confessions and discussions

 This year I want to go full throttle with my fitness plans, something I largely stayed out of during quarantine. Yes, I worked out but not with the intensity I like.

I want to push hard with steady-state cardio this year, harder than ever before and for that, I might include running (a task I generally dislike) but instead of a whole lot of running, I could perhaps just keep it limited to a few km after a cardio workout that is because running all on its own is not for me. I want to have already sweated enough before running because that's how my system works.

This week I will concentrate mostly on getting my heart rate up and adding small bits of strength training towards the end before cool down. 

Yes, these plans all sound so wonderful but I do have a significant hurdle to cross which is basically 'TIME" something I fall short of adequately managing.

I would love for everything to fall in place and for me to be ready for my exercise in time because then I have my own lunch to prepare, after which there are other things related to work that I must pursue before finally fixing dinner. There are four demanding cats in between all this and a house that needs constant managing what with chores et al.

How do I do this?

A question still left unanswered.

My best answer to it all is to start early!

How early I can't say but I have to figure it out because realistically speaking none of my runnings and gym plans will ever work out if don't reserve at least 1.5 hours for my workouts alone. That's a lot of time.

Once I factor in the time needed for food photoshoots the entire day feels a bit sawed off from its promised 24 hours.

But then what does one do except try to figure a way around it?

I've taken to prepping meals the night before to save on time from cooking lunch for myself the next day

and perhaps that's what I'll have to do with food pics as well. 

Maybe adapt the same strategy as I did while I was at my parents and clicking pictures full force.

Of course, it was much easier because I didn't have to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner every day.

How do I do it without compromising anywhere? I want to be able to do it all and everything.

I'm trying to find a solution and perhaps after some trial and error, I will reach some sort of answers.

 

self love and stupidity.

There's been a sort of surge for self-love theory, almost a deluge with the evolution of internet and youtube videos.

In a way, it's great to always love yourself to keep away from the negativity or self-harm and feeling isolated. Often times we tend to blame ourselves for a lot of wrongs in life and to be able to love yourself keeps you from feeling like a stigma one wrongly interprets themselves to be, and I'm not talking about that part at all. 

This post is about the different sort of loving yourself that is promoted heavily through Instagrams and youtube videos of people either differently abled or those who come in different shapes and sizes.

People who're especially called 'fat' and made fun of (apparently) and who've come out with a vengeance with this message to 'love yourself' no matter what. 

Now here's the thing about always loving yourself and being okay with whatever you are and making peace with yourself and the skin you're in and that is it will always keep you from working hard towards your goals if it lets you make goals in the first place that is.
  
I'm not saying that it keeps you from getting successful, of course not because that has nothing to do with the shape of your body, but say, you're unable to function full well in social settings and are afraid to make certain leaps in your life that keep you from achieving life goals and yet you feel that it's alright, and it's more important to love yourself rather than make that leap towards success, then you need a brain check because you're deluding yourself.

The same thing applies to all facets of life, even if it's as small as making lifestyle changes to get in a better, fitter shape. 
I mean this in no bad way, but most women promoting this theory are ones that are morbidly obese and with makeup channels.
They talk about how they've always been called fat and ugly and that now they've made peace with themselves, all the time while shellacking pots of makeup on their face, resulting in a face that looks nothing like their real selves.
One could argue that if you love yourself so much then there's no need to hide behind a kabuki mask of makeup, but then again it could be argued that it's their hobby and helps them feel confident etc., and now my gripe with this. 

If only you could lessen with the self-love and begin berating yourself every now and then you could make remarkable changes to yourself. 

You don't always have to be encouraged to do something, but sometimes need a bit of self-criticism to help you go that extra step which you otherwise wouldn't in a self-pamper session. And I don't say this just in terms of getting fit, but for almost everything you try to do with your life.

It's okay to be lazy, but never alright to give up, because that is defeating yourself.

Instead of telling yourself that it's okay to give up, you need to find a way to slap that thought, rebuke your idiotic thinking and carry one with whatever it is that you were /are doing. 

Self-love is fine as long as you're taking out time to blister your vanity and break the thin walls of excuses you've built around yourself.

t'day till now

Get this.. I've been busy. Oh so busy.

And what with? just stuff.
we've a few guests coming over for lunch tomorrow..arghh lunch on Saturday.. and me being the hostess with the mostess (perhaps not) am preparing everything that can be done before hand to guarantee a stress free afternoon.. and the only way to ascertain that is to take stress the day before.

Right, so I needed to spruce up the house a bit. I need to every couple day, unrealizing the cat sheds a goodly amount of hair and I'd dedicated today to vacuuming for hidden treasure in places I've not dug into for almost a week. Places like behind the couch, under the beds etc.

Right, so deciding the menu. Foraging for foods, buying last moment supplies and doing general prep because a lunch means you've a rather small window for prepping and you don't want to stretch yourself into superhuman feats.

