I'm talking to my cat
about the aches of my heart
how I have fallen in love
with a man
afraid of causing ripples
rightly so..I justify
I lie but sometimes that's all
we can do to keep the peace
with reality
I tell my cat
how the hurt gapes
into a wound both sweet and bitter
she has lost interest in my thoughts
and tried to kill a small moth
strutting around my night light
Wednesday, 31 July 2019
Let us
the spots we leave after making love, little puddles pooling on sheets, making their dull colours a bit more vivid in places it dripped.
I'm afraid darling we leave too many dead pixels and noises in void, transmission waste and piles of data spent when in fact we ought to be making little lakes of our own in seedy hotel rooms and office chairs.
I'm afraid darling we leave too many dead pixels and noises in void, transmission waste and piles of data spent when in fact we ought to be making little lakes of our own in seedy hotel rooms and office chairs.
I didn't want it
The thing about returning gifts is that I'm never able to manage it.
case in point the new set of speakers that were bought for me without as much as asking me, because I have specific requirements and someone who doesn't listen to music might not understand them and so I'd successfully sealed the box they came in ready to return them back when somehow this morning while I was busy with chores they were magically installed and now I sit staring at alien-like transparent structures that near blew away the ceiling of this house when I pressed play on 'disasterpiece'.
They are good, magnificent really but I did not ask for it and that's what it all boils down to.
case in point the new set of speakers that were bought for me without as much as asking me, because I have specific requirements and someone who doesn't listen to music might not understand them and so I'd successfully sealed the box they came in ready to return them back when somehow this morning while I was busy with chores they were magically installed and now I sit staring at alien-like transparent structures that near blew away the ceiling of this house when I pressed play on 'disasterpiece'.
They are good, magnificent really but I did not ask for it and that's what it all boils down to.
Weather dish
The real feel of today's weather is 41°c even though it's only about 36°c.
Isn't that just lovely!
Isn't that just lovely!
Days
Say one thing about sleep say I got none of it last night.
The usual conundrum that I've spoken about a few times.
Some nights I just keep tossing and last night was strange in a way that my each nerve ending felt sensitive to the blanket on me, to the sheets under me and it made me uncomfortable all night .
I wished I could just hover and sleep.
It was odd and I can't explain how awful it felt.
I'm so tired and cranky and there's work that needs be done and I've a friend coming over for tea.
This day might not time out as fantastic.
The usual conundrum that I've spoken about a few times.
Some nights I just keep tossing and last night was strange in a way that my each nerve ending felt sensitive to the blanket on me, to the sheets under me and it made me uncomfortable all night .
I wished I could just hover and sleep.
It was odd and I can't explain how awful it felt.
I'm so tired and cranky and there's work that needs be done and I've a friend coming over for tea.
This day might not time out as fantastic.
Tuesday, 30 July 2019
Silent kisses
Nighttime and It aches
the body that wraps the thoughts
obstructing them to torments
of solitary confinement
where they whisper to an echo
keeping in mind
lest they escape
through the boulevard of eyes
or snake their ways
through tongue trails
the body that wraps the thoughts
obstructing them to torments
of solitary confinement
where they whisper to an echo
keeping in mind
lest they escape
through the boulevard of eyes
or snake their ways
through tongue trails
No need
A television in front of me
in my bedroom
Is it normal to have a tv
staring at you
While you're in bed?
Do people watch the news
while readying to sleep
or maybe first thing in the morning
After waking up
or movies perhaps
I wouldn't know
this large screen
serves as a prop
it's never been turned on
I see my reflection in it
blurred and useless
and why is there even a tv here?
who needs two televisions
in one house?
Well, I'll tell you
everyone in my whole family
has two tv's
Each house has two of these
and so I do too
in my bedroom
Is it normal to have a tv
staring at you
While you're in bed?
Do people watch the news
while readying to sleep
or maybe first thing in the morning
After waking up
or movies perhaps
I wouldn't know
this large screen
serves as a prop
it's never been turned on
I see my reflection in it
blurred and useless
and why is there even a tv here?
who needs two televisions
in one house?
Well, I'll tell you
everyone in my whole family
has two tv's
Each house has two of these
and so I do too
This happened
What's for dinner was the question on the phone.
I informed that I was about to begin making it in a bit.
But what is it I was asked again.
I narrated the menu which was Dahl parantha with coconut and vegetable Channa subzi along with a variety of accoutrements like coriander chutney, raita and salad .
Hmm..came a thoughtful tone. I'm calling for pizza.
What?? Why?
Cuz I don't want to eat this stuff I got informed ruefully.
What on earth?? This ain't stuff. This is real food. Pizza is stuff I said.
Yeah, but we're always eating this kind of food and I want to eat junk came the reply.
What the actual fuck I thought.
I informed that I was about to begin making it in a bit.
But what is it I was asked again.
I narrated the menu which was Dahl parantha with coconut and vegetable Channa subzi along with a variety of accoutrements like coriander chutney, raita and salad .
Hmm..came a thoughtful tone. I'm calling for pizza.
What?? Why?
Cuz I don't want to eat this stuff I got informed ruefully.
What on earth?? This ain't stuff. This is real food. Pizza is stuff I said.
Yeah, but we're always eating this kind of food and I want to eat junk came the reply.
What the actual fuck I thought.
On days and banana
All I need is plenty of time. And that's too much to ask.
Second shower of the day later I sit down with a blend of frozen bananas in some cocoa powder and homemade peanut butter..a smoothie as we might say and wonder at the small problems.
Case in point my quest for bananas today which ended badly.
Having exhausted my daily supply of bananas this morning I went to the market a while back after having walked the dogs.
Sopping with sweat in a pleasant 37°C which is rife with mugginess and every fruit shop I went to had only a scant bit of almost blackened bananas and no new stock.
All of them shook their hands to tell me that there are no bananas!!
Nowhere!
Thankfully I have a stash of bananas in the freezer and on my way back I glanced at all the ice creams and icelollies on display and resolved to drink something cool and comforting and so I sit with a smoothie wondering about bananas.
Second shower of the day later I sit down with a blend of frozen bananas in some cocoa powder and homemade peanut butter..a smoothie as we might say and wonder at the small problems.
Case in point my quest for bananas today which ended badly.
Having exhausted my daily supply of bananas this morning I went to the market a while back after having walked the dogs.
Sopping with sweat in a pleasant 37°C which is rife with mugginess and every fruit shop I went to had only a scant bit of almost blackened bananas and no new stock.
All of them shook their hands to tell me that there are no bananas!!
Nowhere!
Thankfully I have a stash of bananas in the freezer and on my way back I glanced at all the ice creams and icelollies on display and resolved to drink something cool and comforting and so I sit with a smoothie wondering about bananas.
Arghhhhhh
In the long list of things I get which I didn't ask for. 
Surprise gifts I hate with a vengeance because I wasn't consulted before .
Exhibit 100
My Sony laptop speakers as you're aware have gone kaput and I've been looking for some nicer newer ones but here we have it.
A delivery this morning which I didn't order,yet, here it is .
Now I don't want this!
I wasn't even consulted before buying it.
People don't know of my needs and blindly buy things thinking they might be useful but why would something as large as this be needed for my laptop which is arguable smaller than the size of these speakers!
I'm extremely angry.
So angry I feel like hurting someone.
Monday, 29 July 2019
some people
There's a gentleman in my contacts whom I avoid like the plague because there are times when he pings me on WhatsApp and I feel my soul shrivel a bit because of the sheer cringe.
His WhatsApp status message reads 'Gratitude is an attitude' and he has this condition where he fails to draw the line. He misreads politeness as friendship and tends to begin smothering someone who's merely an acquaintance and perhaps being nice out of sheer politeness with constant messages and phone calls to discuss his personal life and issues.
It becomes a problem.
His WhatsApp status message reads 'Gratitude is an attitude' and he has this condition where he fails to draw the line. He misreads politeness as friendship and tends to begin smothering someone who's merely an acquaintance and perhaps being nice out of sheer politeness with constant messages and phone calls to discuss his personal life and issues.
It becomes a problem.
Comfort eats
No surprises here! 
Buckwheat noodles, veggies and more with a thin sesame seed and Sichuan pepper dressing because it's Monday.
Sunday, 28 July 2019
Bleary updates
Who me?
Downing a Hoegaarden because who's working out tomorrow? Not me darling..at least not for the next few days cuz..well some days are like that. Each bloody month!
Right!
Beer and dinner is mutter paneer not being made by moi so I sit pretty getting drunk and dipping nachos in salsa. All homemade.
In other news the washing machine got repaired!
Downing a Hoegaarden because who's working out tomorrow? Not me darling..at least not for the next few days cuz..well some days are like that. Each bloody month!
Right!
Beer and dinner is mutter paneer not being made by moi so I sit pretty getting drunk and dipping nachos in salsa. All homemade.
In other news the washing machine got repaired!
A few things
I have a severely sun burnt nose! The skin is near peeling off.
I'm in a bad mood.
Too sunny and stifling to take the dogs out.
The washing machine still won't spin after getting repaired.
Ice trays need filling.
Can't decide dinner.
Found a most unhelpful man today and that was new.
Feeling a bit sleepy but not in a way that I want to nap.
I'm in a bad mood.
Too sunny and stifling to take the dogs out.
The washing machine still won't spin after getting repaired.
Ice trays need filling.
Can't decide dinner.
Found a most unhelpful man today and that was new.
Feeling a bit sleepy but not in a way that I want to nap.
Garbage encounters
There soon will be a time when we'll start shuttling our garbage to outer space because right now there's no more land to fill.
Countries send their garbage to other poorer countries and now even those countries have refused to take their crap, sending millions and millions in tonnage of plastic bottles and bags back to developed countries.
What are we gonna do now?
Most definitely the only solution for such things is that if we don't see it it won't exist and so sending it to outer space is probably going to be the next solution and that's when we will get contacted by aliens cuz they're be infuriated on finding floating pieces of polythene in their atmosphere.
That's the only way this meeting will ever happen.
Countries send their garbage to other poorer countries and now even those countries have refused to take their crap, sending millions and millions in tonnage of plastic bottles and bags back to developed countries.
What are we gonna do now?
Most definitely the only solution for such things is that if we don't see it it won't exist and so sending it to outer space is probably going to be the next solution and that's when we will get contacted by aliens cuz they're be infuriated on finding floating pieces of polythene in their atmosphere.
That's the only way this meeting will ever happen.
Saturday, 27 July 2019
Confused layer
I have the idiot skin that's super dry but begins to sweat uncontrollably in this humidity but immediately turns to dry sheet when it cools down in an air conditioner.
I can't do without a thick layer of moisturiser even though it begins melting off my face the second I step outside .
Argh!
I can't do without a thick layer of moisturiser even though it begins melting off my face the second I step outside .
Argh!
Friday, 26 July 2019
Feels
Why do I want to slap makeup and go out about town??
If only I hadn't eaten so much sodium rich food!!
Imma wake up bloated with eye bags.
If only I hadn't eaten so much sodium rich food!!
Imma wake up bloated with eye bags.
Wha????
There's currently movie on tv in which the lead actor looks like the god of douchebags!
The movie is called heart attack 3 and what on earth?
The movie is called heart attack 3 and what on earth?
%*#%^**%
Why the fuck should I turn down the volume of whatever I'm watching when you're on a call?
Go to some other room and attend it.
What the fuck???
Go to some other room and attend it.
What the fuck???
Glimmer peeves
Shiny decor!
The kind of furniture or house ornaments that are golden or silver or shimmery or glittery!!
No..never! Not for me!
A friend purchased a most expensive vase that looked like a vat of glitter had taken a dump all over a piece of ceramic and she put it as a centrepiece in her home with absolutely confused interiors and it looked pretty ghastly.
Also what's with the new fashion of sequin layered cushions in everyone's houses?
They look like crap!
Golden lampshades!
Please gods no!
Also, walls with metallic finish?
Why?
They are extremely hard to pull off and you need that touch to do so, but limited imagination can only take that idea so far.
So no!
The kind of furniture or house ornaments that are golden or silver or shimmery or glittery!!
No..never! Not for me!
A friend purchased a most expensive vase that looked like a vat of glitter had taken a dump all over a piece of ceramic and she put it as a centrepiece in her home with absolutely confused interiors and it looked pretty ghastly.
