NO

Every day we inch a little more towards darkness.

Youtube nonchalantly threw this video at me in the recommendations by a channel called 'fantasy feeder' 

It's about how to get fat or gain weight if you're into that morbid feederism kink and I cannot believe how straight to the point and matter-of-fact it was. Why did I think it might be sarcastic? The narrator or whoever it was recommending ways to get fat was extremely courteous and most serious about what she said. 

Is this actually real? This is happening!!

I don't understand. Yes, yes I get it kinks but wtf!!

Please watch and tell. 

 

sigh and argh

 I woke up feeling extra cranky and angry.

Annoyed, irritated and in tears for some reason. I don't know and I cannot say but it all felt so futile and I felt morbidly lonely.

Somehow I pushed through the day. Even my morning cup of tea couldn't cheer me up.

The workout was a good one though. An hour-long punishment which had HIIT for a few minutes and then endurance and some balance and finally yoga. 

That was perhaps the only time when I wasn't thinking about how shite everything was and how disgruntled I felt.

Tuesday it is.

irks and ire

I'm not the one to complain, absolutely not, but there is a slight annoyance that's growing into major irritation and it's got to do with my neighbours downstairs.
They have a dog whom they often leave on a leash long enough to circle this entire city of Shanghai and he's tied outside for the most part of the day leaving him free to go about as he pleases and bark at unsuspecting cats to the point of chasing and even fighting with them and this poses a bit of a problem, well quite a few problems.

A shorter leash would limit his capabilities and keep him from coming under cars that frequent that area since there's also a parking space, not two feet from where he sits and it's difficult to manoeuvre a car while that dog is around because it's easy for him to prance about and come under the tyres.

Moreover, his long leash renders him capable of running around the entrance area of this building right up to the stairs that are inside the building and maul cats who use those stairs to come home, and this is a growing concern vis-a-vis my cat.

I was in the bath today when I heard faint noises of a madly barking dog followed by faint screaming sounds of a terrorized cat which made me run out of the bathroom in a bathrobe to hear the ruckus better and looking out of the window I saw only the green leash of the dog and the way it curved inwards was enough to indicate that the dog had come inside the building.
Donning my clothes while still dripping I saw my darling cat Gogi engaged in a serious confrontation with the dog right at the entrance of the building.
The cat wanted to come in and the dog wouldn't let him by way of steadily barking and trying to pounce my cat which infuriated me no ends.

To leap in the midst of the tussle and grab my feline was for me the work of moments and I bared my teeth at the dog who now barked and I made back to the house.
My cat was lightly scratched with no injuries but looked shaken and that I cursed the dog and his owners freely would be an understatement.

I don't know how to rectify this situation since the neighbours downstairs are my very dear friends' good friends and I don't want to be in that circus.
Perhaps if I keep the entrance door of this building locked this situation wouldn't arise or possible it may get even worse.

There is another concern regarding the road outside of their house which they've encroached upon to dump their useless junk.
Things that didn't fit into their house like a very long workman table, old air conditioning units and a very long tarp rolled into a thick roll. All this scrap has been laying outside eating dust for the past year, through the winters and every rain.
For sure it's reduced to detritus and it eats up the huge space on the road which earlier allowed two cars to park and now that garbage keeps cars from getting parked in that space.
And in fact, it poses such a problem each time one needs to reverse a car from the parking space because people park their cars at odd angles because of the detritus which in turn blocks other cars and it's most vexatious.

There is a strict policy of 'let's not bother others' that people here follow and the small annoyances are usually ignored and I am a huge subscriber to the policy but only when it's followed by everyone in turn.
This issue is now aggravating me to the point that I might just go downstairs and knock on their door.
But if the building management isn't saying anything regarding their trash on the roads than how can I?
But surely I can discuss the whole dog issue with them, right?

Ugh!!
I'm upset and angry.

arghh ok

What do you do when you feel like doing nothing at all?

I can't bear to sit in front of this screen and feel so empty and out of sync with my thoughts.
For some reason, I'm unable to come up with anything reasonably intelligent to write.
I started on a poem and forgot about it.
had to edit pictures but somehow this entire change of plans has me annoyed because not only will I be in Delhi a week prior but also unalone because people have work there and it's getting on my nerves.

gah, I'm going for a walk.

oh wow!

A little stroll through Instagram, only to realize it has turned into snapchat. I mean for a moment I thought I'm sitting inside of snapchat with people putting in their little stories..not just, there's also going to be face fillers soon if they aren't here already.
I saw it in an insta ad in instagram.
Wow! imagine putting an ad about yourself inside yourself.

Like my RBC's watching an advert for new and improved RBC's that multiply at a faster rate or something to that effect.

