like a venn diagram, you've to forefeet one to have the other two and healthy reality never fits in with cravings no matter what anyone might say.
Ugh, sliced cucumbers with warm water it is then, but then I can always add a cube of some good cheese and who'd know? Right?
till now and oops
Almost midday and the day goes slow.
With a decision to dedicate the first few hours before commencing on drawing to watching a few series, I began with 'the expanse' and with a sudden pang of amnesia realized that I've forgotten almost everything that was happening, except the blue life form that is actualy a life force sucking fungus?
____
right: So I left this post unwritten because I was stuck in a volley of phone calls and then got to finishing my exoskeleton of a drawing and just remembered that I was writing something.
Almost evening and the day goes fine.
I'm almost done with the basics of what this new drawing will be, and the rendering starts tomorrow.
Still a bit spooked about drawing on this black sheet and hope it all turns out alright, at least as alright as it nearly could be.
Dresden files goes well and I'm nearly nearing the end of book 5. Wow! perhaps I'll end up starting the new book before this drawing is done with.
Let's see.
With a decision to dedicate the first few hours before commencing on drawing to watching a few series, I began with 'the expanse' and with a sudden pang of amnesia realized that I've forgotten almost everything that was happening, except the blue life form that is actualy a life force sucking fungus?
____
right: So I left this post unwritten because I was stuck in a volley of phone calls and then got to finishing my exoskeleton of a drawing and just remembered that I was writing something.
Almost evening and the day goes fine.
I'm almost done with the basics of what this new drawing will be, and the rendering starts tomorrow.
Still a bit spooked about drawing on this black sheet and hope it all turns out alright, at least as alright as it nearly could be.
Dresden files goes well and I'm nearly nearing the end of book 5. Wow! perhaps I'll end up starting the new book before this drawing is done with.
Let's see.
Pssst..morning rants
What was this morning like? I wouldn't know because I was left sleeping in today. A consideration for my affliction which agonised me yesterday.
So there was no packing of lunch or fixing breakfast in the early hours of dawn and man am I grateful for that.
The next few days I'm going to be taking it easy, could be that I'm a little fatigued and sometimes it just doesn't do to train/work out when your body doesn't feel up to it, and my body, though feeling fit does feel a bit worn and torn.
I don't work out nearly as much as an average gym rat but since my workout is a lot of cross training instead of the same old route of weights and shakes I tend to tire out in a lot more different areas, and this month I've been relentlessly going at it, since the time I got back from home that is.
It's not been long but then there weren't enough breaks and clubbing lots of HIIT or Tabata to almost every routine can be just that much more exhausting.
So maybe a few days rest, because sometimes resting can help more than training and after that I'll try evening out pace with more Pilates routine, until I feel up to killing myself again that is.
Well, this isn't as much a workout post as it is a self talking self suggestion letter.
Ah, mornings that I want to soak up with nothing to do. No chores or laundry, well, maybe laundry, but nothing else apart from that.
Also the weather today is one that develops into a dull patina of threatening rains with no rains in sight, yet dingy, cool and overcast with enthusiastic drear.
So there was no packing of lunch or fixing breakfast in the early hours of dawn and man am I grateful for that.
The next few days I'm going to be taking it easy, could be that I'm a little fatigued and sometimes it just doesn't do to train/work out when your body doesn't feel up to it, and my body, though feeling fit does feel a bit worn and torn.
I don't work out nearly as much as an average gym rat but since my workout is a lot of cross training instead of the same old route of weights and shakes I tend to tire out in a lot more different areas, and this month I've been relentlessly going at it, since the time I got back from home that is.
It's not been long but then there weren't enough breaks and clubbing lots of HIIT or Tabata to almost every routine can be just that much more exhausting.
So maybe a few days rest, because sometimes resting can help more than training and after that I'll try evening out pace with more Pilates routine, until I feel up to killing myself again that is.
Well, this isn't as much a workout post as it is a self talking self suggestion letter.
Ah, mornings that I want to soak up with nothing to do. No chores or laundry, well, maybe laundry, but nothing else apart from that.
Also the weather today is one that develops into a dull patina of threatening rains with no rains in sight, yet dingy, cool and overcast with enthusiastic drear.
Monday, 15 May 2017
Spiteful aches
Curses!
Two cups of coffee!! Why god why?
Why did I do this to myself?
Also a migraine! Wtf?
The last time I had one of these headache attacks was a few months ago, and I wrote about it as I write about this one, and I want to know why has this happened? Of course my body is going to offer no logical explanation for this pounding ache except that I knew and had seen it coming this morning while working out.
It happened while I was doing a cardio interval and felt a far off thrum steadily approaching my skull, and even though I was fully aware that this had the potential to turn into a nightmare I continued with my exercises reasoning idiotically that it'll get better. It didn't!
There was a steady ebb and flow in the throbbing section at the back of my head and I drowned myself in fluids while staying immersed in my drawing when I figured maybe a cup of coffee or two would help. They didn't!
Often times a headache is more of a psychological phenomenon when you've missed out on your usual caffeine timings and even though I barely have one of those problems I wanted to believe this month's migraine to be just that. It wasn't!
After going through my stash of herbal weaponry and watching it fail as it usually does against heavily loaded migraines I had to whip out my arsenal of medicines and to pop one tablet without a moments hesitation was for me the work of an instant.
Beginning to feel better as I type this and here's hoping it all goes to migraine hell and never comes back! Ever!
Two cups of coffee!! Why god why?
Why did I do this to myself?
Also a migraine! Wtf?
The last time I had one of these headache attacks was a few months ago, and I wrote about it as I write about this one, and I want to know why has this happened? Of course my body is going to offer no logical explanation for this pounding ache except that I knew and had seen it coming this morning while working out.
It happened while I was doing a cardio interval and felt a far off thrum steadily approaching my skull, and even though I was fully aware that this had the potential to turn into a nightmare I continued with my exercises reasoning idiotically that it'll get better. It didn't!
There was a steady ebb and flow in the throbbing section at the back of my head and I drowned myself in fluids while staying immersed in my drawing when I figured maybe a cup of coffee or two would help. They didn't!
Often times a headache is more of a psychological phenomenon when you've missed out on your usual caffeine timings and even though I barely have one of those problems I wanted to believe this month's migraine to be just that. It wasn't!
After going through my stash of herbal weaponry and watching it fail as it usually does against heavily loaded migraines I had to whip out my arsenal of medicines and to pop one tablet without a moments hesitation was for me the work of an instant.
