Summing it

Didn't climb as many floors today. 

Might have to fix that. 

Dear oh dear the craves

Who me?
Craving mutton keema with peas and how!!
Ugh!!
Now what?
I think I'll have to cook some for me but without meat for dinner
What?
Yes!

Some afterthoughts

 What on earth is Christian lofi? I got that as a youtube suggestion. No touching that. Nope. 

Wednesday and I went heavy with an upper body strength training circuit although the weights I used weren't as heavy because we are still giving myself some time to spring back to all that I was pre shitshow but each exercise was followed by the same exercise except it was done in pulses.

There were times when I had to increase my weight and sometimes I had to decrease them but we got through and my shoulders are screaming. 

I am documenting my workouts and meal consumption as accurately as I can, including every minute detail to help me understand and also chronicle my journey so that next time when I'm faced with something similar I can easily look back.

The best part is that I have previously done the same and have a most tediously cataloged diary of everything that I am detailing now and the one thing I observed was that I had reduced my portion sizes for dinner since it's always dinner that includes the most variety of foods like I usually make rice, roti, dahl,subzi, raita and I eat everything with gusto, unlike lunches that are usually salads or stir fries or wraps with lots of veg and some lean protein. 

Since dinner caters to other people's likes and dietary habits I tend to go overboard with not only cooking but also eating. Also, when I cook pasta I find myself eating almost two or  more servings cuz it never fills me up. 

Not saying that only my dinners were the reason, but it can be one small part of it.

Right then, more editing work. it's only a small window after all.

Done!!

Bandaged up! 

But only because I'm doing upper body and taking precautions. 

and it's Tuesday November end year fuck it all

 I am resetting my default mode that had been left switched on for a while which led me to gaining weight and going off track with everything that was my regularly programmed schedule.

Unless I don't get out of the funk that I am in and get back on the path that I used to walk on, my mood and spirit will never be as they were.

I have been ignoring myself for a while and I don't want to anymore. Life is not going to be as happy as it had been for a while now and things are dangling in the depressing atmosphere of uncertainty and deep loss which will be grieved forever and in between this aura of murky sadness I find myself riding the misery tidal pool and letting go, which is unlike me. 

I have to get a grip.

--

The hardest part of everything is waking up and I find myself cursing the world each morning.

Fluffy headgear

Who me? 

Editing and listening to Caine's Law. 

Down with the sickness

Just when I was about to hit publish on a post, the vpn got disconnected on my laptop and hasn't connected since.
I'm still trying and I'm very angry.
This madness is getting me down.