Also what's with the new fashion of sequin layered cushions in everyone's houses?
They look like crap!
Golden lampshades!
Please gods no!
Also, walls with metallic finish?
Why?
They are extremely hard to pull off and you need that touch to do so, but limited imagination can only take that idea so far.
So no!
No regrets!
That my house smells like an Indo Chinese restaurant wouldn't be an exaggeration because that's what it smells like right now.
I'd turned the ac on while cooking because I've sweated enough today and by the heavens how the scent has lingered!!
I'd turned the ac on while cooking because I've sweated enough today and by the heavens how the scent has lingered!!
Evening then
Evening then and I'm dunking myself in a cold cold cold beer with a side of dumplings which I just made so technically they're momo's and maybe they won't make it to the recipe book because the book is about fit meals and what I ended up making today is a bit of a stretch if you call it fit.
Sure it has veggies and tofu but I've tempered it with thick starchy gravy and it's become delicious on some other level.
I mean it's delicious in a way that I didn't expect it to be and certainly not healthy because it's made of refined flour and has about 1tbsp of oil which is about 13mls and that's not a good indicator of a healthy meal.
More like a weekend treat which it is.
I was also in the mood to make Stromboli but as luck would have it I discovered I'm out of mozzarella cheese and Brie is not a substitute that would work in the recipe. So eh!
I wish to get high on beer, and hopefully it should do the trick.
Sure it has veggies and tofu but I've tempered it with thick starchy gravy and it's become delicious on some other level.
I mean it's delicious in a way that I didn't expect it to be and certainly not healthy because it's made of refined flour and has about 1tbsp of oil which is about 13mls and that's not a good indicator of a healthy meal.
More like a weekend treat which it is.
I was also in the mood to make Stromboli but as luck would have it I discovered I'm out of mozzarella cheese and Brie is not a substitute that would work in the recipe. So eh!
I wish to get high on beer, and hopefully it should do the trick.
Friday deets
I woke up with many plans dangling about my head.
Gotta do this and that and that too and by the time it was 8 I had decided to slash half the plans and the rest melted out of my body by the time I was done mopping the house.
I think it would be a good idea to keep the house perpetually air conditioned so that I don't walk into a hamam each morning.
Something as simple as just standing in the kitchen is punishing enough because there's no air, it's standstill outside. Not the slightest bit breezy and I feel my face melting into my shoes.
One could decide to stop doing morning chores altogether but somehow the fresh feeling that one gets in the house when it's been cleaned and spruced is worth the morning trouble, because now as I sit looking around there's a certain shine to everything which somehow tends to get fatigued towards the end of the day, also I have two cats who plan a party each night as I sleep.
But this weather isn't something to stop complaining about.
One of my friends had come over to my house and she was sweating in a way that almost hurt my heart.
She had taken the dogs walking and knocked on my door to say hi but the way she looked had me bothered because I know that I look twice as worse when I'm out and about walking the dogs or even just casually crossing the streets in this weather.
Now, the important question I asked myself this morning was whether I should work out today because my mind and my body seem to be in synch about not going ahead with the daily torture.
Also, today I have a couple fun plans for the menu and wanted to try out some new dishes as a sort of experiment to include in my recipe book and that needs a small trip to the wet market for vegetable shopping and maybe I'll also buy some seafood while I'm there because why not?
Now lets see, gotta head out, make lunch, shower, eat, draw, take dogs out for a walk, shower, cook.
Well!! That's look about sorted then and I didn't even include fun small things like feeding cats, cleaning after them, clicking pictures.
Yay Friday!
Gotta do this and that and that too and by the time it was 8 I had decided to slash half the plans and the rest melted out of my body by the time I was done mopping the house.
I think it would be a good idea to keep the house perpetually air conditioned so that I don't walk into a hamam each morning.
Something as simple as just standing in the kitchen is punishing enough because there's no air, it's standstill outside. Not the slightest bit breezy and I feel my face melting into my shoes.
One could decide to stop doing morning chores altogether but somehow the fresh feeling that one gets in the house when it's been cleaned and spruced is worth the morning trouble, because now as I sit looking around there's a certain shine to everything which somehow tends to get fatigued towards the end of the day, also I have two cats who plan a party each night as I sleep.
But this weather isn't something to stop complaining about.
One of my friends had come over to my house and she was sweating in a way that almost hurt my heart.
She had taken the dogs walking and knocked on my door to say hi but the way she looked had me bothered because I know that I look twice as worse when I'm out and about walking the dogs or even just casually crossing the streets in this weather.
Now, the important question I asked myself this morning was whether I should work out today because my mind and my body seem to be in synch about not going ahead with the daily torture.
Also, today I have a couple fun plans for the menu and wanted to try out some new dishes as a sort of experiment to include in my recipe book and that needs a small trip to the wet market for vegetable shopping and maybe I'll also buy some seafood while I'm there because why not?
Now lets see, gotta head out, make lunch, shower, eat, draw, take dogs out for a walk, shower, cook.
Well!! That's look about sorted then and I didn't even include fun small things like feeding cats, cleaning after them, clicking pictures.
Yay Friday!
Thursday, 25 July 2019
Post here
Right!
I didn't add the photo in the previous post.
I'd begin drawing one thing but then I decided why not?
It's an experiment of sorts .
Maybe I'll mix some mediums maybe I will do something else to it .
This is just a skeleton for now .
Din din
Bloody mosquitoes everywhere!!!
Dinner tonight will be something easy.
I have some gluten free chickpea pasta and there's some delicious leftover spinach and basil pesto and thusly dinner is merely a question of boiling some noodles.
Hah!!
Dinner tonight will be something easy.
I have some gluten free chickpea pasta and there's some delicious leftover spinach and basil pesto and thusly dinner is merely a question of boiling some noodles.
Hah!!
I wonder
Why do all fat people like slimmer people?
I've seen this once I've seen it five times over, my every fat friend, cousin has Always fallen for or married a slimmer human.
Is this weird or is this normal?
I've seen this once I've seen it five times over, my every fat friend, cousin has Always fallen for or married a slimmer human.
Is this weird or is this normal?
Getting lost
I'd begin with something and ended with something else .
It's a skeleton but maybe I can take it places.
Almost 7 and I got so engaged that dinner was forgotten.
Oopsie!!
Hahaha.
Right.
On with dinner then.
It's a skeleton but maybe I can take it places.
Almost 7 and I got so engaged that dinner was forgotten.
Oopsie!!
Hahaha.
Right.
On with dinner then.
all done and so I breathe
Here are the premises!
I'm bone dead from physical exertion.
Today began far too early. Before the clock struck 6.
I've not had a moment to sit.
Chores, workout, problem-solving, picture clicking, cleaning up after and now finally after almost 8 hours of being on my toes with no respite I have found myself some space, so here I sit.
The air conditioner on full blast, a small mug of coffee, windows streaming light from outside and the mad noise of cicada's now a muted music filtering in the room topped with some delicious riffs from a heavy stoner instrumental band just the kind I like on such days.
The cats are asleep, the litter trays are clean, garbage has been taken out and finally my skin feels cool to the touch. The muggy dampness slowly being forgotten.
For now at least.
I'm bone dead from physical exertion.
Today began far too early. Before the clock struck 6.
I've not had a moment to sit.
Chores, workout, problem-solving, picture clicking, cleaning up after and now finally after almost 8 hours of being on my toes with no respite I have found myself some space, so here I sit.
The air conditioner on full blast, a small mug of coffee, windows streaming light from outside and the mad noise of cicada's now a muted music filtering in the room topped with some delicious riffs from a heavy stoner instrumental band just the kind I like on such days.
The cats are asleep, the litter trays are clean, garbage has been taken out and finally my skin feels cool to the touch. The muggy dampness slowly being forgotten.
For now at least.
random shite
In other news, I've been using a peach and sugar body scrub that's so gritty it could slough your skin off but what am I if not in love with all that can exfoliate right down to my soul and how I love this scrub.
It leaves my skin feeling moisturized and soft cuz it's choke full of butter and by the heavens, I smell like a jar of peach jam.
Most delicious!
also, I never tend to scrub my face with face scrubs cuz that just irritates my skin to the point of leaving it red, rashed and drier than chalk.
When it comes to face I exfoliate using acids for a cellular turnover instead of scrubs that provide physical exfoliation. Bleh.
It leaves my skin feeling moisturized and soft cuz it's choke full of butter and by the heavens, I smell like a jar of peach jam.
Most delicious!
also, I never tend to scrub my face with face scrubs cuz that just irritates my skin to the point of leaving it red, rashed and drier than chalk.
When it comes to face I exfoliate using acids for a cellular turnover instead of scrubs that provide physical exfoliation. Bleh.
faults
'Tis the month of machine malfunction.
case in point my washing machine that now after its full cycle doesn't end up spinning.
It does spin is what I'm saying but when I pull out the clothes they're dripping wet, so I gathered it was a drainage issue and I checked the drain pump and went through the entire drill sweating in a pool of sweat while sprawled on the bathroom floor.
This weather makes nothing easy!
There are no ceiling fans and anytime I'm away from the influence of an air conditioner because nothing less will do I begin to drip all over and my vexing lamentations are heightened by issues that seem small but are rather impactful in day to day life.
First my speakers, then the washer and what's next?
I'd rather not say it and jinx my kismet!
case in point my washing machine that now after its full cycle doesn't end up spinning.
It does spin is what I'm saying but when I pull out the clothes they're dripping wet, so I gathered it was a drainage issue and I checked the drain pump and went through the entire drill sweating in a pool of sweat while sprawled on the bathroom floor.
This weather makes nothing easy!
There are no ceiling fans and anytime I'm away from the influence of an air conditioner because nothing less will do I begin to drip all over and my vexing lamentations are heightened by issues that seem small but are rather impactful in day to day life.
First my speakers, then the washer and what's next?
I'd rather not say it and jinx my kismet!
Wednesday, 24 July 2019
Nightheart
Night escalates into a starry wartime novel with musty pages earnestly seeping rust coloured drops of leaking dreams that were once little images spouted by photons in wonderment of your face.
Oh man
The desire to order food from outside is stupidly strong today.
Alas! My abs don't agree.
:(
Dahl, bitter gourd, raita, roti and rice it will be.
Sigh.
Alas! My abs don't agree.
:(
Dahl, bitter gourd, raita, roti and rice it will be.
Sigh.
on pens
I could never, never and let me repeat never write with a ball pen!
They're horrible and I hate how my writing looks.
Even at school I never wrote with one, not that it was even allowed and maybe that was a habit that stuck and I'm no gel pen lover either.
If it's not ink pens then it's most definitely felt pens or else pencils it is.
They're horrible and I hate how my writing looks.
Even at school I never wrote with one, not that it was even allowed and maybe that was a habit that stuck and I'm no gel pen lover either.
If it's not ink pens then it's most definitely felt pens or else pencils it is.
on sheets
Some hospitals that do not employ the use of fitted sheets tie knots around them so they stay tucked in place.
It's efficient in the absence of fitted sheets and keeps really tight, however, I don't think it's very good for the fabric not to mention looks kind of funny.
muzak
This is such a tight album!!
Something to listen to while in a variety of moods and looking for a dose of a fix me up.
RIP
My tabletop Sony speakers that stay forever connected to my laptop have officially gone kaput!
It is a sad day and I am miserable max because of this situation.
These speakers served me well for over 6 years and the past week they stopped reproducing that magnificent sound I've known them for.
Problems began with scratchy and almost splitting sounds, following these symptoms came another more severe one that of sound loss and that was indicative of their ending life span.
I am currently connected to my JBL Bluetooth speaker but that just doesn't cut it.
It's surround sound and all that but it's not the same and I can feel it.
Undoubtedly it has a fantastic sound emission too, one that works really well when I'm in the kitchen and need some dosage of podcasts or death metal while kneading the dough but in my workspace, I need that feeling of immersion and just the Bluetooth doesn't cut it!
I need to feel sound emitting from all around me in utmost quality where I can deconstruct the smallest of base threads. Granted small tabletop speakers are not some 7.1 home theatres that will open up each sound to its very origin but if they're very good they come close and these were better than average speakers.
It's horrible to realize that I'll be picking these babies up and looking for newer dare I say better ones.
