umpteen pains

Here's to failing miserably at being productive.

Apart from dealing with phone calls I've done precious little else; add to that the thought of cooking up desi feast for dinner tonight.

Life on the fastest end of the slowest lane..something like a snail race, where the least worst wins.

I've a drawing to complete goddamit.

Bite me

I'd almost forgotten how a shoe bite felt, until I got one today, while walking, in the rains, trying to cross the road, running to catch a cab.
It hurt, oh how it hurt.
The shoes are new, but not new enough, and a lovely pair of loafers I'd been eyeing for a long long while too.
But why this bite?
It didn't happen before while I wore them. Could be because I never walked as much in them as I did today, and gawd I'm pissed.
I hate shoes that are liable to create problems while one is out and about.
I mean shoes have to be the most comfortable piece of one's ensemble if you're looking at walking a good distance and having those very instruments of comfort start biting you is preposterous.
I've got red welts and torn skin and it's raw, oh it's raw.
If it happens again, imma throwing them in the trash no matter how lovely they are.
Serious measures ought to be taken

Day out

There's something to be said about meeting old friends in alien cities, especially when it's been forever since you last met them in your own country, only to meet them in another..

I met a dear old friend visiting Shanghai for a day for conference purposes and boy was it wonderful to meet up.
Just a few hours of talking, bitching, gossiping and idling away until the day was at an end.. this is probably what this week needed.

I didn't realize how much I missed the company of friends and fellow citizens..
Says a lot about my life right now.

I mean I'm only talking to my cat all the time

Speaking of which, what's for dinner today?
Who knows.

Ouch and aches

Toothaches, swollen gums and piercing pangs of oddly rooted ancient hurts that emanated from certain areas of a tooth that had twisted most convulsively, grating against other teeth that brushed against the agonizing canine.
Add to that dilemma was the mad sensation of having your face being hit by a teddy bear, repeatedly?
What on earth??

Then I woke up.
Saw the cat head bumping my cheeks this morning as his way of conveying affection. His furry forehead bumping against my face, rubbing his cheeks against mine and purring softly.

I felt about my mouth, no toothache, except maybe a slight distant lingering twinge from the dream and perhaps from me pressing my mouth hard or grating my teeth as I slept. Did I do that?
But the jaw was intact, teeth in place, no bleeding gums and certainly no pain, none whatsoever.

Toothache dream again! Why? I hate it when my subconscious runs on a loop.

on we go

Right, that whole ordeal of ironing, clothing, stacking laundry didn't take nearly as long as I cribbed.

So, this is a drawing phase, and more to the point a watercolouring phase and next on agenda is something of a mad experiment.
It's totally crazy I know, it might drive me insane and I'd have a couple meltdowns but it's something I think I'd want to do.

Also this won't be the most free flowing artwork. It'd involve a good bit of drawing and a couple washes which I hope don't go wrong before I start with the whole thing.

The audiobook is at its last leg. 'The haunting of hill house' was brisk, precise and a short listen. Not chilling to the bone but definitely a good listen.
Loved that it had absolutely zero sub plots and the narrative was crisp and easy and pretty too.

I had trawled through all audio books by Steven Pacey and did come across some Jack Reacher audiobooks but didn't wish to listen to them, knowing the nature of those books and still with a continuing need to listen to something full of ze drama and spectacle and spectacular madness..sigh, I do miss listening to First law series and GoT.

Of course I could listen to Malazan books, but that'd would just not do my darling. They're much too fun to read and moreover listening can hamper my reading progress.

Right, so mayhaps I'll download a Jack Reacher and get on with 'Dresden Files' as well.

This need to drink tea so random. Will start with my caffeine purge week beginning tomorrow.. Needs must stop! at once, save a few perverted ones ;)

washed over

You know one of those religious fanatics who flog themselves until they bleed, sort of punishing themselves for sins of, I dunno, mankind or whatever.

Well, what's the domestic equivalent of that you ever think?
Laundry, I think.
Doing so much laundry that you're left with a clothing K2 and not just comprised of clothes, no sir.
It's made up of couch and sofa covers that you in a fit of cleanliness rage peeled off of large couches and washed and bleached it to white perfection and now all that remains is to iron these long unwieldy fabrics and drape them over couches perfectly so that each nook, corner and cranny sits just as it should, or else the furniture might assume a mangled facial structure, and that is indeed the hardest part of this story.

Oh no, that's not the end neither. There are cushion covers too, and oh, lots of sheets and pillow cases.

watch and weep.. and get on with it.

sobs.

Pulled chicken salad sandwich in pictures

Nighttime rants

Just realized I'm staring at photos of chicken salad sandwiches and no wonder I'm so hungry at this hour.
What on earth?

My body is a wreck today, each muscle in my abdomen seems to be screaming and that only means that tomorrow is light yoga or absolutely no work out day and that means I've an extra hour which is pretty awesome.

Did you know I hate nighttimes. Only because I'm meant to feel sleepy and sleep tends to tread light in my territory, sometimes evading me altogether.

Now I'm thinking of making a chicken salad sandwich tomorrow.
Why must my thoughts always end up in that one street? Food lane adjacent.

I fee like talking about food now.
Hmph!
A lot of people for reasons best known to them have fallen in love with 'keto diet' . Certainly the most bizarre kind of torture one can put their body through.
I mean no carbs..to the point even a grain of rice can kick your body off ketosis. What madness must possess people to adopt this diet as a means to losing some weight, when it'd be far easier to work out.
Ah, but regular gym goers are also talking about this because they feel more shredded and muscular.
For heavens sake!
Add to that the availability of another oddity called keto stix(?) a sort of strip that tells you when your body has begun releasing ketones.
They're so easily available all over everywhere now and that is certainly disheartening.
Has the world suddenly gone mad about their bodies?
I mean I saw the skinniest women alive purchasing them. Why oh why do you want to lose weight when weighing machines don't even register your presence?

No don't get me started on this. There are thin fat people. You know what I'm talking about. The kind of people who're thin but do have rolls of fat about them, and ketosis is their way of losing that I guess, and the thing is that they're thin already.

I have one of the thinnest looking friends, who's totally skinny and is built in a way that can never get fat and yet she won't eat much food cuz she believes that she is 'fat'.
Gods!! How's that possible?
How do I tell her that her thigh gap is a valley and that she needs to fatten up to fill in the fucking blanks left all over her body.

But no. I won't say a damn thing cuz then I'm a body shamer and we hate those people don't we?
And every time someone asks me 'am I fat' I tell them exactly what they want to hear, cuz that is how it's done.
These questions are a trap, and you don't want to fall in them, especially not with your friends.

But get this, when I told my friend most sweetly that she isn't fat, she told me that my arms are not 'thin' and well, she also mentioned that my body has large hips..well, thanks for extending the courtesy sweetheart.

Might be a few years back a comment like this would've bothered me, by not anymore. No sir.
I know how I look, and I'm alright with it, cuz I don't feel the need to ask anyone if I'm fat, except perhaps on days that I feel bloated but that's another story for another day.

What do you know, I kept on typing without pause.
Something to do with a lovely post I read about typing without thinking or was it without stopping?
Whatever it was, this is seriously a lot of material to read..innit?

And in full

The full picture.
I put to put it on insta now.
Hmphh.

Of blacks and whites

This is a close up of a part of my new watercolour drawing.
I've been trying shades of monochrome and a bit of dry brushing techniques and I'm kind of pleased how it came out.
The full picture which I will shortly put up here does a shoddy job of showing something up close.

This photograph might look familiar and it is because I'd clicked it and used it as a sort of still life here.
I'll be doing some more still life watercolours, a lot of banal things like glasses and fruits and what not, and mostly because I want to get a sense of shading from them, only because they're so different from what you tend to use from imagination.
Just one colour can have a hundred different shades and I'm totally living for still life and cityscapes right now.

Draws take 2

Starting a new drawing, on a new drawing pad. 

Pen to denote the rough size of the sheets. These aren't very big as you can see, and in fact this watercolour pad isn't new either, because what am I if not a shameless solicitor of papers.

I got this drawing pad from my sis-in-law from my last visit to the country, and she was a bit spooked by this drawing pad and didn't use more than two sheets and has had this on her person for more than one too many years without using.

The thing is that like most good papers for watercolours all the pages are glued in a way that one has to use a cutter of sorts to pry one sheet loose from another, and this does entail a bit of work and neat slicing of the edges. 

