Morning and I just had my tea.
Feels strange to be able to make tea just moments after waking up since my usual morning chores with my babes do not exist here.
Night was spent tossing and turning not least because the ughs had me cramped up but also because I've been sleeping alone here and people are spending the night managing the invalid who groans and coughs and I almost feel like I can hear the rattling of the chains dragged around the house by Yama!
It's an unhappy thought and morose feeling and as much as the entire house is singularly dedicated to managing someone who is breathing just barely, I don't see this lasting long.
It sounds horrific to say that but I'm only writing it here because I feel like I need to offload this mood somewhere because otherwise I pretend like none of this is a big deal, and that this routine of feeding liquids through a tube will go on forever.
I feel utterly pained and this is much too depressing.
I might soon be summoned soon to cook breakfast and other such stuff.
I just wanna disappear somewhere right now because this entire mood is so heavy. How everyone is trudging along is a testament to conditioning and their bravery cuz honestly I'm a total sissy about these things.
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