It is a sad day and I am miserable max because of this situation.
These speakers served me well for over 6 years and the past week they stopped reproducing that magnificent sound I've known them for.
Problems began with scratchy and almost splitting sounds, following these symptoms came another more severe one that of sound loss and that was indicative of their ending life span.
I am currently connected to my JBL Bluetooth speaker but that just doesn't cut it.
It's surround sound and all that but it's not the same and I can feel it.
Undoubtedly it has a fantastic sound emission too, one that works really well when I'm in the kitchen and need some dosage of podcasts or death metal while kneading the dough but in my workspace, I need that feeling of immersion and just the Bluetooth doesn't cut it!
I need to feel sound emitting from all around me in utmost quality where I can deconstruct the smallest of base threads. Granted small tabletop speakers are not some 7.1 home theatres that will open up each sound to its very origin but if they're very good they come close and these were better than average speakers.
It's horrible to realize that I'll be picking these babies up and looking for newer dare I say better ones.
Morning moods
Has it ever happened to you that you've woken up with a surprisingly ravaging hunger?
It happens to me this morning and I couldn't stop thinking about eating a Stromboli.
What's wrong with me even?
So I had to satisfy the pangs, my growing fangs with a banana and now I'm drinking tea but I can't stop thinking about eating slabs of bread and cheese and butter.
Is this happening because I'm abstaining from this stuff for a while?
It happens to me this morning and I couldn't stop thinking about eating a Stromboli.
What's wrong with me even?
So I had to satisfy the pangs, my growing fangs with a banana and now I'm drinking tea but I can't stop thinking about eating slabs of bread and cheese and butter.
Is this happening because I'm abstaining from this stuff for a while?
Nightly probes
My OCD's get the better of me at night.
The sheets have to be a certain way, the pillow needs to be kept at a particular angle, my spectacles in my left side table drawer, water bottle kept on the same table and I have been known to wake up in the middle of the night to turn on the light to check my sheets if the corner that is decided would face my right shoulder is not misplaced by getting turned over.
It's cuz of these small issues that I end up losing a lot of sleep.
Like right now I realised the absence of a usual light humming sound which made me wake up from an almost slumber to explore and lo! The dehumidifier wasn't turned on.
I mean how's a girl to sleep?
The sheets have to be a certain way, the pillow needs to be kept at a particular angle, my spectacles in my left side table drawer, water bottle kept on the same table and I have been known to wake up in the middle of the night to turn on the light to check my sheets if the corner that is decided would face my right shoulder is not misplaced by getting turned over.
It's cuz of these small issues that I end up losing a lot of sleep.
Like right now I realised the absence of a usual light humming sound which made me wake up from an almost slumber to explore and lo! The dehumidifier wasn't turned on.
I mean how's a girl to sleep?
Tuesday, 23 July 2019
Nightwish
Nighttime and the words are many
but less I wish to say
more I want to hear
because darling
I'm tired
and weary
But the missings are strong
The body unprepared
to stay propped up on a pillow
the bed is a magnet tonight
but less I wish to say
more I want to hear
because darling
I'm tired
and weary
But the missings are strong
The body unprepared
to stay propped up on a pillow
the bed is a magnet tonight
Real problems
I have run out of spirulina powder and now how the heck am I going to have my smoothies?
Cool music
I've taken to drinking iced water like it's going out of fashion.
My trustee thermos that I always lunge around in the house that used to a couple months back house barley tea and hot water is now a reservoir for iced water and can I just say how satisfying it is to hear the clanging noise of ice cubes sloshing about in the large bottle, melodiously chiming against its stainless steel walls.
My trustee thermos that I always lunge around in the house that used to a couple months back house barley tea and hot water is now a reservoir for iced water and can I just say how satisfying it is to hear the clanging noise of ice cubes sloshing about in the large bottle, melodiously chiming against its stainless steel walls.
Management crisis
Time management is posing to be a bit of a problem for me these days..I mean all the time.
It's past 2 and I've not had my lunch because it's still in the oven because it's a part of the recipe and I've to click pics and then lunch and by then it'll be done day already.
This wasn't going to be easy but it is time consuming in a way I'm left with little reserves.
This situation can be rectified if I finish my workout very early in the morning.
Perhaps if I start at 8 or so or even if I finish by 10 it would be great .
Now all I have to do is adjust everything.
Right!
It's past 2 and I've not had my lunch because it's still in the oven because it's a part of the recipe and I've to click pics and then lunch and by then it'll be done day already.
This wasn't going to be easy but it is time consuming in a way I'm left with little reserves.
This situation can be rectified if I finish my workout very early in the morning.
Perhaps if I start at 8 or so or even if I finish by 10 it would be great .
Now all I have to do is adjust everything.
Right!
Today
Today is leg day, followed by making a recipe and clicking pictures.
The weather is extremely bright and pictures don't nearly come as good in this harsh light. Maybe I can click pics inside the house.
I think could be better.
I'm only 20 recipes down and I've to aloe almost thrice as many.
It's not going as well as I'd thought.
Maybe I need to stop making excuses, which I sometimes can.
The weather is extremely bright and pictures don't nearly come as good in this harsh light. Maybe I can click pics inside the house.
I think could be better.
I'm only 20 recipes down and I've to aloe almost thrice as many.
It's not going as well as I'd thought.
Maybe I need to stop making excuses, which I sometimes can.
Dogs on a leash
I slept angry last night because of a small incident that had the potential to escalate into a life threatening one and it upset me that I was able to get so aggravated.
Each night I take the two dogs I'm caring for this summer out to the compound garden to wee.
I did the same last night except this time a large dog came bounding upto one of my dogs and began curiously sniffing.
This in itself is alarming because the dog wasn't on a leash and the dog on mine was getting visibly alarmed.
Thankfully the large dog was only curious and the dog owners kept screaming for him to come back which he didn't but a moment later another smaller dog, a shibu inu perhaps came galloping (also without a leash) and immediately attacked my female dog.
I had shortened their leashes to keep them
Back but the smaller dog was relentless and there was screaming, yapping, woofing and yelping which followed and the owners came running but weren't able to pull their smaller dog back.
The larger dog had now taken to barking in the background and the other dog I had was creating a ruckus of his own.
Manning both the leashes keeping one dog out of the conflict while pulling the one who was already in the mess didn't help because the fight wasn't stopping and the idiots who were their owners somehow callously pulled back their dog.
What followed was a verbal tirade where I near screamed at them to keep their dogs on a leash.
I returned home to inspect the wounds and my sweetheart had suffered bites and was bleeding.
Nothing grievous but it hurt me to look at the small marks of blood welling out of her chest, stomach and elbow.
I cleaned her up, applied medicine and almost cried .
How I slept was a mystery because I woke up when it wasn't yet light and went to check up on the dogs, hoping her hurt was better.
She had licked licked them all night and when I saw her this morning they were all but disappeared .
That deserved an extra treat and a longer walk and I'll inspect her once again and apply medication if need to.
But thankfully the bites were mostly superficial and the hurts only skin deep.
If she had gotten grievously injured I'd have slaughtered that entire family of people, leaving their pets alive.
Each night I take the two dogs I'm caring for this summer out to the compound garden to wee.
I did the same last night except this time a large dog came bounding upto one of my dogs and began curiously sniffing.
This in itself is alarming because the dog wasn't on a leash and the dog on mine was getting visibly alarmed.
Thankfully the large dog was only curious and the dog owners kept screaming for him to come back which he didn't but a moment later another smaller dog, a shibu inu perhaps came galloping (also without a leash) and immediately attacked my female dog.
I had shortened their leashes to keep them
Back but the smaller dog was relentless and there was screaming, yapping, woofing and yelping which followed and the owners came running but weren't able to pull their smaller dog back.
The larger dog had now taken to barking in the background and the other dog I had was creating a ruckus of his own.
Manning both the leashes keeping one dog out of the conflict while pulling the one who was already in the mess didn't help because the fight wasn't stopping and the idiots who were their owners somehow callously pulled back their dog.
What followed was a verbal tirade where I near screamed at them to keep their dogs on a leash.
I returned home to inspect the wounds and my sweetheart had suffered bites and was bleeding.
Nothing grievous but it hurt me to look at the small marks of blood welling out of her chest, stomach and elbow.
I cleaned her up, applied medicine and almost cried .
How I slept was a mystery because I woke up when it wasn't yet light and went to check up on the dogs, hoping her hurt was better.
She had licked licked them all night and when I saw her this morning they were all but disappeared .
That deserved an extra treat and a longer walk and I'll inspect her once again and apply medication if need to.
But thankfully the bites were mostly superficial and the hurts only skin deep.
If she had gotten grievously injured I'd have slaughtered that entire family of people, leaving their pets alive.
Monday, 22 July 2019
Dine deets
Dinner today is lobhiya and rice along with various accoutrements of coriander chutney and vegetable raita to double as salad because I may have mentioned this once or several times that black eyed peas are my absolute favourite legumes!
Afternoon plans
Ideally I should be working out right now but I'm gearing up to go out to buy some essentials for me recipes which I was unable to over the weekend seeing how I was practically a hermit this Sunday.
Right, so off I go to buy some chicken, some fish and seafood which I'll cook over the week for various dishes and click pictures of.
It's not easy this whole thing.
It's more difficult than my food blog.
Also, there are a hundred pics that need editing and I have to get done with stuff
Also I'm in the mood for some delicious and zingy papaya salad and perhaps I'll stop over at a Thai restaurant to satiate my needs .
Right then!
To the shower.
Right, so off I go to buy some chicken, some fish and seafood which I'll cook over the week for various dishes and click pictures of.
It's not easy this whole thing.
It's more difficult than my food blog.
Also, there are a hundred pics that need editing and I have to get done with stuff
Also I'm in the mood for some delicious and zingy papaya salad and perhaps I'll stop over at a Thai restaurant to satiate my needs .
Right then!
To the shower.
Monday message
A 'Happy Monday' message on my we chat feed by a person who has recently been sending me far too many of these for reasons I know.
She's trying to salvage the burnt bridge that got burnt in the first place because she owed me a lot of money for English classes which she took but didn't pay back from that time years ago when I was in another city.
She still hasn't paid me back and yet sends me happy Monday's, a routine which she's started just recently which is in all probability bulk messages sent to everyone in her account, even those whom she owes money.
I have now deleted her.
She's trying to salvage the burnt bridge that got burnt in the first place because she owed me a lot of money for English classes which she took but didn't pay back from that time years ago when I was in another city.
She still hasn't paid me back and yet sends me happy Monday's, a routine which she's started just recently which is in all probability bulk messages sent to everyone in her account, even those whom she owes money.
I have now deleted her.
Sunday, 21 July 2019
Hearts jumble
I crave some lovely things tonight
kisses, some misses
a voice perhaps thrown my way
that I can listen
because hasn't it been long?
Far too long.
And I miss that similar ring
tittering laughter
honeyed brass of a voice
twangs and intonations
all that I love
tell me darling..
Some nice things.
kisses, some misses
a voice perhaps thrown my way
that I can listen
because hasn't it been long?
Far too long.
And I miss that similar ring
tittering laughter
honeyed brass of a voice
twangs and intonations
all that I love
tell me darling..
Some nice things.
Psst
My bedside drawer
full of oddities
secret nighttime behaviour
stashed away in a small space
open sesame I say
it reveals real treasures
ones that are truly me
full of oddities
secret nighttime behaviour
stashed away in a small space
open sesame I say
it reveals real treasures
ones that are truly me
Sham wishes
Nighttime and here I am
In the same space on the same bed
different bed sheets
moss green this one
with light blue cubic designs
topped with
a sleeping body
and a skulking one
a snoring body
and a sulking one
lying side by side
embroiled in their own thoughts
one perhaps dreaming
the other dreams too
of newer days
In the same space on the same bed
different bed sheets
moss green this one
with light blue cubic designs
topped with
a sleeping body
and a skulking one
a snoring body
and a sulking one
lying side by side
embroiled in their own thoughts
one perhaps dreaming
the other dreams too
of newer days
Disappear
That time of the night when I'm at a loss for words and unable to find myself in this labyrinth that is home and house.
Robot 2.Why?
Watching Rajnikant in robot movies is like trying to use floppy disc to store a 20GB 4K definition movie.