Beginning to feel better as I type this and here's hoping it all goes to migraine hell and never comes back! Ever!
commencing..
Preparing myself to resume drawing by doing this and that on the internet. It's only once I'm done with a lot of nothing that I can begin to focus, for there are few things that ever distract me once I begin working, and in order to not let go of that focus I begin by queuing downloads, finishing a couple episodes of currently watching series, get done with lunch, youtube videos and reach the precipice of needing caffeine in my system. Once all the is taken care of, I sit, audiobook in my ear, pencils in my hand and a savage urge to start drilling into my head and push out stuff that's often slow in coming.
Another half an hour and I'll begin.
_
I'm feeling sleepy. Not the kind that I'd hit the bed, but the kind when I'd like to let my eyes glaze over. Drowsy perhaps.
Comes with eating a big lunch, and man, was my lunch heaped to the skies.
starting tomorrow I begin monthly caffeine purge that goes on for a week. Am I happy about it? No sir, but that's what I'm gonna do.
Another half an hour and I'll begin.
_
I'm feeling sleepy. Not the kind that I'd hit the bed, but the kind when I'd like to let my eyes glaze over. Drowsy perhaps.
Comes with eating a big lunch, and man, was my lunch heaped to the skies.
starting tomorrow I begin monthly caffeine purge that goes on for a week. Am I happy about it? No sir, but that's what I'm gonna do.
Grisly affairs
Early morning horrors comprise of moments on weekdays when you wake up during dull early morning light with the birds and head for kitchen, half asleep still, hair a scarecrow chic and eyes puffier than fugu and thoughts a shade more poisonous.
Horrors continue still when you're trying to pry lose an eye that has itself stuck in a momentary dream, lodged between wishes and reality.
Fixing breakfast after packing lunch which happens after arranging dried dishes, silverware, glasses from last night in their respective shelves is more than enough to kill anybody's zen; if zen were a person then it sits bleeding out of its eviscerated wound, while flies buzz about its bloated body and maggots crawl out of its eye socket.
Somewhere between delicious thoughts of seppuku and obtaining serial killer diploma you realise that the worst is over, that you've successfully wielded a santoku and wielded it responsibly only chopping veggies and fruits, and that what had to be done is finally done, and is being done for years now and will continue on forever, and that each morning these revisiting vile thoughts are nothing but heinous, and oh so comforting.
Morning tortures successfully undertaken with nary a complaint even though the heart continues to rot still.
But are these the kind of morning one wants? Really?
My ideal morning has me sit still on the bed after waking up, while the defocused realm of our existence slowly adjusts itself into a linear vision, sharpening a little with every passing slow minute until everything is only a shade blur, for that's when I reach out for my spectacles.
I can't be bothered with being up and about fussing over lunch and chopping onions the first thing before even having a drink of water.
No! I want to wake up, do nothing for a good long while, and then slowly, lazily begin taking a feel of my surroundings, in silent mode only please.
Making conversations, chatting, smiling even is a gruesome affair in mornings and something I can only manage under extreme circumstances which would involve me dancing over dead bodies with hob nailed boots, and we can't have that.
So just nothing, save reaching out for a languid sip of warm water to shake the sleep out of me for at least 15 minutes after which I unhurriedly crawl out of bed and unceremoniously make the bed, fold sheets, smooth over pillows, pull up curtains and let in a semblance of some light.
Now I'm fine world. Let me at it I'd say, alas, such are not the comforts that weekends are inclined to provide.
However, were I to wake up even earlier then all of the above could be a possibility.
Waking up earlier than I wake up now..hmm.., that'd involve me waking up just a few hours after midnight and that's a no go.
So what does one do? Nothing, save collect a fine repository of lovely curses and hurl them at universe given every opportunity.
Horrors continue still when you're trying to pry lose an eye that has itself stuck in a momentary dream, lodged between wishes and reality.
Fixing breakfast after packing lunch which happens after arranging dried dishes, silverware, glasses from last night in their respective shelves is more than enough to kill anybody's zen; if zen were a person then it sits bleeding out of its eviscerated wound, while flies buzz about its bloated body and maggots crawl out of its eye socket.
Somewhere between delicious thoughts of seppuku and obtaining serial killer diploma you realise that the worst is over, that you've successfully wielded a santoku and wielded it responsibly only chopping veggies and fruits, and that what had to be done is finally done, and is being done for years now and will continue on forever, and that each morning these revisiting vile thoughts are nothing but heinous, and oh so comforting.
Morning tortures successfully undertaken with nary a complaint even though the heart continues to rot still.
But are these the kind of morning one wants? Really?
My ideal morning has me sit still on the bed after waking up, while the defocused realm of our existence slowly adjusts itself into a linear vision, sharpening a little with every passing slow minute until everything is only a shade blur, for that's when I reach out for my spectacles.
I can't be bothered with being up and about fussing over lunch and chopping onions the first thing before even having a drink of water.
No! I want to wake up, do nothing for a good long while, and then slowly, lazily begin taking a feel of my surroundings, in silent mode only please.
Making conversations, chatting, smiling even is a gruesome affair in mornings and something I can only manage under extreme circumstances which would involve me dancing over dead bodies with hob nailed boots, and we can't have that.
So just nothing, save reaching out for a languid sip of warm water to shake the sleep out of me for at least 15 minutes after which I unhurriedly crawl out of bed and unceremoniously make the bed, fold sheets, smooth over pillows, pull up curtains and let in a semblance of some light.
Now I'm fine world. Let me at it I'd say, alas, such are not the comforts that weekends are inclined to provide.
However, were I to wake up even earlier then all of the above could be a possibility.
Waking up earlier than I wake up now..hmm.., that'd involve me waking up just a few hours after midnight and that's a no go.
So what does one do? Nothing, save collect a fine repository of lovely curses and hurl them at universe given every opportunity.
Sunday, 14 May 2017
Drrrrream drama!
A dream that's been gnawing me inside, it was so real it was surreal.
In my thought bubble my toe ached like it had cancer. It pained so bad, like it was about to birth a tumour. The shoot of smarting distress was so agonising that it was a torment to stay asleep, in fact the stinging torture woke me, and I cried out holding my toe, massaging it between my fingers to assuage my suffering while the phantom hurt lingered on, only then did I realise that not only am I awake but also there's no bloody pain in my toe.
My toe in fact was as hale and hearty as a Sherpa on a Mt. Everest marathon.
