Where do I begin?
Perhaps from that moment of nostalgia or déjà vu..
Two years back, in the exact same time frame I was suffering from a serious health issue and my sickness had been exacerbated by a violent back/neck problem for which I underwent some physiotherapy and had to give up on drawing for almost six months.
It was one of those life altering moments, the whole package of sickness that made me alter my lifestyle and bring about radical changes.
The difference those changes brought about to my life, health and overall well being were startlingly positive.
Some happened gradually and some with immediate affect, so much so that I rarely fell sick the last couple years, my body functioning on six cylinders, my health in the absolute pink and what not..
Except..
Except the past two weeks I had begun experiencing some similar symptoms in regards to my back.
I'd wake up with a quivering ache someplace I couldn't quite put my finger on, somewhere in my neck/ shoulder region and without giving it much consideration go about my day as planned—workouts, chores, life and the like.
Each morning I'd wake with a phantom pain of stinging affliction and not once bother about it. This ache sometimes crawled up my spine and into my skull to give me resounding headaches and I still didn't think it too serious.
In fact, and I laughingly type this, I increased my upper body workouts to counter that trouble, thinking foolishly that perhaps I wasn't getting enough exercises in my rhomboids.
I'd upped my weights for upper body strength training and included a good many push ups and triceps dips each workout routine to counter my dull morning back aches, and here's the interesting thing–I felt much better right after my workouts, and that was one of the reasons why I upped the strenuous quotient making it more vigorous than last to make myself feel better.
I'd even posted about my workout routine and most of it was upper body and core and well..sometime during bakasana or crow pose yesterday I felt something almost snap in my right neck- shoulder area.
It wasn't enough to alarm me and after a cool down and stretch I was on with the day and didn't give much thought to it.
This morning around 5:00am when the cat woke me up to be fed, I realised I couldn't life my right side off the bed.
The area between my neck and shoulder was in such excruciating pain that I'd almost screamed.
To tell you that I was alarmed would be an understatement of massive proportions.
I couldn't get up, couldn't toss and couldn't go back to sleep.
Ooh the pain, the pain, oh the pain.
I kept lying in that position and maybe even slept and by the time it was morning proper I knew I'd have to go for a check-up because this wasn't those normal daily aches I'd been getting.
This seemed serious, this seemed like trouble. My shoulder was a study in swelling.
I tried a bit of stretching and moving about to make it better just like I'd been doing the past week and nope, my body wouldn't comply and an hour later I was sitting at the doctors.
Apparently I have injured my muscle.
Those initial aches were a small warning to give my body a rest for some time but instead of complying, I did the exact opposite and fatigued it so hard that my muscle gave up under the strain.
The doctor explained how sometimes muscles bleed under duress and that the wear and tear from a lot of workout puts too much strain on them and that If I had rested when I felt small pains it wouldn't have come to this, but of course I deliberately went ahead and put myself in harms way to the point that now I cannot work out for at least three weeks.
'You should have only stuck to Pilates when you felt the pain' she said.
Hmm..too late for that I thought because now I can't even do that.
In fact I can't do anything, no strong motions with my neck, no picking anything heavy, no pushing heavy objects or putting any kind of strain that might stress my neck and back.
I realised my fault when the first question the doctor asked me was if I carried any heavy backpack off late, or if I carried a heavy sling bag.
I've been prescribed medicines, balms and icy cold ointments..and I have been sulking since morning, hating on this situation. Annoyed with the ache and cursing this month that ends up making things difficult for me.
I didn't fee like talking or writing or doing anything remotely cheerful.
Something of a wallowing in pain to make it worse, swimming in self pity and resentment at my own foolish mistakes.
When will I learn?
Why did I make it all the more worse for myself?
What's wrong with me?
Why didn't my inner voice say something?
now look what I've done.
I'm angry, I'm in pain and my neck hurts like heartbreak.
Yes I'm fine, of course I am..if by fine one means not dying then indeed I'm fine.
Sobs..hearts..
No comments:
Post a Comment