I loved the texture of these pages and of course lugged it back with me for usage and today I begin a new drawing on it.

Let's see how it works, and the next couple weeks I'm going to stay engaged with watercolours.

Something fun, something different something silly as well.

Let's see 

blogger rage

Posting blogs on this site through emails are good, but by the gods they eat up my written material if I put a picture in it.
Case in point my earlier blog about a new drawing notepad that I posted yesterday of which only pictures have been posted with none of anything that I write.
This is annoying max.

The odd part is that my set items show that mail being sent with all the writings except it never gets posted eher.
Come on!

_-_-_

The heart..it sometimes swells.
A bloated organ inflamed with emotions that soul cannot decipher; leaching feelings, such feelings.

Chocolat

Why did I do what I just did? Viz., eating two pieces of chocolates when I wanted to eat none.
What's wrong with me? My restraints are out of control. Haha.
My will power has weakened and I'm wondering why is this happening to me?
Am I developing a sweet tooth? That's impossible. It's not in me to be attracted to sweets, and I'm not, except these days I want to gorge on chocolates too often.
Perhaps my magnesium levels are low. Haha, the lame excuses I maketh.

I don't count calories, no sir. But that's doesn't mean one should eat whatever they want.
I need a more ascetic life attitude. Go the monk way, or perhaps change my diet to something so that I exclude all sorts of sweets and chocolates. Or maybe this is a phase? Is it though? no :(

I can has draw

Before I explain anymore of this picture let me take you through a backstory.

Some friends visiting us for dinner were shown some of my drawings, much to my hesitation and to cut a long story short, the female member of the guest species looked positively enraptured by my drawings (flattering also embarrassing) and spoke about her interests in sketching etc.
All very well, after which she asked me if she could borrow a print of my artwork on returnable basis, which I of course obliged, for she was really interested in understanding and learning the patterns and minute details that I work into my drawings specifically my black and white pen ones.
She wanted to learn more she said and because she lacks in creativity as she had me understand, trying to replicate something she sees comes much easier to her, and learning fine techniques can be something of a new challenge and help
her better her own creative juices.

Alright I said, no problem and upon her request gave her the b&w moth drawing print (you know which one I'm talking about)

Right, so last night I was sent this drawing, the one above and even asked to examine it critically and present my critique.

After being explained to me that this was indeed one of her own drawing endeavors and not her little daughters I told her what anyone would— to practice more.

Now I ask you, how does one blatantly ask to critique something like this?
I mean, clearly it doesn't look like there's been any effort put into it.
Also if this is what one understood of my moth artwork then I'm beginning to wonder exactly how my drawings are interpreted by the general eye.

'Teach me drawing' was the next statement and I wonder how does one go about doing that.

'How can I bring depth like your drawing?' Was another question and there's no easy way to explain this save 'practice with a vengeance, to the point your neck starts croaking on you'

Also, perceive what you draw instead of putting something on paper for the heck of it.
Try to understand what you want to do. If you've no idea what you expect from a piece of artwork then there's no way in hell you can get desired results.
Drawing blatant lines often results in fabulous drawings, but those strokes are assured and understood. Measured and believed in. They're free flow by but there's an idea behind them.
Scratching lines with sketch pens cannot recreate the same results because those lines are ideal and vagrant, meant to loiter about on pages.

Sigh..art can kill and breathe life. Horrify and destroy, laugh or cry and art for art sake is a sin my darling..a sin.
I mean seriously have a heart..it's art.

Sniffs

My bedroom smells like my hostel room used to during rainy seasons and with a nostalgic shudder I was able to shake off that feeling when I'd come back dead tired after classes in the evening and wearily collapse on the bed that always felt a little damp during monsoons.
I remember those moments and as much as I loved them at that particular frame of timeline in my life I do not like to reminisce about them, not a stitch.

Smells, with that uncanny ability to transport you in time if only in your mind and break open floodgates of memories broken, forgotten, repressed, blacked out..regrets some of them or most of them.

Life is a fickle idiot.

Draws

pessimism

Mondays lovely Mondays with the solid promise of nothings, of more voids to come and more vacuous thoughts of vacant bereftness.
The singular barren nature of this destitute emptiness and the seemingly luxuriant tinge of worthlessness it brings about to slowly moving time, one that crawls at snail's pace, writhing in salted agony, melting away into scant slime; leaving a trail of worthless sludge.
Rejoice in the drained out empty shell of translucent lifeless animation. A disembodied carapace unoccupied within, yet smouldering with a billion activities to its kin.
In this arid waste of skeletonic impotence tend to a sterile oasis of acrid livelihood.

Today to be

Week end to be sure and what did one gain from these glorious two days?
Not much, except a couple movies or so.

Transformers! Yes, it was watched and nowI'm beginning to wonder what was the movie all really about?
Of course it was everything again and again and again. End of days, mortal heroes, metal villains, cars and the like.
Of story there was none, of action there was some and overall what the fuckness galore.
That is after all to be expected.

Sigh.

Depressathon alert. If yesterday was abuzz with activity then today was attempts at miming dead sloths and let me tell you how gloriously I achieved that with flying colours.

What is it about Sunday that doesn't let me feel hungry? Perhaps the fact that I'm eating throughout the day.

Ugh the rains. I mean I love them, except when they're not in this weather. This clammy, disgusting, wet weather that's not hot, just still. Very still.
Not the slightest movement of air. My hair a mass of kinky curls and confused ringlets, and me..sigh I miss.
Here's a kiss.

Zzz time baby

Nighttime and the rain lashes against my windows
I can hear cars splashing by
the cat meows feeling offended by the rains
and I'm only worried about what's to come
the beginning of the many rituals
that one must let oneself bleed into
coagulate into night
lie horizontal and breathe rhythmically
shut eyes and hope to dream
unawares of what happens around when I sleep
does somebody stand near my bed and watch me
or stroke my hair, sniff my shampoo
maybe they sit next to my pillow
waiting for me to wake up
so they can say boo!
and I'd die of a heart attack
only to wake up again
and say what a nightmare it was

blog not

gods are on my side.
Wordpress is slow today, for some reason.

Maybe I can work on it Monday..excuses.. sigh 

leap in or stay put?

How many pictures did I edit?
close to a bit too many, so much so that my eyes bubble over.
I've been listening to an audiobook since doing that though, a horror audiobook, a reddit recco and it's going well for now.
A house on a hill, probably haunted, with a doctor and some guests for an experiment. These premises if a little chiche are often promising, and promises of a good audiobook are what I'm living for.
Speaking of which I need a good audiobook recco, maybe something crazy, because this particular audiobook called 'the haunting of hill house' by Shirley Jackson is not particularly long.

Also, why do I forget, I've Dresden files to finish as well. Book six onwards that is.

Well, as I was saying my eyes have bubbled over, the editing is complete and now I'm contemplating whether I should write the blog or not? I mean the hardest part is done and what remains now is just forming a complete picture, but I do feel a bit towards deadish; it being that kind of day, that kind of weather and mood.

Why so many pictures you'd ask..
apart from the many step by step pictures, there are also many many pictures of the finished product. in different lights, different poses, different compositions and out of the almost 30-40 pictures of the finished product only 3-4 make the cut as the ones worth being put up.

You wouldn't believe how many images go out of focus, or have some singularly annoying shadow in the background, or an image that couldn't be seen through the camera lense but which manifests when the image is seen on a larger screen, like sometimes a stray tissue in the offing, or a far off fan looking all sorts of fan like and prominently ugly.

Ah, so..to write or not to write, that today is the big question

Dental do's

The first few horrific seconds in a dentists chair for tooth extraction are those when a long ass injection is hauled over to your mouth and jabbed inside gums to deliver anesthesia, and you wonder what is wrong with the world.
Who in their right minds let's someone poke a bloody injection inside of their mouths, but what can one do?
Once that's done, it's just a sensation, mostly drilling or pulling and let me not go into details.

Numbness is most welcoming and so is the swollen side of the mouth which doesn't let one talk.
There will be pain, indeed, there will be, but not as much as one would expect.
Mostly bearable..but oh, thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies.

Lemme kiss the boo boo.

Ouch !!

Oh dear oh dear oh dear..tooth extraction. Sigh :(
Hope it gets better and that it goes smoother than an angelic bottom.