What then was this?
Just a bad dream, one of those when you dream a toothache but in reality end up chewing pebbles by the dozen, or something to the affect.
In my thought bubble my toe ached like it had cancer. It pained so bad, like it was about to birth a tumour. The shoot of smarting distress was so agonising that it was a torment to stay asleep, in fact the stinging torture woke me, and I cried out holding my toe, massaging it between my fingers to assuage my suffering while the phantom hurt lingered on, only then did I realise that not only am I awake but also there's no bloody pain in my toe.
My toe in fact was as hale and hearty as a Sherpa on a Mt. Everest marathon.
What then was this?
Just a bad dream, one of those when you dream a toothache but in reality end up chewing pebbles by the dozen, or something to the affect.
Now and then
It's 2017 and I'm still waiting for my bottled mineral water, the guy in charge of delivering it hasn't shown up yet; mind you; he's the very same guy who'd ring the bell on mornings punctual as a heart attack, with a sallow face and unnerving professionalism, and yet today of all days he's late.
Today that I've absolutely run out of potable water, I mean of course there's filtered water but that's my last resort.
Update: I had to pause this blog when the bell rang and a bunch of kids made their way into my house creating a havoc of loud noises. We played UNO, except the rules were made as the game advanced, that is to say it had little in the way of rules even though were rules aplenty.
Also there's finally water!!
Soon..
Today that I've absolutely run out of potable water, I mean of course there's filtered water but that's my last resort.
Update: I had to pause this blog when the bell rang and a bunch of kids made their way into my house creating a havoc of loud noises. We played UNO, except the rules were made as the game advanced, that is to say it had little in the way of rules even though were rules aplenty.
Also there's finally water!!
Soon..
Saturday, 13 May 2017
Friday, 12 May 2017
Etc's
This weather along with too much food along with staying curled under blankets with a cat balling on your lap makes one feel, well, complacent.
Laziness along with lack of brevity is truly a curse for those around you..thank heavens then that I'm all alone, save the cat, who cares little whether I talk, ramble or say nothing.
A mug of coffee later my eyes droop to remind of heavenly stupor. But would I fall for it? Never, for what am I if not ghastly against afternoon naps.
Laziness along with lack of brevity is truly a curse for those around you..thank heavens then that I'm all alone, save the cat, who cares little whether I talk, ramble or say nothing.
A mug of coffee later my eyes droop to remind of heavenly stupor. But would I fall for it? Never, for what am I if not ghastly against afternoon naps.
and now
Travails these on a way street called life, where you can only push forward and never come back.
Onwards and upwards then I say, for what else can I pitch in?
There's no reversal. You can either accelerate or crawl, but go ahead you must, because even if you stop, like an escalator you'll still keep going forward.
Froday, and the day is dull.
There's no reason to feel so sleepy, and yet!
to think just a day back this very moment was excitingly busy, maddeningly fun.
But then again, one way street..
Ah well..back to a book.
Carblicious
This is what you get when you have lovely neighbours..an even trade.
Focaccia in return for blueberry cupcakes.
Ah, carbs. Is there anything better? I guess not.
T'day
From gorgeous sunlit brightness of yesterday to today's grotesque gloomy wetness.
This weather is bipolar.
Weather forecast is looming thunders, bitter rains, biting winds with a shock of melancholy and emptiness. Just the way some of us like it.
At least I have little cakes to keep me company.
This weather is bipolar.
Weather forecast is looming thunders, bitter rains, biting winds with a shock of melancholy and emptiness. Just the way some of us like it.
At least I have little cakes to keep me company.
Thursday, 11 May 2017
--
Yes, indeed, of course I know Druuna by Paolo Serpieri. Yes I do.
Hah..lovely just lovely..and a bit gross too.
Hah..lovely just lovely..and a bit gross too.
Tuesday, 9 May 2017
on my plate
With the whole world (social media) harping on about plant based diets, it feels almost vile to eat anything milk, eggs or meat.
I mean plant based diets and foods are good, of course they are, but most people who advocate these diets assume an almost patronising mantle, so much so that they're convinced of a halo hovering over their heads.
When I say plant based diets I'm talking about vegan foods and that they're wonderful and wholesome is anybody's guess, but disparaging anything that isn't vegan is not very wholesome, now is it?
Veganism has added another dimension to the eating world and brought into foray the benefits of eating various obscure foods that were earlier mostly region/country specific and vastly unknown and has helped spread the word about little known superfoods and healthier, nutritious diet options; not just, it has branched into a lot more vigorous diets and movements like raw foods or juice based diets which need a certain amount of dedication and willpower to follow.
The thing with veganism, and I don't say this with any insolence is that one has to explore a lot of options that it makes available (though not easily accessible) to make for a complete diet. The elimination of milk, milk products and meats makes it that much more difficult to follow and easy access to quick proteins, probiotics, calcium etc becomes greatly absent.
Veganism as a diet therefore is easy to pursue for people who live in bigger cities where plant based products are easier to find.
For example a non vegan (that includes vegetarian or carnivore) would eat yogurt or curd for much needed probiotics in their system, but a vegan would probably rely on soy milk yogurt, kimchi, sauerkraut etc to fill that probiotic void and that's perfectly fine, except that these items are not somethings easily found in all parts of the world.
Ditto for calcium needs, when a glass of whole milk or cheese or fish would suffice for someone who doesn't follow veganism but a vegan would probably be hunting calcium fortified soy milk or tofu in supermarkets that might or might not always be available everywhere.
Having said that, most vegetarian homes at least in India usually end up having vegan meals complete with proteins (in the form of lentils) and vegetables, along with high fiber carbs, and are rounded off with milk based products that add as meal accessories in the form of curds or dessert, but if one were to eliminate them then most Indian vegetarian meals would be vegan, but delve a little further and the thin boundaries between vegan and vegetarian become harsher, because milk products are commonly used and added to vegetarian foods and following strictly vegan methods can become that much more difficult, in which case a safer bet would be to follow South Indian vegetarian diets where coconut milk is more commonly used.
Of course, a vegan would have to specifically mention about not using any 'ghee' which is clarified butter made from milk, used in almost every food product throughout the nation.
But that's about Indian food and veganism is more of a fad than reality here, because of the over abundance of vegetarians and vegetarianism.
Veganism as a lifestyle choice is a harsh pursuit one that needs dedication and commitment to the cause, not to mention existence in a bigger city/country with easy access to vegan foods; what it doesn't however need are militants who only ever talk about virtues of veganism while degrading or disregarding other commonly practised diets.