So basically just that, and in between everything of course there is a never ending saga of f*%#!&g laundry.
When do I even wear so many clothes that there's always something spinning or tumbling..and then the whole ritual of ironing, folding, stacking.. arghhh..

Phew, so yes. this has been up or rather down and hopefully I'll be done soon with everything and update with more rants..

New things

8:00 am from my new house, while I sit on the sofa and contemplate what to do next? I moved in yesterday, cleaned a bit, cooked nothing, and there's still a bit more to do today. 

Clean the Windows, scrub the kitchen platforms and because our truck with the real stuff hasn't arrived yet, I've nothing to do save imagine where everything goes. 

I've hypothetically filled in the cabinets with all the clothes, found spice racks and stuffed them full with jars and bottles of condiments and herbs, filled up my pantry and stacked all utensils, decorated the interiors with knick knacks and souvenirs and draped the news beds with my crisp linen beddings..in my imagination this house is a fully functioning casa Salama..in reality I've no utensils to even start cooking etc etc. 

There are a few repair works that will gradually happen over the course of stay, some bulbs needs screwing, holes need drilling, racks need fitting..and few things I'm pretty sad about..like the stuff we left back in our previous house..our pretty dining table, ironing board, kettle, rice cooker, wooden cabinet, my plants; my beautiful Amazonian forest of delicate flowers and tender new leaves, my beautiful pots birthing new streams of greenery (:(:(:() and some more..I might get sad talking about it.

My consolation prize are the new paintings hung all over the house, a bulky dining table which isn't a shade on my earlier wooden table, a dainty balcony and a vintage clock. Sigh..this is my home now and I mean to make the best of it. 

The area is pretty fabulous so that's a big big plus..and what else do I tell myself to not miss my earlier wee town and it's wonderful people? 

This city will need getting used to.

The new bed will need getting used to as well because man oh man I didn't sleep well. I kept dreaming that I'm having trouble sleeping..if that isn't inception stuff then I don't know what is.

I've been meaning to write and update my blogs, finish a few pending stories, give life to some that I've been thinking of..but no! I don't even have Internet as of now..moving can be tiring. What with the packing, and shifting and the hauling and the carrying of so many things from one place to another, I've not only lost tracking time but my sanity as well. 

And then it was the massive cleaning yesterday. Gah, I've called a housekeeper to help with the windows and balcony because heaven knows I'll have a meltdown if I'm left alone with anymore work.

My entire body is aching in so many places that I'll have to do one of those contortionist body jumble to fix it.

Mehning

Here it is, a dusk colored morning.

The night forgot to fade away, dolefully approached by a new day—angrily stepping in to take over its duty sans sun.

Facade morning..because if I scratch the surface, it's stil night someplace; its residue diffusing through parchment  space and flexible time from lovers lane.

A veil overhead of skeletal clouds..grey emaciated shroud; a mechanic cry, acid rain song.

Bracing moisture..aqueous fog. Mosaic museum of collective raindrops, fleeting languorously, gliding hurriedly..streaking transparent water lines on my window top. 

My unmade bed shabbily crowned by a crumpled blue bedspread, still warm from fickle laziness, pretending to curve the universe so our galaxies mingle, our times zones coalesce. 

An enlightenment for this purposeless Tuesday..the insides are artificially lit this morning to keep the day from withering away and the outside is dismally prophetic, dreadful dull grey. 

Domestic drudgeries 'n' musing notes

Looks like a sort of sunny day today,  albeit the sun rays have a glacial quality to them..but it's still a bit of sun. Mornings aren't aping evenings, and my spotless floors have an immaculate gleam to them, almost like they're smiling. The house isn't exactly flooded with light, however the dull dreariness of Siberian calm has defrosted a bit. Days like these usually pose a problem for the night and the next week, because the skies clear and temperatures drop even further. It gets cold and clammy, and stays that way until another sunny day shows up and makes matters worse. So really, this vicious cycle will not stop anytime before March..after which it's oddly cold till June, and then warm in July, hot in August, warm in September, cool in October, cold from November..sigh.

Washing Dishes:
is probably numero uno of my least favourite things to do, especially in this weather. I almost feel like my hands see very few dry moments, because I've this aversion to leaving dirty dishes in the sink. Then there's this gnawing OCD to clean the sink so that water droplets don't stay in it too long. The thing is, if the sink stays grimy, water droplets tend to stick to it, and your sink always looks wet..now, every kitchen sink's destiny is to stay wet, but wet sinks look a bit..umm..unsanitary.
A cluttered, full kitchen sink is probably the stuff of nightmares, and washing dishes immediately after you've cooked or baked is really the right way to go, in order to avoid nightmares.
To get rid of grimy, oily, clingy stuff- wash with baking soda. Baking soda is probably a kitchen best friend. Right from cleaning kitchen platforms, to dishes, to sinkdrains..it does it all.