I think it's more about the actor and not the role he's playing because by the heavens this robot runs like an obese infant.
Someone as super strong as that supposed robot isn't what one would expect to be in a body like Rajnikant's or perhaps we are in an age when one can't judge someone by their body types.
Rajnikant can even be cast as a newborn and even that would come to pass because he's Rajnikant. Why not?
I think it's more about the actor and not the role he's playing because by the heavens this robot runs like an obese infant.
Someone as super strong as that supposed robot isn't what one would expect to be in a body like Rajnikant's or perhaps we are in an age when one can't judge someone by their body types.
Rajnikant can even be cast as a newborn and even that would come to pass because he's Rajnikant. Why not?
Gaming things
The thing about play station is that I've not bought new games in a while.
Red dead redemption finished a while ago and people around the house had been yearning for more familiar games like pooyan and castlevania and after having bought Nintendo video game and spending hours on it a proper Console reminiscent of what we grew up on was bought.
So now it's both worlds rolled into one.
Red dead redemption finished a while ago and people around the house had been yearning for more familiar games like pooyan and castlevania and after having bought Nintendo video game and spending hours on it a proper Console reminiscent of what we grew up on was bought.
So now it's both worlds rolled into one.
Wasted days
Sunny Sunday afternoon and I don't know what's going to happen today?
There's no outing planned and most of today will be spent at home cooking and eating and playing Atari because why not?
It's hot! Oh it's warm and humid and the cicada's are in full flow.
I want to record their orchestra and tell you the infernal din they make that easily drowns out my voice.
But I don't mind it at all.
Nature noises are sonorous if even loud and relaxing in a way they induce relief that not everything is concrete and pollution.
I look at the corner of this house where I've segregated trash and wonder how every two days there's so much crap coming out of the one house with only two humans and two cats?
The concerning part is that as much as I avoid plastic it always makes itself available around me.
What can I do to eliminate it by nearly half?
I mean This after upcycling and recycling and almost never buying anything plastic.
All the ziplocks I have are used over and over to the point of getting shredded and once they're done with I don't buy anymore.
There are no more Cling wraps in my house which at times does pose a problem but I have to get around it.
I don't even buy aluminium foils anymore because there are concerns regarding the absorption of aluminium in foods they're wrapped in.
Even aluminium utensils are a no no!
It really reduces the options but it's better to invest in something sturdy which won't be a hazard to life and health than buying something easy and cheap on the go.
Right, the trash that is beginning to pile up from the bathrooms, the kitchens, from under work space, from bedrooms and guest rooms and dining area.
What on earth is going on?
What are we consuming? What are we wasting?
I'm angry at everyone and myself for my inability to understand and curb this waste.
There's no outing planned and most of today will be spent at home cooking and eating and playing Atari because why not?
It's hot! Oh it's warm and humid and the cicada's are in full flow.
I want to record their orchestra and tell you the infernal din they make that easily drowns out my voice.
But I don't mind it at all.
Nature noises are sonorous if even loud and relaxing in a way they induce relief that not everything is concrete and pollution.
I look at the corner of this house where I've segregated trash and wonder how every two days there's so much crap coming out of the one house with only two humans and two cats?
The concerning part is that as much as I avoid plastic it always makes itself available around me.
What can I do to eliminate it by nearly half?
I mean This after upcycling and recycling and almost never buying anything plastic.
All the ziplocks I have are used over and over to the point of getting shredded and once they're done with I don't buy anymore.
There are no more Cling wraps in my house which at times does pose a problem but I have to get around it.
I don't even buy aluminium foils anymore because there are concerns regarding the absorption of aluminium in foods they're wrapped in.
Even aluminium utensils are a no no!
It really reduces the options but it's better to invest in something sturdy which won't be a hazard to life and health than buying something easy and cheap on the go.
Right, the trash that is beginning to pile up from the bathrooms, the kitchens, from under work space, from bedrooms and guest rooms and dining area.
What on earth is going on?
What are we consuming? What are we wasting?
I'm angry at everyone and myself for my inability to understand and curb this waste.
Saturday, 20 July 2019
And now
There's no reason why I can't be listening to velvet revolver which I am doing right now because screw sleeping tonight.
I'm such a mood.
I'm such a mood.
What the what?
I don't know what to make of this .
There was a tiny robot dancing to some music on a small table lower left of this photo and a bunch of kids clad in raincoats were sloshing about in foam inside this inflatable pool.
Friday, 19 July 2019
Take it off
There was a time when I didn't care about removing makeup before going to bed and I'd wake up with mascara and kohl smeared across my eyes and somehow I didn't seem to care.
Such contrast to what I am now!
I came back home pretty tight that is to say drunk after a night out at an izakaya and though I'd had only two highballs it was enough, not that I couldn't walk a steady line but I was aware that I was kind of high and the first thing I did after taking the dogs out for their nighttime wee was slather my mug with cleansing oil followed by a good wash because no matter how comatose I come back home these days I never forget to take off my war paint.
I wonder what stringent acts I'll add to my repertoire.
Such contrast to what I am now!
I came back home pretty tight that is to say drunk after a night out at an izakaya and though I'd had only two highballs it was enough, not that I couldn't walk a steady line but I was aware that I was kind of high and the first thing I did after taking the dogs out for their nighttime wee was slather my mug with cleansing oil followed by a good wash because no matter how comatose I come back home these days I never forget to take off my war paint.
I wonder what stringent acts I'll add to my repertoire.
Cat elitist
This is probably the snootiest stray cat I've ever seen with an equally snobbish friend who is my darling cat Gogi. 
Probably his only friend and they're both aristocats.
update bits
Friday evening soon cometh and I have half baked plans that might or might not reach fruition, not that I'm too hung up on them but it ould be fun to follow through.
Right now I'm baking a German bread cake topped with fruits and streusel and I don't even know if it's a real German recipe but what of it?
The dogs need walking and the weather doesn't seem too promising, what with overcast skies and all.
I've been itching for some gossips.
:)
Right now I'm baking a German bread cake topped with fruits and streusel and I don't even know if it's a real German recipe but what of it?
The dogs need walking and the weather doesn't seem too promising, what with overcast skies and all.
I've been itching for some gossips.
:)
Gluten trail
The thing about gluten is that it's wonderful.
I mean it's present in all things delicious and filling and carby and as much as I have no issues with it I do tend to avoid it not least because eating it everyday makes my body feel different in a way I can't describe but somehow I like it better when it doesn't feel the way it does after eating gluten on the regular and so I limit my consumption to just once every day or every two days.
Sounds odd I know but I feel all the better for it.
I mean it's present in all things delicious and filling and carby and as much as I have no issues with it I do tend to avoid it not least because eating it everyday makes my body feel different in a way I can't describe but somehow I like it better when it doesn't feel the way it does after eating gluten on the regular and so I limit my consumption to just once every day or every two days.
Sounds odd I know but I feel all the better for it.
Eye see
Talking about eyes, I have a certain condition which isn't as problematic as blood shot eyes but still irritating in that my eyes at times get extremely itchy .
It's almost like I begin to dig my fingers in to scratch and this usually happens either at night or morning.
There are a couple of effective eye drops that easily combat this problem but with no long term solution.
My eyes immediately stop itching but begin soon after I've woken up.
It doesn't happen every day and sometimes won't happen for weeks but when it does happen it's almost every night and each morning.
It's almost like I begin to dig my fingers in to scratch and this usually happens either at night or morning.
There are a couple of effective eye drops that easily combat this problem but with no long term solution.
My eyes immediately stop itching but begin soon after I've woken up.
It doesn't happen every day and sometimes won't happen for weeks but when it does happen it's almost every night and each morning.
Morning romp
Who me?
I have officially become that person who walks into the lounge from the bedroom and shuts the windows and turns on the air conditioner first thing in the morning.
This after walking from a cold bedroom that had the ac running all night.
Of course I never keep the air conditioner anything under 25°c because I like the coolness that this particular temperature brings about along with a fan and a dehumidifier.
I've realised it's the combination of these 3 with the ac at that particular temperature keeps the room cool, humidity and air circulation in a balance which results in optimum sleep.
I absolute despise staying in a cold air conditioned room, I do.
Though I cannot keep it switched on all day and when the insides of the house have reached a particular temperature I turn it off and if the weather is Warm but not muggy then even a fan is okay.
But seeing how the whether is right now; the clouds threaten to rain but never follow up with their warnings. It's bright but not sunny and the winds are at a standstill..the moisture in the air is just about ready to begin forming into water but nope! It's MUGGY!! Stifling, and darling, you know I have issues with that.
I have officially become that person who walks into the lounge from the bedroom and shuts the windows and turns on the air conditioner first thing in the morning.
This after walking from a cold bedroom that had the ac running all night.
Of course I never keep the air conditioner anything under 25°c because I like the coolness that this particular temperature brings about along with a fan and a dehumidifier.
I've realised it's the combination of these 3 with the ac at that particular temperature keeps the room cool, humidity and air circulation in a balance which results in optimum sleep.
I absolute despise staying in a cold air conditioned room, I do.
Though I cannot keep it switched on all day and when the insides of the house have reached a particular temperature I turn it off and if the weather is Warm but not muggy then even a fan is okay.
But seeing how the whether is right now; the clouds threaten to rain but never follow up with their warnings. It's bright but not sunny and the winds are at a standstill..the moisture in the air is just about ready to begin forming into water but nope! It's MUGGY!! Stifling, and darling, you know I have issues with that.
Thursday, 18 July 2019
Night where
it seems to have lost its way
sleep that I could almost feel
it had just begun touching me
and we were getting along well
about to get to know each other
intimately
but it had to go
Maybe someplace better
without any assurances
it simply disappeared
like a bubble
that feels beautifully sturdy
solid and real
and bursts into nothing
a tiny foamy residue
much like the small yawn
that I'm left with to remember
sleep that I could almost feel
it had just begun touching me
and we were getting along well
about to get to know each other
intimately
but it had to go
Maybe someplace better
without any assurances
it simply disappeared
like a bubble
that feels beautifully sturdy
solid and real
and bursts into nothing
a tiny foamy residue
much like the small yawn
that I'm left with to remember
And so
And I'm back at the base after a whirlwind romance with this city, roaming about and checking shops before finally sitting down at a coffee shop and sampling their pour overs like I don't have to take out two dogs for a walk.
It was around 3 in the pm that I decided to city around a bit and instead of a taxi took a metro till the zoo which is just a couple kms away from home.
What I didn't realise was that it wouldn't rain (thank heavens) but would instead turn sunny, hot and muggy (oh crap) and the moment I exited the metro station my eyes watered with the brightness of our lovely star.
It was horrible and for a moment I contemplated waving down a taxi and beating retreat but what am I if not an idiot at times and so I unlocked a cycle with an app and began my journey homewards.
The sun was scathing and it burnt and condensed me at the same time.
This ain't the season for cycling now .
It was around 3 in the pm that I decided to city around a bit and instead of a taxi took a metro till the zoo which is just a couple kms away from home.
What I didn't realise was that it wouldn't rain (thank heavens) but would instead turn sunny, hot and muggy (oh crap) and the moment I exited the metro station my eyes watered with the brightness of our lovely star.
It was horrible and for a moment I contemplated waving down a taxi and beating retreat but what am I if not an idiot at times and so I unlocked a cycle with an app and began my journey homewards.
The sun was scathing and it burnt and condensed me at the same time.
This ain't the season for cycling now .
Ahoy!!
So here I am. 
Done with the appointment with a light heart and an even lighter stomach because I'd skipped breakfast to be done on time.
So here I am at a fusion restaurant, courtesy of the map app staring at a bowl of fusion laksa and wondering why the clouds look so dreary especially when I'm wearing suede shoes and carrying no umbrella.
An unrealised mishap when you keep changing bags to match your shoes.