Including the benefits and options of vegan diet to a regular diet (be it vegetarian or carnivore) is an easier, not to mention a lot more healthier key to both palate and sustenance.
I mean plant based diets and foods are good, of course they are, but most people who advocate these diets assume an almost patronising mantle, so much so that they're convinced of a halo hovering over their heads.
When I say plant based diets I'm talking about vegan foods and that they're wonderful and wholesome is anybody's guess, but disparaging anything that isn't vegan is not very wholesome, now is it?
Veganism has added another dimension to the eating world and brought into foray the benefits of eating various obscure foods that were earlier mostly region/country specific and vastly unknown and has helped spread the word about little known superfoods and healthier, nutritious diet options; not just, it has branched into a lot more vigorous diets and movements like raw foods or juice based diets which need a certain amount of dedication and willpower to follow.
The thing with veganism, and I don't say this with any insolence is that one has to explore a lot of options that it makes available (though not easily accessible) to make for a complete diet. The elimination of milk, milk products and meats makes it that much more difficult to follow and easy access to quick proteins, probiotics, calcium etc becomes greatly absent.
Veganism as a diet therefore is easy to pursue for people who live in bigger cities where plant based products are easier to find.
For example a non vegan (that includes vegetarian or carnivore) would eat yogurt or curd for much needed probiotics in their system, but a vegan would probably rely on soy milk yogurt, kimchi, sauerkraut etc to fill that probiotic void and that's perfectly fine, except that these items are not somethings easily found in all parts of the world.
Ditto for calcium needs, when a glass of whole milk or cheese or fish would suffice for someone who doesn't follow veganism but a vegan would probably be hunting calcium fortified soy milk or tofu in supermarkets that might or might not always be available everywhere.
Having said that, most vegetarian homes at least in India usually end up having vegan meals complete with proteins (in the form of lentils) and vegetables, along with high fiber carbs, and are rounded off with milk based products that add as meal accessories in the form of curds or dessert, but if one were to eliminate them then most Indian vegetarian meals would be vegan, but delve a little further and the thin boundaries between vegan and vegetarian become harsher, because milk products are commonly used and added to vegetarian foods and following strictly vegan methods can become that much more difficult, in which case a safer bet would be to follow South Indian vegetarian diets where coconut milk is more commonly used.
Of course, a vegan would have to specifically mention about not using any 'ghee' which is clarified butter made from milk, used in almost every food product throughout the nation.
But that's about Indian food and veganism is more of a fad than reality here, because of the over abundance of vegetarians and vegetarianism.
Veganism as a lifestyle choice is a harsh pursuit one that needs dedication and commitment to the cause, not to mention existence in a bigger city/country with easy access to vegan foods; what it doesn't however need are militants who only ever talk about virtues of veganism while degrading or disregarding other commonly practised diets.
Including the benefits and options of vegan diet to a regular diet (be it vegetarian or carnivore) is an easier, not to mention a lot more healthier key to both palate and sustenance.
and this and that
It's doomsday dark again and, gah, I'm tired of writing about this shitty weather doing a number on me.
I'd like to talk about how I worked out enough to mimic a statue which I'll continue until my legs begin to feel again and stop complaining about being in mad pain. You want to keep upping the ante every week or so and all I did was increase reps and here I am, chiding myself for being so bloody cruel to my lower body.
Afternoon time and I need a bit of caffeine, for no other reason than to find myself a little buzz.
Perhaps a strong americano, one with a double espresso shot, or maybe a pour over. It's been awhile since I had a pour over since the coming of coffee machine, but I don't have good enough coffee that'd warrant or honour a good enough pour over.
Perhaps I'll go hunting some good coffee tomorrow..sigh, the aims I set for myself.
Speaking of aims, I have decided tomorrow is going to be dedicated to spring cleaning. Yessir, I'm going to turn the house upside down and clean the fuck out of it. Not that it's dirty or anything, just that I want to give a good scrub and really clean all the windows that've got besmirched with water spots, courtesy rains and dust.
Perhaps I'll look for a housekeeper tomorrow, one that'd be willing to risk her life to cleaning windows from the outside.
Maybe ask the neighbours to lend me her au pair. yes, that sounds like a nifty solution.
The cat has taken to shedding a lot now that winters are over, it's getting rid of all the extra fur it had amassed. Basically his body is terraforming to sustain summers, much like how we shed off our jackets and the likes.
God, speaking of jackets, I have to cav pack all the winter excesses too. gah! The more I write here, the more work I realize I have.
I'm going to bury myself in ignorance now, or find a rock to live under.
I'd like to talk about how I worked out enough to mimic a statue which I'll continue until my legs begin to feel again and stop complaining about being in mad pain. You want to keep upping the ante every week or so and all I did was increase reps and here I am, chiding myself for being so bloody cruel to my lower body.
Afternoon time and I need a bit of caffeine, for no other reason than to find myself a little buzz.
Perhaps a strong americano, one with a double espresso shot, or maybe a pour over. It's been awhile since I had a pour over since the coming of coffee machine, but I don't have good enough coffee that'd warrant or honour a good enough pour over.
Perhaps I'll go hunting some good coffee tomorrow..sigh, the aims I set for myself.
Speaking of aims, I have decided tomorrow is going to be dedicated to spring cleaning. Yessir, I'm going to turn the house upside down and clean the fuck out of it. Not that it's dirty or anything, just that I want to give a good scrub and really clean all the windows that've got besmirched with water spots, courtesy rains and dust.
Perhaps I'll look for a housekeeper tomorrow, one that'd be willing to risk her life to cleaning windows from the outside.
Maybe ask the neighbours to lend me her au pair. yes, that sounds like a nifty solution.
The cat has taken to shedding a lot now that winters are over, it's getting rid of all the extra fur it had amassed. Basically his body is terraforming to sustain summers, much like how we shed off our jackets and the likes.
God, speaking of jackets, I have to cav pack all the winter excesses too. gah! The more I write here, the more work I realize I have.
I'm going to bury myself in ignorance now, or find a rock to live under.
Swinging mornings
I must've woken up at least half a dozen times at night between my sleep. The odd part is that I went right off to sleep rather than will myself each time and that's saying something.
Starting around 2:00am when I was woken up by a brush of whiskers on my cheek, my feline fiend needed to be let out as is his wont at desultory timings that usually happen when you're just about nearing an edge of abyss ready to plunge into a comatose slumber.
