Insect

I was making mental preparations for a five course meal for dinner; designing a menu in my head while I drove to work; what kind of proteins, starches, sauces and vegetables should I combine to make something of a humble gala for my dearest friend.

Designing a menu is something what I do for living. I'm a chef you see, of a small eatery in our small riverside town..probably the only eatery in our town that doesn't come with a side order of complementary hepatitis and salmonella..and I like to keep things a bit edgy, perhaps even eclectic by having a different menu every week; to keep everything from falling into a repetitive weariness. It'd be the death of my chef carrier if a customer came into my restaurant prattling the name of all the dishes on the menu like he just walked into a McDonalds expecting a toy with his meals.
There should be a bit of surprise I tell you; it injects vitality and develops curiosity..and I love curious customers who sometimes just check in to see what new I've on the menu..But hold on! I'm going off track here.
My five course meal plans were reduced to three course as I ponderously dunked a beer battered halibut fillet into an overworked deep fryer that afternoon, and by the time I was done shaving fennel for a particularly laborious evening summer salad, I'd come to the conclusion that best friends don't care what you feed them, as long as it's good food..and after all it's the company that matters. Food is secondary. And with that thought I drove back with a big pot of fish stew and fresh bread for main course, and decided on a cake and fruits for dinner.

I was still figuring out which beer to start icing when the phone rang "are we supposed to meet tonight for dinner. It's tonight isn't it? or is it next week, and don't tell me if we've already done dinner last week, because that'd mean I've already missed out on most appointments scheduled for this week".
"Yes, yes, it's today. In fact you should've been here some fifteen minutes back" I lied.
"Really? I apologize for being late. I'll be there as soon as possible. I've a surprise for you" he said this with a bare hint of melody in his low pitched voice, and I knew he was chuckling, albeit rather distractedly.
"Ok, I'm waiting. Come soon"
I didn't have to think too hard what the surprise would be.
Right from the time since we were little children swapping lies and muddy t-shirts I'd always known him to be a lot different from others our own age.
He had an odd love for insects and insect life. When he wasn't trapping butterflies and bees in small glass jars he was following ants with his father's magnifying glass and building up on his collection of various spiders and beetles.
His room was always stacked full of glass things. Jars and inverted glasses that housed fluttering things and crawling things.
I remember getting welts the size of fat coins that one time I had a sleepover in his room because of all the bed bugs that had somehow escaped their impenetrable prison.
He'd come a long way since then and taken insect love to new heights by turning himself into a world renowned entomologist. His love for these creatures had turned into dedication, and he'd buried himself to researching, studying and learning more and possibly everything he could about insects.
This mania had in turn taken a toll on him. Insects was all he spoke about..most conversations fused with lesser known, unknown insect facts, insect trivia, insect anecdotes, insect behaviour and insect stories.
His scientific papers and researches were most sought after by similar insect fanatics in the entomologist universe and he'd now taken to writing and publishing books that were strenuously detailed accounts of insect lives. They were energetically written and proved to be a rather painful read to someone whose only relation with insects was scraping them off their boots.
I had some of the choicest titles nestling in my bookshelf. 'Pine processionary march past of co-ordinated destruction'-apparently about some centipedes that fed on trees or like, and, 'Learn how to maintain a mushroom farm-a leafcutter ants autobiography'.
So when I say I knew what his surprise would be, I meant it. It had to be a new book.
He'd always been absent minded, letting his hair grow to uncouth lengths before he even realized he was being stared at. Often he had to be reminded to take a bath, or that he had to sleep. He was busier than his bees, working in his lab, absorbed in his insects, making notes and writing papers..and these past few weeks he'd seemed a lot more forgetful and engrossed and that to a discerning eye meant that there was a book in works, and this time it was his turn to surprise.

***

"Look, I ain't no stickler for details except for when we're plating at my restaurant, but what I see right now has blown me away to new parts of our solar system. I mean, what on earth man." I could hardly contain my bewildered happiness as I poured wine into our glasses.

Barely fifteen minutes after I'd hung up my friend had shown up at my doorstep..alarmingly well dressed and neat for a kooky entomologist, armed with a gift no less. "Since when did we start bringing presents?", my voice trailed off when my smiling insect friend, gently pushed forward a woman whom he'd been hiding behind his back, in a manner to surprise me..and surprised I was.
The only interaction I'd ever seen him having with the fairer sex was when he was murmuring to the females of his insect species, and yet here he was, grinning like the happiest man on earth, holding out a wine bottle and embracing a woman I'd never seen before.