Wednesday, 17 July 2019
Dreams a go go
I dream of red moons
maybe autumn afternoons
when I could enter a room
and strip you
without saying a word
no preliminaries
just wordless needs
we could converse in grunts
and smile in slick thumps
as our bodies make vacuums
and voids
when we writhe
on strange beds
that smell of musky booze
from the bottle you'd been drinking
of locally available rum
having not even muttered a 'hi'
all the talks can be done
after you and I've infinitely cum
maybe autumn afternoons
when I could enter a room
and strip you
without saying a word
no preliminaries
just wordless needs
we could converse in grunts
and smile in slick thumps
as our bodies make vacuums
and voids
when we writhe
on strange beds
that smell of musky booze
from the bottle you'd been drinking
of locally available rum
having not even muttered a 'hi'
all the talks can be done
after you and I've infinitely cum
Bazooka kiss
The night comes in waves, lulled by the dark, summoned by heartless snores bubbling from the side of a cushion that should be dead under a sea of charging cables strung up in lights, sewn to look like stars that need to charge and glimmer without cause, learning to disembark upon the steady pulse of passing plasma.
Behind doors
there's a space near my window
through which I peek
at the world outside
and see that everyone is boring
but I know
were I to glimpse
Inside their house
they'd be a lot more interesting
through which I peek
at the world outside
and see that everyone is boring
but I know
were I to glimpse
Inside their house
they'd be a lot more interesting
Humph
Me?
I sit on my bed
staring at the phone
wondering what I did today
that was worth remembering
and realise
That the dinner I cooked
was pretty special
And that thought alone
makes me happy
momentarily though
because of course I'll forget
all about it by tomorrow
I sit on my bed
staring at the phone
wondering what I did today
that was worth remembering
and realise
That the dinner I cooked
was pretty special
And that thought alone
makes me happy
momentarily though
because of course I'll forget
all about it by tomorrow
On/off
The ac is on, the fan is on, the dehumidifier is on and I'm slowly beginning to shut down for the night.
sugar in my caffeine
I have been as I have mentioned many times always looking for ways to cut sugar from my diet.
Despite not having a sweet tooth I consume sugar with my tea and coffee of which I have a total of two in a day and each caffeine beverage is spiked with a couple teaspoons of sugar and there are days especially on weekends when I drink perhaps another extra cup because why not?
But the thing is that my fruit consumption is also quite high and maybe adding extra sugar on the side isn't nearly as healthy.
I have tried, really tried to love and drink black coffee but I don't like it. I mean it's good but then I rationalize that if I'm drinking just the one then why not have it to my liking. It's not like I'm drinking thick, foamy sugar-laden cream-topped coffee and that's how I reason it to myself.
Despite my caffeine purge weeks I can't seem to shake off the need to add a bit of something sweet and I do loathe artificial sweeteners..so what's a gal to do?
I bring up this problem because of each time after having my small cup of coffee in the afternoon I crave another and of course I don't cave into the feeling, instead, I end up drinking some herbal tea infusion or similar crap (it's good but really?) but the weather's gotten hotter and I do not feel like drinking the aforementioned anymore instead my brain that runs on carbs and glucose tells me to pick up the Moka pot and make a delicious something something because it's so much easier than making regular tea which I'm enslaved to each morning.
And now coming to my next point.
I've been looking at my earlier food logs, ones from months and a year ago to check what changes have come about in my dietary habits and how much tea and coffee I was consuming and the only discernible change is that I have reduced my meals from three to two.
Earlier I was eating a small breakfast each morning with my cup of tea which included toast, eggs, scrambled eggs or boiled potatoes or leftover roti's with stir-fried vegetables or just plain bread and butter after which I worked out and now I only eat a banana with my cup of morning tea or some eggs before a workout after which I eat my first proper meal of the day.
I was drinking a cup of tea/hot chocolate in the morning and coffee/HC in the afternoon except for a few days where I've mentioned another small cup of coffee or tea around 4pm with a biscuit and left a note to reduce sugar intake.
basically, my problems were the same as they are now and I don't know how to change it. I mean I do know but my brain is such a dick.
Despite not having a sweet tooth I consume sugar with my tea and coffee of which I have a total of two in a day and each caffeine beverage is spiked with a couple teaspoons of sugar and there are days especially on weekends when I drink perhaps another extra cup because why not?
But the thing is that my fruit consumption is also quite high and maybe adding extra sugar on the side isn't nearly as healthy.
I have tried, really tried to love and drink black coffee but I don't like it. I mean it's good but then I rationalize that if I'm drinking just the one then why not have it to my liking. It's not like I'm drinking thick, foamy sugar-laden cream-topped coffee and that's how I reason it to myself.
Despite my caffeine purge weeks I can't seem to shake off the need to add a bit of something sweet and I do loathe artificial sweeteners..so what's a gal to do?
I bring up this problem because of each time after having my small cup of coffee in the afternoon I crave another and of course I don't cave into the feeling, instead, I end up drinking some herbal tea infusion or similar crap (it's good but really?) but the weather's gotten hotter and I do not feel like drinking the aforementioned anymore instead my brain that runs on carbs and glucose tells me to pick up the Moka pot and make a delicious something something because it's so much easier than making regular tea which I'm enslaved to each morning.
And now coming to my next point.
I've been looking at my earlier food logs, ones from months and a year ago to check what changes have come about in my dietary habits and how much tea and coffee I was consuming and the only discernible change is that I have reduced my meals from three to two.
Earlier I was eating a small breakfast each morning with my cup of tea which included toast, eggs, scrambled eggs or boiled potatoes or leftover roti's with stir-fried vegetables or just plain bread and butter after which I worked out and now I only eat a banana with my cup of morning tea or some eggs before a workout after which I eat my first proper meal of the day.
I was drinking a cup of tea/hot chocolate in the morning and coffee/HC in the afternoon except for a few days where I've mentioned another small cup of coffee or tea around 4pm with a biscuit and left a note to reduce sugar intake.
basically, my problems were the same as they are now and I don't know how to change it. I mean I do know but my brain is such a dick.
Lunch darling
My incredibly lovely friends have been rather kind in sending me lunch today which is Taiwanese style beef noodle soup that I have paired with my Thai style tofu salad to make a meal of heavens.
For now
I absolutely do not, cannot stress eat.
In fact I tend to go off my feed whenever I'm stressed.
Today is upper body strength workout followed by lunch that I haven't decided yet.
What should I eat?
In fact I tend to go off my feed whenever I'm stressed.
Today is upper body strength workout followed by lunch that I haven't decided yet.
What should I eat?
Daily turmoils
When sky was still pewter and the world a voiceless slumbering entity, I woke up because of a hissing sound coming from far far away.
Cautiously waking, slowly walking lest I wake up the cohort of cats asleep outside my bedroom door I treaded surreptitiously, following the hissing sound that had me both alarmed and curious .
It came from the bathroom.
Upon closer listening it sounded more like gas escaping a soda can and I wondered if there were any gas pipes that could have begun leaking but there was no discernible smell.
Turning on the lights made me flinch as the white incandescence pierced my eyes like jolts of electricity and it took me a moment to steady and realise that my feet were wet.
What on earth?
There was a small puddle of water on the bathroom floor.
My reflexes have never been better and crouching on the floor to inspect pipes under the sink were for me a thing of the moment and as I did so I realised a steady stream of water, like a skinny jet was splaying out of a pipe and that was the cause of this nighttime hiss .
What was I to do?
Tying a cloth around would be as useless as holding a paper under waterfall and I had no sealing clay on me and so I left the broken pipe to its own devices until it was early enough to summon help which I did the moment I knew our management office would be open which was at 7:30am exactly.
With the dogs in tow I poured out my grievances to the first person I saw sitting on the desk and within five minutes a handyman complete with his tools of trade was donning plastics over his shoes to enter the house so as not to besmirch my glinting floors.
The pipe is broken he declared.
I nodded.
I'll need a new pipe he said.
I nodded.
I'll be back in a minute he told me.
I nodded.
After two minutes exactly he was laminating his shoes again and after five minutes of tinkering the hissing sound stopped.
I have only just finished wiping the puddle that formed on the floor and sit pretty contemplating tea.
Cautiously waking, slowly walking lest I wake up the cohort of cats asleep outside my bedroom door I treaded surreptitiously, following the hissing sound that had me both alarmed and curious .
It came from the bathroom.
Upon closer listening it sounded more like gas escaping a soda can and I wondered if there were any gas pipes that could have begun leaking but there was no discernible smell.
Turning on the lights made me flinch as the white incandescence pierced my eyes like jolts of electricity and it took me a moment to steady and realise that my feet were wet.
What on earth?
There was a small puddle of water on the bathroom floor.
My reflexes have never been better and crouching on the floor to inspect pipes under the sink were for me a thing of the moment and as I did so I realised a steady stream of water, like a skinny jet was splaying out of a pipe and that was the cause of this nighttime hiss .
What was I to do?
Tying a cloth around would be as useless as holding a paper under waterfall and I had no sealing clay on me and so I left the broken pipe to its own devices until it was early enough to summon help which I did the moment I knew our management office would be open which was at 7:30am exactly.
With the dogs in tow I poured out my grievances to the first person I saw sitting on the desk and within five minutes a handyman complete with his tools of trade was donning plastics over his shoes to enter the house so as not to besmirch my glinting floors.
The pipe is broken he declared.
I nodded.
I'll need a new pipe he said.
I nodded.
I'll be back in a minute he told me.
I nodded.
After two minutes exactly he was laminating his shoes again and after five minutes of tinkering the hissing sound stopped.
I have only just finished wiping the puddle that formed on the floor and sit pretty contemplating tea.
Tuesday, 16 July 2019
rant a tat
The clouds threaten rain and I've to go out in a bit with a couple of dogs.
Tuesday is turning into a bit of letdown as it generally is and it upsets me that the summer holidays are so long because kids seem to enjoy the company of all the animals I have and they never seem to leave me alone, always ringing my doorbell to ask me whether or not I'm free to play.
Play with little shits 1/3rd my age but I like them so there's that and I let them help me with walking the dogs.
Still, how presumptuous of them to think I'm always free!
Right, the mail situation is being looked into and they say it will reach me in an hour because if it doesn't then I will have to change my appointment but never again am I going to work with someone who has no value of other's time.
Also, I tend not to get along with lazy people. It's not prejudiced.
I have often experienced a mismatch in my way of work and life that simply doesn't go along with someone who is lazy and maybe I've had lazy friends in the past but the friendships have dwindled and evaporated into nothing probably because I couldn't understand nor get along with their lazy ways.
It's like this.
lazy people have disorganized, often messy and dirty homes and I can't sit there for longer than needed.
Lazy people suck at making plans and following up with them.
Lazy people have a little contribution in way of any activity be it rolling a j or making tea or even ordering food online because of procrastination.
Being around someone lazy means you're usually on your toes if you're not lazy that is because it's up to you to rally around for every small thing.
They often have dirty bathrooms which are big ❌ in my book.
Am I being too judgemental? Can I decide what the person is like just because they're a bit of the above mentioned?
Well, I'm not saying lazy people are bad but I tend to not get along with them is all.
It's a question of personal preference.
My life isn't all about brisk efficiency but I understand and know what is important and what isn't, moreover, I like a good life. One that doesn't have any slop attached to it and lazy people tend to make things a bit annoying, for me, that is.
Tuesday is turning into a bit of letdown as it generally is and it upsets me that the summer holidays are so long because kids seem to enjoy the company of all the animals I have and they never seem to leave me alone, always ringing my doorbell to ask me whether or not I'm free to play.
Play with little shits 1/3rd my age but I like them so there's that and I let them help me with walking the dogs.
Still, how presumptuous of them to think I'm always free!
Right, the mail situation is being looked into and they say it will reach me in an hour because if it doesn't then I will have to change my appointment but never again am I going to work with someone who has no value of other's time.
Also, I tend not to get along with lazy people. It's not prejudiced.
I have often experienced a mismatch in my way of work and life that simply doesn't go along with someone who is lazy and maybe I've had lazy friends in the past but the friendships have dwindled and evaporated into nothing probably because I couldn't understand nor get along with their lazy ways.
It's like this.
lazy people have disorganized, often messy and dirty homes and I can't sit there for longer than needed.
Lazy people suck at making plans and following up with them.
Lazy people have a little contribution in way of any activity be it rolling a j or making tea or even ordering food online because of procrastination.
Being around someone lazy means you're usually on your toes if you're not lazy that is because it's up to you to rally around for every small thing.
They often have dirty bathrooms which are big ❌ in my book.
Am I being too judgemental? Can I decide what the person is like just because they're a bit of the above mentioned?
Well, I'm not saying lazy people are bad but I tend to not get along with them is all.