A couple hours later I found myself awake again when far off lights began to pierce my eyelids and penetrate my cornea, that's when I realized that people other than me are awake for reasons best known to them.
Ignoring these happenings I doused myself in fitful zzz's only to hear a purring sound emanating from a pillow near me.
Ah, the cat was back, at an insanely dark hour when the sun hadn't even begun its ascent.
A few well meaning pets delivered on a furry head at an ungodly hour of 30 minutes past four when I found my face merging with sheets again and lights out, but of course I was woken up again because a small paw had made contact with my face, it was time for breakfast.
One of those early bird specials, that the cat insists on eating in the mornings.
Today being an exception for his definition of morning was ghastly early.
Shaking off thick snooze curtains after a mechanical unfolding of limbs I tottered off to fill his food bowls, all this without even disengaging my one eye that was stubbornly stuck at the eyelids, lest sleep slowly seep out.
Night again, I was off to being momentarily dead, when I heard distant good byes and farewells, ah! Someone left for work earlier than usual, in fact almost too early, and I was roused again, for its bad manners to bid adieu in repose..and then I was drifting back into a restful drowse only to wake up at an ungodly bright hour of 8:30.
Yikes!!
So late!! I had things to do, floors to clean and windows to brighten, mirrors to shine and ah, to Pluto with all the chores.
There's always tomorrow.
Starting around 2:00am when I was woken up by a brush of whiskers on my cheek, my feline fiend needed to be let out as is his wont at desultory timings that usually happen when you're just about nearing an edge of abyss ready to plunge into a comatose slumber.
A couple hours later I found myself awake again when far off lights began to pierce my eyelids and penetrate my cornea, that's when I realized that people other than me are awake for reasons best known to them.
Ignoring these happenings I doused myself in fitful zzz's only to hear a purring sound emanating from a pillow near me.
Ah, the cat was back, at an insanely dark hour when the sun hadn't even begun its ascent.
A few well meaning pets delivered on a furry head at an ungodly hour of 30 minutes past four when I found my face merging with sheets again and lights out, but of course I was woken up again because a small paw had made contact with my face, it was time for breakfast.
One of those early bird specials, that the cat insists on eating in the mornings.
Today being an exception for his definition of morning was ghastly early.
Shaking off thick snooze curtains after a mechanical unfolding of limbs I tottered off to fill his food bowls, all this without even disengaging my one eye that was stubbornly stuck at the eyelids, lest sleep slowly seep out.
Night again, I was off to being momentarily dead, when I heard distant good byes and farewells, ah! Someone left for work earlier than usual, in fact almost too early, and I was roused again, for its bad manners to bid adieu in repose..and then I was drifting back into a restful drowse only to wake up at an ungodly bright hour of 8:30.
Yikes!!
So late!! I had things to do, floors to clean and windows to brighten, mirrors to shine and ah, to Pluto with all the chores.
There's always tomorrow.
Monday, 8 May 2017
and then some
After editing over a 100 pictures I have not the energy left to give words to those pictures. Sad, but that's the way of it.
Yes I have time to get on with writing a half decent food blog, but what am I if not calculative of time?
Half decent won't do you see, or so I make excuses, because there are things to read, and by things I mean 'Deadhouse Gates', yessir, I have been reading that little word atomic bomb and can I just say that it has blown a fuse inside of me.
That I've not read a book so fantastically complete and thrilling would be to put it rather mildly because it has taken me apart bit by bit and blasted away whatever remains of me in awestruck wonder.
I am little windblown puffs of myself or rather whatever semblance of me ever existed..and I'm not just saying that because the book is liberally doused with some of my favourite wordage like 'chitinous', 'chalcedony' and the likes..
speaking of books, I'm currently listening to 'death masks' by 'jim Butcher' which is probably the 5th of Dresden Files books and it's going fantastically.
been listening to it while editing pictures..yes I have.
I'm also going to start on a new drawing in a couple of days..a thought that's been swirling in my head like a thick drop of ink in a vase of water which needs putting on paper before it dissolves into a murky liquid.
Yes I have time to get on with writing a half decent food blog, but what am I if not calculative of time?
Half decent won't do you see, or so I make excuses, because there are things to read, and by things I mean 'Deadhouse Gates', yessir, I have been reading that little word atomic bomb and can I just say that it has blown a fuse inside of me.
That I've not read a book so fantastically complete and thrilling would be to put it rather mildly because it has taken me apart bit by bit and blasted away whatever remains of me in awestruck wonder.
I am little windblown puffs of myself or rather whatever semblance of me ever existed..and I'm not just saying that because the book is liberally doused with some of my favourite wordage like 'chitinous', 'chalcedony' and the likes..
speaking of books, I'm currently listening to 'death masks' by 'jim Butcher' which is probably the 5th of Dresden Files books and it's going fantastically.
been listening to it while editing pictures..yes I have.
I'm also going to start on a new drawing in a couple of days..a thought that's been swirling in my head like a thick drop of ink in a vase of water which needs putting on paper before it dissolves into a murky liquid.
weather madness
A minor threat to rain which was followed by a gentle downpour lasting no more than mere moments after which skies cleared and heavens descended, at least in terms of weather.
Lush vibrance accorded to everything which drinks chlorophyll, winds a cool breeze without the airs of chill; pleasantness imbued with every ticking second suffused with brightness that can only come about when sunlight gets filtered through wispy clouds.
Not a drop of sunny spot, yet, all that lives and breathes is a gleaming sheen of happiness today.
Much like a hill station on days when a thin scarf or light jacket are all the accessories you need.
The kind of day that compels you to go on a long jog or hold hands on a long walk; Perhaps lay sprawled in a park with a book covering your face while you nap, or sit outside with languorous ease, sipping on something warm..or in more modest cases, open all windows and balcony doors, letting soft gales of cool winds flow in mollifying cross ventilation, uplifting the qi of an entire house in a celestial calmness.
Just watching the greens of leaves ambush its branches with playful determination under gentle sway of gossamer zephyrs are enough to make you forget it's a Monday.
Days like these with weather such as this are rare and thus precious. Height of spring gorgeousness when it's' held taught by receding winters and incoming summers.
Lush vibrance accorded to everything which drinks chlorophyll, winds a cool breeze without the airs of chill; pleasantness imbued with every ticking second suffused with brightness that can only come about when sunlight gets filtered through wispy clouds.
