Today started as normal as any.
Woke up feeling guilty about yesterday's binge drinking/eating, petted the cat, worked out enough to feel better and as I was doing one particular exercise I happened to look under my dining table, courtesy having applied my face to exercise mat and noticed a swirl of cat hair stuck under an unsuspecting chair leg.
It didn't bother me much of course, every day I vacuum Gogi's hair by the hundreds, for he like any animal is in his shedding season, and after completing my workout routine I proceeded to vacuum the floors, as is my wont every day, except today I thought of giving it a good mop as well, though it didn't need any, but what am I if not fastidious.
So, out I got my trustee mop that I had kept in the balcony to dry out after yesterday's cleanliness drive and as I put its mop side first to the floor, something big and sort of wet fell out.
Well, it had rained a lot yesterday what with the typhonic winds and all and I figured that big wet fat thing to be a stray leaf, and I proceeded to pick it up and throw it into the trash, when suddenly my hair stood to one end as the thing wriggled, and even fate wouldn't venture taking a leap as massive as I did.
A slug, oh dear a disgusting, slimy, mucous like viscous slug. Arghh..
I mean what is a slug if not a snail without its mobile home, and a perfectly harmless creature at that, but dahling you are aware how moi hates anything in the nature of slimy, wriggly clammy little things and to see a slug writhing on my pristine oaken floors, leaving a trail of scum in its wake rattled me to the very marrow of my bones.
To shriek with the intensity of Ed Gein's victim was with me the work of a moment, and I threw the mop, flexed my muscles and yelled and howled and got so grossed out at the merest sight of that bloody mollusc that I might have brought the entire house down..the goddamn god's creature in question had been feeling entirely lost as well and was heading about directionless in the house.
I finished screaming and followed it with a few more well timed howls and slowly realized that it's up to me to save the day..well, bloody hell!
I looked around and spotted my cat lounging on the sofa. Aha! a saviour.
Picking up the cat and bringing him to face off the slug was something of a lightning movement for me, and I waited with murderous anticipation to watch my feline hero save the day, except, the selfish little son of a cat did nothing except sniff the slug and watch him carve a line of slug smear with calm interest and then coil into a ball and sleep.
What the what?
am I supposed to take care of this problem myself?
Surely not I mused.
I mean I could burn the house down and blame the gas pipeline or something..but of course I wouldn't do that. I mean I could just stay out of the house until help arrived, but who knows where that bloody gastropod might travel to.
No! It'll have to be me.
I took in a few deep breaths. Did a couple push ups, and found myself a very long stick.
Sticking one end under the slug's belly I picked it up, and gagged; had a minor flashback at all my life choices that lead to this very moment and shivered some. Thought of things I could have done differently, and then saw the slug walking on the stick, towards me.
I travelled faster than light and might have altered the mechanisms of time and space in doing so, but what of it. I flung the slug, stick and all down the balcony and shut the door, locking it so that nothing in the nature of anything even remotely slug like enters the barriers of my slug hating home.
Did this incident rattle me?
Of course it did. I'm still vibrating with a touch of parkinson's.
I didn't clean my house. No! I washed it. Twice, and stared daggers at my cat who doesn't give a rat's ass.
I think I'm going to have nightmares.
Woke up feeling guilty about yesterday's binge drinking/eating, petted the cat, worked out enough to feel better and as I was doing one particular exercise I happened to look under my dining table, courtesy having applied my face to exercise mat and noticed a swirl of cat hair stuck under an unsuspecting chair leg.
It didn't bother me much of course, every day I vacuum Gogi's hair by the hundreds, for he like any animal is in his shedding season, and after completing my workout routine I proceeded to vacuum the floors, as is my wont every day, except today I thought of giving it a good mop as well, though it didn't need any, but what am I if not fastidious.
So, out I got my trustee mop that I had kept in the balcony to dry out after yesterday's cleanliness drive and as I put its mop side first to the floor, something big and sort of wet fell out.
Well, it had rained a lot yesterday what with the typhonic winds and all and I figured that big wet fat thing to be a stray leaf, and I proceeded to pick it up and throw it into the trash, when suddenly my hair stood to one end as the thing wriggled, and even fate wouldn't venture taking a leap as massive as I did.
A slug, oh dear a disgusting, slimy, mucous like viscous slug. Arghh..
I mean what is a slug if not a snail without its mobile home, and a perfectly harmless creature at that, but dahling you are aware how moi hates anything in the nature of slimy, wriggly clammy little things and to see a slug writhing on my pristine oaken floors, leaving a trail of scum in its wake rattled me to the very marrow of my bones.
To shriek with the intensity of Ed Gein's victim was with me the work of a moment, and I threw the mop, flexed my muscles and yelled and howled and got so grossed out at the merest sight of that bloody mollusc that I might have brought the entire house down..the goddamn god's creature in question had been feeling entirely lost as well and was heading about directionless in the house.
I finished screaming and followed it with a few more well timed howls and slowly realized that it's up to me to save the day..well, bloody hell!
I looked around and spotted my cat lounging on the sofa. Aha! a saviour.
Picking up the cat and bringing him to face off the slug was something of a lightning movement for me, and I waited with murderous anticipation to watch my feline hero save the day, except, the selfish little son of a cat did nothing except sniff the slug and watch him carve a line of slug smear with calm interest and then coil into a ball and sleep.
What the what?
am I supposed to take care of this problem myself?
Surely not I mused.
I mean I could burn the house down and blame the gas pipeline or something..but of course I wouldn't do that. I mean I could just stay out of the house until help arrived, but who knows where that bloody gastropod might travel to.
No! It'll have to be me.
I took in a few deep breaths. Did a couple push ups, and found myself a very long stick.
Sticking one end under the slug's belly I picked it up, and gagged; had a minor flashback at all my life choices that lead to this very moment and shivered some. Thought of things I could have done differently, and then saw the slug walking on the stick, towards me.
I travelled faster than light and might have altered the mechanisms of time and space in doing so, but what of it. I flung the slug, stick and all down the balcony and shut the door, locking it so that nothing in the nature of anything even remotely slug like enters the barriers of my slug hating home.
Did this incident rattle me?
Of course it did. I'm still vibrating with a touch of parkinson's.
I didn't clean my house. No! I washed it. Twice, and stared daggers at my cat who doesn't give a rat's ass.
I think I'm going to have nightmares.
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