Talk about cloning..it's important for everything to be like everything else now, for uniqueness is out of practice. Be it apps, beards or puffed up lips. You're strange if you're you..get on the bandwagon then, Sit atop a conveyer belt and let it guide you into a simulacrum jungle of mass imprints and reproductions.

Grab the popcorn and watch this world turn into one another, while we stay in stasis..Hurrah!

dreams a gogo

Say one thing about dreams, say you cannot top their weirdness.

Dreamt with picture perfect quality that I was traversing the dishonourable grounds of a McDonalds, and not just any ol' McDonald's but one that was as large as an entire mall. Yeah, it was a mall of burger hell with hundreds of counters for placing orders.
I was accompanied by what seemed to be my daughter, I think, because I addressed her as my daughter, except she was as old as me, or maybe in my dreams I didn't look old enough to be a mom.

I walked in, left my bag on a chair and walked over to a counter to place orders and what I clearly ordered was a 'jumble berry crumble', which apparently McDonald's did have along with a wrap of some sorts which they didn't. So just a crumble it was and my daughter ordered a Japanese curry rice and another 'jumble berry crumble'.
I reached for my bag to make payments and realized that I'd left it on a chair and asked my daughter to bring it to me, but she whipped out a credit card of her own and handed it to the cashier.
The cashier in return stared at the card because it was pink and round? and suddenly she was informed by the manager that they had begun accepting these cards and the payments were made.

I was handed some receipt and informed that my order would arrive in a while, but then I noticed large glass covered shelves housing a lot of different foods and I strolled over to those isles to check them out and saw people filling their plates while commuting on segways.
I couldn't make head or tails of it because I had no means of travelling in McDonald's mall and felt angered at the thought.

With just the last glimpse of me looking for segways I let myself jolt into a surprised wakefulness and for the longest time kept wondering if I was really awake or still in the dream.

shit happens much too often

What are rare sunny days during barren frozen winters if not meant to go out scampering in the world and do a bit of rambling, a bit of idle nothing.

And this indeed was my agenda.. a few fruitful long minutes of staring at trees, flowing river, bus stops and zebra crossings, I made my way towards a courier office, wherefrom I could send some couriers.  After which I took an extra long cut and headed towards some well meaning vegetable shops.

Something about winters that brings forth my inner green revolutionary and I can barely contain my excitement when faced with bundles of green leafy veggies. 

I kind of lose myself and binge on the chlorophyll kissed leafage and before I even realize end up feeling like a petite version of hulk, minus the rage.

So something mirroring the above mentioned happened today. I loaded up on the vegetables and made my way towards a rather enticing orange coloured fruit shop when habitually I let my hand slide inside my handbag to confirm its contents when lo! my fingers failed to find the smooth surface of my phone.

I jabbed my fingers in again, more forceful this time, still maintaining a nonchalant pace towards the now fast approaching orange awned shop and my fingers still couldn't trace the smooth of the screen, which only meant one thing, my phone was missing from my bag.

I unzipped its mouth in entirety and dived in straight to get a better look, but indeed, the phone was in fact MIA. 

I knew I didn't leave the phone at home, having looked up at an address in the courier office, and remembered carrying it after that to send some messages. So somewhere between the aforementioned office and vegetable shop my phone was missing and I didn't tuck it away in my jeans for sure, my pockets not being large enough to contain that beastly mammoth. 

I didn't remember placing the phone anywhere on the vegetable shop premises, so where was it?

Oh, I suddenly remembered, I'd gone into a small shop to buy aluminium foil. Yess, I left it there.

Thankfully the shop was but a few paces behind and I entered, greeting once again the familiar faces and asked the shop girl if I left my phone there. 

'No' she said, and asked me my number, so she could dial and find some more clues.

I punched in my number on her phone, growing more annoyed by the minute and within a few seconds it rang, somewhere inside of me.

Gowing perplexed, relieved and embarrassed..a trio of emotions with only one face to express I simply smiled and thanked the dear shop girl.

Letting myself out and checking my outfit once again to ascertain where on earth did I scurry my phone in my jacket, when a lightning bolt of realization, that dear me had changed her clothes before leaving, donning a special jacket meant to ward of particularly cold days that housed almost a dozen pockets and I'd unthinkingly stashed away my phone in an inner pocket and zipped the damn jacket. 

So of course the outer pockets were empty and I couldn't for the life of me feel anything within because of its special goose feather stuffing that bloated the jacket like an obese fabric, and I recalled every instances, but one, where I'd tucked away my phone while crossing the road. The only aberration being that instead of my bag I stashed it in my jacket.

Say one thing about me, say I have absent minded moments of  monumental stupidity. 