Not a drop of sunny spot, yet, all that lives and breathes is a gleaming sheen of happiness today.
Much like a hill station on days when a thin scarf or light jacket are all the accessories you need.
The kind of day that compels you to go on a long jog or hold hands on a long walk; Perhaps lay sprawled in a park with a book covering your face while you nap, or sit outside with languorous ease, sipping on something warm..or in more modest cases, open all windows and balcony doors, letting soft gales of cool winds flow in mollifying cross ventilation, uplifting the qi of an entire house in a celestial calmness.
Just watching the greens of leaves ambush its branches with playful determination under gentle sway of gossamer zephyrs are enough to make you forget it's a Monday.
Days like these with weather such as this are rare and thus precious. Height of spring gorgeousness when it's' held taught by receding winters and incoming summers.
dreams a gogo
Say one thing about dreams, say you cannot top their weirdness.
Dreamt with picture perfect quality that I was traversing the dishonourable grounds of a McDonalds, and not just any ol' McDonald's but one that was as large as an entire mall. Yeah, it was a mall of burger hell with hundreds of counters for placing orders.
I was accompanied by what seemed to be my daughter, I think, because I addressed her as my daughter, except she was as old as me, or maybe in my dreams I didn't look old enough to be a mom.
I walked in, left my bag on a chair and walked over to a counter to place orders and what I clearly ordered was a 'jumble berry crumble', which apparently McDonald's did have along with a wrap of some sorts which they didn't. So just a crumble it was and my daughter ordered a Japanese curry rice and another 'jumble berry crumble'.
I reached for my bag to make payments and realized that I'd left it on a chair and asked my daughter to bring it to me, but she whipped out a credit card of her own and handed it to the cashier.
The cashier in return stared at the card because it was pink and round? and suddenly she was informed by the manager that they had begun accepting these cards and the payments were made.
I was handed some receipt and informed that my order would arrive in a while, but then I noticed large glass covered shelves housing a lot of different foods and I strolled over to those isles to check them out and saw people filling their plates while commuting on segways.
I couldn't make head or tails of it because I had no means of travelling in McDonald's mall and felt angered at the thought.
With just the last glimpse of me looking for segways I let myself jolt into a surprised wakefulness and for the longest time kept wondering if I was really awake or still in the dream.
Dreamt with picture perfect quality that I was traversing the dishonourable grounds of a McDonalds, and not just any ol' McDonald's but one that was as large as an entire mall. Yeah, it was a mall of burger hell with hundreds of counters for placing orders.
I was accompanied by what seemed to be my daughter, I think, because I addressed her as my daughter, except she was as old as me, or maybe in my dreams I didn't look old enough to be a mom.
I walked in, left my bag on a chair and walked over to a counter to place orders and what I clearly ordered was a 'jumble berry crumble', which apparently McDonald's did have along with a wrap of some sorts which they didn't. So just a crumble it was and my daughter ordered a Japanese curry rice and another 'jumble berry crumble'.
I reached for my bag to make payments and realized that I'd left it on a chair and asked my daughter to bring it to me, but she whipped out a credit card of her own and handed it to the cashier.
The cashier in return stared at the card because it was pink and round? and suddenly she was informed by the manager that they had begun accepting these cards and the payments were made.
I was handed some receipt and informed that my order would arrive in a while, but then I noticed large glass covered shelves housing a lot of different foods and I strolled over to those isles to check them out and saw people filling their plates while commuting on segways.
I couldn't make head or tails of it because I had no means of travelling in McDonald's mall and felt angered at the thought.
With just the last glimpse of me looking for segways I let myself jolt into a surprised wakefulness and for the longest time kept wondering if I was really awake or still in the dream.
Sunday, 7 May 2017
Ughness
Golden statues gigantic in proportion sat atop huge columns or pillars standing idly by.
What purpose be these?
Sorry, wrong question. There needn't be a purpose for stupidly which is why it's stupid.
Friday, 5 May 2017
Bzzz
Too much caffeine..gah!
I can feel my soul twitching. No more sleep this millennia. Yay!
Perhaps my coffee drinking routine is more of a routine than a necessity and it needs be rectified. Can't have this silly dementia all the time..I mean sometimes is fine, but every Time? No!
Just because I'm used to drinking it everyday at 4:30 doesn't mean I have to drink it. See, this is a problem with living life like a bloody time table. You never realize when you become the time table. Something like the matrix. Gods, I need a red pill..but a blue one would be fine too, would that I were a man. Which I'm not and thank heavens for that.
How does it even feel being a man I ask you?
Having to pee standing up, with a snake like thing coiling out of your pants. Isn't that creepy. I mean it gets hard and then goes soft and sometimes just won't go hard and sometimes won't stay soft and never springs to action when one needs it.
Add to that woes of not having to behave like a chauvinist when clearly one has no clue how to not be one because I guess men are programmed to be men and a thousand curses at that. Must be hard trying to be nice, when really you just want to feel biologically inclined instead of what has been artificially fed to you all these years via societal constructs and social media and other such bullshits!
Mirroring much like how women feel and are supposed to be.
I mean look at all the crap women have to deal with. Foremost being men!
To live a life in a see saw act with another person and balancing the fuck out of it, while really all you want to do is tear off your clothes, maul some bodies, rub blood all over yourself and wander around wild, without having to bother with makeup and matching bags with shoes and cellulite or stretch marks or motherhood or periods.
Sigh, I'm feeling all kinds of nostalgic. Invoking the cave woman within, clubbing things, drawing on walls, eating raw meat, fucking tree stumps. I'm sure they did that, and if they didn't they should have. What good are tee stumps anyway?
It's difficult being either of the sexes which is why one is better off being a dog or a bitch or even a cat.
Now cats are fine!
I can feel my soul twitching. No more sleep this millennia. Yay!
Perhaps my coffee drinking routine is more of a routine than a necessity and it needs be rectified. Can't have this silly dementia all the time..I mean sometimes is fine, but every Time? No!
Just because I'm used to drinking it everyday at 4:30 doesn't mean I have to drink it. See, this is a problem with living life like a bloody time table. You never realize when you become the time table. Something like the matrix. Gods, I need a red pill..but a blue one would be fine too, would that I were a man. Which I'm not and thank heavens for that.
How does it even feel being a man I ask you?
Having to pee standing up, with a snake like thing coiling out of your pants. Isn't that creepy. I mean it gets hard and then goes soft and sometimes just won't go hard and sometimes won't stay soft and never springs to action when one needs it.
