So I was locked out of my VPN account since last night, imagine that. Locked out. Why? because I was downloading a good print of the movie hateful eight on torrentz, and it had infringed some copyright laws.
Surprise, surprise. Yeah because pirate laws in sanctimonious first world internet waters amount to heresy. Oh, what blasphemous acts against god and earth alike did I commit by downloading a pirated movie.
Oh hell. Just my luck that my VPN was connected through some American servers.
The reason I usually keep my VPN turned on while downloading movies is because I get a better download speed, and also because it's the first thing I do the moment I sit on my machine.
So get this, I kept getting a message that you have been locked out of your VPN.
Apparently I did not heed the copyright infringement warnings that were sent to me, nor reply to them because there were three warning mails in my inbox.
Oh why oh why dear gods did I not reply to mails that were sent to me while I was sleeping? That's right, it was night as night could be in my time zone. But hey, how could you be asleep when your piracy amounts to sacrilege against the gods of Internet. You should be up walking on burning embers while spikes of redemption pierce through your unholy existence. You should be ashamed of third world download acts..It would've still been acceptable had you been a terrorist, blowing up babies and aeroplanes, but illegal downloads??how could anyone fall so low?
So, I'd been locked out and I had to log back in without the VPN for affirmations..like it was some long lost love from a previous birth.
Here's where it gets weird and proves to be a brilliant example of a catch22 situation.
To log back into the VPN account I needed to open its VPN site..but that's not possible.because all VPN sites here are BLOCKED! of course they're blocked..that's the reason why I need a goddam VPN in the first place..but now I've to redeem myself, by doing the impossible and log into the VPN site with correct username and password without any VPN site opening.. and don't even think that it could be done through an app, because all the app ever did was display that angry message in super passive aggressive black and white Times New Roman.
This is when you've haul up your socks and prepare yourself for some serious scrolling on yahoo.com (the one search engine that does open here), and by the time you reach the eighth page of determined VPN searching, you miraculously find a vpn site that does open. It must have passed through the great firewall undetected.
If you're lucky that site might have a free trial period, and if you're unfortunate, and I was, you might have to buy a trial period for a month or so. Well, what do you do?
You've already desecrated the consecrated grounds of righteous internet overlords and thus been exiled from the VPN temples, you've to buy your way back to the afterlife.
That's exactly what I did. Bought another VPN to access an existing VPN for affirmations and a steamy session of hot digital fuckery.
Finally I got back my woeful identity, the temple doors have been opened and I'm on probation. So smite me lord if I'm ever to illegally download movies again, and smite me some more if I don't.
Just that I'll be more cautious and not go through the same channels.
Death to first world internet laws. I'm backchanelling through every Asian country in existence.