How damn silly of me. Come on. This shouldn't happen, and yet, it did. Either winters have frozen my brains or my grey cells have taken to committing seppuku by the minute. 

gah, I'm so pissed with myself. 

soulless

like cute li'l moles
that're actually blackholes
you download them for lols
lose sight of your goals
life devoid of roles
apps have no souls

you did it for the lulz
it makes you pretty dulls
empties out your skulls
a chicken waiting for a cull
over these thoughts you may now mull
or hang it on a couple poles
apps have no souls

The joke's on the universe.

I cannot forgive myself for the rookie mistake I committed today. No sir, I cannot.

I might do and have done a fair number of idiotic things, yes I have, and I'm admitting it, but what I ended up doing today deserves no mercy, no quarter. 

Here are the premises.

 Taking advantage of the fact that I was up and about much too early, I decided to haul myself up from cat haze and saunter into the vegetable market and do some much needed green gazing and shopping. 

Starting serenely at mute vegetables is much too joyous an occasion to be missed, and an early morning jaunt when everything is green and fresh and clean is just what your system needs. 

So out and about, braving the harsh morning sun, I decided a long brisk walk would do me a world of good. 

I'd not breakfasted yet, it was pretty early morning you see, and I'd thought of infusing fresh bought veggies into my breakfasting ritual, so there I was, walking to the big market, which is much farther off from the small veggie market. About half a kilometer from my house. 

Alright, so in I go, look around, spot something I like and get the vegetables weighed—the usual procedure, except when I dig my hand into my bag to extract my wallet, I'm mystified. 

My faithful every day cloth bag, that stays hung and is habitually plucked from a coat rack, one that has Portuguese architecture printed on its face (my bag, not my coat rack), is nothing short of a labyrinthine to an ordinary man, but not to me. 

I've only to push my hand in and pull out whatever I need, like a magicians hat. 

But today was not to be that day. I intended to pull out my wallet, and oh dear, it wasn't there. 

The woman was holding out a bag of vegetables and repeating the amount, and I dived head first into my bag, searching for my wallet and I couldn't find it. 

There was my little spare umbrella, a set of car keys, goggles case, a diary, two pens, subway card, house keys, eye liner, lip balm, pack of tissue paper, hand sanitizer and zero wallet. 

I almost felt dizzy for a second. Why? What? Where is it? Did I drop it? Did I lose it? Or did I forget it at home? How could I forget it at home, I never ever take out my wallet, then where is it? 

The woman was repeating what I owed her for veggies. 

I asked her to excuse me, to keep the veggies for me, that I'll be back in a minute. 

She blinked, looked puzzled and promised me she'd guard the packet of veggies with her life. 

Goddamit it, summoning all my stamina, I broke into an Usain Bolt dash to my house, and ran, crossed roads, jaywalked or rather sprinted and stood outside my door, hoping the wallet was in my house, that it wasn't lost in some blackhole. 

Okay, I let myself in, sweating profusely, wondering if I'd ever see my wallet, training my eyes into a compound vision I was hoping for the worst when I saw that my wallet sat nonchalantly on the sofa. 

What? On the so..fa?watcha doin' on the sofa mon petite? Who let you out of the confines of your bag my darling? Who had the gall to drag you out of the bag and..I realized it was moi. Oui, it was me.

I'd taken out my wallet to empty one of its chamber of all the coinage it'd collected. 

Throwing my mind back to these morning events, I navigated my memories through hard panting breaths and matted hair, and figured I'd forgotten to replace the wallet into my bag, because Monsieur cat had spilled his bowl of water, which then I mopped, after which I decided to go to the vegetable market, following which I changed into travel appropriate garb and let myself and cat out of the house; leaving the wallet sit on the sofa. 

Breathing hard still, sweating like a broken water fountain, I cursed so hard I might have caused an earthquake someplace. 

Well, what could be done now? Goddamn I was hungry, but I had to go back and buy veggies, from the same market. There was a vendor safekeeping my veggies. 

So back on the same path, my walk of gargantuan shame, my stomach growling  from hunger pangs. I'd exerted much too much this morning without as much as a single morsel. 

Back to market, vegetables didn't look half as appealing now. Shopped, realized I'd gone a bit overboard, that my bag was heavier than a baby whale. 

I carried it on my shoulder, aching, hating. I had to atone for my morning sins goddamit. 

Man oh man was I hungry. 

I stopped at a shop selling something greasy. 

Salivated and caved in. 

breakfasted and cursed myself all the way back. 

Got back home, peeled off my clothes and my epidermal layer. 

Cursed myself some more. 

Made coffee, cursing myself to the moon and back and wrote this long ass post, cuz goddamit my head was buzzing with all the grease and caffeine. 