Add to that woes of not having to behave like a chauvinist when clearly one has no clue how to not be one because I guess men are programmed to be men and a thousand curses at that. Must be hard trying to be nice, when really you just want to feel biologically inclined instead of what has been artificially fed to you all these years via societal constructs and social media and other such bullshits!
Mirroring much like how women feel and are supposed to be.
I mean look at all the crap women have to deal with. Foremost being men!
To live a life in a see saw act with another person and balancing the fuck out of it, while really all you want to do is tear off your clothes, maul some bodies, rub blood all over yourself and wander around wild, without having to bother with makeup and matching bags with shoes and cellulite or stretch marks or motherhood or periods.
Sigh, I'm feeling all kinds of nostalgic. Invoking the cave woman within, clubbing things, drawing on walls, eating raw meat, fucking tree stumps. I'm sure they did that, and if they didn't they should have. What good are tee stumps anyway?
It's difficult being either of the sexes which is why one is better off being a dog or a bitch or even a cat.
Now cats are fine!
my curtains are white
A pair of no good rubber bands for arms today. Were I to hold on to some air I'd probably drop it to the floor and watch it crack in several places, thankfully I'd be in a good place though for it'd float right back because it's not glass.
Now holding glass is something I'll have to worry about lest it carpet my floors with a million diamond like shards, quick to puncture and draw slits on bare feet..Imagine all the wet bloody footprints in my house. Though of course they won't be all THAT visible, for the floors are a wonderful terracotta tinted brown and I've strayed from the point.
My arms, that feel like I've traded them for some cooked noodles, courtesy upper body and core workout.
I can feel them shaking or rather vibrating and typing feels like an almost ethereal function. Fingers? what are those?
Everything below shoulders and shoulders included has turned into this sore raw wound that talks each time I even breathe a little.
A pair of aching delusions for limbs that vibe with a torture chamber.
If horses were to draw them apart (my arms) I'd probably give a friendly nod and ask for an encore because that'd be far more pleasurable than letting them hang down my sides.
Why did I do this to myself today?
probably because I was full of zeal and looking outside the window gave me such an annoyed feeling what with the enthusiastic cimmerian shade and apocalyptical murky tint that I resolved to drown my bleak mood in wholesome workout, except the dimness from the world out eclipsed my mood in twin shades of pessimistic dejection that I probably drove myself catatonic with my arms.
Talk about masochism.
I feel like I've infiltrated desecrated grounds of self pain infliction and drove myself hard impaling on self hate stake, but don't think me unhappy, for exercising releases happy hormones and these are probably my extremely joyous hormones talking, albeit on a bad day.
Now holding glass is something I'll have to worry about lest it carpet my floors with a million diamond like shards, quick to puncture and draw slits on bare feet..Imagine all the wet bloody footprints in my house. Though of course they won't be all THAT visible, for the floors are a wonderful terracotta tinted brown and I've strayed from the point.
My arms, that feel like I've traded them for some cooked noodles, courtesy upper body and core workout.
I can feel them shaking or rather vibrating and typing feels like an almost ethereal function. Fingers? what are those?
Everything below shoulders and shoulders included has turned into this sore raw wound that talks each time I even breathe a little.
A pair of aching delusions for limbs that vibe with a torture chamber.
If horses were to draw them apart (my arms) I'd probably give a friendly nod and ask for an encore because that'd be far more pleasurable than letting them hang down my sides.
Why did I do this to myself today?
probably because I was full of zeal and looking outside the window gave me such an annoyed feeling what with the enthusiastic cimmerian shade and apocalyptical murky tint that I resolved to drown my bleak mood in wholesome workout, except the dimness from the world out eclipsed my mood in twin shades of pessimistic dejection that I probably drove myself catatonic with my arms.
Talk about masochism.
I feel like I've infiltrated desecrated grounds of self pain infliction and drove myself hard impaling on self hate stake, but don't think me unhappy, for exercising releases happy hormones and these are probably my extremely joyous hormones talking, albeit on a bad day.
feels
Today is a metalcore kinda day. I can feel it in my bones, in my head.
Starting with killswitch engage and now I'm wondering why I never approached these guys to perform live while I was still a part of that machinery. A loss, what a loss.
Perhaps I'll recommend it to someone who's still interested in calling bands in India, except the vocalist has changed and that's the sads.
One of those days when you want to listen to something loud and orgasmic; like really loud. Something to bring the house down or at least the neighours to knock on your door asking to lower down volume, except it won't happen here, considering the windows are soundproof (I can open them) and people here are much too polite and patient (I can swing a machete in someone's face).
Sometimes you just want to drill holes in your head and fill it up with guttural jagged harmony.. ear splittingly melodious and raucously euphonious.
Ah, I should get on with it.
Starting with killswitch engage and now I'm wondering why I never approached these guys to perform live while I was still a part of that machinery. A loss, what a loss.
Perhaps I'll recommend it to someone who's still interested in calling bands in India, except the vocalist has changed and that's the sads.
One of those days when you want to listen to something loud and orgasmic; like really loud. Something to bring the house down or at least the neighours to knock on your door asking to lower down volume, except it won't happen here, considering the windows are soundproof (I can open them) and people here are much too polite and patient (I can swing a machete in someone's face).
Sometimes you just want to drill holes in your head and fill it up with guttural jagged harmony.. ear splittingly melodious and raucously euphonious.
Ah, I should get on with it.
Morning songs
I woke up with a killswitch engage song stuck in my head in a loop.
Never thought one could hum a metal song, but then again this is such a nice song too..I think there was a time maybe a hundred years ago when I loved the lyrics of this particular song.
Maybe I'll link a video.
Hearts.
Never thought one could hum a metal song, but then again this is such a nice song too..I think there was a time maybe a hundred years ago when I loved the lyrics of this particular song.
Maybe I'll link a video.
Hearts.
:;
That time of the night when you shut your eyes and hope/wish to sleep but really you're just pretending.
Thursday, 4 May 2017
..
That I laughed in a bloom of blush would be a statement most accurate except I threw out my arms yelled out a term of endearment followed by a whisper, lest trees learn your name.
Hmph..later!
Woe is all those things I need to do and how I learn to pursue procrastination with a passion.
Falling off a determination wagon and into the idle arms of prolonged lingering.
Delving into a questionnaire realm of the why of things and coming out besmirched with an answerless grin.
