No no no. just no.

I have an itch. An itch to be anywhere but here.
my wings are beginning to swell up and the feet need space.
I need to jump high again, to be gone, to disappear for a while because everything is beginning to close down on me. Like I'm drowning in polaroids of each day.
the whiplash of perfectly crafted routine punctures my hustle, slashes my spirit, tears at my gumption.
My eyes need new sights, ears want new sounds, hands want a different warmth, mouth wants a new taste, my body needs a new skin.
If I could get refreshed with the click of a single button I'd be clicking it vigorously.
My current city of residence is doldrums, my state of mind is ennui and I'm constantly accompanied by dissatisfaction.
There's a hole that every now and then opens wide, really wide, big enough to suck any zeal about my person and currently it's the size of a small universe spinning around me. It's crafted its own solar system and I am an unwilling resident.

The dogs need walking, the dinner needs cooking, the kitty needs feeding, the litter needs cleaning and I need to run away!

help but no, help!

The thing with never having hired any help for domestic chores is that you often forget actually having hired one recently.
I've always spoken about it with a bit of smugness as to how all the housework including absolutely everything is done by moi no matter what the circumstances and how I actually go about sprucing my Domus, from scrubbing bathroom porcelain to polishing mirrors, to vacuuming, mopping, dusting, washing balcony et al, and I would have without fail continued on had it not been the past few months when I found myself extremely busy and uninclined to go pottering about the house, and that too in this weather.

Though winters here are extreme and long and severe I find myself far more productive in that weather, never shying away from cleaning and what not but ever since humidity set in I find it near impossible to do the same tasks without hating it, and cleaning is definitely my top favourite things to do and yet I found myself incapable of the task and it was when each morning I found myself bathed in sweat after the morning cleanup that I decided to hire someone to take the load off me at least once or twice a week, which is when a couple ayi's came into the equation. 
One who comes every Wednesday and another every Sunday.

Yes, not every day, because I don't need one every day, seeing the basic cleanup etc I still do myself every morning. It's the lengthy sprucing up that I need help with, which includes dusting, glass polishing and the works.
I mean it's not exactly arduous work that I can't undertake or would not undertake, just that it makes life bit easier and currently anything that makes it easy is most welcome.

Right, so I didn't remember that someone was supposed to show up this morning for the cleanup and when someone did I found myself feeling a bit perplexed and even guilty, which is odd.
I mean all these years and no help, and suddenly someone at the door ready to make my own home livable for me.
I don't know how I feel about that, except when I see the house twinkling it makes me a happier person but then I wonder to myself as to why am I not doing it when all these years I had been, and that I should at least remember what days and time I have actually alotted.

The good thing is I haven't hired anyone on a salary basis but hourly which makes it far convenient and more logical, the bad thing is that one day I might get used to it all and remember who is coming when and feel miserable if either is on a holiday.
I don't want to be that person when all my life I've made fun of such people who can't do their own housework.

isn't this all rather confusing? 
Is it that time to finally see a therapist?