little windows are closing

If only everything in life was fucking plug and play!

I yearn for everything easy and doable within minutes. The instant gratification that could last a lifetime or at least until I need it to last without putting in much effort or even any at all.

What an escapist mindset! I'd like an easy escape too. None of that filing away at the bars with a letter opener. More like unlock the door with a motion of the little finger and done!

I say this after having spent hours assembling furniture, reading instructions and matching screws and nails.

I say this after sweating each morning after vacuuming and mopping the entire house and still being only half done with daily chores.

I say this after washing mountains of dishes after every meal and arranging them later in their respective slots time after time like a fucking Sisyphean rock that refuses to smoothen with time and stays jagged and annoyingly coarse around the edges.

I say this after staring at my would-be garden during this typhoon, watching the mud turn into thick sludge splattering dirty muddy water against my just cleaned glass doors.

I say this after pulling out clumps of leaves and branches from the drainpipes of my balcony while having steady rain and more leaves fall from the sky into my hair and make my endeavours useless.

I say this after the full knowledge that I will have to repeat all these motions, go through all these exact emotions tomorrow and then the day after and time after time until I fucking die. 

I say this out of spite.