Tooth extractions are amongst a few unpleasant memories my brain has registered, mainly because each time I've ended up swallowing the stitches and well..

An infected tooth might not be necessarily due to sugar intake, though I'm no authority on this matter.
Perhaps the dentist would be able to throw more light on the subject.
Often times a growing wisdom tooth tends to infect surrounding areas like the inner cheeks my constantly tearing into it, and ugh, painful thoughts.

What gives? Which tooth?

Moviedome

Right, so I've been on a movie roll these past weeks, and after Wonder Woman, alien covenant, I'm going for transformers this Saturday, and of course I have to. It's transformers!

What I really really want to watch and I think it comes out this Friday is 'the beguiled' because it's looking like such a fabulous movie.
Will it release here anytime soon?
I don't know, but I'm hoping that it does and that I can buy tickets this very weekend.
Wishes..

body talks

Today has been a day fraught with drizzles and despondencies, not least because the weather is getting to me, no sir..but because my usual routine didn't go as planned, add to that the fact that my body is responding unusually odd.

I didn't work out today, because my thighs and shoulders are still talking from yesterday's HIIT and strength workout, which included a couple million squats and deadlifts, I joke, they were not a million, probably a zillion, and I didn't think I could look at my exercise mat with the same adoration..

What was odd was that I didn't feel hungry for the longest time, and I'm the person who feels hungry first thing in the morning, and yet today it wasn't well until lunch that I felt only sort of hungry and that too because I knew I should eat something. Most unusual I'd say.
Add to that the fact that I didn't feel satiated after my first mug of morning tea and that is odd, because after my tall glass of pep up tea I feel most rejuvenated, energized and need nothing save work out, and yet today I felt this swelling urge to make another cuppa and down it in one big gulp.

What on earth?
I didn't comply of course and contemplating an afternoon coffee as I write this but even so.

My energy levels are unusually high too and it's something I've noticed the last couple of weeks.
I'm too energetic to even find sleep at night and had it not been for domestic rationality to find yourself in bed within reasonable time, I'd be fidgeting with something right into late night.

Which is why I've taken to spending more time reading books in bed well beyond my allotted nighttime reading time.
I thought to myself, what the hell? and kept reading on until I did find myself a tad sleepy, and the time was well past midnight.
And that's the thing I could have read a lot more. It's only when words start scrambling themselves into a dyslexic dance that my brain informs me my nighttime shenanigans are at an end, and this hasn't been happening for a while now.

What gives?
I'll look into it a bit more deeply and update on the same, and figure out what's making it happen, or perhaps this is just a seasonal thing, my body's way of responding to a sudden change in season.
Ah, what do I know?
but yes, once I do know, I'll talk about it.

Spoilers

YouTube threw in the new trailer of GoT in my recommendations and can't say that my eyes almost twitched with plain hot incandescent irritation.
I've never watched any episode of GoT except perhaps one and that was enough for me to decide that I'll stick with the books (audiobooks more precisely), and there's stuff going on in the series that didn't even happen in the books, and that's fine, one has to take liberties and jump plot and storylines to keep a moolah raking money churner on its toes, but here's what irked me.

That there'll be a certain group of people already ahead on the know with whatever plot lines they know but no matter how different, there would still be some similarities and that these people, and I know of plenty who'll love discussing this with me, and all was fine until they were on 5th season, cuz the only spoilers happening were for them when I'd tell them of other characters not present in the series but now, I swear to god, if anyone comes up to me and tells me something that might or might not happen I'm gonna get really angry.

It's not that I'm a fan girl and spoilers are going to bother, I'm a fan of the listening and GoT is extremely entertaining, nail biting and over all an epic elaboration of all kinds of human scum; it's just that I'd not like to be aware of an incident beforehand.
It takes away from the shrieks and hurt.

Case in point a particular death in Malazan that I'd been informed of even before I started reading Malazan books, and now that I'm almost at that point and fully aware that it will happen it's bothering me, and with every page I turn I'm awaiting the demise of a beloved bridgeburner only because a darling while once discussing something about the book nonchalantly gave it away and it stayed at the back of my head.

Do I hold a grudge against it now? Sure I do..but the things I do for love and this pang too shall pass because now that I know it'll happen I won't be as heartbroken.
But when being heartbroken is the whole point one does not wish that privilege be taken, which is why I'd like to avoid all those who start discussing GoT at the drop of a helmet or at the very least I'm going to ask them to not talk about it.
What else can a girl do?

JD

When you can't live up to the hype you once were, when you can't gracefully exit that aura you'd created in the past, when you become a caricature of yourself, when you stay stuck in a bubble refusing to come out and greet reality, when each role you've ever performed turns into an orgy of sameness, when you are Johnny Depp.

Cat stretch

Madame vulgar

Weather and such

Today went by quick and I hardly got a word in.
I mean there's so much to tell, so much to say and usually I begin with cursing and why should it be any different now? Cuz goddamn it this weather is seriously fucking my qi .

It's nice and cool and so bloody humid. I went to a store to buy cat food, yes, cat food, cuz it wasn't available yesterday. The store was having some air conditioning issues and if I'd not made a hasty exit the I would surely have fainted, because there was no air, absolutely zero flow of air and it was stifling.
Imagine sitting in a closed room with a cooler turned on, except the cooler throws no air, only moist particles and you sit suffocating and unable to gasp. Exactly that!
I know I've been griping about the weather conditions but I can't emphasize enough as to how unbearable it is.
The temperature indoors is 25° and one'd think, wow! Imagine that. Wonderful. But no! It's also almost a 100% humid and if it could it'd rain under this very roof.

I've the driest skin possible. Absolutely dry. I mean it soaks up oil like a sponge, and yet today my face feels a bit oily..it's that humid.

Okay, here another example.
A stick of butter that is usually keep in a butter box in outside room temperature got fungified.
Have you ever seen fungus on butter? Me neither. I mean back home it's so hot that butter melts into a pool of fat blob, but there's never any fungus on it, and yet here, the butter sits pretty in its assumed shape except catches mould in the two days that it's been kept at room temperature.

I know for a fact that my soul is fungified as well.

I've been draining almost 3 liters of water from my dehumidifier each night. That's a lot of water in the atmosphere and you can't even fucking see it.

Gods! Yes I tuned on the ac while working out today.
I still sweated like the monsoons but I knew it was from the workout and not from humidity.

Ah well..dinner has to be done. And I ask you why? Why is dinner such a big deal?

I need to pressurize people into intermittent fasting.

Arghh

Into a slushy bog of a snake pit; damp bodies of slimy ghosts writhing around your form, like dripping tendrils of dank smoke curling inside lungs, steeping nostrils in suffocating sweltering oppression. Each breath drawn in is a stuffy smear of wet scales, seated on every exposed skin molecules is a waterlogged body, cool phantom steam; wet, drenched, clammy, cloying.
Like sealed in a grotto with cool air and dripping walls. A cool temperature hamam; disgustingly doused with even tempered humidity. Saturated with moisture; like sitting under a dry waterfall.

Life for change

A few changes in my daily life that I've begun to notice are most disturbing

1. Alcohol
I've never been much of a drinker, but did drink a bit every now and then, mostly in limited quantities and even that I gave up when I'd stopped drinking alcohol of any kind for almost two years and suddenly the past few months, from a sip of beer to a bit of wine, I've begun drinking.
Well, not a whole lot, but every now and then, and this weekend is struck me hard when I noticed that I'd poured myself two fingers of JD over ice and nursed it with an episode of Fargo.
This ain't me, or at least this isn't me anymore.
This is something I gotta stop completely. No more alcohol. Not even a drop

2. Sugar
I've always maintained a bit of sugar is fine in your diet, and I'm not talking about just the sugar from fruits, but refined sugar that one lets slip in their coffee or tea, and when I do drink my caffeinated beverages apart from infusions or green teas I like them a bit sweet.
Case in point my morning tea and afternoon coffee, I always have them with a bit of sugar, say a couple teaspoons or less depending on their quantity, but recently I've noticed that my need for tea/coffee has increased.
I drink my morning tea, an afternoon coffee and nowadays even an evening tea/coffee which isn't normal. And I do have it with sugar, and that's not good.This has to stop or in the very least decrease.