Hollywood hogwash

The collective grey cells in Hollywood must have orgasmed into an ingenious fountain of unsurpassable surprise at the very news of something as flabbergasting and decisively innovative as a new KING KONG movie. Wow! it's not every day that a new king kong movie comes into existence.

Who could've ever thought of making a movie about a gargantuan gorilla, flashing his angry teeth at white people, and finally falling in love with a fair haired maiden who resembles his kind the same way we resemble our last universal ancestor. 
Hollywood transcends its visionary boundaries with each new kong movie. It's a prolific feat of inconceivable originality, to resurrect the same script from moth eaten grotto's of Hollywood existence, and add in new lines of decipherable dialogues, complete with brand new quotation marks.
Don't be surprised if they've gone as far as adding a paragraph or two of philosophical ruminations, about how we as a species are ruining the natural habitat of peaceful far away creatures that want nothing to do with meddling human affairs; that it's abhorrent on our part to colonize, and terrorize and forcefully invade natural spaces of other existences.
If you aren't shedding a tear or two at their formulation of such massive behemoth's of original thinking, then you're a monster, much like King Kong, and you deserve only the worst kinds of death; slowly stewed and roasted in the juices of your own making, getting tortured, seated in a movie hall, popcorn in hand, watching the new Kong movie.

A little warning for precious irises

Just when you thought it's safe to turn on tv, you come across gems like these. That's really the name of the movie (top left) 

Of course it's South Indian, but even so. There's no excuse for this kind of nitwitted fuckery. 

Out of curiosity I watched some ten odd minutes of this feeble minded creation, and to say that I'd have happily endured an amateur lobotomy would be an understatement. ( I'd have gladly volunteered for one) 

The best/worst part was that the 'Godzilla' in question was actually a T-Rex. 

I'm not going to review this movie because it needs no reviewing, it doesn't even need watching, in fact it needs to be digitally erased from existence. 

This movie wouldn't be allowed to rot even in an animation landfill..it was so distressfully bad. 

--

Talking of reviews: all these books read on good read and not a single review. Just splatter a few words, darling. 

Nuff said

open my mouth and decide to say nothing

Yet I always do, something exaggeratedly true; meant for you

tighten my heart and avert my gaze

cease to think for that fraction of a phase that comes and goes 

where I hold my soul true

finishing line is a blur

It disappears, for I fall off my course

into a bed of delicious rotten fruits

that are sinful sweet

they disintegrate your soul

under a fan, near a window, in a rocky yellow greenish jungle

take a tumble

like jack & Jill would never know 

satin thick coat of humble

tattered and torn dressed in shambles

sprinting away on a concrete road

that looks molten from afar

like a shimmering pool of water

a damn fine mirage

or an oasis of wishes that came true in a genie lamp 

wade into an unreal pond

of liquid phantasm

optical illusion of the universe

a magic 

a volcano of warmth

that chars your skin

makes you believe 

it's a delicious sun tan. 

Choking squares with metaphysical squiggles.

No matter how much you shake an hourglass the sand flows at a steady pace. 

Perhaps I can change the texture of the glass and make it into a prism. And then we shall see how the river of time is clouded with rainbows. 

A spectacular view to a mundane flow! 

Just because it's mundane doesn't mean  it's not spectacular. 

I mean baby, you can spectacularify the hum drums of your toneless life with some extraordinary daily activities..and these include imagining stuff..making up fantasies and dreaming things you could only dream of. 

Being a part of all of them, living them for those few zoned out seconds..Physics laws do not apply!

Dull routine? Got a whole lot of nothing to do and screw doing anything else too? 

well here's a cure for you my darling dream

cuz doing absolutely nothing is fuckballs supreme \m/

so why do anything? 

when you could do absolutely nothing 

and live in a glazed gleam

You could be obscure in them 

or even be a star 

a hero or that mystery villain

of protoplasmic war

at moments when you know you've got nothing to do 

what the fuck is where

what the fuck is who 

sitting in a wooden armed chair

you know that time of the day

when there's time you could shoo!

What do you do?

A whole lot of stuff while doing nothing at all. Live in moments you'd never experience; mould them as you'd want. Add in some lovelorn things on an alien planet, and a mysterious sergeant hell bent on killing six legged queens. they've no one to save them, and that's when you step in..riding on a shark fin..but you end up mutilating them all and marrying their dog ( you suddenly wake up. T'was a dream) and other such similar bearings. 

Sometimes, you never realize that you've got a whole lot of something to do which in reality however is really just nothing. A whole lot of something that's actually a cloak for nothing! 

and when it's nothing, you day dream while doing everything. Float through the dreadful mist of everyday meh on pink clouds that feel like feathers and taste of mint.