It's a question of personal preference.
My life isn't all about brisk efficiency but I understand and know what is important and what isn't, moreover, I like a good life. One that doesn't have any slop attached to it and lazy people tend to make things a bit annoying, for me, that is.
the ineptness of it all
I'm expecting an important email. nay a necessary e-mail that is going to facilitate some work I have fixed an appointment for the day after tomorrow and this mail in question was supposed to come in yesterday except it's now today and the mail is still pending.
I have sent follow up emails, called up and still here I am stuck in this pending situation which I absolutely hate because what are people if not inefficient and maybe that's the one thing that sucked about my previous job in event management cuz I had to deal with plenty of similar incompetent individuals who talked the talk but never did the walk.
I just don't get it as to why some people can be so slipshod and unbothered when they're needed to be full of action especially during times like these when the other person (in this case me) has been assured over the competence of those disorganized idiots thus making me go ahead with my part of this extremely important work while lagging on their part.
Now I"m in a bit of a situation because I've come to not trust their abilities and chances are that I might require some changes done before going through with that appointment and if these people are as ineffective as I have no doubt they are then this will be a mouldy situation at best.
I am going to call up again and hound them until they start feeling suicidal.
I have sent follow up emails, called up and still here I am stuck in this pending situation which I absolutely hate because what are people if not inefficient and maybe that's the one thing that sucked about my previous job in event management cuz I had to deal with plenty of similar incompetent individuals who talked the talk but never did the walk.
I just don't get it as to why some people can be so slipshod and unbothered when they're needed to be full of action especially during times like these when the other person (in this case me) has been assured over the competence of those disorganized idiots thus making me go ahead with my part of this extremely important work while lagging on their part.
Now I"m in a bit of a situation because I've come to not trust their abilities and chances are that I might require some changes done before going through with that appointment and if these people are as ineffective as I have no doubt they are then this will be a mouldy situation at best.
I am going to call up again and hound them until they start feeling suicidal.
Monday, 15 July 2019
Lemme kill
To say that I'm angry would be most accurate because that's exactly what I am.
It's one thing to make excuses the moment I voice small needs my body feels, it's another to make me feel guilty about asking for any sort of pleasure that I believe spouses can be held accountable for.
Refusing over and over and over and to the point that it escalates into an argument where I'm told off that not only am I selfish for having needs but also unconcerned about other people's exhausted mental frame and fatigue.
Exhaustion!
Fatigue!
I mean what the fuck!
Sitting on a chair doing finance stuff could perhaps be mentally taxing but it's not like you're saving the world or anything and most definitely not enough to never have you in that state of mind where you've never wanting anything remotely physical.
There's an air conditioned car that drives you back and forth from home to work and it's not like you're the one doing everything around the house ranging from cleaning kitty litter to walking dogs to dishes and doing other work on the side which granted isn't as strenuous but it still exists!
No! I'm not saying that I do so much more than you but it's just that I do enough without much complaints on your face and there are times when the will is weak and I turn to you foolishly for comforts which are never granted, and when they are it almost feels like a punishment for both of us.
This is so mad I don't know how I can resolve this .
Sometimes I wish I could just bash some heads in and not get questioned.
It's one thing to make excuses the moment I voice small needs my body feels, it's another to make me feel guilty about asking for any sort of pleasure that I believe spouses can be held accountable for.
Refusing over and over and over and to the point that it escalates into an argument where I'm told off that not only am I selfish for having needs but also unconcerned about other people's exhausted mental frame and fatigue.
Exhaustion!
Fatigue!
I mean what the fuck!
Sitting on a chair doing finance stuff could perhaps be mentally taxing but it's not like you're saving the world or anything and most definitely not enough to never have you in that state of mind where you've never wanting anything remotely physical.
There's an air conditioned car that drives you back and forth from home to work and it's not like you're the one doing everything around the house ranging from cleaning kitty litter to walking dogs to dishes and doing other work on the side which granted isn't as strenuous but it still exists!
No! I'm not saying that I do so much more than you but it's just that I do enough without much complaints on your face and there are times when the will is weak and I turn to you foolishly for comforts which are never granted, and when they are it almost feels like a punishment for both of us.
This is so mad I don't know how I can resolve this .
Sometimes I wish I could just bash some heads in and not get questioned.
Blues in black
This drawing was pretty fun but also difficult and it took me a while to figure out how I'd be going ahead and maybe l'll experiment a little more with mixed medium..
Do tell what you think.
banks and what not
The bank never called!
I ended up eating something made at home and maybe tomorrow I'll just plonk myself inside the bank and wait until matters get resolved.
This isn't a high priority need but it'll make my life a lot better.
I'll be able to do banking from my phone over an app, transferring money and receiving will be that much easier but currently, my savings account is still attached to my old passport and I need for it to latch itself onto the new one and that's all there is to it.
Tomorrow it all goes down.
This week is a busy one because I have some paperwork of my own that needs handling.
Uhh..sigh!
I ended up eating something made at home and maybe tomorrow I'll just plonk myself inside the bank and wait until matters get resolved.
This isn't a high priority need but it'll make my life a lot better.
I'll be able to do banking from my phone over an app, transferring money and receiving will be that much easier but currently, my savings account is still attached to my old passport and I need for it to latch itself onto the new one and that's all there is to it.
Tomorrow it all goes down.
This week is a busy one because I have some paperwork of my own that needs handling.
Uhh..sigh!
Nah
There's little patience within me for pistachio shells that do not have a slit on them.
Am I supposed to crack one open like a walnut?
Does it need that kind of devotion towards cracking it open?
It's after all only as large as my fingernail and hence I shall throw it away before moving on to the next one.
Am I supposed to crack one open like a walnut?
Does it need that kind of devotion towards cracking it open?
It's after all only as large as my fingernail and hence I shall throw it away before moving on to the next one.
To come and then gone
Aha, Monday then.
A prelude to Tuesday and I'm waiting for an important phone call from the bank vis a vis my Saturday's appointment that was still left only half done because of certain reasons that I couldn't be bothered with.
The long and short of it is that the bank will call me to solve my issues today and I wait for them.
So what should one do now?
Do I go about my day and work out and risk their phone call in the middle of it all or should I just wait Until a certain time and then show up at the bank and hover around their peripheral vision so that they get done with my work?
Maybe a little bit of both because I'll tell you one thing and that is my favourite restaurant is near the bank and I am most certainly waiting to reach there around lunchtime or a little before that.
See my devious plans?
Right, yesterday then or the weekend as they say.
It was busy in a way that I enjoy and did I mention the new Atari video game I've got nowadays which keeps me glued and now I'm playing lots of Mario along with Contra?
Seriously!
Hahaha .
Okay so yeah.
Stranger things!
The music is why I like it nearly as much as I do and the characters are lovely and everything about that series is fun, though I don't know if it should just keep going on .
Someone suggested lion king this Sunday and it was an idea shot down faster than infected zombies because why on earth would I watch a live action film of the exact same story of which I know for a fact the cartoon was better?
To work out or not to work out!
That is the question.
Or should I just get dressed and leave for the bank because it drives me crazy to wait for things to happen.
A prelude to Tuesday and I'm waiting for an important phone call from the bank vis a vis my Saturday's appointment that was still left only half done because of certain reasons that I couldn't be bothered with.
The long and short of it is that the bank will call me to solve my issues today and I wait for them.
So what should one do now?
Do I go about my day and work out and risk their phone call in the middle of it all or should I just wait Until a certain time and then show up at the bank and hover around their peripheral vision so that they get done with my work?
Maybe a little bit of both because I'll tell you one thing and that is my favourite restaurant is near the bank and I am most certainly waiting to reach there around lunchtime or a little before that.
See my devious plans?
Right, yesterday then or the weekend as they say.
It was busy in a way that I enjoy and did I mention the new Atari video game I've got nowadays which keeps me glued and now I'm playing lots of Mario along with Contra?
Seriously!
Hahaha .
Okay so yeah.
Stranger things!
The music is why I like it nearly as much as I do and the characters are lovely and everything about that series is fun, though I don't know if it should just keep going on .
Someone suggested lion king this Sunday and it was an idea shot down faster than infected zombies because why on earth would I watch a live action film of the exact same story of which I know for a fact the cartoon was better?
To work out or not to work out!
That is the question.
Or should I just get dressed and leave for the bank because it drives me crazy to wait for things to happen.
Sunday, 14 July 2019
Zap in
Say one thing about this time post midnight say it makes me yearn for all that's you, much like most moments of every day, should we say every bloody second that passes in agonising realisation that figments of my imagination are not reality.
Saturday, 13 July 2019
No no no
Say one thing about today say it was busy because 'bank work' and not just any ordinary bank work but one regarding changing and attaching phone numbers to banking and apps and filling out forms that were absolutely Chinese to me.
We are on day 3 of non stop rains in that the rains ebb and rise like waves before and after an eclipse but never stop.
Everything's wet and feels messy.
I can't stand drops of water clinging on things in the kitchen, in the bathroom.
There's a lichen patina on everything and my biggest fears of earthworms and slugs and literally everything that crawls around are now alive!!
I'm in hate with everything right now!
All..except you my darling.
We are on day 3 of non stop rains in that the rains ebb and rise like waves before and after an eclipse but never stop.
Everything's wet and feels messy.
I can't stand drops of water clinging on things in the kitchen, in the bathroom.
There's a lichen patina on everything and my biggest fears of earthworms and slugs and literally everything that crawls around are now alive!!
I'm in hate with everything right now!
All..except you my darling.
Friday, 12 July 2019
Oh man.
I'd planned a night out tonight despite the rains and humidity in an Izakaya drinking highball and eating yakitori except now there's a change in plans and there's a sort of semi casual yet formal dinner tonight.
it's almost a bit of an important obligation that one needs attending and so now I'm picking out a complete change of wardrobe, because on the one hand it was a lovely casual kind of a nighttime event and on the other it's a more formal- official people and their spouses present kind of an affair which needs a bit of planning and careful decisions.
it's almost a bit of an important obligation that one needs attending and so now I'm picking out a complete change of wardrobe, because on the one hand it was a lovely casual kind of a nighttime event and on the other it's a more formal- official people and their spouses present kind of an affair which needs a bit of planning and careful decisions.
Meal
Last night
I slept like a contortionist with bad mood and woke up with shoulders that felt like a hammer had gone to town all over them.
Why do I do this to myself?
Also last night was spent tossing and turning for a very long time because for the one minute that I slept I dreamt a fog had entered my body and was trying to burn me up in the inside and I woke up to the smell of something burning!!
That I threw off the sheets and leapt out like a cat to run out the bedroom door faster than flash would be understating it because I damn near teleported I was so quick.
The lounge area and the kitchen were indeed shrouded in smoke that smelled like barbecue.
I ran to the kitchen, checked all the gas knobs, scanned for any burning candles and or incense because these usually stay lit during the day but I had put them all off before going to sleep at night and I was at a loss because the house was full of smoke that smelled like smoked sauce and attuning my ears to the world outside I heard sizzles.
I'd left the balcony door ajar, leaving just a sliding mesh to protect the insides from nighttime creatures and the smoke had been making its way from that exact area, and walking into the balcony made me realise that the neighbours downstairs were grilling fish outside on their barbecue at 1:30 AM!
Who does that?
I mean yes it's their house, their lawn and they can do as they please but they've no control over the billowing smoke and it curdled my dreams into something of a horror and gave me the fright of my life.
Should this bother me as much or should I just let it go?
Why do I do this to myself?
Also last night was spent tossing and turning for a very long time because for the one minute that I slept I dreamt a fog had entered my body and was trying to burn me up in the inside and I woke up to the smell of something burning!!
That I threw off the sheets and leapt out like a cat to run out the bedroom door faster than flash would be understating it because I damn near teleported I was so quick.
The lounge area and the kitchen were indeed shrouded in smoke that smelled like barbecue.
I ran to the kitchen, checked all the gas knobs, scanned for any burning candles and or incense because these usually stay lit during the day but I had put them all off before going to sleep at night and I was at a loss because the house was full of smoke that smelled like smoked sauce and attuning my ears to the world outside I heard sizzles.
I'd left the balcony door ajar, leaving just a sliding mesh to protect the insides from nighttime creatures and the smoke had been making its way from that exact area, and walking into the balcony made me realise that the neighbours downstairs were grilling fish outside on their barbecue at 1:30 AM!
