Sunday, 4 October 2015

Life hacks

How well are you equipped to dispose off a dead body? 

Let's assume a hypothetical situation where you've got yourself a dead body in your house. Some orphan with no kith or kin, save a few friends who don't know you. 
Just a house guest, no witnesses, no nothing. S(he) fell in the bathroom and died. No blood splatter or gore. A broken neck and fresh corpse.
 
You don't want to tell the police cuz you're beginning a new life in less than 48 hours and this isn't the mess you need right now.
You live in an apartment building in a bustling city.
 
How do you get rid of this dead body? Let's explore some options.

• bury the corpse
- this is one of the best and most tried out methods to get rid of a dead body, and it has to be done just right for perfect results otherwise we know how it turns out.
Dig a deep grave, as deep as you can go , and cover the dead body with sheets of salt to quicken the rot. Make sure, the area is secluded and you know how to get there. 
Last moment haste and indecisiveness can ruin it for you. 

Bury at a construction sight, Where it can be a part of the foundation, with tons of concrete, brick and mortar to nullify its existence. ( best idea. Make friends with a building contractor)

• weighing it down to the bottom of an ocean
- I'd never recommend this. Shit gets bloated and rises to the top. Also you end up endangering the water Eco system with human spoils. 
Still if you can reach right to the deepest part, just dump it with tons of rocks wrapped around it. Also if you can get a boat in the middle of night to dispose off a body then you sure have good friends in the construction business too. Bury it there.  

• dissolve in acid and drain the sludge into a sewage
- how very breaking bad, but it works. 

• burn the body
-a quick cremation, but a burning body attracts too much attention, not to mention it smells of a burning body. 

Logistic and utility problems

To be able to do any of the above mentioned activities of burial or burn, we need to get the body into a car, and carrying dead bodies out of your house, unseen, unnoticed might be difficult. 

You could either
-pretend your friend is drunk and carry them down to you car ( this won't work well)
-hack it into smaller pieces, bag and carry them little bundles into a nice traveling bag. ( easier) 

—Hacking away at a a dead body isn't joyous or rewarding, but there are times when you gotta think straight.
Best way to avoid any organ spillage is to remove the limb joints. Disjoint (hack away) the arms from the shoulders and shorten the legs by detaching the knee joints. 

 The corpse will be  travel friendly once you've reduced its size.
You'll need big plastic sheets to cover your floors and bathroom tiles and walls. Avoid drips. 

You also need cutting tools. Something that could hack off bones, or cut through them.
Steel pipe saw, chainsaw, saw, cleaver, axe. 

How many of us actually even keep one of these?

Once you've disjointed the bones, you'll need to simply bag them. 
Neatly, in large plastic bags. Use newspapers to absorb excess blood. Cover with more plastic sheets and pack into travel bags, to look like you're going out to travel. 
(Additional item: lots of salt)

Once you're out of the house with your bags and salt. Find your safe burial ground, and with the aid of a spade bury the corpse. 

*Burning or drowning on such a short notice won't work too efficiently, since time is of the essence, and you'd have to live near the ocean to do so.

*Dissolving in acid is a clean way to dispose off the corpse too, if you can procure all that acid and find someplace to melt the body and drain it.  ( don't flush it down your toilet please)

The most feasible option, that works from home is the burial in my opinion, that is if you don't have any acid..and the equipments needed aren't as difficult to buy and store.

Equipments

- plastic sheets. Lots of them
- small axe 
- handy spade
- large plastic bags (100 ltr plastic bags are easily available)
- strong ropes (to tie the limbs)
 
[this isn't perfected, and has scope for improvement. I'm still working on it] 











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