The past couple of days passed by in a surreal trance where I was not living inside of myself. It wasn't an out of body experience but one where I felt my ability to think had exited the brain realm in my system.
Of thoughts, I had none, of feelings even fewer and most of my time was occupied by responding to being unwell on account of cramps, crabbiness, crankiness, clamminess.
I don't know if you relate to the feeling but when you feel icky after sitting under the air conditioner too long, or laying on the same bedsheet day after day that hasn't been washed for months, or rolling about in sweaty clothes for days on end even though you've only just walked out of the shower in a just cleansed house and the fragrance of your satsuma shower oil still clings to your body and yet it feels like perhaps today I'd want my skin to slough off just to feel that much better, because everything is crummy right now. That feeling of total revulsion and grossness that comes from being in stasis for longer than you've known yourself to sit through something mindless.
I'd been all of that and more to the point my gadgets were nowhere near me and I didn't even notice because sometimes you think you want so much more from the weekends but overall they're always a big disappointment, for no matter what you decide on to do it never really lives up to the perfection you conjured in your mind.
Today it's started all over again. The waking, the making, the hating and here we are back to cribbing and ranting but never once did I stop aching..
Of thoughts, I had none, of feelings even fewer and most of my time was occupied by responding to being unwell on account of cramps, crabbiness, crankiness, clamminess.
I don't know if you relate to the feeling but when you feel icky after sitting under the air conditioner too long, or laying on the same bedsheet day after day that hasn't been washed for months, or rolling about in sweaty clothes for days on end even though you've only just walked out of the shower in a just cleansed house and the fragrance of your satsuma shower oil still clings to your body and yet it feels like perhaps today I'd want my skin to slough off just to feel that much better, because everything is crummy right now. That feeling of total revulsion and grossness that comes from being in stasis for longer than you've known yourself to sit through something mindless.
I'd been all of that and more to the point my gadgets were nowhere near me and I didn't even notice because sometimes you think you want so much more from the weekends but overall they're always a big disappointment, for no matter what you decide on to do it never really lives up to the perfection you conjured in your mind.
Today it's started all over again. The waking, the making, the hating and here we are back to cribbing and ranting but never once did I stop aching..
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