Snip

If only the cat would stop feeling so damn restless and sleep for a while! 

So today was the day when my littlest cat got neutered and it weighs heavy on my heart. Not as much as when I'd the female babe neutered but even so. 

Twinkle is back home and he hates the collar around his neck. He doesn't understand why he can't lick himself as always or manoeuvre his body around however he needs. He can't see on the sides and he sure as hell can't understand why he is unable to crawl under the couch as he usually could. 

I feel utterly helpless. 

The doctor has advised to not let him eat or drink anything for the next 5 hours. He wasn't allowed to eat anything before the operation either and now this. 

So much trouble for such a little life. 

How easy for the bigger folks to simply have their pets neutered without even knowing if they want to. 

It's kind of disgusting and each time I've had this done to my babies I've felt angry at myself and wondered at the normalcy and importance this surgery has acquired. 

I mean sure I don't want to see more stray cats dead in the garbage space everyday. 

It's equally disheartening to see a few weeks old kittens dead and I do not hope and wish for any such lives to be lost, seeing how I'd found my little 'hope' in a similar situation, half eaten by lice with eye infections and barely two weeks old, I can understand why doctors emphasise on these procedures, but even so to take away the main reason of their existence just so there aren't anymore miserable existences anymore is an example of our fucked up world. 

I'm sorry twinkle. My heart sinks as I see you hobble around the house..hungry, thirsty and utterly confounded. 

I hate to see you so restless and sad. Your confusion and irritation is valid and I hope to be forgiven some day. 

Soon you will recuperate and be your normal self again. Climbing trees and running amuck with your stray feline friends and I'll have to live with the knowledge of what I did to you. 

I'm so fucking sorry.