3. Dumplings
I mean who doesn't like them? And I live in China. They're all around me, but gods I have seriously started eating them more than I used to. Earlier I'd eat a plate of dumplings just a couple times a month at the very max, but checking my food logs from last couple months I noticed that I've eaten them more than 5 times. What gives? This ain't right. I mean they're boiled and seamed and what not, but even so, they tend to be not as healthy, also refined flour and oily meat. This has to stop , or its frequency needs to be reduced.

4. Chocolates
Yes, I absolutely love chocolates and who doesn't? And having a piece of dark chocolate after dinner every night used to be the high point of my meals, like a bite of luxury, but recently I've been eating more chocolates than I did earlier. I mean not just one piece, but two, sometimes even three, just because I felt like it.
It just feels like I've gotten a lot more gluttonous.

5. Ketchup
Why is this even on the list? I never liked ketchup, never eaten it with anything other than an occasional bit of fries when indulging once in a blue moon or a sandwich, and that too if ever. But recently I've been putting ketchup next to my omelettes, sandwiches, baked potatoes, breakfast cutlets etc. why and how did this happen? This isn't me.
I need to get over this silly habit. It's just more added sugar to my diet and I don't need it.

6. Tofu
This is on the list because I've decreased my consumption of this plant based protein and I do not know why. My fridge always had some kind of tofu and it was a part of my daily dirt in any which way, along with regular meals, but these days o seem to have stopped buying it and using it as I did earlier. Now this is weird. Why did this stop? One reason I could think is that I've stopped going to the usual market place that sold all kinds of tofu for a more convenient and closer vegetable shop which doesn't sell any.
Maybe I need to visit the other market every week to ensure I have enough tofu for anytime.


So yes, these are a few things that have either increased or decreased for the worst and I do not wish them to be so. I'm all for good healthy changes that are marked as improvements in my life, but those that make for no positive evolution are ones that I'd rather discard.

Evenfall

Well, whaddya know. Business dinner and what not. Which unshackles me from drudgeries of stove top tonight and here I sit, marshaling my thoughts in this rainy evening, where the sound of rainfall is loud enough to drown my screams. Hurray for nature.

Soldiers on

I didn't realize I'd been typing for almost four hours straight when my neck reminded me to get up and do a few stretches and not go back to sitting in front of the machine.

Thank you neck for being such a pain in the neck

Well, the story is nearing an end and in fact I will be all done with it tomorrow. Just a few finishing touches, after which I live on to the next project but before that let me take a moment and guffaw at the really funny mistaken identities or rather mistaken floor incident.

I mean I had a visual of it and it was fucking funny.

Alright, what now?
Dinner calls. I've to make food and do I feel like stepping into the kitchen?
Of course not.
Ugh

stifle me dead

And finally! I make contact.
Vpn situation is finally rectified and it was frustrating and it did make me want to kill almost everyone in the vicinity but thank god it didn't come to that, though it might have and I almost hoped it would, but in each life some rain must fall and it's been raining here considerably.

Every once in awhile the rains let up though, and sun shines through and makes everything incredibly humid and life cloyingly sweltering.
Ordinarily the weather indoors is a pleasant <30° and one needs only turn the fan on its lowest setting to comfortably ease into a cordial afternoon delight, but if you've had the misfortune of stepping outside or god forbid work out then there are a number of interesting things that your body ends up doing.

As you are aware, for I might have mentioned on a number of occasions how my body's tolerance towards humidity is almost negative and that I have many a times, sometimes in exotic locations even fallen pretty sick owing to high humidity, thus rendering my outdoor adventures to a minimum during muggy days, specifically afternoons; that however doesn't mean that I just don't step outside, of course I do, and I did today, for the needs to buy cat food for my feline devil were pressing and thusly I sauntered to the nearest pet store which is not more than a few hundred metres away.
Yes it was oppressive though not exactly hot, and many a people seizing this glorious warmth in an otherwise rainy weather ventured to go fishing, as was evident by a number of recreational fisherman gathered in groups near the river which runs right opposite my house.

Well, good for them, if they can keep up their nerves in this sticky weather, because I had only climbed down some stairs and I was greeted by what felt like a sauna.
By the time I had finished my cat food run, I was back home, sweating into a puddle inside my clothes, and anybody looking at me would've ventured a guess that I'd just finished a half marathon.

But what am I if not resolved, no matter how foolishly. Changing quickly into workout clothes and poising a couple fans to blow hurricane in my direction I set off to get done with my routine for today, which was a full 45 minutes of HIIT.
Oh silly, silly me.
I was barely one jump squat in when I knew this to be huge mistake, and that I should commence cool down pronto, but then again I was resolved wasn't I?

By the time I was on the 8th rep of my 3 set 15 reps burpee I realized that perhaps I might needs open a ticket window and charge people to see the niagara falls that was my being. If it was raining outside then it was pouring from every sweat gland that wasn't even aware of its existence till last night.
My exercise mat was sodden with sweat, my body writhed with growing fatigue and it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe.

This I knew was not a good sign of things to come, and that if I kept at it, then surely I would faint. Fans set on full were a but a mockery, for they did nothing to ward off the steam emanating from my body and 35 minutes later when I couldn't even bring myself to do a second set of 45 seconds lunge pulse, which on normal occasions I do holding weights, I knew this workout was at an end.
My clothes stuck to me like a clingy lover, and I couldn't as much as draw a lungful of breath in.

This was a feeling most familiar and as I slowly cooled down waiting for my heart beat to normalize I felt how incandescently hot and red my face had become and that most of it wasn't exercise related.

Never in this humidity ever again will I do this to myself. NEVER! if I workout again, which I will tomorrow, Imma turn on the air conditioner.
This is most singular though, I mean I can exercise under a blazing sun if the weather is dry and I have so many times, but factor in seasonal sultriness and my batteries die.

And the strange thing is, that now sitting near a fan you'd feel almost pleasantly cool, wishing to wear something light on bare arms and legs, but we know better, don't we.

(this has been a long post..oh well)

A very merry eff off to you too

Living under a rock is one thing, but here without vpn, I'm surviving under a planet sized boulder.

Feels like I'm in a stasis, while the world goes on and I haven't a clue about what's going on outside my window. Something like Tom Hanks from cast off, except I feel no sand beneath my feet.

Weekend came and went while I kept busy with dinner parties and movie watching. Yessir, I saw alien covenant and it was nice..real nice.

I'm still without vpn and hopefully by today the problem should get rectified, because I feel at a loss here, with my story still pending to be posted and yes, technically I could send it via mail but let's not even discuss that bit, cuz is just not the same thing, what with different need for fonts in links and what not..it has to be done just that one way I've been following.

Arghhh, I mean come on. I can't even open a blogging site without vpn. Just another drawback of living in such controlled environment. I mean I'm used to a lot more fucking freedom..but then again, that's so relative.
Because people not aware of any of this have no idea nor require it.
Awareness breeds need for freedom, cuz as long as you're ignorant you don't need shit.

And I need a whole orchestra of stuff. A whole lotta things that're mostly illegal, depending where you live that is.

What's pissing me off even more, with the intensity of a hundred boiling suns is that I can't access or read my favourite blogs. It plays havoc on my routine. My time table goes awry and my system goes in an exasperated overdrive.

Oh yes, adding infection to injury is the fact that it just won't stop raining.. so whatever little in the way of work and distraction that I'd planned also goes down the proverbial monsoonal drain.
It's cool and humid and my hair are in a medusa like turmoil, what with the humid affected curling into telephone cord like coils, they've turned into a nightmare and pushing a comb through them is pretty much like trying to run blindfolded through a dense jungle.
The last hair comb I used is lost in my Amazon ringlets and has been a week since its whereabouts. No doubt a skeleton remains in its place now.

I've a whole host of complaints all because a goddamn vpn has locked me out. And this apparently is the best of the vpn out there.

Here's my middle finger to every thing.

Miffed

Something of an annual tradition when VPN decides to lock me out, because of some copyright infringement because I was downloading something while VPN was still tuned on, except it's been a long while since I actually downloaded anything.

But what can I say?
Catch 22 again. To be able to get this situation sorted I'd need VPN which I currently don't have.

Excellent!

In top of that of course my day doesn't get better, because there's an influx of guests who were invited yesterday but decided to come today, impromptu and I wasn't even consulted before giving them a green flag.
These things annoy me.

It stresses me out to no extent..
Apparently pizza party tonight.

