Sometimes you could look back and say 'oh dear god, how did I live through that day..or that one for that matter..gawd, kill me, what was I thinking' or 'holy crap if I ever go through that again'.
But days are days, they come and go—from one to the next, and the next and the next..and then you forget; yet sometimes remember..with a fond smile, a wince, a missed heartbeat or an embarrassing flush to the face.
There are days you're worse for the wear. When enthusiastic friends message you to meet up, and you'd rather put a bullet in your head..you've all the time to spare, and still a bedraggled message, with a sweet emoji, and a 'sorry darling, so caught up with stuff..how about next week?' and a shameless message sent..because honestly..who's gonna bother with getting all dressy and step out of the house. 'It's raining for heaven's sake and I've just washed my hair'..brilliant excuses, and there's a whole encyclopedia full of 'em..neatly stacked alphabetically in cobwebbed recesses of a ramshackle subconscious.
Days when your thoughts are a jumble. 'Should I be doing this, or that..or what about that, and uh oh I clearly missed on doing these'. When thoughts are all over the place and you obstinately want to keep thinking about things to do and persistently come up with excuses to not do them. Pace walk..'let me get my head in order' with a cup of hot water..' now think, what is it that you should be doing?'..and then a glimpse of yourself in the mirror..'do I look fat today'? hmm..thoughts about finishing a painting and suddenly you remember you new dress. Two moments later you're preening in front of the mirror (missing case of cup of hot water-left conveniently someplace you can't remember till it's room temperature cool) and you're all decked up, complete with makeup, wondering why your enthusiastic friends couldn't have made a plan today to meet up? Suddenly with a start 'goddamn. I've things to do but now I'm hungry too..and would you look at the time..it's too late to start anything new'.
With days like these and days like those goes a week, and accumulates into a month and then a year's gone past. A fast forward movie in panoramic hallucinations edited with regrets and dubbed in moments lost—dialogues by self-deception, surround sound day dreams and illusion.. and ugh, all this sounds so preachy, cuz darling this lifeless life isn't entirely without life..there are fruitful days too and that's just peachy.
But days are days, they come and go—from one to the next, and the next and the next..and then you forget; yet sometimes remember..with a fond smile, a wince, a missed heartbeat or an embarrassing flush to the face.
There are days you're worse for the wear. When enthusiastic friends message you to meet up, and you'd rather put a bullet in your head..you've all the time to spare, and still a bedraggled message, with a sweet emoji, and a 'sorry darling, so caught up with stuff..how about next week?' and a shameless message sent..because honestly..who's gonna bother with getting all dressy and step out of the house. 'It's raining for heaven's sake and I've just washed my hair'..brilliant excuses, and there's a whole encyclopedia full of 'em..neatly stacked alphabetically in cobwebbed recesses of a ramshackle subconscious.
Days when your thoughts are a jumble. 'Should I be doing this, or that..or what about that, and uh oh I clearly missed on doing these'. When thoughts are all over the place and you obstinately want to keep thinking about things to do and persistently come up with excuses to not do them. Pace walk..'let me get my head in order' with a cup of hot water..' now think, what is it that you should be doing?'..and then a glimpse of yourself in the mirror..'do I look fat today'? hmm..thoughts about finishing a painting and suddenly you remember you new dress. Two moments later you're preening in front of the mirror (missing case of cup of hot water-left conveniently someplace you can't remember till it's room temperature cool) and you're all decked up, complete with makeup, wondering why your enthusiastic friends couldn't have made a plan today to meet up? Suddenly with a start 'goddamn. I've things to do but now I'm hungry too..and would you look at the time..it's too late to start anything new'.
With days like these and days like those goes a week, and accumulates into a month and then a year's gone past. A fast forward movie in panoramic hallucinations edited with regrets and dubbed in moments lost—dialogues by self-deception, surround sound day dreams and illusion.. and ugh, all this sounds so preachy, cuz darling this lifeless life isn't entirely without life..there are fruitful days too and that's just peachy.
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