Who does that?
I mean yes it's their house, their lawn and they can do as they please but they've no control over the billowing smoke and it curdled my dreams into something of a horror and gave me the fright of my life.
Should this bother me as much or should I just let it go?
::.
कहाँ दर्ज़ करूँ आपके लापता होने की ख़बर
या फ़िलहाल कुछ वक्त गुमशुदा ही रहना चाहेंगे?
या फ़िलहाल कुछ वक्त गुमशुदा ही रहना चाहेंगे?
Thursday, 11 July 2019
And how
Who me?
Watching stranger things 3 because isn't that mandatory?
Actually it's the synth wave music in it that I totally die for.
Watching stranger things 3 because isn't that mandatory?
Actually it's the synth wave music in it that I totally die for.
Sweetness
Blueberries have a tendency to burst and spurt making it all a delicious mess but can I just say how fantastic these really were.
Of course they taste different from store bought ones as these are made of real blueberries which aren't ever excessively sweet, in fact they're a bit tart and anything blueberry in stores or coffee shops is really carrots coloured violet with flavourings and sugar.
So yes, these are pretty good.
Bake stuff
Baking some blueberry muffins, not least because there's been an excess of the stuff in the house.
There's an influx of blueberries in the market and I bought some with an idea for purple smoothies and then got some as a gift and then some as a complimentary reward for having bought far too many groceries and what on earth am I supposed to do with all of it?
I did freeze half of them and the rest will be used up in smoothies and desserts .
Lunch hearts
Fully loaded because it was so full that everything kept falling out.
Could be I stuffed it too much.
I'd got some excellent prawns a couple days back and getting inspired by tastes of New Orleans I decided to go full creole with the seasonings what with giving it a crunchy maize flour coating and seasoning it to the moon and back, everything got sandwiched between toasted slices of homemade bread and can I just say that I could have eaten many more of the same.
Lots of shrimps, vinegary onions and sweet peppers made it into a fantastic recipe that I intend to work upon and add to my repertoire.
Wednesday, 10 July 2019
—/—
If I were to hate you
With all the might
In this world
there would still be no one
who could love you more
With all the might
In this world
there would still be no one
who could love you more
Night hearts
Now now night
Don't you see
I'm busy
reminiscing
and I can't do that
With you judging me
yes I heard
the alarm to sleep
and saw the reminder
continuously weep
white light displays
over and over
discussing my sleep cycle
the leftover hours
Until I wake up again
but you've to know
the things I sow
in my head
will reap lovely rewards
of fond memories
Don't you see
I'm busy
reminiscing
and I can't do that
With you judging me
yes I heard
the alarm to sleep
and saw the reminder
continuously weep
white light displays
over and over
discussing my sleep cycle
the leftover hours
Until I wake up again
but you've to know
the things I sow
in my head
will reap lovely rewards
of fond memories
Misses
Well now darling
Where do you go off to
do you know the pain it causes
When after a million refreshes
the page never wavers
The words don't budge
sentences don't quiver
when you've written nothing much
Well now darling
has the day held you captive
or perhaps it is indeed enough alluring
Or the trenches you find yourself in
are maybe exploding
and there's no way out
yet still I harbour hope
to know all that's in and about
Where do you go off to
do you know the pain it causes
When after a million refreshes
the page never wavers
The words don't budge
sentences don't quiver
when you've written nothing much
Well now darling
has the day held you captive
or perhaps it is indeed enough alluring
Or the trenches you find yourself in
are maybe exploding
and there's no way out
yet still I harbour hope
to know all that's in and about
Screams!
Ugh!!
The way I crib about fixing dinner one might think I hate cooking and that's a lie!
But when it becomes a gruelling chore each day, over and over and over it makes me want to scream.
Sometimes I just can't take it.
It all begins by soaking (lentils) well in the afternoon then comes the washing vegetables that I do an hour prior to cooking, then chopping, kneading, soaking again (rice) and then finally cooking which has many steps from making dahl to vegetables, to roasting papads, making raita, making roti, tempering Dahl and by the time it's done I've already gone through a mountain of dishes that I wash in the side and then There's another mountain to wash once the food is cooked.
This is ridiculous!
I know people who eat cereals for dinner and what's wrong with that you tell me?
It's nourishing, easy and filling even.
Sometimes I just can't. I seriously can't.
Nope!
The way I crib about fixing dinner one might think I hate cooking and that's a lie!
But when it becomes a gruelling chore each day, over and over and over it makes me want to scream.
Sometimes I just can't take it.
It all begins by soaking (lentils) well in the afternoon then comes the washing vegetables that I do an hour prior to cooking, then chopping, kneading, soaking again (rice) and then finally cooking which has many steps from making dahl to vegetables, to roasting papads, making raita, making roti, tempering Dahl and by the time it's done I've already gone through a mountain of dishes that I wash in the side and then There's another mountain to wash once the food is cooked.
This is ridiculous!
I know people who eat cereals for dinner and what's wrong with that you tell me?
It's nourishing, easy and filling even.
Sometimes I just can't. I seriously can't.
Nope!
\m/
As a lover of all things post-rock and post-metal, I somehow can't love the long echoing dialogues from a lone voice talking philosophical stuff in some songs. This is quite prevalent in Mogwai and I have not the patience for it.
However today I needed something heavy, hard and mad which is why I turned to slipknot and listened to their new album 'Unsainted' and Corey Taylor, as usual, is pretty good with his mellow vocals transitioning into screeches but what on earth happened to the band apart from me growing up that is.
Suddenly it sounds tired, bored and I'm not going to begin comparing their new stuff with the old but it's not the same frenzy as one I heard and felt before.
Saddened I clicked the Ghost song recommendation and felt better, much better and followed 'dance Macabre' with 'rats' and 'square hammer' before finally landing on 'Gojira' and they never disappoint .now I'm ready for everything.
---
There's a drawing pending which I started with smearing some paint on paper and I think I'm going to complete that while listening to 'Black Knife Caine'.
This Wednesday looks to be pretty hardcore.
---
Tell stuff, darling.
However today I needed something heavy, hard and mad which is why I turned to slipknot and listened to their new album 'Unsainted' and Corey Taylor, as usual, is pretty good with his mellow vocals transitioning into screeches but what on earth happened to the band apart from me growing up that is.
Suddenly it sounds tired, bored and I'm not going to begin comparing their new stuff with the old but it's not the same frenzy as one I heard and felt before.
Saddened I clicked the Ghost song recommendation and felt better, much better and followed 'dance Macabre' with 'rats' and 'square hammer' before finally landing on 'Gojira' and they never disappoint .now I'm ready for everything.
---
There's a drawing pending which I started with smearing some paint on paper and I think I'm going to complete that while listening to 'Black Knife Caine'.
This Wednesday looks to be pretty hardcore.
---
Tell stuff, darling.
Soup’s up!
I have here a sweet potato soup flavoured with chicken broth, goulash spices and plenty of ginger with a side of sliced homemade bread.
Delicious to say the least .
Served in a large pot because portion control is hardly my strong suit .
Trials
In the morning
The rains have created a something of a slushy environment, saturating everything with moisture on their second day of unstoppable deluge which sometimes is a wispy drizzle and sometimes a thunder crushing torrent and though the possibilities of venturing out to do anything are absolutely remote I appreciate how the weather feels right now.
It's cool in a way that you need set fan on its lowest speed and because it's breezy, the whole house has a rather cooled down calm aura that I now further accentuate with some 'Bhimsen Joshi' whose vocals chase away all the residual aches from yesterday.
I feel the fatigue floundering away through open windows and maybe it's because this short time frame is my only respite but I love this quiet moment to myself that each morning I squeeze out from the chores.
It's like making a space in time by giving time.
But it's worth it.
It's cool in a way that you need set fan on its lowest speed and because it's breezy, the whole house has a rather cooled down calm aura that I now further accentuate with some 'Bhimsen Joshi' whose vocals chase away all the residual aches from yesterday.
I feel the fatigue floundering away through open windows and maybe it's because this short time frame is my only respite but I love this quiet moment to myself that each morning I squeeze out from the chores.
It's like making a space in time by giving time.
But it's worth it.
Tuesday, 9 July 2019
Bits
Today has me running late for everything.
I'm not in bed yet and soon it'll be midnight.
Gotta rush.
In other news the rains haven't stopped and it's bit of a bother because the dogs need walking and they've not gotten much exercise and my cats have done nothing save sleep all day.
And me?
I've been swamped with stuff.
I'm not in bed yet and soon it'll be midnight.
Gotta rush.
In other news the rains haven't stopped and it's bit of a bother because the dogs need walking and they've not gotten much exercise and my cats have done nothing save sleep all day.
And me?
I've been swamped with stuff.
it's gone
Today grows legs and runs from me faster than I can chase it.
One moment it's still early and the next it's gotten far too late.
Somewhere between haste and procrastinate, I find my Tuesday blazing by
One moment it's still early and the next it's gotten far too late.
Somewhere between haste and procrastinate, I find my Tuesday blazing by
Meal
It's delicious in a way that should be illegal.
In this time
A morning that began far too early for my contemplation and as I sit working out the rest of the day in my head I hear the rains doing that thing they do, wetting the streets, darkening the skies, lengthening shadows in my house.
It's tempting to switch on the light but something about the coolness that rains bring which adds to the grey gloom of the house turning the insides invitingly caliginous.
This isn't how some believe mornings should be, rayless and somber but I don't mind it, seeing how it reflects my mood and also why should morning be with lights when the night is long gone?
Rains, ah rains are always lovely.
I've never had anything against rains at all.
Perhaps because I was growing up in a very tropical coastal region that saw monsoons almost akin floods from the sky and it uplifts my mood.
Of course, one can't move out and about without hesitation in this weather and it's sticky and wet and humid after and I will most definitely complain about the mugginess but what of it?
Right now I listen to the chatter, look at the steadily dimming room, stare out at opaque black clouds and contemplate tea.
It's tempting to switch on the light but something about the coolness that rains bring which adds to the grey gloom of the house turning the insides invitingly caliginous.
This isn't how some believe mornings should be, rayless and somber but I don't mind it, seeing how it reflects my mood and also why should morning be with lights when the night is long gone?
Rains, ah rains are always lovely.
I've never had anything against rains at all.
Perhaps because I was growing up in a very tropical coastal region that saw monsoons almost akin floods from the sky and it uplifts my mood.
Of course, one can't move out and about without hesitation in this weather and it's sticky and wet and humid after and I will most definitely complain about the mugginess but what of it?
Right now I listen to the chatter, look at the steadily dimming room, stare out at opaque black clouds and contemplate tea.
Monday, 8 July 2019
Misses
The purple plum blossoms
printed on cotton
stretched on my limbs move around
as I writhe beneath
to the tow of your laughs
printed on cotton
stretched on my limbs move around
as I writhe beneath
to the tow of your laughs
Don’t get fooled
Do you ever feel that life has fated you with an exile from all that is desirous?
Marriage is a monastery, a systematic union to practice celibacy and preserve virtues.
It's a union where one can methodically learn to slowly hack away the embellished emotions and delicious notions that over the years we have cultivated and harboured towards life .
It's an organised ritual to disembowel passions in a lifelong celebration of lassitude and limpness.
Marriage is a monastery, a systematic union to practice celibacy and preserve virtues.
It's a union where one can methodically learn to slowly hack away the embellished emotions and delicious notions that over the years we have cultivated and harboured towards life .
It's an organised ritual to disembowel passions in a lifelong celebration of lassitude and limpness.
?
When somebody refers to another person as an angel I'm at a loss to understand exactly what is it that they mean?
Is the person sexless or can the person fly?
Is the person sexless or can the person fly?
Misses
Nighttime and the heart walls are plastered with your face
A singular graffiti
done a thousand times over
each moment
a new coat
of fresh paint
A singular graffiti
done a thousand times over
each moment
a new coat
of fresh paint
Snowed in
Who me?
Watching an Icelandic detective series called 'Trapped'
How is it?
Fucking fantastic!!
I mean the kind I absolutely like.
Slow burn, step by step detection, lots of blue colour palette, surrounding life where the murder has happened and slow paced character build up.