There are going to be a death or two tonight.

The questions of when?

I'm sitting here and just thinking
Is winds of winter anytime forthcoming?
I don't care about the book even
it's the audiobook that matters
I love the books narration
And the deaths that leave me in tatters
it's so fun just to listen
When Bruce Bolton flays his victims
pessimistic darkness
wonderfully done in voices
read to a faultless awesome
like a bleeding dark blossom
Slow paced and long
it goes on and on and on
When will it be out I ask?
not anytime soon I know..
but how about just the audiobook though?

Fidgety 2

Now this is a fidget spinner I'd like to get behind, plugging behinds.

You know what I'm thinking darling..
Sigh.

Fidgety

Is everything a fidget spinner now?
Talk about marketing.
Fidget spinner is by far the dumbest thing I've ever seen. I mean seriously I have played with it for a while and the only reason you want to keep spinning it is because it's right there in front of you and because it spins. That's it.

A case of things you don't need at all and still buy them cuz everyone on Instagram is talking about it.

Don't waste your money on spinning something meant to be spun.
Go old school and play with a pen instead.

Flowered

Is someone going to step up and just fucking say it?
That cauliflower rice isn't rice, nor does it taste anything like rice..

What has got everyone going mad nuts over cauliflower rice is beyond me, or actually not. It's keto friendly y'all.
It's like fad inception.
Fadception?

There are dishes, chefs, celebrity cooks, youtubers all coming out with their own cauliflower rice recipes, even cauliflower base pizza, and honestly I've tried them all.

I've tried making them in different ways and tried to like em too, but NO!

Cauliflower is a fabulous vegetable and it's exactly what it looks like. Kinda bland, with a blandness that works for it in a way.
It complements other vegetables really well, tastes fabulous in curries or when roasted. Tastes bleh when turned to a mush, tastes sex level god when made with potatoes in 'aloo gobhi' if prepared just right, but when it's riced and made to mimic a starch and called cauliflower rice and paired with other stews of the world, it does work, yea, tastes good, but nothing like rice.

And it's not that it always come out great, most of the times, if you're not eating it prepared by a seasoned cook who's aware of their way around veggies, it turns out horrible.

Also when it's made into a pizza base.
First thing, gah! It's so bloody fussy. If I had to make this every week, I'd be over pizzas. Cauliflower is the last thing that comes to mind when you think of a pizza base, and the base doesn't even taste all that good unless its flavor is masked with a hundred toppings and spices.

Yes, there might be people out there ready to argue that I what I speak is total rubbish and that cauliflower pizza tastes just like the real deal, to that I say..good for you. It probably tastes just as good as soy milk instead of real milk, and we all know the truth of that. At least I do.

I mean if I didn't have to drink soy milk, I really would only indulge in it as some health food regime, if at all that is.

Coming back to cauliflower.
The humble albino broccoli, that isn't anything like broccoli just as is nothing like rice nor pizza base.

Rant over.

fixations

I think I might have gotten addicted to sprinkling cinnamon on my coffee.. no seriously it just tastes so good..or at least for the meanwhile it does. 

so here's the thing

Leave it to your body to tell you that it'd rather die a couched death than even lift a dumbbell made of air and what do you do? well, listen to your body, but not entirely, for your body is a charlatan at times and giving in completely to its demands can enslave you to its never ending persistent demands. Do we want that? Only sometimes.

Ah then, Friday began with a basic mop and vacuum. Dusting, wiping, sprucing, brooming and even though a bit of laundry folding still remains, one must draw a line at being dead and zombie training, and I'd rather be dead at this point.

Judging by how only half a day has passed and I'm already writing about fatigue, doesn't bode too well for the rest of the day, but then I've nothing to do save have a cup of coffee and continue on with the story and maybe a bit of reckless internet surfing.

Which does remind me, I've not posted any food pics on my instagram account.
well, that needs to be rectified pronto.

need to get done with a bunch of things soon so I can get on with drawing, and this time I'm going to draw some watercolours, at least 2-3 before I move on to the next thing on my agenda..but for now, to the story, after a cup of coffee that is..

Oh, also how long has it been since my last caffeine purge?
Got to check on that too..

Morning mists

Waking up at the usual predetermined time, walking into the kitchen to begin slicing..what I began with was apparently mushrooms, thinly slicing until there was a huge pile of it.

Groping for capsicums, slicing them and sauteing them in olive oil with mushrooms until all was cooked down into smoky sweetness. Smatterinfg with pepper, salt and a few more spices before throwing in a couple handfuls of sprouted mung beans for that protein element, you see.
Finally, a final stir in of cooked potatoes and the fillings for a fantastic sandwich were done.

Sprinkling copious amounts of good cheese and sandwiching the cooked elements between slices of multigrain bread only to grill on a buttered pan to make it crispy and deliciously tempting.

The final touches provided by a professional packing in cling wrap and one part of the lunch being done was packed away in a lunchbox.

A few quick practised chopping motions towards assorted fruits, mainly kiwis and mangoes that got packed in a smaller container to serve as post lunch dessert, DONE!
Lunch was packed and ready to go.. what remains now?
oh yes, breakfast!

Good ol' hearty milk and oats with nuts and few dried fruits with a hint of vanilla sugar, steaming hot and ready to eat, on the table..and I opened my eyes to a cool room, my sleepy form still ensconced in sheets. The cat curled into a ball next to me, proximity of bright white light streaming through some source, birds chirping and the remnants of male parfum lingering in wafts.
What? what is going on?

According to the clock it was 7:30 am, and I had apparently not woken up at all in the morning. The packing of lunch in crystal clarity as viewed by me was happening in dreamscope with dolby slumber surround.
But how could that be? I'd sliced the mushrooms, the bread, the breakfast?
ah, all a dream dear.
People had left and I imagined it all.
well, well..
What can you say?

where is that?

Pray tell
what is that place?
that area?
that funky arena of the hippy kind
is that someplace I know
talking of that paraphernalia
somewhere that I'd usually go

--

Finishing touches on part 4 and it'll soon be ready to go.
Phew, this will take some time, it's going to be a lot more chapters.
But what of it?

Cool it

Temperature has dipped a bit the past few days, and nothing feels it more than my coconut oil. Just when I needed it too.

I do this every time

Say one thing about me say I do not understand the meaning of restraint.
But my lord the vegetables looked most inviting.
I was only meant to buy a couple things most important but you know how it is.
Capsicums and their seduction games on point with their red and yellow hues.
Plump broccoli's lascivious invitation to feel them up and devour them crunchy, mushrooms extending their phallus dangerously erotic, healthy asparagus and their limber arms tapping into desires most intimate, fragrant corianders promising a seduction aura of celestial perfumes, vivid greens of the spinach blowing an entrancing chlorophyll kiss, magnetic crispness of the lettuce launching a hypnotising incentive of roughage proper. Bewitching blushing carrots, voluptuous plump tomatoes..they all conspired to entice me.

It's not my fault. It's them naked vegetables, soliciting like a bunch of lovely harlots.

I can't stop myself, I can never stop myself; even though it sometimes means hauling over 10kgs of produce and trudging back home.

I can never learn. Never!

Dream queries

A very young version of me, an almost preteen me is accompanying a very grown Keanu Reeves looking for 'vcr' shops.
Apparently it's our intention to buy vcr's and cassettes from a particular shop. Keanu has ulterior motives behind it but he hasn't confessed those to a child, and my job is only to help him get to that shop.
We are in what looks to be India but a far better version, as it plays in my head.
We travel in odd public transportation, cars even cycles to reach our destination which we both are clueless about, even though I've a map.
Turns out that shop isn't easy to find and I've crossed out over a dozen shops names with the same name that are not the shops we are looking for. ;)
During all this time he even gives his clothes for dry cleaning, and we sit at a cafe of sorts to get something refreshing to drink, and while I sit there having some childlike beverage Keanu Reeves goes out for a while because he has some work.
I see him holding a huge IKEA bag that he's stuffing with helium balloons on a pavement outside.
None of these activities seemed overly suspicious to me and I went to make payments of whatever I was drinking when the cashier asked me what is that guy doing? (Actually we had a long conversation but I don't remember it)

At that moment I did slip and fall in the shops kitchen and I told them I'm having a bad day.

