Pirate song

All right me hearties, I swap my bottle of rum for a mug of hot water and stay sweating in a pool of my own making arrr.
I'm a pirate in a standstill house and though I've no plank to ride I make do with planking for as long as I can me matey.
No parrot to sit on my shoulder but a cat who can meow into my heart, and my wooden leg is a sound one, very shapely too.
And I be havin' a bit of booty to boot what with all the squats and what not, me laddies.

Real time pirate with two working eyes, aye.. a motley crew of me own limbs working in perfect unison with the brains and sometimes not so good, but that's the whole fun of a standstill pirate life.
Living in my own Davy Jones' Locker don't you know, can't have no scallywag tellin' me what I can and can't do.
There's salt in my skin, and even though I'm landlocked currently, I let my soul float aboard a heart shaped sail, and away it goes out of sight until it's safely moored in paradise docks, its hull cranking under the weight of virtual kisses. Aye, that's what happens to me four chambered heart, pumped with good ol' love from a secret creature more fantastical than mermaids, aye.

I might not be swingin' from the mast, no crows nest on this ship. Shiver me timbers I don't need one arrr. I has a big broom longer than yon poles and an intuitive eye that ceases to function at times most important that serve as a crows nest, but ain't no icebergs in my sea, for my sea is made of wood and the only terror which this way comes is flesh and blood arrr, and ahoy I says to them ships, no funny business matey or I know a thing or two about climbing aboard and scuttling your terrible shippy excuse, I do.

As a pirate I hafta keep my decks clean, don't you know, can't have them rats spreading plague and turning vile the potions of aged elixirs I harbour in frigidariums, and mutinies do happen aye, but you gotta teach a good lesson to them funny fella who don't follow orders.
Fry them brains out with extra long siestas and liquid food, that teach 'em lesson in no time, arrr.