To say that I was surprised would be an understatement..I was befuddled, totally thrown off guard and mentally kicking myself for not going ahead with the full five course menu. I mean there was my buddy with an actual person and all I had to offer was some stew and bread.
"haha, would you look at your face? you look like a puss moth caterpillar"
"a what?"
"you know, cerura vinula. It's like a caterpillar that has a face which sort of resembles a cat in a very..well..insect way. Well you know it's this.."
"No I don't want to know" I said jolting myself to reality just in time to avoid his thesis lengthed explanation of a caterpillar
"All I want to know is where are your manners? won't you introduce us?"

"So you remember when I'd left for Amazon rainforest last month" he spoke in his practical low pitched voice in between sips of wine. "We'd discovered some new species that had never been seen before. We saw these nymphs"
"Nymphs?" I interrupted.
"Yes, nymphs, not those naked women you've painted in your restaurant, but..umm..well let's say they're insect babies that will look the same when they grow up..except perhaps increase in size. As in, their form resembles that of a mature adult. That's to say they don't go through those usual larva, pupa and cocoon stages that butterflies etc go through. Does that make sense?"
"Yes" I declared with a victorious grin. "I get it, what about it"
"Well, so we discovered these tiny nymphs in the rainforest that disappeared in the thickets, and I followed them for a good long while until I realized that not only had I lost those fantastic creatures but also myself. I'd lost the trail and the team I'd come with. The more I tried to find my way back, the more lost I got until I finally gave up and decided on using the flares we'd all been provided, meant only to be fired in the contingency much as I found myself in. And while I was looking for a good spot to fire, I found her".  He looked at 'her' so passionately as he said these words that it almost made me uncomfortable to be around them,.
"You found her in the forest?" I said a bit urgently while tearing bread and serving stew to the new couple, hoping to snap him back to reality and on with the conversation. All this was making me more curious than I'd have liked.
"yes. she lived there"
"what?"
"with her people you know. They're a small tribe in those forests and she helped me get back to my team and also helped us make this new discovery. We found these insects that have hair made of wax growing out of their butt. Can you believe it, Like we have ear wax to protect our ears, those insects.."
"less insects, more story please" I said exasperated and wide eyed, for this was one heck of a story.
"Well that's it. I met her, we fell in love and now she has come back with me. We intend to marry soon". That was another surprise and a very happy one at that. We continued on with our meal. She hardly spoke. She was slim, dainty, almost frail. Nothing about her was extraordinary, except her eyes. Her eyes that looked like she was always silently praying. The way she looked at our beloved entomologist with her big moist eyes of mute devotion; of earnest adoration and wordless allegiance. It was assuring, they looked very much in love, and though this woman did not speak a word of our language, their hearts conversed as one.

***

"Come to my lab, hurry!" His voice sounded urgent but not alarming and I made a quick call to his lab.

"You'll never guess what surprise I have". 

"A new book", I said nonchalantly, for I'd been meaning to say these words in my nonchalant best since the time he visited me with his surprise a month back. "Spoilsport" he made a face. "there's something else too" he said in a way of admitting, going beetroot blush in the face.

I stared at him searching for a clue and waiting for him to say something as he shuffled uneasily on his feet.

"well, the thing is err..I have decided we'll consummate our, urr..relationship on the same day as book launch..you see, well..urr.. We're so much in love, and I want her madly, but she just looks so quiet and affectionate. Cares for me almost devotedly, looks at me with such staunch dedication, that I hadn't the heart. More so I was scared that perhaps I'd hurt her feelings..and this world would be so new to her, living in a forest all her life. But off late she looks like she's grown a bit, learnt to live in new surroundings and understand a lot more. I just wanted to share this bit with you..I don't know why"

"well, if it's my blessing you seek, then you have them dearest insect freak" 

"Just come over for dinner tonight, I've to talk to you about the book and bring one of your recherché cumin yogurt spring rolls too"

"Aye"

***

There was something different about his house. It looked more lived in and had started to gain a nest like feel about it. Things were in order and it was cleaner than usual.

My friend was still in his lab coat, pulling beers from the fridge and feeling them against his cheek to check and judge their chill. But my attention was directed someplace else, at a nondescript figure pottering in the background—fiddling with cutlery. 