What happened next is not something I remember because later I'm going to a dry cleaning shop with a some money in my pocket that turns out to be foreign currency.
A man comes to a shop and asks me for some change and I show him I've not the regular money but he doesn't mind that. Doing some mental calculations he gives me a lot of loose cash, all of different currencies in change.
Somehow none of these activities bother me in the least because I use the different currencies to pay for dry cleaning and realise that Keanu Reeves has left a pair of trousers.

Din din

All things kimchi and then some rice

shilly shallying

Oh the lengths I can go to, to avoid doing something that needs done pronto.

• watered plants twice since morning even though it's raining
• loaded washing machine twice.
• cooked breakfast, done lunch prep (had it)
• made coffee
• came up with a fabulous week menu
• watched two episodes of an anime I'm currently watching and not really liking it
• just reminded to download some other seinan anime
• contemplating reading book, even though that's an activity reserved for late evenings
• contemplating ironing clothes.

Sigh, I know gotta get to work.

well, the cat needs combing, and it's important and have to eat some fruits as well.

So you see I've a couple more important things to do before getting down to it.

cuecat nighttime nopes

It seemed like such a nice night too, what with turning in bed early and anticipating an efficient effortless sleep, the only thing I forgot to factor in was the cat who is pretty much invisible if he doesn't want to be seen and he was nowhere about last night; sometime between reaching that absolute drowsy moment I heard a meow that meant itself to be heard, emanating from a window sill next to my bed.
It's the cat's way of informing that he's about to reach the balcony and that I like a dutiful slave should open the balcony door and let him in.

First order of business as soon as he came in was food, and knowing the ever starving darling I was quick to oblige, my head still knocking on sleep's door I went about this business as quick as I could, lest I miss the sleepy window.
Just as I was about to go all in a slumber mode, the cat meowed again, this time next to my head, obviously asking for something.

Second time I had to drag myself away from almost sleeping, trying to figure out the nature of his meows and position of his head I figured that his cat food wasn't enough and that the little bugger wanted a sort of tuna carnival.
Fine cat, here's your tuna, now I gotta sleep and so I muttered and went back to my bed. This time of course sleep wasn't as forthcoming, nor as kind as I'd last seen it. I was just beginning on my fifth toss to find that cozy spot that nursed me to sleep, that he meowed again.

What? I growled, albeit a lower decibel growl, for people were sleeping.
More food apparently. Fine fine, here it is, now I beg thee, my sweetness, please let me sleep.

It was already half past one and I waited some more time lest the cat wake me up again in need for some other refreshment, and I did see him stride into the room, landing ever so softly on my side of the bed, purring deep, coming in for a head bump, his way of showing affection, leaning in for a caress before forming into a ball and sleeping next to me.
My anger was a thing of vanishing retrospect when I heard him softly purr on being petted.
How could I ever be upset with this lovely little furball?
Surely I'm a monster, and with these thoughts, along with a resounding Phew! in my head I tried to sleep, and it did take time, but I was almost there, and I could swear I was in between dreams when I heard noises, odd sounds, which I knew to be exactly what they were. It's Gogi's way of trying to wake me up without obvious meowing by scratching at things, jumping on floors,  loudly galloping like a horse from one room to another to the point that someone takes notice, and usually that someone is me, for I'm a bad sleeper.

Almost three, and he wanted to be let out.
Deep sigh tainted with murderous leanings. Alright pussy cat, out you go and maybe now I can sleep a little. Finally!

Sleep they say is for the wicked and people who don't own cats, for sometime around five there was a meow again, coming from outside the main door.
I had given up on sleep by now, and to say that I cursed would be to put it very feebly because I was annoyed to the very roots of my hair.
Irritatedly throwing open the doors, prepared to launch a mouthful of explicits at my cat and I almost broke down in tears at noticing that the poor creature was drenched and cold.

You poor baby, my sweet darling, what has happened to you?
Apparently it had begun to rain sometime after I let him out and the little thing got caught in the torrential downpour. How he made his way from wherever he was indulging in his nighttime reverie to my door is anyone's guess, but man he was wet and sad.

A quick toweling down, some food, a bit of milk and warmth under my sheets huddled next to my body where he immediately slept and I along with him.

None of us woke up till it was almost 8. I was late for the day, but that's alright.

The cat is still in the house, sleeping beside me while I type this on my study table.

It's raining still and will continue to do so for the rest of the day, including tomorrow and probably the whole month. It's rainy season here and I'm looking at a lot more similar sleepless nights.

Perhaps I should change my sleep cycle to match Gogi's. This way we could both be happy.

Reflecting Sunday

Sundays, more like do everything you couldn't on Saturday.
So today was choke full of all the planning meant for yesterday but got postponed or rather pushed due to rains and laziness.
Venturing outside for an entire day, as delightful as it may seem inside of a head is never all that much thrilling.
I mean every time we think that this going out bit for a relaxed brunch and movie is going to be a lot more enjoyable than it was last time, and of course it always turns out exactly how it went every time you hazarded an adventurous weekend in the past. Tepid.
For starters the brunch menu is never all that. It's got a lot of good stuff to be sure, but the finished product in terms of taste is just as meh as it was last time you went to that great place.
Then of course a post brunch session often involves going to a movie which is in a theatre which is inside of a mall, on the top floor, and you're always either one hour late or two hours early and thus you have time to squander and spend doing a bit of window shopping (who's going to carry bags inside a theatre) and strolling toy shops (I do that) end up buying hot wheels, find a coffee shop, drink sub par coffee, repair for the movie hall (finally) and watch a movie.

Once the movie is done it's almost dusk and you realise you spent an entire day outside, and that buying some basic groceries is still pending and ugh..

There comes a time finally what with all the time spent outside, seeing so many people, doing so many activities that it gets tiresome to even talk and the merest thought of changing into comfortable pajamas is a thought most encouraging, and for that you have to make for home instantly, to hell with the groceries, they can be bought on a Tuesday.

Home, tea, aimless tv, light dinner.

The only reason you go out on a weekend is to realise the value of staying home, cuz going outside is fun temporarily but the pleasures of coming back home are permanent.. this is something you learn only as you get older.


Sent from my iPhone

Bracing moisture in the air

It's raining, oh its raining like its never meant to rain.
A rain to end all rains, and here I am, stuck inside the house in this ghastly weather.
It's not the romantic kind of rainfalls, no sir. No rainbows nor genteel breeze. It's only a shade darker than midnight and there isn't a singular drop of wind.
Clammy, humid, wet and noisy.
I woke up to the sound of cracking thunder, every minute there's a devastating sound of electric bolts going awry in the sky and with each doomsday sound the raging turmoil of thunderous waterfalls gets more intense.
Just the kind of day that offsets poltergeist activities or demonic hauntings, and would you believe if I told you that I'd welcome those with open arms and throw a succubus in the mix then open legs too.
Saturdays aren't meant to be so low on activities and there are *people* who're invested in spending an entire day worshipping the gluttonous gods of food and sloth fairies of sleep.
Laying horizontal while gorged with a never ending repast are apparently how Saturdays are often spent in this domus, excluding moi. No sir, I'm invested in a book.
There were plans for today, indeed plans aplenty..one that involved movies, a glorious brunch, a bit of shopping and a lot strolling..kaput of course.
But no skin off my nose, because here I am, cozy with a cup of water (perhaps I could change it to some fabulous ginger tea) and memories of smiles, laughter, jokes and gossips and of course ice.
Hearts galore.

G'morning

Music this morning..
Because sometimes you just need a serious throwback.

Fitness frenzy

Kate Moss had once rather controversially stated 'nothing tastes as good as skinny feels' when needled repeatedly about her weight.
I think it's the same statement mantra twisted into healthier proportions displayed outside the health food shop.
Interesting though that there's a Health food shop, though I don't know what all it primarily deals with and how 'healthy' is their food and exactly what kind of health they sell, though I'd love to know.
It's a blatant mockery of their brand if the owner of the so called health store eats greasy fattening food from outside.
Perhaps he isn't into the fitness jargon.
For someone to have opened such a shop there must be some reason behind. Maybe there's a gym nearby, or perhaps people of that area go out jogging often or maybe there's an overall idea of fitness floating around..though it's a fact that fitness is suddenly a fad and a popular trend nowadays.
People look for motivation and thinspiration though how much they stick to their plans is anyone's guess.

