Lunch was a couple of glorious sandwiches with vegetables and some shrimp. I didn't click a picture even though I thought I had.
I wanted more. There were some oranges I wanted to squeeze the freakin juice out of but by this time the housekeeper had arrived and there was so much pottering about around the house that I felt too distracted to do anything and in fact, just wanted to get out of the way which is what I did by making myself invisible for a while.
The workout was pilates which wasn't as strenuous as I'd wanted it to be but it still torched my abs and glutes. Mostly I'll chalk down today as recovery.
Oddest things! I woke up feeling I'm coming down with something. My nose felt achingly dry and my head felt heavy. I worried that this might be cold or something and seeing the date I realized this could be that time frame I detested heartily and I'm only a few more days away now from complaining of cramps.
I've been busy making a workout plan for more intense sessions and seeing how I'm going to be leaving on a vacation for 10 days from 23rd-2nd I need to ensure that I do not miss on my days since the resort I booked has a gym and what am I if not someone who never misses on using hotel gyms!
It's the strangest thing well, not strangest, since I go through this phase every time I get regular with my workouts which is I'm not doing enough, that I need to work out more and include more exercises etc, and this is a problem that I sometimes need to keep a check on because it has a tendency to easily get out of hands and out of my control.
The nearer I reach my athletic peak (which I hope I'm still to achieve in this life) the faster my recoveries get, the easier I find myself cooling down after a session no matter how much it broke me during the circuit, once I recover I feel like maybe I should add more to it, that maybe I should exercise some more.
Especially after HIIT or extensive cardio routines, I feel that now I can go on more and add some strength and sometimes I do and sometimes I tell myself to stop because I have risked injuries on two separate occasions and it's not a good feeling at all.
The worst part about this problem or is it a disorder, is the guilt. Sometimes I feel depressed for not putting myself through what I was capable of and it's so silly!
I mean I can tell you from my experience that it's the stupidest thought.
It's like there I was on the mat, lying in a pool of my sweat a while ago, panting, cursing and wishing to stop and here I am, ten minutes later forgetting all of that because my body has come back to feeling normal, lighter, more nimble. But the truth is/was that I'm exhausted. That my body now needs nourishment and recovery and I almost have to tell myself this aloud.
I always write down such days in my fitness journal along with my exercises for the day and all that I ate and they almost always happen during a particular time when I've been working out regularly, eating well and wanting more.
I know there's no need to want more. I know that I'm in a good place, but still, it's always a constant discussion with myself, a habitual evaluation and wanting to get better, which in a way is good but when it's obsessive it can get depressing because who am I if not the best person to find faults in myself?
This has often led to me eating a certain way. I don't have an eating disorder, by no means but I have in the past reached a point where I tracked my macros so meticulously it gave me headaches.
I was creeping close to what I later found out was orthorexia and I am thankful for my head to always give me wise counsel. I have often found myself on the precipice of bitter darkness but somehow never tripped over.
What was I even saying?
I don't know.
Just needed to talk I guess and maybe auto-suggest and hope this helps in case you go through such moments yourself.
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