A simple shrug, shoulder roll, eye roll, yawn and thus commences and auto kill switch mode, one that shuts down all sources of will and tenacity.
Blame the weather, the languorous onslaught of incoming weekends which even though a couple days away is still enough to bring out a haze of permeating dilatoriness, a miasma of sweet sweet negligence.
Falling off a determination wagon and into the idle arms of prolonged lingering.
Delving into a questionnaire realm of the why of things and coming out besmirched with an answerless grin.
A simple shrug, shoulder roll, eye roll, yawn and thus commences and auto kill switch mode, one that shuts down all sources of will and tenacity.
Blame the weather, the languorous onslaught of incoming weekends which even though a couple days away is still enough to bring out a haze of permeating dilatoriness, a miasma of sweet sweet negligence.
Undone today
Just the kind of day the begs superabundance of doom listening on repeat.
Dreary, wet with a sharp edge of deathly gloom. If it were valhalla today would be a celebratory event with bounteous abrim skull mugs and foreboding ravens.
Beguiling moments these of a season that are but a tarnish on all that could be called spring.
Relentless rains that have mercilessly descended in needle point pricking drops of invisible sheets that haughtily smear all that lives with bejeweled specks of conceited drops; refusing reflections for there isn't much in the way of brightness.
Infiltrated by shadows, a pressing need to turn on lights, if only to remember that it's afternoon still. Bright of the greens strung up on trees as leaves exuding a ghostly tinge of sickly ocean depths, skies a sallow pit of sleep deprived eyes looking lethargically at the ashen lassitude that is today.
An impassivity of slate coloured rust smeared over each breath that catches in cinereal sighs each time a yawning window lets in a gush of dusky wind that feels like granite and tastes of nostalgia.
Dreary, wet with a sharp edge of deathly gloom. If it were valhalla today would be a celebratory event with bounteous abrim skull mugs and foreboding ravens.
Beguiling moments these of a season that are but a tarnish on all that could be called spring.
Relentless rains that have mercilessly descended in needle point pricking drops of invisible sheets that haughtily smear all that lives with bejeweled specks of conceited drops; refusing reflections for there isn't much in the way of brightness.
Infiltrated by shadows, a pressing need to turn on lights, if only to remember that it's afternoon still. Bright of the greens strung up on trees as leaves exuding a ghostly tinge of sickly ocean depths, skies a sallow pit of sleep deprived eyes looking lethargically at the ashen lassitude that is today.
An impassivity of slate coloured rust smeared over each breath that catches in cinereal sighs each time a yawning window lets in a gush of dusky wind that feels like granite and tastes of nostalgia.
Wednesday, 3 May 2017
midday rumble
I wasn't born yesterday, I was born last century.
Guide me to the nearest museum now, or perhaps an art gallery.
take a pick of vintage/retro/avant-garde and choose a frame.
A pretty nail to stay hung up on, a laminated shield or glass pane to sit within and keep from crumbling. Immortality doesn't come easy unless it's an epic, legend or even a fable.
Stay vacuum packed to keep away the rot, and in case one doesn't want to see oneself desiccating in front of their eyes, a little vial of immediate death or a small bullet might be of good use, but disintegration will set in, unawares though.
Putrefy in ignorance or decompose consciously? a choice to make, one that comes easily to think but impossible to live with.
Inner monologue
'should I workout?'
-wtf?what are you talking about
'workout you know. It's been almost 10 days'
-so what? let it be at least 2 weeks. that's a good round number
'awesome. but 10 is also a round number. isn't it?'
-14 is a rounder number
'right. I feel like eating a fat sandwich'
-eat whatever you want. it's your body after all
'how about a cake?'
-that's even better. let's eat a muffin to go with your muffin top
'I don't have a muffin top'
-you will if you keep eating cakes and sandwiches.
'what? you just said let's not workout for a while'
-I also said about going on a sniper spree, also I was talking about working out not eating.
'But you just said it's my body, I can do whatever I want'
-Of course you can do whatever you want. You can get fat too, if you want that is.
'No! I just asked you about working out, and you said after 2 weeks.
-yeah and I'll probably increase that round number to 30 days. See such a nice round number 30.
'yeah 30 days is a nice round number'
-It is. Round like that roll of fat that'll begin showing cuz you've been binging.
'Soooo...I should workout then?'
-it's your body, do whatever you want.
'Ugh, I don't want to workout'
-totally man! working out is so lame.
'I mean I could just be sprawled on a couch right now
-precisely, and by the end of month you'd be spreading all over it you know.
'hah, that's a nice image. the weather's too good to workout'
-absolutely. Only people who need to stay fit workout. Such losers!
'Am I a loser?'
-No, you're a winner
'So I needn't exercise then'
-absolutely not. You'll be a decidedly unfit winner, but what of it? at least your skeleton will be skinny
'Hmm. Maybe just 25 minutes of thighs and butts, whaddya say?'
-pathetic. you'll end up sweating.
'yeah! forget it then'
-indeed. you can also forget about those super skinny jeans
'How about 40 minutes of butt, thighs, calves and inner thighs'
-eeew
'you're just saying that'
-I am. :)
Windows and wires
Granted the desk is currently messy, it is what we call work in progress, and really it's not all that bad. A stray tissue that was used to wipe a screen, a couple mugs that house water and coffee and woe is me..wires..the ultimate tragedy of our digital lives..long, snaking, sleek, curling wires..quick to entangle and mesh. But what can one do save use them for charging.
Tuesday, 2 May 2017
Anal music
That a 'Soft rock Netherlands' channel is currently playing Beyonce's Halo justifies the need for a quick Armageddon, like right now!
A sudden shower of hurtling rocks of fire the size of cars to fall in an indecisive hail all over this word to burn all that breathes in a flash of angry rapture. Sniff the life out of this planet as they say, and let nature take the wheels.
Also, why does her spelling have the accent aigu on her e, like é? Talk about being pretentious.
Yes I'm only a hair breadth away from blasting Dimmu Borgir in a cacophonous melee of ear ripping volume..cuz fuck shitty pop!!
A sudden shower of hurtling rocks of fire the size of cars to fall in an indecisive hail all over this word to burn all that breathes in a flash of angry rapture. Sniff the life out of this planet as they say, and let nature take the wheels.
Also, why does her spelling have the accent aigu on her e, like é? Talk about being pretentious.
Yes I'm only a hair breadth away from blasting Dimmu Borgir in a cacophonous melee of ear ripping volume..cuz fuck shitty pop!!
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