Ho hum, nighttime and the cat sleeps beside me. He thinks I'm his mommy..well, why not.

Kisses.

Nyahnyahnyah

Who's cooking today?
Not me.

For no other reason than I just don't feel like it.
I don't feel like anything at all..though I did get over 2000 words in, and for that I count my blessings.

But food..gah, I don't want to stand in the kitchen or chop anything..in fact I feel like drinking hot chocolate.Sweetened, warm, thick hot chocolate. Should I do it? Why not? And then again do I need the sugar? Why yes I do. I'm not on a Keto diet and I never will be.
And it's just one of those days.
Not like I'll fatten up in one day. No! It'll take me at least a week to fatten up going by the good cravings I've going on today.
Perhaps a nice meal outside..maybe a pizza or some pasta or a steak even.

Why? It's Friday of course and I deserve it.
I mean I can always get a good work out tomorrow. Why not?

Questions and choices and wonders and gah.

On a side note the story is going well.
I'm done for the day though and I could have written some more, and I have at times written over 6000 words in one sitting and felt only slightly demented after that, but not this time., because I'm done with the basic base for the plot and want a bit of bubbling over of them ideas.
They sometimes come to me when I'm in the middle of sleep and dreams and of course I never write them down, and that's the way of it.
Moral of this post?
I need hot chocolate and I feel drowsy and I'm going to complain to the moon and back about everything.

Inspiron

Boy do I have bad mad and sad travel stories to narrate.
And I will, as for gloomy skies..ah, there's been a bit of sun and the birds chirp and I made myself a little coffee and now begins a journey of reminisce, amiss..sigh.
Here's a picture of a gorgeous cat though..one that lacks no amount of right attitude.
Kitty knows how to throw me a side eye.

headspace

I chomp on a digestive biscuit as I write this, a confession of sorts that my brain has finally lit a pyre for the very last of its grey cells.
I might have to go in for a grey cell transplant as it were.. a sort of technological marvel of sorts to begin restoration work on my mind.
Until then I'm going into hibernation..but I will be here writing gibberish..just that don't expect me to talk intelligent.

My eye to head coordination is failing, cognitive functions flailing and I'm wilting into a state of euphoric idiocy.
Ah well, maybe it's the kind of day that expects you to start getting drunk mid afternoon and continue till night, but am I going to do that?
Maybe not. I might not want to risk any remaining decapitated grey cell from dying. Might just send a search party looking for those AWOL, MIA cells that failed to report for duty today.

Mehning

This morning asked nothing of me, and for that I'm glad. Few mornings come so benign as to expect little.
Evening tint continues, a gentle reminder that it might rain. The humidity makes itself felt, however the lack of heat makes it somewhat bearable, only somewhat though.
What set of average surprises does this Friday hold? I'd not like to know.

What the what the

And suddenly it's all sepia outside.
A warm tone accorded to cooling evening; the last of sun rays that have stood in suspended state of animation and filtered through grey clouds to make all that is outside a wheat coloured mellow.
Glowing evening..the dying breath of today exhaling its last beam..

--

And now its splattered with navy ink the hues of the world outside changed in the interval of half an hour when I received a phone call again!
In the middle of a post, when everything was gold to the end of this post when all is crepuscular chic in shadowy depths.

Today isn't happening as planned.

Here here

I have to watch this episode 'going postal' now, because it looked so good..add to that the fact that the castings mentioned 'David Suchet' in it and what am I if not a fan.
he was the pivotal Hercule Poirot, the only Hercule Poirot that could ever be, not that hairy mess we say from the 'Murder on the Orient express' trailer.

Talk of eating away with one spoon, Today has felt like I've been trying to sip soup with a fork.

And I'm loathe to confess that today was spent on a 3.5 hour phone call with my brother. One of those three times a month long phone calls where we discuss everything from movies to politics to series to careers to gossips to bitching to business plans to hypothetical worlds to video games..in fact everything that could ever exist under the sun.

So yes, today was spent in just that along with other odds and ends.

Also I just finished drinking a soy milk banana and kiwi smoothie and let me tell you these flavours just didn't work.

sighs

For when you want to hold a drink in hand and throw your head back to thinking thoughts only you are privy to.

Hearts..

??

How do I get row of this bit? Still showing on my status?

Milking

My 3 day soy milk supply

food fuss

The beautiful slightly sunny moody weather this morning beckoned with open arms that smelled of summery winds and fluttered with ripe richness of luxuriant soft sunlight.

Just the kind of weather that promises perfect photographs; not completely bright neither sullen with a dusky dirge. 

The perfect lighting one often seeks that sometimes happens around evening, when the sun has moved westwards and the piercing harshness of unforgiving summer sun is lightened by evening filters of sombre gold. 

Tuesdays, im my experience have been most heartless to me, and this beautiful gift of gorgeous weather was probably a sympathetic gesture on today's part, considering how stormy, chilly and typhonic wet yesterday had been. 

Today was delightfully photogenic what with blue skies woven with gold threads I decided to harvest the advantageous weather into clicking pictures for a new recipe for the food blog.

 

No matter how small a recipe, the entire procedure from start to finish takes a lot longer than one'd expect. 

factor in the setting of ingredients, clicking pictures, setting up tripod and other photography paraphernalia (reflectors in my case) and shifting their focus etc, clearing the platform each time a new step has to be clicked and structuring each step involves a lot of time. 

Add to that cleaning the kitchen side by side while clicking pictures to avoid a mountain of dishes in the sink along with an unclean background. 

One doesn't want any photograph to show messy preparatory work in the background. 

Also dishes tend to pile up a lot more because you end up using extra utensils, measuring cups etc., especially if you're visually descriptive about each ingredient.

Not just, one has to begin early morning too. Or chances are you'd start losing good light, because we live in houses with roofs over our heads and windows aren't always aligned the way we'd want.

So keeping all the above mentioned in mind I started with a recipe pretty much from scratch which took me almost two hours to get done, something that'd have on an ordinary day taken not more than 20 minutes.

Right, so everything done and I was readying to click pictures of the finished recipe when lo, with a gurgling rumble of a broken thunder the skies decided to go dark and burst into a deluge.

I'd begun to have a foreboding sense of Tuesday's malicious intents somewhere in between the cooking process, but the bipolar nature of sun and sky assured me with enough optimistic brightness, only to be mocked by a sudden regurgitation of the gods.

Well, what can one do when sudden darkness hits your day and all that was perfect goes down the abyss..well, you keep trudging on and that's what I did.

Ignoring the sudden lackluster attempts at lighting I continued clicking pictures and cursed everything all the time. 

To say that I was enraged would be putting it rather tepid. I was three parts violent, two parts hysterical and one part bitter.

Gah to everything..I think I even screamed a bit, and almost avoided having a little meltdown by reminding myself about the existence of photoshop..but even the best of photoshop can't replace a good weather.

Sobs..

Food questions

Aubergine bacon!!
That's apparently a real thing for when you want to eat breakfast and you want to eat bacon but you're a vegan.

I've seen tofu turkey, vegan meatballs, no meat chicken, and a whole lot of plant based textured meat mocks.
Ok, why?
Isn't the whole idea of vegan getting away from all that's meat and meaty and meat like?

I could be wrong though, I don't know how vegans think but I'm hella sure how vegetarians think and talk and live, and most vegetarians I know, hate anything that feels like meat.

I've come across very few vegetarians who can actually tolerate soy chunks and the reason why most dislike it is because it feels very unlike anything vegetarian, even though it's a 100% vegan.
So why all the meat like non meaty foodstuffs?

Ah, I don't know. One of those fallacies in life or foods.
Perhaps it his ps those who are transitioning from animal based diet to plant based.
Even so..

Music connections

A very lovely morning to you and I'd thought this post to be a comprehensive list or rather genres of varied music I like to listen to first few hours after waking up in the morning when I'm just unwinding, drinking hot water and still making a mental list of chores in my head, but now this post is going to be about something surprising and sweetly strange I noticed so many times in the almost 7 years I've been living in China.