Too often, I've overheard lamentations on how a messier house feels more cozy, and that this obsessive cleaning and shining renders it too sanitary and impersonal..and this is something I really do not believe in. A very clean house, is much more fun to live in..sure it's a bitch to clean, but if you do it every day, it doesn't take too long. Whites should look whiter, and any place you carelessly run a finger should render your finger cleaner than it was before.

- Maybe one of these days, I should write an entire write up on house sprucing, because really, I am that lifeless.
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Some people are grade A hoarders, I've seen people who wouldn't even throw away a gift wrapping paper..they tear at their presents with such calculated ponderous caution, so as not to violate the pretty wrapping papers. They'll slowly peel away at the tapes, and cleanly fold the wrapper to use it another day (????!!!???) I mean they care more about the wrapping paper than the gift itself. This is so absurd, and for some reason I can never be friends with such people..not because of their inability to throw away a gift wrapping material but because this habit of hoarding, preserving and frugal savings on useless things kind of seeps into their real life as well. I mean, you're saving this paper so you don't have to spend on a gift wrapping paper..but you won't carpool? oh, fuck off!

Throw away, give away or recycle..stop amassing useless things in your house to turn it into some kind of urban life museum..having said that, the one thing I can't throw away are glass jars, bottles etc.
There are really useful especially when you're pickling or preserving, or storing things..and they make such nifty vases, and even funky receptacles for drinks (with a straw).
Once I'm through with a jar of jam, or pickle or olives, and it's a nice glass jar with a good lid, I wash it within an inch of it's life, scrape away at the sticker and reuse it a million different ways.
My personal favourite is using them as vases, followed closely by using them for small sized incense candles and tea lights. Ditto for clear glass wine bottles or any pretty shaped liquor bottle. I've reused most of them for storing flavoured oils. I've this jagermeister bottle that's now the proud repository of my ferociously hot homemade chilli oil. So yeah recycling things are better than hoarding.
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other updates:
My drawing is finally on its course, and probably I will finish it in a couple of days. Sounds like a long time, but the drawing is crowded with minute details, and I've to really peer at it through a magnifying glass to get it right..and of course that old chestnut-my neck. Can't keep at it too long, or else my neck might detach itself and euthanize.

I've a couple new recipes for food blogs enqued, ready to be uploaded, I'll probably do that next week.

There was a poem I'd thought of in the morning, and it warmed the cockles of my cold heart so, but I forgot it while taking a shower, so that's a shame. I mean I can't even remember what it was about. Like one of those awesome tweets you think of, and then forget a minute later.hah!

Thinking of doing a spot of baking this weekend..let's see. maybe a pizza, or a nice bread, or some cupcakes or cookies. I'd probably make a gluten free orange torte and use the remainder few oranges, but definitely making something else too. Like a bread perhaps. A nice focaccia?!?

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I've a mind to bitch some more about certain kind of people and human traits that should be avoided with a ten foot pole, perhaps in a new blog..soon.

more on thoughts and rant

I wonder if it's as much about basic building blocks of human consciousness as it is about laziness and easy access to creativity that has been dumbed down to feed human consumption.

The fact that there were maybe five people doing something creative at some point of time when apps weren't all the rage..now we've five thousand people doing the same thing, just because downloading an app to add vignettes and blue grey effects has become that easy. Now everyone's doing it. And apps are intelligent, they give you a limited set of values to get creative, with permutations and combinations of your choosing, and there you are. Making art out of confined space through a shoe box vision that an app has provided you.

When twitter replaced stars to hearts, it wasn't as much a change as it was falling into line with the prevailing norm of hearting everything you like. Instead of being different, it slowly became everything that already exists.
Is it that much about hating change as it is about being lazy and not wanting to do something different, or breaking moulds or the fact that every idiot on this planet has easy access to being creative, and the fact that being creative has been made that easy. Conveyer belt creativity so to say.

It's like every monkey has a bucketful of feces and an endless white wall to paint as they will. So all day long they Jackson Pollock the shit out of that wall, and they're encouraged to do so, and some lesser brained chimps marvel at their shitpieces, and each day this monkey population keeps growing.

This is probably the best time to boost your vanity, and the golden age to be dumb. Not that there's anything wrong with either.. the problem is that shit flinging monkeys live to sounds of applause, while somewhere out there might be a rainbow coloured sloth who goes totally unnoticed..again probably because of shit loving lesser minded chimps who're resolved to dumb down every second. It's a full circle. And this isn't just about apps, it's everything, everywhere..yeah, the movies, the music, everything.
It's like 'hey man, if they love shit, let's give 'em more crap'.

Mayhaps it's a part of our evolution, the fact that it's alright is it's 'just okay', awesome even..and yeah I don't want to say it, horribly cliche as it sounds but also commercialization. Milk them udders until they're stone and milk them still.

Now when you got everyone doing the same thing with small tweaks and cute interfaces, the world does go gaga, but it doesn't change the fact that it's similar shitprint on a different space of a clean white wall.