Today then

So I'm back from the vet.
Gogi is still there and will be for another day. He'll get some fluid therapy done to rid his body of toxins.
Things are serious the doctor says.
75% of his kidneys are not working and this problem with great care can be stabilized but not mended.
He's in stage 3 of the chronic kidney disease and if I'd found out sooner maybe we could have made these changes much before it escalated to this stage. I never got any indication from him.
He always looked so hale, healthy and active. Not once did he fall sick.
He was always at the top of his game. His legs that I thought were the issue are totally fine. Strong even.
I don't know. Just last week he was clambering up a tree, being so sick all this while.
It's just that the last couple days he really began to show it. Looking so dull and listless and low on energy. Despite that, he wanted to go out.

Ugh. My heart is hurting so much. I want to cry and get upset and hate everything. But knowing Gogi, he'd just turn his nose on such petty emotions of pity and sympathy.
Knowing him he won't like any of this. Crying like a bitch are you? He'd say when he's been so sick for almost a year and never once showed it.

I want to give him the best of life, the most happiness possible for whatever time he wishes to grant me. I will not cry and become a sorry state. He doesn't need it.