Often times there's a large group of mostly women gathered around during either the early hours of morning or sometime in evening post dinner when they like to break into a sort of synchronised low impact dance movements to stay fit.
Now this is usually free for all, and people keep joining in as they like and it's a wonderful spectacle to see so many people moving to songs blaring on a portable loudspeaker.
So the songs are mostly Chinese songs usually from the 70's or 80's and one can make that out by their music and vocal arrangement and some songs are commonly played, because they have the kind of sonorous beats that enable dance movements.
Right, so one song commonly, very commonly played is 'Jimmy Jimmy aaja aaja ' by 'Parvati Khan' from the movie 'Disco dancer'. I know, so weird. But it's such a popular song here that initially I thought maybe it's just a town thing where I used to live earlier, but I was totally wrong. Turns out that song is extremely popular here in China, in fact so popular that the singer in question was actually awarded a prestigious Chinese golden peacock award for that particular song.
I'd never have much cared for that song back in homeland but when you get to hear something of your own language playing enthusiastically in another country, it makes you feel oddly happy.
I know it's so silly but it's true, and the reason I'm writing this post is because this morning, around 6:30 I'd heard this song, albeit faintly, but it was there, because there was a group of people working out to this song.
Wonders never cease.

Right now

Hot chocolate..sings to my soul right now, not least because my present needs a bit of warming what with all these memories of ice.
Ice that's chilled me to my heart, battered my soul and now proceeds to fray my nerves in a gelid trap of sadness and nail biting anticipation.

daytime darkness

Sundays if anything demand a swift death because I hate how they kill you ever so slowly.
It's a celebration of weekend (whatever that means), just not the way you'd want to celebrate it.
accommodating other people's whims and fancies to do absolutely nothing except watching meagerly average television, while strictly not doing anything you'd like , without being questioned 'what are you writing?" 'what are you blogging?' 'why won't you watch this movie with me?'
why why why?
'why do you never ask 'why am I still alive after asking so many questions?' the answer would be kindness..
yes, i'd like to kill you, but with kindness.
or maybe not with all that kindness. A bit of violent thoughts  never hurt nobody, if anything they are healthy.
Killing a spouse.. now how does one go about that without raising suspicions.?
Poison is totally out of the question, because not only is it traceable but also sort of painful, and I'm so not the poison kinda gal.. in fact if anything I'm the light shove in an active volcano kinda girl, and it sort of suits my mood right now..ooh and I totally have an outfit thought of for just the occasion..
hmm..now to find a volcano and take a trip to its summit without having anyone doubt my agenda..

Comforts

Why is everything you ever want always out of your comfort zone? No really, EVERYTHING you EVER want!!

You want tea? And you want it to be good? Just the way you like it?
-go make your own.

Fruits?
-go and buy! And it's hot and everything and you gotta walk and all that nonsense.

Leaner arms? Leaner thighs?
- go work out! :(
Praying to arms and thigh fairy is not gonna work, it just won't.

Good food?
-make your own or go to a nice restaurant, cuz take out is never as good. It gets cold and gross by the time it reaches home.

Hey you want good pizza?
Too bad! You'll never find it. It's an urban myth. Of course you can make your own but that's not in your comfort zone is it?

I'll tell you what's in your comfort zone..being lazy.
Slouching on the couch, doing nothing..comfort zone right there baby..
or maybe it's not wanting to get out of your comfort zone to get what you want and thus making do with whatever easily comes your way, chances are most of all that comes easy will be below average, thus making your output, quality of life, even existence just as below average.

Demotivation speaker, if there ever were such a thing.

Vain

This shade is here to stay, or slay. It ain't going nowhere though. A grape black vampyra special of sorts.

Let me tell you

One thing I've realized about myself and though it holds absolutely no relevance to anything ever happening in this world, but that doesn't matter, so, one thing I've realized bla bla is that I'm a makeup hoarder.
It's embarrassing but really, no shame in admitting it. I hoard makeup like people hoard emotions.
I think it's all the colours and palettes and brushes that attract me so, like an artists workshop, and I end up buying glosses, bronzers, shadows, mattes, highlighters, liners, powders and some are excellent in fact so kickass that I need to buy them again and some are so terrible that they keep lying in their pretty boxes and are never looked at again.

Perhaps it's time that I bid adieu to all those products that just didn't work for me and get rid of them..but then again, so many pretty colours and I keep sticking to the hope that maybe I'll end up using them someday. But when I use them I realize the reason I didn't use them much.. maybe they're too cakey, nor pigmented enough, have too much fall out etc etc.

Of course this might sound a lot like inconsequential rant, absolute garbage, but I think I just needed to confess that I'm a makeup hoarder.
This month, I shall rid myself off the vanity baggage that I don't need (I hope)

Gulp

What do you call a dinner made of kimchi, baked potatoes and a liter of soy milk?
-Lonely nights. (Just the way I like it.)

Creepers

Summers come with a fucking fanfare of bugs and insects and flies and mosquitoes.
I have already spotted three baby spiders scampering about on the floor, on table tops and have successfully killed them all.
What I'm looking for is their momma, so I can roast her alive.
I mean women should stick up for each other and stand in unison and all that is fine, but this female of the species is traumatizing my life with little web spinning offsprings and is going absolutely unnoticed by the male member of this domus, and I'm beginning to think it's not very female friendly despite its egg bearing ability.

Death to this six legged witch then.

Boohoo

Even if I somehow try to ignore the fact that season is changing my scalp obstinately refuses to oblige me.
No sir, it begins to shed hair in the hundreds, and a well endowed shriek a few thousand decibels loud, enough to crack the very foundations of the planet begins emanating from where I stand, comb in my hand studded with martyr hair, tears streaming from eyes, and a distinct bawling beginning to bubble up from the very core of my soul. I cry, nay, break into uncontrollable sobs, weep like my life has just begun to get over.

I mean these are my lovely hair that I've been nourishing forever, taking care of them, massaging, washing, disentangling, smoothing, brushing and now, all of a sudden some of them begin ungluing themselves all because the season has changed.
Goddamn you sudden summer!

I cry some more

C'mon baby girl

When mornings aren't groovy enough and missings are much. When you feel the need to invite the kool into a warming day. When a spring in the step is exactly what a weekend ordered..

Icy cream

Half a decade back when I realized I'm lactose intolerant and couldn't get over the fact that ice creams wouldn't be on my itinerary evermore it was then that I found out about this ice cream that one makes by blending frozen bananas.
Basically a dairy free ice cream made solely with frozen bananas and because of the texture of bananas it did look and feel like an ice cream, and perhaps to some taste bud dead mortals even tasted like ice cream, because honestly the few hundred times that I made it it didn't taste like anything other than blended frozen bananas..but what am I if not bananas with all that's bananas (the pun was just waiting to be made, c'mon), and so I persevered until I was totally over ice creams and have since learnt better, tastier and far easier, nutritious recipes for smoothies that include a plethora other ingredients along with bananas.
But that's not the point of this post..I just saw a raw vegan YouTuber address a frozen blended banana so called ice cream as nice cream, and I rolled my eyes to the point that I'm still trying to pry out an eyeball out of my socket.
It's not an ice cream, neither a nice cream but a make believe dessert which although delicious if you like bananas can never replace the gorgeous dairy creaminess that is ice cream.
Sigh, I feel like eating one now..

coughee

Inside of a weak cup of coffee
I see promises
of this day getting better
new fulfilments of hopes thought
wishes granted
ennui forgotten, or almost nearly
it isn't the high or even the rush
that has me in a spilling hush
as my heart races faster
the sun begins to descend
pushing into foray
a lone optimistic thought
which I seem to have already forgotten
and left wondering why
this felt like a good idea at the time
like a dying tungsten
that suddenly glows brighter
before offing itself into a crinkle
of a thought bulb
much like the contents
of this cup

harbour

Harbour by John Ajvide Lindqvist

..hmm..

almost 16 hours long, slow, dark, brooding and boring.

The sea, the sea all about the sea, a couple boring ghosts, annoying protagonist, twists and turns with all the energy of a non existent speed breaker..placid, dull and well, not something you'd want to read or hear to get spooked. 

Plot was mostly back and forth. A few memorable incidents that had the entire story revolving around it, and every time it looked like there might be something exciting, the narrative watered it down to something not all that exciting.

All in all it was alright.. I mean I'm all about long, dark, brooding narratives and visuals and patient building up, but it never really built up into something unusually phenomenal.

You can read it but chances are if you put the book down, you might not want to pick it up again, or maybe you'd end up glancing through pages, flipping to catch anything fun.

was it bad? not entirely.

Just that it was too much talking, thinking, wondering, dreaming, speculation..