Watching an Icelandic detective series called 'Trapped'
How is it?
Fucking fantastic!!
I mean the kind I absolutely like.
Slow burn, step by step detection, lots of blue colour palette, surrounding life where the murder has happened and slow paced character build up.
Vigilance
I'm drinking ice water like I don't have a throat and here's hoping I don't fall sick which is why also I'm making ice out of boiled water just to be on the safer side of things but does that help?
Bash it in
Monday deserves a knife in the back.
Not that weekdays are exceptionally different than most days but it's the meals that needs fretting over starting Monday and that's one thing I could do without.
It's extremely stressful, lying awake on Sunday night, mentally browsing through every ingredient present in pantry and fridge to come up with ideas and meals that can be quickly cooked early in the morning.
And then it's the evening dinners and rinse repeat next day.
Ah well..
I'm watching my cats fight and it's cathartic.
Not that weekdays are exceptionally different than most days but it's the meals that needs fretting over starting Monday and that's one thing I could do without.
It's extremely stressful, lying awake on Sunday night, mentally browsing through every ingredient present in pantry and fridge to come up with ideas and meals that can be quickly cooked early in the morning.
And then it's the evening dinners and rinse repeat next day.
Ah well..
I'm watching my cats fight and it's cathartic.
Sunday, 7 July 2019
Read up.
Has it ever happened to you that you wake up looking puffy and swollen and hope to Gods that there ain't anyone coming over or that you're going out because by the heavens this is not the mug you want to be taking out for public display and then an hour into morning you come to know that a brunch has been planned and you go scuttling to the nearest fridge grabbing ice and applying all over. Has it happened? No? Okay. Me neither.
I mean it's not I like was drinking or eating anything salty last night, not unless you count two highballs and a big vat of noodles cooked by denizens who like their sodium, spice and sour flavours turned on full volume and then staying awake until almost after midnight and getting tempted to eat a chocolate and then sleeping an hour later only to wake up early morning again cuz the house was unusually quiet and it's an anomaly with two cats.
Ah, what a morning.
One of the cat had coughed up a fur ball and one can imagine how fun that is cleaning the first thing in the morning before even sipping on water, and then there's a string of chores immediately after that.
It begins with cleaning kitty litter and ends with arranging dried utensils, crockery and cutlery from last night in their designated spaces ready to be used again with a fervour.
Have you ever watched Tom & Jerry?
If you have then you must know of those episodes where the lady of the house has left Tom the cat to his own devices and he invites his other cat friends home for a party and chaos follows leaving the house looking like it underwent electrocution.
Something resembling that anarchy goes on in my casa after hours, when the lights have been turned off and night's been declared, when the bedroom doors are closed and the cats are left to lounge about in the living space.
I wake up each morning to walk into most inventive shambles that looks like a mini tornado has swept through the house.
My floor turns into a smorgasbord of scattered coasters, tissues and cushions.
A maelstrom of flying fur resulting from Friendly fights floats around in soft wisps and cat toys lay around dismantled, looking deader than before.
I shuffle around in my zombie like state and add to that my puffed up self.
Merry Sunday!!
Hearts.
I mean it's not I like was drinking or eating anything salty last night, not unless you count two highballs and a big vat of noodles cooked by denizens who like their sodium, spice and sour flavours turned on full volume and then staying awake until almost after midnight and getting tempted to eat a chocolate and then sleeping an hour later only to wake up early morning again cuz the house was unusually quiet and it's an anomaly with two cats.
Ah, what a morning.
One of the cat had coughed up a fur ball and one can imagine how fun that is cleaning the first thing in the morning before even sipping on water, and then there's a string of chores immediately after that.
It begins with cleaning kitty litter and ends with arranging dried utensils, crockery and cutlery from last night in their designated spaces ready to be used again with a fervour.
Have you ever watched Tom & Jerry?
If you have then you must know of those episodes where the lady of the house has left Tom the cat to his own devices and he invites his other cat friends home for a party and chaos follows leaving the house looking like it underwent electrocution.
Something resembling that anarchy goes on in my casa after hours, when the lights have been turned off and night's been declared, when the bedroom doors are closed and the cats are left to lounge about in the living space.
I wake up each morning to walk into most inventive shambles that looks like a mini tornado has swept through the house.
My floor turns into a smorgasbord of scattered coasters, tissues and cushions.
A maelstrom of flying fur resulting from Friendly fights floats around in soft wisps and cat toys lay around dismantled, looking deader than before.
I shuffle around in my zombie like state and add to that my puffed up self.
Merry Sunday!!
Hearts.
Weekends
I wish I could be away for the weekend but there are a couple dogs that need walking twice a day and yes I could perhaps rope someone in to do the walking for a couple days but almost everyone makes plans on weekends if not informed beforehand, moreover I can't just put them in a kennel because they're my responsibility while the neighbours are away.
A day well spent outside is all that can suffice for now and it's been good, yes!
A day well spent outside is all that can suffice for now and it's been good, yes!
Saturday, 6 July 2019
Laundry night
Just because there are clothes in the washing machine doesn't mean one has to actually put them for washing especially at night.
Sometimes we just stuff clothes in the washer just so it's easier to wash them next day, preferably in the morning but that is a concept sometimes lost on many because just as I was about to call it a night I heard the washing machine through the sound of the series I'm binge watching and what do I find on closer inspection?
Is this the time to be washing clothes?
Now I gotta wait and then put the washed clothes in the dryer because if someone can put them to wash in the middle of the night chances are they might forget to put them in the dryer.
So yes.
What does your night look like?
—
Tell me darling..nice things.
Sometimes we just stuff clothes in the washer just so it's easier to wash them next day, preferably in the morning but that is a concept sometimes lost on many because just as I was about to call it a night I heard the washing machine through the sound of the series I'm binge watching and what do I find on closer inspection?
Is this the time to be washing clothes?
Now I gotta wait and then put the washed clothes in the dryer because if someone can put them to wash in the middle of the night chances are they might forget to put them in the dryer.
So yes.
What does your night look like?
—
Tell me darling..nice things.
::
The technical faults that arise most nights are from broken sleep that instead of coming like a wave appears in torn out pieces of jigsaw and hardware malfunctions come from an unwillingness to sleep halfheartedly.
Friday, 5 July 2019
Misses
Nighttime and I drank a number of little drinks after the beer.
Some whiskey, some cognac and all of you.
Some whiskey, some cognac and all of you.
Fried hearts
Korokke is basically potato croquettes that's popularly eaten as a snack and even as pub food.
It's a mixture of potatoes, beef and onions bound into a cutlet and covered in crispy Panko breadcrumbs before frying and what I have here is the vegetarian version because I'm not the only one eating it.
Also, beer in a whiskey goblet!! Because why the fuck not?
Biscotti’s
The thing about sudden urges is that they're sudden.
Case in point this sudden strong desire to eat biscotti while walking the dogs.
It came from nowhere, one moment I was looking at the traffic, waiting for lights to signal and another moment I thought about biscotti's and their crunchy texture those absolute lovely thick biscuits that are so dunkable in tea and coffee and by the time I was done walking the dogs I was running to the fridge for supplies.
What exact flavour did I want?
I wanted something nutty, something spiced, something with bits of molten chocolate and so that was exactly what I made.
A bit of experiment for sure but isn't that what we love about food? To customise it as we like according to our tastes.
Right.
Phase 1 is done with now for phase 2 of the delicious biscotti's.
Yes, they're made in two parts.
Case in point this sudden strong desire to eat biscotti while walking the dogs.
It came from nowhere, one moment I was looking at the traffic, waiting for lights to signal and another moment I thought about biscotti's and their crunchy texture those absolute lovely thick biscuits that are so dunkable in tea and coffee and by the time I was done walking the dogs I was running to the fridge for supplies.
What exact flavour did I want?
I wanted something nutty, something spiced, something with bits of molten chocolate and so that was exactly what I made.
A bit of experiment for sure but isn't that what we love about food? To customise it as we like according to our tastes.
Right.
Phase 1 is done with now for phase 2 of the delicious biscotti's.
Yes, they're made in two parts.
Morn
My mood has been at best mopey the last couple days and perhaps that was in some part responsible for me not waking up at the usual time this morning to go ahead with the usual chores.
This was maybe a distress signal or at least perceived to be, seeing how it was an anathema to my being and most irregular on my part to not commence with my well set routine that it worried other denizens of the house to the point that I found a thermometer hovering near my face this morning.
Of course I'm alright! Physically at least. Mentally I might be in some other space and thusly Saturday will be spent outdoors, in another city which is an island known for picturesque beauty etc.
I need to get out if even for a day!
I can't! Simply can't do this anymore.
My body feels jammed the meant it repeats its activities.
This was maybe a distress signal or at least perceived to be, seeing how it was an anathema to my being and most irregular on my part to not commence with my well set routine that it worried other denizens of the house to the point that I found a thermometer hovering near my face this morning.
Of course I'm alright! Physically at least. Mentally I might be in some other space and thusly Saturday will be spent outdoors, in another city which is an island known for picturesque beauty etc.
I need to get out if even for a day!
I can't! Simply can't do this anymore.
My body feels jammed the meant it repeats its activities.
Thursday, 4 July 2019
Movie torment
Early 2000's were pretty horrendous in terms of Hindi cinema. Among the many horrible yet favoured plots a popular skit involved The two protagonists in love with one female lead and the sacrificial lamb selflessly going to the altar to give up on the woman he loves for his friend, or alternately a tussle and then making up.
This was a very late 90's trope that progressively got tweaked and turned glossy to churn out one movie after another until it was worn out thin much like the nerves of all moviegoers.
Why do I say this?
Because I sit watching something similar, not that I'm watching it tediously, more like an academic observation while I actually watch 'bordertown' on Netflix..that absolutely excellent Finnish detective series.
This was a very late 90's trope that progressively got tweaked and turned glossy to churn out one movie after another until it was worn out thin much like the nerves of all moviegoers.
Why do I say this?
Because I sit watching something similar, not that I'm watching it tediously, more like an academic observation while I actually watch 'bordertown' on Netflix..that absolutely excellent Finnish detective series.
No no no. just no.
I have an itch. An itch to be anywhere but here.
my wings are beginning to swell up and the feet need space.
I need to jump high again, to be gone, to disappear for a while because everything is beginning to close down on me. Like I'm drowning in polaroids of each day.
the whiplash of perfectly crafted routine punctures my hustle, slashes my spirit, tears at my gumption.
My eyes need new sights, ears want new sounds, hands want a different warmth, mouth wants a new taste, my body needs a new skin.
If I could get refreshed with the click of a single button I'd be clicking it vigorously.
My current city of residence is doldrums, my state of mind is ennui and I'm constantly accompanied by dissatisfaction.
There's a hole that every now and then opens wide, really wide, big enough to suck any zeal about my person and currently it's the size of a small universe spinning around me. It's crafted its own solar system and I am an unwilling resident.
The dogs need walking, the dinner needs cooking, the kitty needs feeding, the litter needs cleaning and I need to run away!
my wings are beginning to swell up and the feet need space.
I need to jump high again, to be gone, to disappear for a while because everything is beginning to close down on me. Like I'm drowning in polaroids of each day.
the whiplash of perfectly crafted routine punctures my hustle, slashes my spirit, tears at my gumption.
My eyes need new sights, ears want new sounds, hands want a different warmth, mouth wants a new taste, my body needs a new skin.
If I could get refreshed with the click of a single button I'd be clicking it vigorously.
My current city of residence is doldrums, my state of mind is ennui and I'm constantly accompanied by dissatisfaction.
There's a hole that every now and then opens wide, really wide, big enough to suck any zeal about my person and currently it's the size of a small universe spinning around me. It's crafted its own solar system and I am an unwilling resident.
The dogs need walking, the dinner needs cooking, the kitty needs feeding, the litter needs cleaning and I need to run away!
Meh
Thursday and here I sit with no agenda contemplating a trip to the vegetable market and avoiding shower because I feel lazy.
No, there's some work that needs be done and I'm avoiding that too. It's my closet that needs organising and a pile of clothes that'll need ironing but ugh!
To the vegetables then.
No, there's some work that needs be done and I'm avoiding that too. It's my closet that needs organising and a pile of clothes that'll need ironing but ugh!
To the vegetables then.
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