He was right about her growing up. It wasn't as much physically as it was temperamentally. It was like her individuality had gained a few decades..and her eyes..her eyes awash with fossilized secrets, brimming with the same devotion I'd last seen, yet somehow flaming with a devout fervour that almost scared me. 

They looked like they'd been crying for ages..worshipping, praying.

"The book launch is next to next Saturday. Afternoon." he spoke between mouthfuls of springrolls and enthusiasm.

"How afternoon? I've a quick catering stop to make in the next town. Apparently a big birthday party. Speaking of which what about your catering for the book launch? You've not asked me about it"

"Afternoon as in regular afternoon. It's at 12:30pm. The catering is being done by the zoologist society and science club. They'd made me promise to let them be a part of it since long before. They bring the kind of food that appeals to most lab coat wearers. Amuse bouche is not really their style"

"Are you being sarcastic or seriously complementing me? What's your book called?"

"Will you come?" he squinted and half smiled knowingly.

"I will be a little late" I smiled back apologetically

"Then you don't get to know the name. It's about insects is all I can say"

"Fine, I'll be there..if I'm late, I'll stop by your house first and pick up my copy" I laughed and he made a fist to my face and laughed back and gently kissed her on the cheek. 

She was sitting beside him, listening to us, not understanding a word..her eyes bigger than I remembered.

***

I was running late. The Birthday party ended up being a wild success and I was the toast of that afternoon. They loved my little plates of amuse bouche and caviar studded diaphanous canapés. 

  I knew the book launch would be a wild success among the insect lovers fellowship and I was resolved to drop in on him unannounced and surprise him with a good bottle of vintage if he wasn't busy and if he was, I'd just leave the vintage with a sorry note and pick up my copy of his new book.

It was almost evening and the sky was streaked with purple notes..a little late I thought as I parked outside his house.

The house was not locked and I twisted the doorknob to let myself in. It was quiet..not a sound. He'd probably left for his lab. I could always visit him in his lab, and how about surprising him with his new book in my hand. He wouldn't tell me the name but I can find it on my own. I walked towards the kitchen and found a pile of books on the dining table, heaped hurriedly. With a real flick of wrist I picked one and heard a strange sound, like a low moan coming from one of the rooms. It was something of a restrained groan, almost a steady whine..a thin continuous whimper that suddenly stopped. 

Why did it sound so perilous? Book in my hand, its hardcover pressed against my chest, I walked softly towards the room. It was silent now. The hair on my hands were standing to attention, I was frightened..of what? I didn't know. Why was everything so eerie? that muffled silent groan that had suddenly died was still ringing in my ears. I was cold, sweating and now there were other sounds. Plopping sounds, like things falling on a carpeted floor, stripping noises, like someone tearing thick papers..and I could still hear a silent lamenting cry..It wasn't there, but my ears had absorbed it and played on repeat trying to drown other audible sounds.

Someone's tearing something, shredding? I had reached the door and my courage to push it open had evaporated. All I could hear was a dying groan, quiet sobs and plopping and tearing and suddenly it sounded like someone was chewing loudly..almost chomping..gnawing.

I pushed open the door with a brave jerk and it took my eyes several moments to adjust and understand what I really saw.

My friend was lying prostrate, naked on his back, softly convulsing, very softly, like he was shivering. But..how? there was a pool of blood near his neck that had soaked through the grey carpet making it a giant brown wet splotch..and his face..there was no face. His head was not attached to his neck..she was sitting on top of him, straddling him..holding his head. Eating it and riding him still. They were locked in an intercourse. She was chewing his face like a famished insect, his blood flowed down her mouth and on her breasts in little drops and pooled on his stomach. 

I was standing right in front of her, fear gripping me, my knees were wobbly. I couldn't move, and I couldn't scream. She was tearing out thick strips of his cheeks and feeding herself with such relish. Slivers of muscle and flesh hung out her mouth and she steadily chewed on them, slurping the thin fibres that stuck to her chin with blood. Her fingers were coated with gore, and one of his eyes plopped out and fell on the carpet. Greedily she stretched out her hand, picked up the eye and pushed it in her mouth, all the while he was still buried between her legs. 

She indifferently looked up at me with her mouth full, his head still in her hands, his chin was already bones, and she gnawed at his nose while staring at me..her eyes bulging, bug like..and a few seconds later she'd lost all interest and got back to devouring my friends head. I backed out silently, bolting the door behind me.. dialing the police, calling an ambulance and clutching his 'mammoth book of praying mantis mating ritual'.